askthebutch

[askthebutch]

where is your main account's pfp from?

@ladysantos its their butch version of the protagonist in a cowboy video game called Red Dead Redemption II

[askthebutch]

hi!

i’m a 16yr old lesbian and also a virgin, most of my friends have already lost their virginity and i feel like i’m falling behind. thing is i am talking to this one girl and i feel like things are going great but i’m so nervous MY first time, how do i go about it? i know you should “follow the flow” or whatever but i can’t follow the flow if i don’t even know what that flow is! desperately need literally any advice you can give

You're not behind. People choose that experience at many different ages. It's also a misnomer that your first time is pivotal. Or that afterwords you'll feel like it's over with and now it'll be normal for you. That's not how it works. Each person you're intimate with is a new experience.

Think of it like a conversation. You're both saying "I want you."

You won't be able think yourself into being brave about it. Or about anything really. Talking about it ahead of time is mandatory if you're an overthinker. Just dive in. Say, Hey I got tested just to be safe and my results were ___. Have you been tested?" If you're not ready to have that conversation, you're not ready to have sex.

The actual sex part might feel kinda mechanical your first time, but that's normal. It's your first time with that person and your first time with other people will also likely be somewhat mechanical. (By mechanical i mean a little awkward because you're naked and trying to maneuver two unfamiliar bodies into an entangled position).

Oh and very very important- laugh. If it's fun or funny. Laugh. Sex doesn't have to be some somber edwardian spiritual experience. Funny noises happen. Boobs get pinched. People fart. Pets interrupt. Cops knock on the fogged up windows and tell you to park somewhere else. Don't take it so seriously you suck the fun out of it.

[askthebutch]

🌸

Hii

I have been thinking about this a lot. I am a virgin but genuinely have absolutely confidence about having sex. I am not worried I would be bad or anything bc ik just go with the flow, be receptive, and how to please a woman. BUT I am fucking TERRIFIED of kissing bc I have kissed maybe two people and it’s been years. I am so scared bc I don’t know how to kiss with tongue or how to gauge it. Basically, I’m looking for tips on how to not fuck it up and make it pleasurable.

lots of love -Perse

(Also sorry for the emojis just put em so i can find this easier when its answered)

🌸

Just focus on the pleasure and follow it. It can be playful or passionate or both. Just depends on what you please.

[askthebutch]

hi! i’m a trans girl and a femme who’s been transitioning for a while but only recently found how lovely a femme identity is. i occasionally feel excluded from the small circle of butchfemme people at my college, and i was wondering if you have any perspective on expressing without saying ‘i’m a femme!!’ all the time that i’m more than just a woman?

I think you just engage in conversation with them and remember that you're worth and identity are not dependent on the acceptance of this person or group

[askthebutch]

how do i know if a butch is flirting with me? and how do i flirt back?

Assume they are flirting. Wink and smile when they blush. Touch their arm or compliment whatever super gay thing they're wearing.

[askthebutch]

Is butch a sexual identity? Cause I feel comfortable viewing myself as a butch woman but I'm not lesbian

This is more of an identity politics question than I care to answer. Butch, to me, is a lesbian term.

[askthebutch]

ay,,im 15, and i want to be butch. I feel so connected with the community and it brings me so much joy, but i dont have the autonomy to even dress or look or feel butch. I cant even experiment with my identity online. any advice?

Buddy boy congrats, you're butch.

Be a gentleman to ladies when you can. Hold the door open, carry her books, make children smile, wear comfortable shoes, take up a hobby, go to the gym, read poetry at the public library, go for walks in the woods, hold a pillow at night and think about how it'll be a girl some day.

It's on the way.

[askthebutch]

Hi there,

I'm but and I'm struggling a lot with body image issues and feeling like nobody could ever be attracted to me.

Like, I look at myself and just don't see someone attractive.

And some part of me knows this is stupid, because a) I'm attracted to femmes, not other butches, so no wonder I'm not my own type? And b) all those stereotypes about femmes drooling over butches have to come from somewhere. They have to exist.

But it just... Doesn't feel like it and I hate it. Like there is something wrong with me. Not with being butch, that's the only thing that ever felt comfortable to me. That just feels like being ME. But still, I kind of feel like I'm somehow wrong.

Do you have any kind of advice? Or, like. Hope. You are a butch with a femme wife who obviously adores you from your descriptions. If anyone can give me hope it sounds like it could be you.

My advice is to do stuff without trying to figure out what other people are thinking. Embrace the fact that you can't know. So flirt with girls, like for realsies flirt, and if they respond positively then fuck yeah. If not then hey they weren't gonna be a good fit anyway.

Also. It can be really really hard to tell when a girl likes you as a Butch. They're expecting (hoping) that you make the first move. (Look up lesbian sheep if you're not familiar). They expect you to /know/ they like you. And there are, like, zero external clues. They'll just seem nice. But they're crazy attracted to you. I know this because I will routinely talk to a girl in a store that is just the sweetest nicest person, then when I see her again while holding my wife's hand, she's quiet and like, sometimes rude. And every time I'm baffled. And every time, my wife is like "dumbass she thought you were cute."

[askthebutch]

how do I meet butches?? they elude me :(

Get engaged in a community that's based on your interests. You'll meet people you enjoy spending time with. Also dating apps. And volunteering groups.

[askthebutch]

hi, 21 yo butch enby. im not very educated in sex stuff (i mean bdsm and other similar stuff) while my partner is. i was hoping to learn more abt how to satisfy your partner better outside of just what they tell you - i learn a lot by observing their reaction and we do communicate a lot but sometimes they're exhausted and want me to do my own research. i've tried this but the internet has been not very helpful and kind of scary. could you guide me to any resources that help undersatnd how power dynamics work & how you can explore yourself more? as well as one of those lists that partners can do together to set clear boundaries and what works and what doesn't?

sorry if this is a lot! i'd just really like to know things and not accidentally disrespect or hurt people.

If I'm so fucking for real, it sounds like you two might not be sexually compatible. It shouldn't feel like something you have to work at. You learn each other's bodies together. Hurtful of her to phrase it like it's all your fault. And not worth it for you to prove her wrong. My 2c is to find another partner.

[askthebutch]

I just wanna say thank you so much for making this blog. This blog has truly been integral in my self-discovery and experimentation with my identity, and has led me to be FAR more confortable with myself. Thank you so so much for what you do here, truly

[askthebutch]

alright i'm 18 and i've been out as a lesbian since i was 12 but i've never dated anyone or anything. i've had 2 emotionally devastating situationships but i've never gotten to be in love with anyone and i've never done more than make out with someone and it honestly makes me feel so bad about myself. like am i not pretty enough or cool enough to be loved in public? bc my first situationship was in love with me more than i loved her but she didnt want a public relationship (my second one it was just bad timing)

It can be really tempting to feel sexually behind your peers when you're queer, because your dating pool is smaller and there are fewer opportunities for connection. That's not an indictment of your character or sex appeal. It's literally just a result of a smaller dating population than straight folks. And if you're comparing yourself to other teenage lesbians boasting about their escapades, forget them. The type of connections they're making are short lived and shallow.

You've got time, babe. Don't rush. Enjoy the journey. Ask girls for a date. (The only way to build confidence doing a new task is to do the new task while it is still frightening, and doing it again and again and again)

[askthebutch]

Any advice on how to get over the impostor syndrome or whatever caught up to me?

I recently came out to my very small circle of friends, and while I love them and I'm super glad that they accepted me, they are all straight, and I do kinda want to make friends in the lgbt community. Because a part of me is selfish. Or lonely, I don't know.

But at the same time, I have thoughts that I don't deserve to be a part of the community even though I'm clearly gay as f***.

That's dumb. You're gay. You are an integral part of the queer community. You belong.

[askthebutch]

hi ♡︎

stone femme here, is there an easy/effective way to disclose that I am a stone femme to a butch? or maybe a certain way to find stone butches around me? i know not all butches are stone but i’ve had partners give me shit in the past and it’s made me very insecure about it.

thanks :)

Ask them when they first knew they were gay. Then when they ask you about your journey, tell them about how finding out you were stone was like a whole second coming out. If they're stone, they'll tell you it was the same for them

[askthebutch]

how do i become more physically intimate with another person? not asking about sex or anything, but whenever my gf holds my hand or plays with my hair i get super nervous and clammy and idk what to do next. is there any way to work on this?

It's just scary cause it's new. You gotta keep doing the scary stuff until it's not new anymore. Don't think about how hot she is or how much she likes you right when she touches you. Just focus on how nice it feels to be touched.

[askthebutch]

Hi this is kinda random but do you have any boxer recommendations? All the ones I've tried (both men's and women's) don't fit right around the thighs 😭😭 Any advice appreciated xo

For fitted around the thigh, Hanes Originals Women's mid thigh. They're pretty decent, though they don't last forever. If you run hot, try the duluth buck naked long boxer brief.

For loose boxers, Ralph Lauren are great.

You can also always stitch the fly closed if you won't be using it.

[askthebutch]

I CAME OUT TO TWO OF MY FRIENDS!!!

Damn, that felt good. They were surprised but took it well, I suppose. One of them even looked like she kinda maybe expected that.

And now I also have a gay friend! Can you imagine that?!

DUDE FUCK YEAH. So proud of you bud