astrossysblog

[astrossysblog]

“People who claim to be endogenic are misinformed about the nature of systemhood, have most likely buried their traumatic childhood memories, and are usually not just faking” AND “I don’t want endos or their supporters anywhere fucking near me,” are statements that CAN and DO coexist, btw

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i love you systems who call your alters "parts"

i love you systems who call your alters "alters"

i love you systems who call your alters "headmates"

i love you systems who call your alters "voices"

i love you systems who call your alters swears

i love you systems who call your alters things that are silly, weird, or normal

dont let anyone tell you what to call them <3

[astrossysblog]

Casual reminder that the following things are considered traumatic to small children

- neglect (physical and/or emotional)

- living in an emotionally unstable environment (for example, having parents that fight often)

- any kind of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse (not just from parents)

- consistent bullying

- etc

Remember that what is traumatic to a child is not the same as what is traumatic to you now. So think again before saying your trauma ‘isn’t bad enough’

[astrossysblog]

Something changed when I realized everything I thought about her was what she had been told

buy me a coffee?🫣

[astrossysblog]

Recently I had been alerted that there was an account who would take the posts I make for CDD systems and make them safe for endogenics to interact with.

These posts they blatantly plagiarize specifically talked about symptoms of DID, trauma involved with DID and the disorder itself. Putting aside the disrespect to mine and others boundaries for only wanting our posts to be shared to a CDD audience for a moment, I want to talk about the genuine issue here that harms endogenics.

Endogenics do not have DID. They don't. Endogenics experience another form of plurality that is not caused by trauma. Which is, perfectly okay? You don't need to have a disorder for your plurality to be recognized and for you to be treated with respect.

But when you "make" posts so that are so blatantly about CDD systems specifically for endogenics whilst calling the blogs you stole the posts from "ableists" you are making the entire community look like fools. It honestly makes me feel bad for the endogenics who are just living their life being plural and not bothering anything, I feel bad because they have to be lumped with idiots like that blog. You are singlehandedly setting the movement back and causing systems to favour the side of being anti-endogenic because you're literally turning the meaning of endogenic into "faking DID" which is NOT what it means. You're spreading misinformation and harming YOUR OWN COMMUNITY!!!!

@turnitsysclusive do better.

[astrossysblog]

"anti recovery behavior" and then it's someone who's obviously going for functional multiplicity instead of final fusion.

[astrossysblog]

Dissociative Amnesia in DID

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Dissociative amnesia is characterised by an inability to recall important autobiographical memories, typically of recent traumatic or stressful events, that is inconsistent with ordinary forgetting. —Dissociative Amnesia, ICD-11

The key thing about dissociative amnesia is that you typically won't know about it because by amnesia's very nature and definition, you don't remember what you don't remember.

Most patients are partly or completely unaware that they have gaps in their memory. They become aware only when personal identity is lost or when circumstances make them aware—eg, when others tell them or ask them about events they cannot remember.

You frequently forget what you do/talk about in therapy sessions, or can only vaguely remember some stuff about your therapy sessions.

You don't remember most of your childhood, or life in general

Memory gaps for your adult life are particularly notable.

You've forgetten positive/good/happy memories as well as traumatic ones

People talk to you about things like what happened on vacation with you, funny times in school together, etc., and you don't remember much of it, and/or you might misremembered some of the details (which often furthers our distrust of ourselves and of our memories).

Some subtle signs:

You often find yourself 'guessing' your memories; "I think (xyz) happened, but I don't know/I can't really remember", "I think I vaguely remember (xyz), but I don't know", "it might be a memory, but it just feels like a dream, so I can't be sure that it's a real memory", etc.

Never trusting your memories in general, always second-guessing, triple-guessing... Never Being Sure, always questioning the legitimacy of how you remember things and what you remember

You frequently need to "jog" your memory, and it often takes a lot of work to do so

Never trusting your memory, and needing to check over and over, even if you're certain you're remember something right (for example, calling the doctor's office to remember what time an upcoming appointment is, even though you're sure you wrote down the correct time) - this could also be a possible symptom of OCD

You find yourself constantly looking at your calendar, "out of habit"; you find yourself relying on a calendar to remember everything, like upcoming appointments, special dates, what the day of the week is, what month it is, etc.

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Memories feel vague, fuzzy, cloudy, foggy...

A lot of your memories feel like dreams

You question if a lot of your memories are real or not

You sometimes feel like trying to remember something is really difficult, almost as if something or someone is 'blocking' you/when attempting to remember something, it feels like there's a "mental wall", "mental block", etc.

You might struggle with aphantasia, which can make it harder to "see"/remember your memories.

Your memories are in the third person

Your memories feel like somebody else's memories, like a totally different person, etc.

Every day "feels like a new day."

People close to you feel like strangers. They aren't LITERALLY strangers (although this can happen sometimes with some people with DID), but they FEEL like it, even though you know who they are.

Time is Distorted

The day goes by extremely fast

A week or month or year goes by extremely fast

Something that happened recently feels like it happened a very long time ago. On the other hand - something that happened a very long time ago feels recent.

Emotions are Absent

You remember things with little to no emotions attached, including positive/good/happy memories. Struggling to remember how you felt, what happened, how something happened, what happened before, or after, etc.

Alexithymia; you struggle to know how you feel, how you felt; you struggle to identify emotions, and express them

You may use describe your emotions in "odd" or "strange" ways

You may have to rely on an outside source to help you identify and figure out how you feel (such as looking at a wheel of emotions and looking at them until you feel like you found something that fits)

Relaying your memories in a very "factual" way; you may feel as if you're 'relaying' what you have been told, rather than talking about what you truly "remember"

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"I feel like my memories are like a giant puzzle with tons of missing pieces"

"I feel like my memories are like photographs with burnt edges"

You feel like you relate to a lot of the things in this post, but you can't be sure/you can't remember (is this calling you out lmfao?)

[astrossysblog]

The L Word

[astrossysblog]

You aren't cringe just because you express yourselves.

You aren't cringe just because you Exist Online and like having 'cool' and 'aesthetic' names or 'aesthetic' alter profiles.

You aren't cringe for having in-system relationships.

You aren't cringe just because you like dressing in different ways.

You aren't cringe for having non-human alters who may or may not behave like the non-human they are (a dog alter behaving like a dog when they front).

You aren't cringe if you CHOOSE to do things to attempt to make yourself stand out.

You aren't cringe for having a lot of introjects, or having introjects at all.

You aren't cringe for being a large system - whether that's a hundred alters, hundreds, thousands.

You aren't cringe for having alter playlists.

You aren't cringe for drawing yourselves and sharing it online.

You aren't cringe for experiencing your system joy, for being joyful of your system, for loving your system, for loving yourselves, even though you don't enjoy the hard parts of having a CDD.

You aren't cringe just for expressing yourselves and fucking Existing.

It's not cringe, it's not faking, it's not "romanticizing" DID by simply fucking existing and expressing yourselves.

[astrossysblog]

"DID is most often hidden and unnoticeable" as in "MANY symptoms of DID, including the symptom of switching from one alter to another, are easily passed off as something else more 'normal' and not readily understood as switching from one alter to another" but you people seem to think that it means "alters don't really have differences actually and if you're allowing yourselves as different alters to know yourselves and express yourselves, you're lying/faking/wrongly self-diagnosed/glorifying DID/romanticizing DID-"

What part of dissociative IDENTITY disorder don't you understand?

You see someone with DID simply existing as themselves (alters existing as themselves) and see someone faking or roleplaying DID or wrongly self-diagnosing or "making DID their whole identity" when really it is literally no different from somebody expressing a side of themself to a friend that they otherwise feel scared to express. It is literally just self-expression.

Tea is an alter in my system who is extremely hyperactive, energetic, exciteable. She stands out. And one of the first times she was fronting in therapy, when I was noticing how different I was and how hyperactive I was, I felt embarrassed and switched immediately. And then many months later, the next time Tea was fronting, and me and our therapist realized it was her who was fronting, we didn't switch! We/she, felt safe and okay enough to behave the ways she does. I didn't switch in order to not behave in those "weird" ways, and I didn't try to suppress the ways I wanted to behave and just Be.

This is huge! It was a huge thing for us in that therapy session. And we've only been continuing our journey with finding ourselves, finding out who we are, and allowing myself to "be" "different."

Alters expressing themselves differently is merely allowing yourself the right to self-expression. It is allowing yourself to truly "be cringe." It is allowing yourself to know yourself. To know who you really are. It is an important and huge aspect of recovery with DID.

Alters are not Nothing, that is an entire aspect of this brain's identity that could not integrate into the rest of the brain's identity.

You people continue to see DID as "the actual person versus the alters that just influence that Real person" when it is more like "all of us are That Real Person. That Real Person is different alters sometimes" like people will say these things about DID being treated like an "identity quirk" just because you see an alter expressing themself when in reality what you are doing is not that different from someone making fun of some kid because they're pretending to be a cat.

You are seeing somebody with DID merely expressing an aspect of their identity, merely expressing themself, and that's bad to you because you continue to incorrectly view DID as "the actual, real person and their alters" when those alters ARE "the real person", just dissociated into its own box.

You continue to see "The actual person, the Host, who is actually a person, oh they can express themselves! :)" but it's suddenly bad when it's not what you think is "the host/the Real/Actual Person" because, again, you people are continuing to incorrectly view alters as these Side things that just pop up and they can't self-express or have their own names or have hobbies and interests or Tumblr side blogs and act like that's bad and it means someone is "roleplaying DID" or faking or "romanticizing" when it is LITERALLY, and I mean this SO literally. It is LITERALLY just expressing another side of yourself.

[astrossysblog]

not all wheelchair users use manual wheelchair

some wheelchair users use giant group 3 CRT power chair that weigh 300lb+ / 136kg+ n cannot collapse or folded must be transported by big vehicle with wheelchair lift or ramp. that wide & bulky n can’t squeeze through tight space.

but also. not all manual wheelchair user use custom ultra light active wheelchair with low backrests, that really light, that easily maneuverable, that narrow n easy fit through tight space with tight turning radius, that can be collapse n put into small car trunk easily conveniently

some wheelchair users use hospital or off-the-rack wheelchair that really hard to use

some wheelchair users fat n so their wheelchair need be wide

some manual wheelchair users use manual tilt in space wheelchair

some manual wheelchair users use custom wheelchair, often even with ultra light frame, but their seating positioning needs make custom wheelchair bulky & big & heavy. over 50 lb / 22kg. some even approach 100 lb / 45 kg (frame for manual tilt in space can be heavyyyyy). my wheelchair like this n it meet (some of) my needs but it inconvenient as hell n absolutely not light n airy. n wish people like. remember we exist

[astrossysblog]

They should invent a new kind of Being Alive where it's not painful and it doesn't hurt constantly and actually feels worth it and you're happy for more than a few hours at a time

[astrossysblog]

hi reminder that there’s no shame in needing a comfort object to function!

i’m a full adult and still have meltdowns when i’m separated from my plushies for even a few minutes. i never go places without them. i cannot exist without them.

it’s not a flaw in my being! it’s just my autism! needing a comfort object doesn’t make you lesser. it doesn’t make you weak or childish or a failure. i wish courage to anyone who needs it to bring your comfort items with you wherever they can help!

[astrossysblog]

one thing i’ve noticed is that people are very quick to claim you’re not really autistic and just “acting” when you look more autistic than they think is acceptable. this constant rocking back and forth verbal impairment holding a plushie and actually playing with it glancing around moving weird autistic person is too strange for them. they feel the need to distance from and shame me because the presence of a higher support needs autistic person makes them feel like they could be seen as like me in some way and that disgusts them. so this too-weird autistic person is actually nothing like them and actually i’m not autistic at all

[astrossysblog]

thank the alter who did the homework. tell the alter who cooked how much you liked the food. tell the alters who shower and clean your room and work out and drive home how much you appreciate them keeping things together, and tell them more when they mess up, because it's all about being there for each other.

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That moment when another alter said something really out of pocket and you reread the messages

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I hate when DID is horrible and awful but also funny but you cant talk about it being awful because then you're attention seeking and you cant talk about the good times because then you're romanticizing a disorder and if you talk about it at all you're faking and AHHHHHHHHH

ARE WE ALLOWED TO JUST BE A PERSON ON THE INTERNET COPING FOR FUCKS SAKE