asuspiciousfish

[asuspiciousfish]

i think one of the best parts about being a teenager in the early to mid 2010s was that cigarettes were definitely not cool anymore and vapes hadn’t popularized yet so my lungs made it out of my peak impressionable years relatively unscathed

[asuspiciousfish]

“Flynn the dog taking a dip at the beach!”

(via)

[asuspiciousfish]

[asuspiciousfish]

The night sky on Mars

[asuspiciousfish]

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

[asuspiciousfish]

[asuspiciousfish]

GUYS….GUYS….

LOOOOK !!!!!! 🐾

HERE’S THE LINK

[asuspiciousfish]

what am i

[asuspiciousfish]

A true friend is an honest friend

[asuspiciousfish]

[asuspiciousfish]

honestly now that you mention it, i sure am.

[asuspiciousfish]

putting the word "twink" up on the shelf

[asuspiciousfish]

due to woke the hanged man tarot card is being replaced by the hung woman

[asuspiciousfish]

(cant remember the expression "bit off more than i could chew") guess i really sucked off more than i could swallow huh

[asuspiciousfish]

oh someone reblogged one of the really long squidward memes onto my dash but for some reason tumblr only loaded this absurdly blurry low res version of it and i just accepted it as normal. i guess this is what we're doing now. avant garde meme or whatever. no dumbass it just showed up like normal after i accidentally refreshed the page

[asuspiciousfish]

really poorly coordinated maids all trying to secretly feminize the young prince so she ends up on like 18 mg of estrogen a day