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henlo, it’s me, stella, still here and still kicking, although not here. for those who don’t know, i’m in the process of moving somewhere new (which is going a little longer than i expected it to go...orz) so i’ve got that to deal with, but once i’m completely settled and can find a good schedule for free time again i’m going to revamp this blog and try to return to archer while still handling @fukuchorror and a few other muses i plan on bringing out over time. i love u guys who are still around and also those who follow me despite there being no writing here since forever skfjls. u guys are the best. o/

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me: i can’t handle all the ugly figurines and redesigns of archer..... please, i beg of you..... no more...... i am slowly dying nasu: 

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for every like on this post i’ll chop off a lock of archer’s terrible new hair and fashion it into a noose 

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mini-cu-chan:

A little gasp escaped from tiny one’s mouth as his small body froze in place, his tail standing up like an antenna. Had he been found out? Impossible! His hiding skills were unmatched so there was no way that the other servant had found him. But it appears that the other servant didn’t get the message. “No, shut up!” Mini Cu complains in a childish tone. He would’ve slapped his tail against the ground and pout but since he was trying not be found out, he only wrapped his tail around his little body as if that would help him cover his identity.

He was slightly offended. Not only did the other servant didn’t get the memo of Mini Cu’s great hiding skills, but even compared him to him. He should’ve mentioned BerserCu, at least! Jeez… he will have to whack him in the head later. He’s way cuter (and much more stylish) than the dog in blue latex. The plushie noticed that other servant still was seeing him so the tiny doll lowered his head and covered his eyes with his eyes. “You can’t see me…” If I can’t see them, then they can’t see me… Master told it to him!

     Oh, Gods, it really is him. Who else would tell him to ‘ shut up ‘ with no regard. But.. how? When was another version of Lancer summoned? There were too many by now, his sneering face haunting him day and night, and now this? How? He had to be insane, there was no other explanation (he couldn’t accept anything else, didn’t want to, frankly.)  His eyes followed the little Cú as he ran across the room, hiding and seemingly pouting from being found. With a closer look he realized this one was more like that larger Cú, that behemoth in purple instead of blue--a Berserker instead. Though he wanted to take that as a relief, there was no way he could be relieved knowing there was more of that single man running amok. What, was Chaldea turning into a haven for him and only him? Sheesh.

     “..I’m still able to see you,” Archer says, rather sheepishly. The whole thing was crazy and he had no idea how to act or process anything at all. He crouched in silence for a moment and realized what he said must’ve struck a cord, especially since this Servant (if it is one in the first place) isn’t a Lancer, and definitely isn’t the same as the original. “Ah.. you’re a Berserker, then? If you really are a.. Servant.” He sighs. “Is there a reason you’re tailing me? There are better ways to get my attention.”

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'  it took me awhile to realize it myself,  but you are not what other people say you are.  ’

     “You delude yourself,” Archer says, a hand raising to wave rather dismissively. “What others say is but the truth–a faker, a fool. I’ve shown nothing but the realities of myself.” It was true; if people were to see him and come to hate who he was, he understood. The reasons stacked up neatly, fit together properly. A man like him was exactly what the world saw him as: a mistake. 

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guldalder: "But you have followed my footsteps. You're as bright and whimsical as me and ended up completely alone...!" (C-c-combo self-deprecation.)

     “What a charming little man you are,” he breathes, arms folding and head shaking. He couldn’t tell if they were insulting themselves or each other. “Aren’t you a little old to be so childish? Perhaps having the body of a boy has tricked you into thinking you’re still young?”

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hello, i wasn’t gonna say anything just yet but i’ve been found.. so here’s my new fate muse that i’ve been planning. (also have this icon of archer’s clothing exploding off his skin because i have no real use for it.)

[atharrais-blog]

hello, i wasn’t gonna say anything just yet but i’ve been found.. so here’s my new fate muse that i’ve been planning. (also have this icon of archer’s clothing exploding off his skin because i have no real use for it.)

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‘ things aren’t going as i hoped. maybe if i die, i can start over again? better luck next time. ’

     “The battle will be long gone by next time, Saber.” The next time will come again, and again, and again. Naturally. The world will eat her and spit her out as many times as it pleases, no choices made by the living any longer. Some Servants gradually lost their humanity through continuous rebirth, some drunk on the idea that they could forever return, and some forgot the peace of a definite ending. Death was no longer earned in a righteous way, no longer a gift to those seeking it. As a Servant she could die as many deaths as possible but they’ll never feel as final. In the deepest corners of his heart he wondered about something quiet and cold, a feeling they might share, but he’d never let the thought free. There was no real point.

     “Master will fear you’ve lost your edge if you die too many times,” Archer says, a grin curling. “That’ll be quite unbecoming of a woman such as yourself.”

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‘ you remind me of bubblegum & sweets; soft & pink & warm. you are strong in the gentlest way. you are so stubbornly kind. i wish i could be like that. ’

     “Your sarcasm is as sharp as your skills.” How childish–if he wanted to play a game of coy insults, Archer was ready. He spoke with a man already with a sharp tongue. Perhaps Caster enjoyed this sort of debauchery. “If only I could be as bright and whimsical as the likes of you. A man such as you could never be lonely in his lifetime.” He wants to smirk and makes things sinister, but his eyes simply narrow, limps pressed tight. This man was more irritating than he let on. “I’m sure if I followed in your footsteps I’d be an even better man, no?”

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this ask meme is based on the blog gravesuggestion.  i’ve divided it up into two categories  ( light  &  dark )  based on the themes.  some of these can be somewhat triggering seeing that the darker ones deal with a lot of death mentions.  please be cautious before continuing on!!

L I G H T

‘  at night i dream of you.  ’ ‘  don’t give up yet.  you still have time to fix things.  ’ ‘  falling in love with someone else is not a personal attack.  ’ ‘  i am still so weak when it comes to you.  ’ ‘  i can’t believe i let myself let you down.  ’ ‘  i don’t care where we go when we die,  as long as i’m with you.  ’ ‘  i dream of saying to you all the words i held inside until it was too late.  ’ ‘  i feel so warm  &  safe when you talk to me.  maybe i could love you if you’d let me.  ’ ‘  i finally let the right people in  &  i have never felt so loved.  ’ ‘  i like the way your nails paint red stripes along my spine days after you’re gone.  ’ ‘  i lived in your permafrost for twenty years  &  then you looked at me  &  i felt the warmth of spring.  ’ ‘  i once wished you’d leave me alone,  but i take it back.  ’ ‘  i want to be able to love someone else,  but you stretch your arms  &  spread your legs inside my heart so that there is no room for anyone or anything else.  ’ ‘  i want to believe that we got it right this time.  ’ ‘  i wonder how much longer i can cling to your light before it expires completely.  ’ ‘  i would travel across the world to be by your side,  because as long as you are with me,  anywhere is a perfect place to me.  ’ ‘  it took me awhile to realize it myself,  but you are not what other people say you are.  ’ ‘  it’s not that i really need you,  but life would be pretty boring without you around.  there’s no one i would rather be with.  ’ ‘  i’d like to stay like this for awhile.  ’ ‘  life  &  death don’t have to be so boring,  let’s make both an adventure.  ’ ‘  life imitates art,  they say.  i didn’t believe it until i started to notice the way your eyelashes look so much like tiny ink stroke.  ’ ‘  live your life so that when you die,  souls will come for miles just to hear your historic tales.  ’ ‘  make your exes jealous  &  your past self proud.  ’ ‘  maybe you’re what i needed to find in order to move on.  ’ ‘  never get caught falling harder.  they’ll never let you back up.  ’ ‘  please don’t go.  ’ ‘  some days it’s easier to just stop fighting it  &  succumb.  ’ ‘  sometimes,  you’ll find it hard to keep going,  but you always will.  ’ ‘  the desire i feel for you is that same itching,  insidious hunger that an addict has for their addiction.  ’ ‘  the worst thing about you is that you weren’t all bad.  ’ ‘  there is absolutely nothing  &  no one who can stop me.  ’ ‘  there is no route of losing you that is without pain.  ’ ‘  there’s still room for adventure  &  there is no one i’d rather have by my side.  ’ ‘  things didn’t turn out the way i planned,  but i’m alright with that.  ’ ‘  we could be really incredible together,  you know?  ’ ‘  you are beautiful  &  vibrant  &  confident.  you are light  &  laughter incarnate  &  every fiber of your being screams freedom  &  joy.  when i am with you,  i am truly happy.  ’ ‘  you are starlight incarnate,  from the grand way you sway your hips to the wide mysterious way you think.  blessed are any to be loved by you.  ’ ‘  you are too afraid of the future to let go of a past that was never kind to you.  ’ ‘  you call me yours  &  i have no idea what that even means to you.  ’ ‘  you remind me of bubblegum  &  sweets;  soft  &  pink  &  warm.  you are strong in the gentlest way.  you are so stubbornly kind.  i wish i could be like that.  ’ ‘  you still visit me while i sleep sometimes.  your fingers trace my spine  &  i listen to you breathe.  please stop haunting me.  ’ ‘  ‘morbid curiosity’ is a wonderful way to describe how i feel about you.  ’

D A R K

‘  a thousand empty bottles  &  fist fights will never return to us what we lost that day.  ’ ‘  everyone else has moved on,  but i am still here.  ’ ‘  everything about you screams danger.  ’ ‘  everything is worthless to you  &  you,  in turn,  became worthless.  ’ ‘  for once in my life i want to be surrounded by people that i don’t feel like i need to impress.  ’ ‘  freedom is really hard to get used to.  ’ ‘  how could you do this to me?  how fucking could you?  ’ ‘  i am becoming everything we always dreamed of  &  i am leaving you behind.  ’ ‘  i buried you so well that you might as well have died.  ’ ‘  i can rest easy knowing that the person i love is dead  &  not the monster you became.  ’ ‘  i can’t look at you.  not now,  not ever.  ’ ‘  i don’t ask how you’ve been.  what’s the point?  you’d lie anyways.  ’ ‘  i dream of hearing the words i so desperately needed to lay your memory to rest.  ’ ‘  i haunted this house first.  there is no room for you here.  ’ ‘  i have a right to be upset.  i loved them too, you know.  ’ ‘  i just want it to end.  i want it to all go away.  i want to go away.  ’ ‘  i may be a wolf in sheep’s clothing,  but a snake hiding in the skin of a mouse is far more dangerous.  ’ ‘  i saw your face today  &  didn’t feel anything.  i am free.  ’ ‘  i tried to save you,  but you didn’t want to be saved.  you just wanted someone to suffer with you.  ’ ‘  it’s almost as if you were never here.  ’ ‘  it’s unhealthy to do these things,  you tell me.  you say it’s time to stop smoking,  time to stop gambling,  &  dammit,  i f you don’t stop drinking it’ll kill you.  i sure hope you’re right,  darling.  ’ ‘  i’m always pleasantly surprised by how easy it is to kill you in my mind  ’ ‘  i’m not really scared to die.  i’m more afraid that no one will miss me when i’m gone.  ’ ‘  i’m not the person you left behind anymore.  there’s no one here to miss.  ’ ‘  i’ve been dead far longer than i’ve been alive.  ’ ‘  i’ve eaten nothing but flower petals  &  ivy for weeks because i want to be beautiful inside like you.  ’ ‘  i’ve never been completely satisfied.  i most likely will still be unsatisfied long after my death.  ’ ‘  no motive other than pleasure,  my dear.  ’ ‘  one day i’ll go or you will.  either way,  it will be as if i’m losing a piece of myself.  ’ ‘  our dreams  &  promises decay along with you.  ’ ‘  the leaves change,  but nothing else does.  ’ ‘  the only difference between avoiding  &  leaving is that now i’m not waiting up for you.  ’ ‘  there is no such thing as a person who is required to love you.  ’ ‘  there’s only so much that can be done to repair old damage.  ’ ‘  things aren’t going as i hoped.  maybe if i die,  i can start over again?  better luck next time.  ’ ‘  this is not something to be proud of.  this is a tragedy.  ’ ‘  trying to get rid of me?  oh honey,  you’ll have to try much harder than that.  ’ ‘  trying to get under my skin?  you’re nothing more than a pesky itch.  ’ ‘  unlike you,  i can’t hide my identity when it becomes an inconvenience or a danger.  ’ ‘  weeping is for gods  &  martyrs,  we cannot afford such luxuries.  ’ ‘  would you even miss me?  ’ ‘  you are not important enough to earn an eternal place in my heart.  ’ ‘  you complain nonstop about being unloved  &  alone,  i can’t imagine what you’d be like if that were actually true.  ’ ‘  you don’t know what it’s like.  ’ ‘  you made this so fucking easy for me.  ’ ‘  you should see me as a threat.  i will tear down everything you know until there is nothing left of you.  i am a walking threat.  ’ ‘  you think i’m already gone,  but i’m still fighting.  ’ ‘  you think i’m dead,  but i’m just dying.  ’ ‘  you were never an addiction,  you were a fucking disease.  ’ ‘  you wouldn’t dare cross me.  i am god  &  you are the soil beneath my feet.  ’ ‘  your existence takes up so much more space in mine that we might as well be one entity.  ’ ‘  your fingers are so cold  &  bruised,  but you’re still slamming your fists again the barricade as if it makes a difference.  ’ ‘  your hair is tied in a noose  &  your fingernails are razor blades,  your lips are poison  &  i will gratefully kiss them.  ’ ‘  your hatred has a body count  &  we will not forget.  ’ ‘  your loss,  not mine.  ’ ‘  you’re a sick fuck.  you know that?  ’ ‘  you’re not gentle with me  &  i would never ask you to be.  ’ ‘  you’ve trapped yourself so thoroughly in your own mind that it’s not even a rut anymore,  it’s a pit.   ’

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I heard you're married to the game... teach me how to marry the game too.

you don’t marry the game, the game marries you.

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happy new year! still five hours ‘til where i am, but for those of you who are already ahead, here’s to the new year. my time in this fandom and community has been super chill, really fun and entertaining and i’ve had a blast meeting people and interacting with them (even if i disappear a lot) so here’s to you guys, too. i hope everyone has a good time and things carry over even better.

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A+ Archer, both angst wise and crack which is a feast since not many ppl can do both or just focus on one thing (which isn't bad but) and honestly I love Archer's reactions to p much anything he is always trying to be the voice of reason but lbr he sux (HE SUXXXX) and you yourself are great too, I always get excited to see you on my dash and even if it's just to say hi or see you creepin' & liking posts

As 2017 is dying, anonymously send me something you’ve always wanted to tell me

ai!!! i already sent you the ask and said everything, but you’re one of my faves!!! my dash would die without your hilarious cú, and you, who is also hilarious and never fails to make me laugh and enjoy my time on the dash (however long or short it may be due to circumstance, jfhdks) so i feel accomplished that you’d say the same. if it wasn’t for you barreling in with all the silliness and fun interactions, this blog would be way more sad than it already is because archer can never be happy dfhks and i agree that he sucks because it’s the truth. even when i’m busy or lost in my thoughts outside of rp, i know i can always come back and do something ridiculous on the dash with you and your cú so i’m always super glad??? i’m super glad vitae convinced me to rp here with her ‘cause doing stuff with you has been great and i hope for more. (also i made this icon just now for this ask.)

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mini-cu-chan:

The tiny servant, currently hiding strategically behind a chair, couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped from his mouth. He had managed to make the man crouch down and start looking for him. Mini Cu felt as if they were playing hide and seek! Still, he immediately covered his mouth with his paws to avoid making noise. Then, he stayed quiet for a couple seconds before his impatience got the better of him.

Without the tiny one realizing, his spiked tail began to move from side to side, just like a puppy waiting in excitement to be told what to do. Mini Cu couldn’t see the man from his hiding spot, so he was dying to get a glimpse of what he was doing. Had he given up on his search? Was he looking under the furniture of the room? The tiny servant’s tail wagged happily from side to side as his excitement grew but the tip of it began to become more noticeable. If someone were to pay close attention to said chair, they might a small, happy tail waving hello.

     Was he hearing noises now? Archer was beginning to believe his mind might be playing tricks on him, not just his eyes. There was no need for another Servant to see him in this state for him to feel partially embarrassed--the fact that he’d yet to prove the existence of whatever’s been catching his attention leaves him frustrated and utterly confused, wondering if perhaps all the work his Master lays on his shoulders has been getting to him as of late, which, to say the least, made him feel dull. He wondered if he should just let it go and leave the room, putting it behind him and pretending he wasn’t going crazy, but then, just then, it sounds as though something’s cutting through the air. Back and forth, back and forth.. when he followed the faint sound, he’d finally found his eyes on the mystery creature circling him. He first notices the tail whipping to and fro, a perplexed expression still on his face. He makes no move toward it, but he tilts his head and focuses his gaze.. looks harder.. harder, until..

     “-----...Lancer?”