athylbene

[athylbene]

Hey there. Sorry if I'm bugging you, but I'm kind of just in need of some advice and you seem smart. Basically, I am really worried that I'm committing sin and going to hell just because I'm otherkin (polymorph, specifically). Now, I'm not a spiritual person, but I've had Christianity shoved down my throat because of my family who're Evangelist, and it gives me so much anxiety that I'll go to hell because of me being otherkin. I keep on thinking "Is being otherkin a sin?" and I keep on hearing "yes" repeated over and over in the back of my mind like God is saying it, which I really don't know if it's true or not. I don't really know what to do... again, sorry if I'm bugging you, but this has been stressing me out tremendously and I'm afraid of asking for advice for this kind of thing, mainly because I don't have anyone to talk to in the otherkin community.

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you on this! You're not bugging me, no worries, Tumblr's just. bad at notifying me of things.

So I'm going to go ahead and preface this by saying that I'm not Christian, but I was raised at least partially Christian and have gone to a Lutheran church for some time, so - just so we're clear on where my credentials do and don't lie.

My honest assessment is this: if you have decided that Christianity doesn't make sense to you and you don't actually believe in it, then this is not a rational worry for you - it's your anxiety taking something that's been drilled into you as a threat and trying to protect you from it, even though it's not actually a threat. That's a very natural survival instinct, but in this case unfortunately not a helpful one. I know you probably already know this, but sometimes it helps a little to hear it from outside.

(Loretta:) I'm also going to go ahead and give my input as the headmate who is actually Christian*, because I want to emphasize this: your anxiety is not the voice of God. It is drastically more likely that your anxiety is what's speaking to you than it is that you're literally hearing the voice of God - not least of which because it doesn't really make any sense to call being otherkin a sin as far as I'm concerned. Why would it be? What commandments does it violate? Who does it harm? People love to talk shit about trans people "claiming God made a mistake" by being trans (which would be heresy), which could be applied to this as well, but you can just as easily argue that God made you otherkin on purpose and there was no mistake involved if you want to. There's no sin inherent to existing as nonhuman. So even if you did believe in All That, it's still not something you should need to worry about.

*family-inherited heresies irrelevant to this topic of conversation notwithstanding

(Rani:) Hopefully that helps some, and hopefully you can find some peace with this. <3

[athylbene]

Death

Death is the beginning of the truth Death is the end of lies You can't run, you can't hide Death will always come for you Some dream of heaven and hell Some dream of nothing Death is the mystery that Drives humanity into insanity I wish I could feel safe I wish I could dream I wish I wouldn't suffer eternal torment Death is coming for us all Love can only bring us so fart What's the point when it's all for nothing Death takes away life Death beings us fear Death is coming...

[athylbene]

Wish this could be true...

you dont have to be conventional or easy to digest to be loved, you just have to be. there are people out there who are daydreaming about meeting someone just like you every single day and one day youll cross paths with them, thrive, and live as your unapologetic and happiest self

[athylbene]

Seems pretty useful..

The Median Experiences Tool

We've gone ahead and created a little resource for median systems! Feel free to use this and fill it out in any way you'd like.

This is also archived in a PDF version on our website here, with the links on the last page being clickable.

The version we (the Dagger of Decay subsystem) filled out for ourselves under the cut as an example!

[athylbene]

It's crazy how people will assume that not having memories automatically makes you kin for fun or any less of someone who kins. As if not having memories isn't one of the most alienating experiences you can have or that you're not just as serious because of that. Kind of crazy how people will other those in an already othered community, almost as if people's experiences with something aren't locked in a singular box & we all have different. experiences. who woulda thought!

Anyways, people with no memories, I see you and it's rough out here. You definitely aren't any less of who you are because of it, your selfhood is your own.

No one's getting more valid points because they remember shit, just remember that.

✉

[athylbene]

You Could Be Median!

We've seen some posts lately where people are saying they feel too plural to be a singlet and too singlet to be plural, or that they feel certain plural-ish ways about their kintypes... And, well, we have news for you--there's (possibly) a word for that!

See, while a lot of people see "multiple system" and "plural system" as interchangable, they actually have nuance to their meanings. And there's a third term, "median system", that might actually apply to you!

Some descriptions of the terms, for reference!

This won't be the only term list in this post, but to avoid dumping a ton of terms at the start without context, they'll show up where relevant. For now, though, here's a few.

Singlet:

The state of being one singular person/identity in one body. Synonym for non-plural.

Plural:

More than one entity, self, identity or consciousness in a single body. Simply, being more-than-one in some way. This is more of an umbrella term for multiple and median.

Multiple:

Having more than one distinct identities or people within a body.

Median:

The state of being somewhere between "singlet" and "multiple" on the plural spectrum.

Now, that's pretty vague, especially if this is a new concept to you! What does "inbetween" of multiple and singlet even really look like? The answer is, well... Anything, almost! But that's also vague and unhelpful. So...

Some examples of what being a median system could feel like...

You're like a metaphorical hydra--all part of one dragon, but there's different heads. You might feel parts of yourself arguing or thinking different thoughts, and some might be more in charge at times than others, but in the end, you're all a part of one unit anyway.

You're like a metaphorical coin--you're all one single thing, but there's different faces. Depending on what angle someone looks at you from, they could see something completely different.

You're like a gemstone cut for a ring--all one stone, but there's facets of you that reflect light just a little differently.

You speak to your subconscious, but because that subconscious is you, you feel like you're an inbetween of being just one person and two people. (This can also include things like daemonism!)

You feel like your identity itself is a shapeshifter (not in a kintype way--your identity as a whole).

You're otherkin/fictionkin/etc, and your kintypes have juuuust a little too much separation from you to feel like they're still you, but they're you enough that they're not separate people. They're not entirely distinct from you, but they're also not entirely wholly you, either. (More on this one later!)

You feel too much like a singlet to be plural, but too much like a system to be a singlet.

You age or pet regress, and feel like your regressed self is a different version of you. Sure, they're still you! But they're just different enough that they fall in a grey area of being "you" vs "not you".

You feel like "you" are, in whole, a person wearing a lot of different masks. The masks might make you act a little different, or look a little to-the-left of your normal appearance. All the masks are a part of you, as much as you're a part of them.

You feel like you sometimes have a different "filter" put over you, like a photo being digitally edited. You're still the same base thing, but sometimes there's an extra layer on top that makes you a little different.

You don't feel singlet or multiple, but feel like a secret third thing that's in any way inbetween.

You feel like you're almost a system.

Now, that's nowhere near an exhaustive list, but it's a bunch of stuff we've experienced and/or heard from others in the community. That gemstone comparison is actually common enough for the median version of the term "headmate" to be a sort of reference to how it feels!

Headmate (also alter, system member):

An entity/person that is a part of a system.

Facet:

A type of headmate that is a part of a median system.

There's also a term for identities that blur the line between "fictive" and "fictionkin", because the experience of being median while having identities that feel like fictives and fictotypes simultaneously is so common! (There's now a factbased identity term for the experience too!)

Fableing:

A type of facet in a median system that shares experiences of both fictionkin and fictives, making them an inbetween, adjacent to both experiences, or both at the same time.

Factling:

A type of facet in a median system that shares experiences of both factkin and factives, making them an inbetween, adjacent to both experiences, or both at the same time.

Otherkinity and Median Systems

In particular though, we see a lot of otherkin who say a lot of very plural-y things about their kintypes. While not everyone who says these things is 100% plural and maybe just one or two of these points to nothing plurality related at all... These are things we think are pretty good indicators you should at least consider looking into median systems, even if you've looked into being multiple before.

Your kintypes can speak or communicate to you, disagree with you or each other, or interact with things separate from you. This doesn't need to include written or spoken language, either! Sometimes internal instincts clashing can feel a lot like median facets disagreeing.

Shifting causes you to experience memory loss, amnesia, or anything similar.

Shifting causes a complete gender change, even if previously and after the shift you disagree.

Shifting causes you to act "out of character" compared to your usual self.

Shifting causes a complete sexuality change, even if previously and after the shift you disagree.

Shifting causes you to want to change your name, even if previously and after the shift you disagree.

You don't feel like you're yourself while shifted.

You get thoughts that you don't feel belong to you, and feel like they belong more to your kintype.

You don't feel too much like you are your kintype, unless you're in a shift. (Also check out fictionflickering/otherflickering!)

Your kintypes do things that you're unaware of while you're shifted.

You commonly dissociate during or before shifting.

Your kintypes change your likes and dislikes (for example, while shifted you might hate apples while when not in a shift you love them).

You'd call your kintypes headmates or you feel like they'd be classified as headmates if you had DID/OSDD (spoiler alert, you don't need those to be a system!)

Your shifts cause a full or very strong personality change--especially if other people notice.

You feel disconnected from your body or lose control of your body while shifting.

You come out of a shift and are confused, distressed, or surprised at how you acted during it.

Like I said, not all of these point toward being median if there's just one or two--but, if you have the time to look into it, I'd recommend giving it some thought!

Misc FAQs

Do I have to call myself a median system if I fit a lot of/all of this?

Nope! Your identity is yours to label, and this post isn't meant to shove people into boxes. This is simply meant to inform people of what a median system is, and let people come to informed decisions themselves.

Can you be both multiple and median?

Absolutely! There's plenty of ways this can be a thing, too. Some examples:

Multiple system with median subsystems.

Median system with multiple subsystems.

A system that fluctuates between median and multiple.

A system with a bunch of headmates who are median or multiple (regardless of subsystems).

You could be both at once, which we've seen called "mediple"!

Can you have a CDD (like DID and OSDD) and be median?

Yep! It's commonly believed that most (not all!) OSDD systems often fall under the median umbrella, even! A system of any structure or origin can also have median members within it, regardless of other parts of how it functions.

Can you choose to be median?

As with plurality in general--yes, probably! We haven't seen any guides to specifically form a median system, but we're sure it's possible. Daemonism, for example, is usually counted as a nonplural experience by their community, as daemons are "you" in another font--for lack of better phrasing. But a lot of people do consider this to be a type of median plurality in their own experiences!

Is this an endo system thing?

No. Endogenic and traumagenic systems alike can both experience median plurality, and can also be disordered or nondisordered. The term didn't even originate in endogenic-specific spaces, nor did it originate recently either. "Midcontinuum" was presented as a term in around 1996-1997, and "median" was created in 2002. Some early plural communtiy mentions of the terms:

Us and Being Median:

This was co-written by a median subsystem (Dagger of Decay) and one of said subsystem’s QPPs in-system (Shrapnel). While we don’t reflect the entirety of our experience of having median plurality within our system, we can share what we personally know of our own life in the hopes that it resonates with others in a helpful way.

Being a median subsystem to me (Dagger of Decay), feels like I’m separate sides of the same metaphorical coin. (At least, that was an accurate descriptor until I discovered more facets than just the two.) You look at this coin, and one side might have a picture of one thing on it, while the other has something completely different–but you’d be wrong if you said that this was two separate coins just because it’s different depending on how you see it or how you hold it. You’d also be wrong in saying that the coin only had one uniform side–I mean, it clearly has different pictures on each side, they’re clearly different!

The faces of the coin are the fableings that make up me as a person. If I really wanted to, I could probably label myself as one person with very strong kintype shifts, but that doesn’t feel like it covers the full scope of my identity. I can’t talk to my facets, I also can hardly ever disagree with them because we’re so close to the singlet end of the spectrum. But even still, when I’m Tomura Shigaraki, I’m not really the other facets of myself anymore–it’s like you’ve spun that coin around and they’re the ones who are face down, hidden from sight for that moment. The same is true for when any other one is in control. The coin just sort of flips itself occasionally and oops! I’m the same base guy, but in a different font. A little bit to the left maybe.

The amount of separatedness between us fluctuates–sometimes I say “I” to refer to all of me, other times we say “we”. That’s one of the more noticeable fluctuations between my facets, but there’s plenty of other things that shift and change too–how distinct we feel, how much we can disagree with each other, how much we feel connected to other identities we hold… But in the end, we’re solidly sat in the grey area between “one singular guy with no extras” and “multiple guys in one head”--and it took our system a while to get a hold of what that can mean and feel like, so I hope some people who are questioning or struggling with their identity can get a little bit of something out of this post.

For further reading:

The Dragonheart Collective's "Am I plural" guide.

Allium House's "what is the self?" essay.

Endogenic Hub's "Medians" page.

Otherkin Wiki's Plurality page (section on median plurality included).

Beepbird's "Median is More than People With Parts".

Beepbird's "For Medians: Fronting and Switching Control".

Beepbird's entire median plurality links section, honestly.

[athylbene]

My name is Athylbene Today I feel like a lonely star drifting in space Sometimes am I creature with an ever-changing identity that never stops And sometimes I am nothing but something at the same time But always I am here, in some shape or form. I ask the world, "Does my identity matter?" And the answer is A shining star waiting to be reborn

i came across this post which is about a poetry template made for kids to get creative with words. its a cool poem, and altho it was obviously made for little kids i think a lot of alterhumans could also have fun with it! heres my entry, feel free to write your own in the reblogs or in a separate post ^^

My name is Talon

Today I feel like a swirling void floating aimlessly

Sometimes I am an inhuman creature whose shape is not its own

And sometimes I am a gentle beast that closes its eyes and stretches its wings under the warm sun

But always I am me.

I ask the world, “Does anything matter?”

And the answer is

a swirling void floating aimlessly.

[athylbene]

I volunteer as tribute

Im havin such a hard time makin Therian & Otherkin friends, i have no idea who’s ok with messaging & inbox rambles & who isn’t!

So if you’re a Therian or Otherkin & you’re ok with critters invading your inbox and/or DMing you, reblog this post or drop a comment!

[athylbene]

So you're just sitting in front of your computer, doomscrolling to distract yourself from the nonsense dysphoria telling you you're supposed to be a dragon. Suddenly, you hear it: someone knocking at your door, very, very insistently. You freeze at this, immediately considering just ignoring them instead of having to deal with whoever- but then you hear a loud clickety-clack, and the sound of your front door slamming against the wall. Panic grips you as you hear loud thuds and something skittering on the wooden floor, and you lock your wide eyes with the dragoness. She looks harried and like she hasn't slept for the week. Because she hasn't, she's an empath. One you've driven up the wall without meaning to because she's only supposed to sense other dragons' emotions, and none are known to live in your neighborhood. So she had to follow where the radiation of misery was the strongest. That led to you.

The dragoness somehow conveys all this with just a glance as she walks up to you, and takes out some metal bits to weave an enchantment into. This she throws over to you, and you reflexively catch it-

only for a wave of relief course over to you. You suddenly feel them very vividly- the weight of horns on your head, the wings on your back stretching out cramps you didn't know you had, the cold floor your tail is laying on. Even the sensation of your clothes against your scales. For the first time, you stop feeling almost crippled.

The dragoness' posture slumps at the same time with yours. She slurs out a quick explanation that it's an enchantment that creates a sensory illusion of what you're supposed to be, as she doesn't have the gear for a transformation ritual at the moment. Then takes a few wobbly steps towards your bed to pass out on it.

You sit there, still processing the emotional whiplash and euphoric from affirmation through the guilt you caused the dragoness, and wonder if it would be too much of an ask to edit the illusion to make you a girl dragon when she wakes up.

[athylbene]

Athylbene Name Explanation

For anyone interested, my name "Athylbene" is a reference to the Athybene star, which is part of the Eto Draconis constellation. My friend helped me come up with the name, and I think it's a nice name and fits well with my draconic identity. I also used to be really into stars and astronomy years ago; I even had dreams of being a star which is a tale for another post. I guess I'm like a morphing draconic star?

[athylbene]

Worried there's not much time left for me to make friends or find safe spaces in the otherkin community. It seems like everywhere I go there's always closed groups or inner friend circles, like what's the point of conversing anymore.

[athylbene]

"Safe in a mother's hugs"

[athylbene]

I've never been good with keeping up with a blog. Things like procrastination and that I worry my story isn't worth telling. I'm just a weird polymorph critter.

[athylbene]

I like the idea of changing my name anytime I change forms. It feels very affirming and right. Wish I had the confidence to be able to do it.

[athylbene]

A cute pigeon on State & Jackson.

[athylbene]

My entire Legend of Zelda plushie collection thus far!!

[athylbene]

more owl