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atulipfield · 2 hours ago

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i look dumb (you look mean)

this is an utter shambles. i got the idea, decided to execute idea, and honestly, i don't know how that actually went. it is however, the fic that i teased earlier! so now, you can all find out the context behind that! this is a canon-divergent fic of 1x13-cursed, which is the episode where chase's dad visits. imagine chase never gets to tell house what happened... within this, house is house, except maybe even worse...

title from vodka cranberry- conan gray

tag list: @hot-npc

tw: discussions of child neglect, religious themes, reference to a patient death, parental issues, unhappy ending

read on ao3!

House is bored of their current patient. He’s already worked out what’s wrong and what needs to be done. He’s just enjoying watching his subordinates try and piece it together with the little scraps that he chooses to give them.

And more than that, he’s enjoying the way a certain fellow has suddenly developed superpowers. By that, he means Chase and his sudden ability to supposedly vanish into thin air the moment his father is even mentioned.

He’d heard, through the nurses that spoke to Wilson who always told him the things his wife would not find interesting, about the exchange between Cameron and Chase.

He’d agreed with Chase more than he did Cameron. He is proof that sometimes, what they do to you is that bad. But he didn’t think Chase was the same. And reluctantly, he could see why Cameron would push so hard. She- and Foreman, although he lacks the same evidence- think he only got the job because of his dad.

Maybe House should have been clearer about the contents of the phone call. He interviewed Chase because his father told him to not even bother trying to get him on the team. That he was unreliable, unstable and untalented. He’d given Chase the job because he seemed willing to be led and had something in his ability that House wanted to keep.

But maybe they should have asked more questions. Him being swayed by nepotism was unbelievable. If they were stupid enough to believe that he was, it was on them. Chase seems to think House is bluffing about the phone call.

He’ll tell them all. Eventually.

In the meantime, he wants to find out what Chase’s damage is. And he wants to have fun whilst he does it.

His fellows are already there when he enters their conference room. Cameron and Foreman are in their usual seats, twiddling their thumbs. Chase learns against the wall where the coffee machine is, trying to blend in. He’s sucking on a pen. Of course he is. His need to have something in his mouth is always worsened with stress.

House smiles at him. “Sit.”

Chase narrows his eyes but obeys. He’s awkwardly perched, as though he wants to bolt. House continues to smile.

“I thought you ruled out cancer?” Wilson asks as he enters.

Chase looks between them, as though he’s trying to work out what’s going on. He’s a fool for that. Nobody will know until House makes them.

“Different case,” House says simply.

“You have a new case? The old one isn’t done,” Cuddy says as she walks in, nodding at the fellows and smiling at Wilson. Neither of them sit. House doesn’t ask them to.

“Well, weren’t you the one that told me all doctors need to be good at multi-tasking? That’s just what I’m doing!”

“I meant that you needed to do your clinic hours,” Cuddy bites out.

“Oh well,” House says.

“Where’s the patient file?” Cameron asks.

“All in here,” House says, tapping his head.

Foreman sighs. “House.”

“Yes honey?”

Whatever he wants to retorts with, he swallows down. House brandishes a fresh whiteboard marker and starts to write the first symptom down, very conscious of the fact that Chase has said nothing yet.

“Bad fashion? House, that’s not a medical issue, why would we-” Cameron starts, but House shushes her and she doesn’t protest.

“It could be. But I want you to imagine something like a… hmm- a light red shirt and a dark blue tie,” House says.

Chase frowns to himself.

Wilson makes a noise of disapproval, expression turning sheepish when Cuddy glares.

“Even Dr Wilson can appreciate how bad that is!” House exclaims.

Foreman sighs. He’ll play along, especially since there’s nothing they can do for their real patient right now. “Maybe he’s colour-blind?”

“Women can wear ties too,” House says, just to be difficult. “But yes, maybe our patient is. Chase, bring me the green whiteboard marker.”

Without even questioning how this could be relevant, he obeys. House takes it, inspects the cap, then draws a scribble before putting the cap back on it and chucking it away. Chase protests, but House gestures at him to sit down. Chase listens, although his eyes dart to the window twice before he does.

“Unlikely. Especially when you factor in the fact that he’s rich. Rich people care about what they look like. They want to remind everyone they have money and they know what to do with it. So even if he did have issues with colour- which he doesn’t, he’d get someone to help him.”

“Maybe he’s trying to pretend he’s poor? He’s ashamed of his privilege, or he doesn’t want to admit that he has it because of some weird complex and that’s why he makes these choices?” Cameron suggests.

“Maybe he’s not rich,” Chase says.

Foreman laughs. “Right. He’d probably describe himself as comfortable. If Cameron is taking this seriously, so will I. He’s probably just got a bad sense of fashion. Money doesn’t buy class.”

House looks to both Cuddy and Wilson, who just shrug.

He sighs. “Next symptom. His hair is long, gets in his face. But it’s well-kept. Looks soft. But that doesn’t really make sense when you consider the fact that he doesn’t seem to be able to shave properly.”

“Maybe he just can’t shave, it’s not uncommon,” Cuddy sighs.

“But the hair,” House emphasises.

“So the patient cares about their hair? That’s not an illness. Hair means a lot to most people,” Foreman says. Cameron shrugs in agreement.

House sighs. “So boring. Chase, what’s your opinion?”

“There’s nothing wrong with this patient?” He says, but he sounds uncertain.

“That was even more stupid than usual. And boring. No more speaking from you, naughty boy.”

Chase flushes, momentarily distracted from his inner turmoil by the embarrassment of being insulted in front of new people as well. He knows better than to speak. He’s always known better, but House had lulled him into a false sense of security.

“Maybe this next symptom will be more interesting for everyone. The patient isn’t religious. In fact, they actively remove themselves from conversations about religion and belief. But the first time someone died and they were involved in their care, they went to the chapel and sat there for hours praying. And they will pray with others, but never by themselves for no reason.”

Chase stills, his face losing some of its colour. Nobody notices. Nobody ever does.

“Patients? The patient we’re seeing is also in healthcare?” Foreman asks.

House sighs. “Yes, he is. That doesn’t mean we can treat him any differently, because that would be discrimination,” he snarks.

Foreman huffs. “If he’s in healthcare, he can’t be that good at his job. Why is his hair all in his face?”

“Hey, plenty of the women here have long hair!” Cameron protests.

“Yours is always tied up when it needs to be,” Foreman counters.

“Look, plenty of people leave organised religion and still believe in something. It’s not that uncommon. You’d know that if you bothered to speak to patients every once in a while,” Chase snaps.

“I thought I told you to be quiet. If you want to speak that much, you can always go and tell your dad- he gave me his number, I’ll call him. He’ll probably be so happy. Especially after you ran out on him earlier. It was a bit unfair of you to do that. He seems too old to go running after you, which is weird because your mother-”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Chase warns.

Wilson steps forward. “He’s right though. A lot of people raised in religion never really leave it all behind. Especially not in a career like ours. Maybe it just brings him comfort, to know that there is something that could potentially be there to help?”

House tilts his head at Cuddy, who just throws her hands up. “I’m entertaining this so random people don’t have to hear your comments about my ass again today, I’m not participating.”

“Ugh, fine. I can see that you’re all getting agitated, which makes sense, because I’m just so excited for the climax of this show, so I’ll combine the next few things since they all seem to go together so well. He gets very defensive over children, blaming their parents for everything, but never seems to consider that the parents may be suffering as well. Apart from when he’s putting forward the idea that he doesn’t care about any of them, which the children always end up being victims of as well. It’s so sad to watch,” House says, increasing the sarcasm in his tone with his final sentence.

“Are you done?” Cuddy asks.

House nods. Then hesitates. “One more symptom. He gets annoyed when people try to say his parents were good people. Is this connected to any of the other symptoms, I don’t know! But, now I’m done, and the floor is open to diagnoses from everyone!”

“Great. Your patient may be unprofessional and not exactly great at his job, but he doesn’t seem like a bad person. You’re being harsh. Should he consider leaving the profession and finding something else? Potentially. But you’re also still here, so,” Cuddy says, clearly trying to keep it very tame.

Chase’s jaw clenches. Of course, nobody but House notices this.

“I think he’s just acting like a petulant teenager. It’s one thing to be annoyed with parents, but they’re still the parents of our patients. They can’t be expected to act rationally when their child is in the hospital. And whatever his parents did cannot have been as bad as he’s making it out to be if he’s managed to get this far in life, can it?” Cameron asks.

House starts making a mental note of the ‘symptom’ that each person seems to focus on the most.

“I mean. They could have been. But it’s unlikely. I just think this person is too afraid of disappointing their parents for some reason to ever do anything for themselves, but then they get annoyed at them because they’re stuck. The fashion thing bothers me as well. Maybe they’re trying to pretend they’re less privileged than they are because they feel bad?” Foreman muses, but he’s restraining himself from saying something.

“Say the last thing,” House commands.

“Cuddy may be right. Maybe he should consider a career outside of healthcare. Most doctors aren’t good enough to justify getting legitimately agitated with patients,” he bites out, clearly not wanting to admit that he does think of House as a good doctor more often than not.

“But what if-” Chase starts, before House shushes him loudly.

“I don’t know what they say in England, but here, when we say no more speaking from you, we mean don’t open your mouth and say words,” he says, as though he’s speaking to a child. He resumes using his normal voice when he turns around. “Wilson?”

Wilson sighs. “Honestly? This sounds like a scared little boy that hasn’t been able to recover from something that happened, which is probably to do with his parents. He probably just wants to be acknowledged, and avoiding disappointing people, even if they let him down numerous times.”

Chase stops shaking his leg, as though he’s trying to understand just how Wilson would have known all of that. He thought he had been so careful. Clearly it wasn’t careful enough. But then House is speaking, and he’s taken back to the moment.

“I agree with some of what everyone has said! What an achievement, everyone give yourself a pat on the back. Apart from you, Chase. Given that you contributed nothing.”

All he gets for the insult is a glare.

“Let me take you through my ideas. I think the clothes can be explained by the fact that our patient wants to do whatever he can to undermine the prim and proper nature of his upbringing- very British phrase there, did we like it? The idea of him being rich, oh he despises that one, because he hasn’t seen the money in years, and almost all of it was a facade. It makes him angry. He thinks about who he could have been if he’d gotten what he was entitled to, although that’s a different topic. The hair- well, when his hair is short, he looks in the mirror and sees his father. If it’s longer, maybe he can pretend he’s more his mother. No clue why that would be the preference, given that she’s the alcoholic and he’s the high flying career man.”

“House,” Wilson says, suddenly feeling a very strong sense of dread.

“Shush. I’m diagnosing. The shaving is simple: nobody ever taught him how, and now he’s too ashamed to admit to it. He only started growing facial hair recently, and he’s only keeping it because someone said he looks too girly without it. Which he probably doesn’t even mind. He’s religious because his mother was. He thought becoming a priest would solve everything. It didn’t, and it made him resent her and that’s why he became a doctor. That was the one thing she didn’t want for him. He looks at fifteen year olds and immediately babies them because there was nobody there to do that for him, and he rips into parents because he hates that he can’t do that to his own. It’s a really pathetic consolation prize, but he’s used to the scraps.”

“Where are you going with this?” Cuddy asks, already annoyed.

“You’ll see. He’s only ever pretending to not care about patients. Deep down, he cares. But he knows that if he cares, he can be disappointed, and he thinks it’s better to come across as someone who they should dislike than someone who may have an opinion on their decisions. Can’t really fault him there.”

Chase is refusing to look anywhere but the floor, his hair hiding part of his face. House can see the clench in his jaw. He smiles. He’s almost there, and he knows that Chase knows this, if the aggressive shake of his leg says anything. A part of him wonders why he hasn’t left yet, or if this is where he feels safest.

“Every day, he thinks about the people that failed him, and he worries that he will become just like them. Unfortunately, with the silly mistakes he makes, that’s quite likely. One of these days, he will snap, and the end of the night will ever see his face flushed with too much alcohol and a high that he will search for until he’s dead, or it will be red with anger meeting undeserving targets, but it will feel so good in his twisted brain that he will keep going till they kill him,” House taunts.

Chase finally lifts his head. “House,” he says. And he sounds like he’s breaking, his eyes shimmering with tears.

Cameron turns to him, slightly concerned. This isn’t a normal reaction for him.

“Speak once more, and I’m putting you on the naughty step,” House tells him. “I’m almost there,” he promises, when he sees Cuddy look at her watch.

Foreman sighs. “I hope there’s a point here.”

“There is. I think the real issue with our patient is this. He’s spent his life with a mother who loved him, but not enough to save herself or him, and who never knew what to do, even when the decision should have been clear as water. And then alongside that, he’s spent his life with a father who never wanted to be a father, and he’s angry at him because he got to run away and wash his hands of everything, whilst he had to struggle through. The worst part is, he’s still trying to honour his mother and impress his father, even though neither of them could give two shits about what he does- although that’s for very different reasons,” House tells them all.

Cameron’s face falls slightly. “House, I don’t understand why you’re doing this.”

Chase is looking down, his body shaking.

House pretends to look confused. “Oh, did I forget? Our patient is a twenty-seven year old Australian male. Wait- no. Twenty-eight. His birthday, which nobody remembered because either they don’t like him enough or they didn’t know because he hid it from them so he didn’t have to be disappointed, was two weeks ago. Isn’t that right, Robert? Daddy didn’t bother calling, even though you’d spent the entire day hoping he would-”

“Shut up!” Chase shouts, finally standing up. His hands are clenched by his sides, and he’s not even trying to hide the fact that he was crying anymore. “Just shut up. I get it, okay. I got it a while ago. You didn’t have to humiliate me in front of everyone,” he says, but he doesn’t even sound angry. Sad, maybe. Resigned, definitely.

House frowns. He hadn’t been expecting to be so correct. A part of him strangely wishes he hadn’t. He’s not quite sure what he’s done, or why he did it. At the start, he’d wanted to remind Chase that having faith in anything, but especially people, was fruitless. Except he’d just kept going. Maybe he wanted to push Chase to the edge, needing to know that he would eventually fight back. Maybe he’d wanted to stop Chase from getting too close and realising that House would one day join the list of people that had disappointed him.

Or maybe he was just being mean.

He doesn’t speak. Nobody does. So Chase hesitates for a half-second more, because even though everyone has just accidentally shared what they thought of him (based on nothing but House’s assumptions), he thinks for a second that maybe this time, House’s treatment has gone too far and someone will intervene.

The silence stretches out and he runs from the room.

Like he’d been summoned by the weight of Chase’s grief, Rowan appears in the doorway, reaching out for him as he tries to get past. His hand briefly grazes Chase’s wrist.

“Don’t touch me!” He shrieks, slightly hysterical, and a few nurses turn at the commotion. They’ve seen him stressed, and they’ve witnessed him angry, but never aggressive, and he hates himself for making them jump.

He doesn’t have time to consider it properly, as he’s too busy trying to get as far from the office as he can. The only thought his mind has the space for is to get away. So he runs until he’s panting, and then he slows to a walk, only stopping when he’s certain nobody will find him. Which means he doesn’t have to get very far. His hiding places aren’t really hiding places, but nobody would think to look for him there.

“Chase was the patient? House, that’s disgusting,” Cameron says.

“I have to agree with her. We may not be friends, but we are colleagues. That crossed a line,” Foreman adds.

“We can deal with that later. Someone should go after him,” Cuddy says. “He’s never been that upset.”

“What happened?” Rowan asks. “He gets hysterical over such silly things sometimes.”

“Leave,” Wilson tells him. Shockingly, he’s listened to. After he turns away, Wilson closes the door.

“I’ll go and find him,” Foreman says, standing up. Cameron immediately gets up to, willing to do whatever it took to fix things.

“No. This is House’s mess, he should clean it up,” Wilson says, looking straight at him.

Foreman and Cameron exchange a look. They’re both shocked someone can speak to him like that.

House doesn’t speak. He just takes his cane and leaves the room, pushing past Wilson with an unnecessary amount of force.

Foreman doesn’t care what House has to say about the whiteboard. He wipes it clean.

“What have we done?” Cameron whispers.

Foreman doesn’t answer.

“Something close to unforgivable, I think,” Wilson admits.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t at least try and go as well?” Cuddy asks.

It takes Wilson a moment to realise it’s him that’s being asked. “No. We shouldn’t,” he says. And it’s selfish. He cares for Chase, but his loyalty is with Cuddy, and he doesn’t want either of them to become House’s replacement victims. All he can do is hope that House manages to fix things.

“Do you know where Chase has gone?” House asks a nurse, who has always been sweet to Chase because he was nice.

“No. And even if I did, why would I tell you? Everyone knows what happened now. You’re the reason he went fleeing, crying and apologising to everyone who moved out the way for him,” she says, not even hiding his disgust.

House curses before resuming his frantic search. He tries every clinic room, storage cupboard, other office.

Rowan finds him eventually. “He’s never liked enclosed spaces. If he’s overwhelmed, that’s not where he would have gone.”

“He’s not overwhelmed, he’s upset. Because of you as well as the rest of us. Why doesn’t he like enclosed spaces?”

He shrugs. “I have no clue.”

House wants to ask how he could be that disinterested, but there’s no time. If Chase isn’t in the chapel, and doesn’t like enclosed spaces, there aren’t many other places he could have gone.

Chase is sitting on a bench in the hospital courtyard. He’s taken his jacket off, but the pink shirt, covered in some pattern that House hadn’t paid enough attention to in the morning to actually describe, is like a lighthouse guiding him,

“Chase,” he calls out.

Chase doesn’t turn at the sound of his name, but he does tense. “I don’t want to talk to you. Any of you.”

“Tough. We’re going to. Why didn’t you ever say anything about your dad before? You know nobody, even me, wouldn’t have pushed that far if we had known he was off limits because of that,” House says. He’s not sure how true it is for Cameron and Foreman, but even he would have respected that.

“Like calls to like, House,” Chase says. “I don’t know what he did to you, but it was something. You were meant to see that in me.”

“Was I?”

“Neglect is a form of abuse, House. Maybe he didn’t hit me, but he was never there. Neither was my mother. And even when they were, it’s not like they cared enough to actually look after me.”

House doesn’t say anything.

Chase sighs. “Maybe I’m being unfair to my mother but-”

“No. I don’t think you are. Was Wilson right? Is that why you’re still here, and not doing something else?”

“I don’t think of you as my father,” Chase snaps, completely misinterpreting what House means. But if that’s where he wants to take this, then House will let him. He owes him this much control at least, after everything he just did.

House studies him for a few moments. “No, you don’t. It’s worse.”

He laughs, without any humour. “I don’t look at you and see God either.”

“No. You want my approval more than His. Every case, I ask you to do something unethical. And you only hesitate because Cameron and Foreman do. Before they started, you were the first out the door. So ethics matter less to you. You want me to be proud of you.”

“The day you’re proud of me is the day I’ve failed as a human and a doctor,” Chase snaps, although he sounds uncertain.

“Maybe,” House says. “Foreman and Cameron are sorry, by the way.” He’s assuming that. It’s probably true.

“They can tell me themselves. And you?”

“You can take the day off,” House says instead, standing to leave.

Chase raises an eyebrow. “Oh. Of course I can. And when I come in tomorrow, and I owe you a week of clinic duty, or I get my paycheck and you’ve taken four days of pay instead of one-”

“I won’t do that. Not this time. You have my word.”

He laughs. “That means nothing to me anymore.”

There had been a particularly rough case when Chase had first started. House had snapped something- to this day, he does not know what and Chase still hasn’t repeated it to him- and he’d watched as Chase just completely shut down. He’d assumed then, that it was nothing more than the harshness. Now, he thinks he might have a better idea of what it actually was. He had promised Chase then that he would be cruel, maybe even mean, but he wouldn’t cross the line. Not with him.

“You can have Wilson’s?” He asks, somewhat hesitant to make any kind of joke.

Chase just rolls his eyes. “I can afford one day of a pay cut. Not like I get any time to enjoy what money I do earn under you.”

House doesn’t bother retorting. He’s done enough harm. Wilson and Cuddy are nowhere to be seen when he returns. Neither is Rowan. Cameron and Foreman won’t look at him.

“He said you can apologise yourselves,” House says, for once unsure what else he should.

“What else did he say?” Foreman asks.

“Little lecture about how child neglect is a form of child abuse,” House tells them, trying and failing to keep his tone light.

“House, if I’d known- I would’ve never- but you said he got the job because of a call from his dad?” Cameron flounders.

“I never said he wanted me to give him the job,” House tells her, before turning on his heel.

Chase returns the next day. His father leaves that evening, and House has no idea how the fallout is going to hit them. And then they all see Chase speaking to Cuddy in the morning, and he wants to believe his return is just him working through his notice period. Cameron and Foreman approach him to ask him how to make it better, but he just shrugs them off. It’s understandable. None of them are sure anything could fix this.

Wilson still tries smiling, and even though it doesn’t reach his eyes, Chase smiles back.

But then the month passes, and Chase is still turning up to the Diagnostics conference room each day. The small mercy they have been granted is that his clothes are just as uncoordinated as always, and his hair still falls in his face.

It’s not enough.

He doesn’t leave, even after everything. That scathing assessment of him as a little lost boy that will take anything so long as he’s acknowledged rings true in a sickening way.

And even worse than that, the idea of him not wanting to disappoint his parents, even after all they have done to fail him.

#day two rb

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atulipfield · 1 day ago