aubspdf

[aubspdf]

take me to your crib

[aubspdf]

We could stay out late until the sun sets past eight And the cotton candy haze mirrors the warmth of your gaze Raise your glass to mine and as we drink, we would lock eyes So we could disregard the thought of ever having to part For summer is for falling in love

[aubspdf]

[aubspdf]

Surround yourself with people who see your value, and remind you of it.

Unknown

[aubspdf]

i appreciate you all more than you think

i used to be the person who don't like showing affection to my friends. approaching them felt odd. it’s not like i don’t love them, i just don’t know how to. growing up having no confidence in people caused it. now that i'm more comfortable and confident, i told myself to be a good friend to my friends. i wouldn’t be here where i am now if it wasn’t for them.

[aubspdf]

there's not much memory to remember aside from the bad things you made me feel, that I'm the most worthless person when i'm with you. maybe that's why i can't conceptualize what respect truly is; i depended on the view of my self-respect based on how you treated me. i thought it was "maturity" to accept your perspective towards me because that's just who you are. i thought that's how love is supposed to be. turns out i was just dumb.

all this time, i accepted your lack of concern and love for me.

it's my fault.

[aubspdf]

people kept telling me to stop gaslighting myself-- i’d like to call it self-awareness. 

[aubspdf]

ngayon kaya?

[aubspdf]

i wrote something about you, but i realized it’s not worth it; even writing all these words is draining me.

[aubspdf]

let it pass

it’s been a long time since we saw each other, and lately, i’ve been yearning for your presence; i hate it. 

your hugs, your forehead kisses; those were my security. i hate that I’m holding onto those memories and those feelings now. why? funny, we never even had an interaction a long time ago already nor remembered you for the past few years, yet suddenly it felt like i just saw you yesterday. everyone has already moved on with their lives, so why am i going back?

maybe i just liked the idea of it; having a person to go to when i feel like the world is crushing every inch of me. maybe i said that maybe it’s just an “idea” because i don’t want to find out if those moments of us weren’t genuine, and that you do it with everyone. maybe they don’t mean anything to you. but one thing that i’m sure of, i fell, i just did, and it was scary. i was scared because there’s no certainty that someone is going to catch me. 

i should have said that when i had the chance. there was nothing to lose either way. it’s too late to say anything now. the only reason that i regret my silence is because i never expected that keeping things within me is going to be this hard. 

you already found someone. i’m really happy for you. 

maybe someday, i’ll find the comfort that i seek for from someone that i’m going to love in the future. maybe even better than what you made me feel 3 years ago. maybe someday i can finally listen to all my favorite songs i sent you without them reminding me of you. maybe. someday. 

i hope.

thank you for everything. 

at least, for now, i still can manage to hold onto life because of the memories i have left of you.

[aubspdf]

you’re right.

turns out i really do regret not saying anything, and it's too late now. the timing wasn't right, or maybe it will never be.

[aubspdf]

you and me both thought we knew where we were going i wonder where it went wrong have you wondered?

[aubspdf]

[aubspdf]

[aubspdf]

Ugh, so my sister and her friend want a shoutout for youtube:

Wtfalexa

Emma Rhodes

[aubspdf]