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audaciiae · 1 day ago

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first impressions matter a collection of meet cutes and meet uglys from yours truly. (add a “swap” to swap the sender/receiver in the prompt (or just do it manually).)

ankle, sender twists their ankle and stumbles forward, coincidentally falling into receiver's arms.

bark, a dog barks loudly, making sender jump and send their phone flying into receiver's face.

chips, sender and receiver both reach for the last bag of chips in the grocery store, their fingers touching by accident.

drink, sender chokes on their drink and ends up spitting it out all over receiver as they walk past.

emergency, in the middle of an awkward blind date, sender pretends to be receiver's friend and helps them get out of the date by faking an emergency.

french, sender pretends they can only speak french to get out of giving a stranger directions. receiver is a witness.

gift, sender is about to get scammed into overpaying for something before receiver steps in to help (and haggle).

hair, sender gets something they're wearing caught in receiver's hair and ends up yanking a chunk of it out when attempting to separate.

ice, sender is ice skating for the first time and skates uncontrollably in receiver's direction.

jail, sender and receiver are both thrown into the same holding cell at a police station.

kid, sender loses a child that they're caring for, only to end up finding them in receiver's company.

lock, sender crashes their ex's wedding, and receiver, a bridesmaid / groomsman, locks them both in the bathroom to prevent sender making a scene.

match, sender and receiver both end up being sat at the same table in a full restaurant.

nauseous, sender is drunk, and while receiver is attempting to help them, ends up throwing up all over receiver's shoes.

oops, sender is carrying a bag full of groceries that ends up breaking. receiver helps them pick their groceries back up.

plug, receiver walks into the bathroom to find sender stuffing tissues up their nose in an attempt to plug up a nosebleed.

quarter, sender doesn't have enough coins for the vending machine, so they stick their hand up the flap and gets their arm stuck just as receiver approaches.

rain, sender and receiver both get stuck under the same awning when seeking shelter from sudden rain.

shh, sender and receiver are both sitting beside each other at the movies. sender keeps whispering to themself every few minutes.

tooth, sender accidentally bites down too hard on their food, resulting in a tooth falling out and skittering across the floor to land at receiver's feet.

undone, the laces on sender's shoes ends up coming undone and they trip and fall, bringing receiver down with them and into the fountain beside them.

vacation, there's a problem with the booking of sender and receiver's hotel rooms and they end up having to share one. thankfully there are two beds.

woods, sender and receiver bump into each other in the woods. one of them is holding a shovel.

x-rated, in a bookstore, sender accidentally drops a few of the erotic books they were planning on purchasing on the floor, which receiver picks up.

yawn, sender, who is dressed down and has not yet slept, bumps into receiver, who is dressed up and just woken up, in line for coffee.

zap, sender calls out to receiver to ask for directions, but as it's late receiver mistakes sender for a creep and tases them.

#(m: memes)

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audaciiae · 2 days ago

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STAGES OF A RELATIONSHIP

Prompts for stages of a relationship. Feel free to change any pronouns as needed and adjust however necessary. Some may be usfw.

ACQUAINTANCES

❛ I swear I’ve seen you before, probably in a dream, or a mugshot. ❜

❛ Is this the part where we shake hands or just nod awkwardly? ❜

❛ You’re not as scary as people said. Yet. ❜

❛ We’ve met before, right? ❜

❛ I will forget your name in five minutes but I will never forget your aura. ❜

❛ Sorry, I don’t think I caught your name last time. ❜

❛ You seem familiar. Do I know you from somewhere? ❜

❛ Sorry, I’m terrible with names. I’ll probably call you “Hey you” forever. ❜

❛ So are we strangers, or is this the part where we overshare? ❜

❛ If we end up on a group project together, I’m not doing the PowerPoint. ❜

❛ So… what do you do? ❜

❛ I’ve heard about you, but this is our first time talking. ❜

❛ I don’t know much about you, honestly. ❜

❛ Wow, you talk. I thought you were just a background extra. ❜

❛ How do you already look like you’re over this conversation? ❜

❛ Don’t take this the wrong way, but I can’t tell if we’d get along or kill each other. ❜

❛ It’s weird finally putting a face to the name. ❜

❛ If you had to pick one Pokémon that describes your vibe, which one is it? ❜

❛ Do you come here often? ❜

❛ Oh cool, another NPC come to give me a side quest. ❜

❛ You look like you have main character energy but, like, season one when everything’s still a mess. ❜

❛ Small world, huh? ❜

❛ Sorry if I seem awkward, I’m not great with strangers. ❜

❛ You look like you know what you’re doing. ❜

❛ Wait, is this the start of a rom-com or a crime documentary? ❜

❛ You seem like someone who knows where the snacks are. ❜

❛ I have no idea who you are but I respect your vibe. ❜

❛ Are you new around here? ❜

❛ It’s nice to finally meet in person. ❜

❛ We don’t really know each other yet, but… I think we could get along. ❜

❛ Well, that was an interesting first impression. ❜

❛ Do you mind if I sit here? ❜

❛ I feel like I should know more about you than I do. ❜

❛ So… do we pretend we don’t know each other, or do we pretend we do? ❜

❛ Wait, are you the person I thought was a coat rack last week? ❜

❛ Oh, you’re taller than I imagined in my head. ❜

❛ You don’t look like a serial killer. That’s a good start. ❜

[SPILL] – Sender bumps into receiver and spills their coffee.

[WRONG NAME] – Sender accidentally calls receiver by the wrong name and freezes.

[DROP] – Sender drops something right at receiver’s feet and stumbles trying to pick it up.

[BRUSHED OFF] – Sender flinches when receiver brushes past without noticing.

[HESITANT] – Sender hesitates before offering a hand to help receiver up.

FRIENDS

❛ Congratulations, you’ve officially made my list of “people I tolerate.” ❜

❛ If we get arrested, I’m blaming you. ❜

❛ I like hanging out with you. ❜

❛ You always make the day a little better. ❜

❛ That was fun, we should do it again sometime. ❜

❛ Want to grab something to eat? My treat. ❜

❛ You’re so easy to talk to. ❜

❛ Honestly, I didn’t expect us to get along this well. ❜

❛ Why do we always end up in weird situations together? ❜

❛ If we had a sitcom, it’d be canceled after one episode. ❜

❛ I don’t know if we’re friends or just two people who roast each other a lot. ❜

❛ You make me laugh so much it’s suspicious. ❜

❛ I can’t believe we just spent three hours talking about nothing. ❜

❛ It’s been a while! I missed this. ❜

❛ You always know how to cheer me up. ❜

❛ Why do you always know what I’m thinking? ❜

❛ Let’s do something spontaneous. ❜

❛ Don’t worry, I already told everyone we’re a package deal. ❜

❛ You know I’d never let anyone else see me like this, right? ❜

❛ Okay, but if we’re friends, I get the cool nickname rights. ❜

❛ I trust you, you know? ❜

❛ You’re a good friend. ❜

❛ Thanks for always being there. ❜

❛ I don’t laugh like this with anyone else. ❜

❛ I feel like I can be myself with you. ❜

❛ You’re stuck with me now. ❜

❛ You know I only text you because I’m bored, right? ❜

❛ Okay, let’s go make some bad decisions together. ❜

❛ Wow you're a disaster. You're lucky you’re my favorite disaster. ❜

❛ I’d fight a raccoon for you. Not a bear. But a raccoon. ❜

❛ I volunteer us to be the comedic relief in someone else’s tragic backstory. ❜

❛ You’re my favorite clown, and I mean that with love. ❜

❛ We’re not a duo. We’re a legally recognized natural disaster. ❜

❛ Stop making me laugh in serious situations. People think I’m unstable. ❜

[PHOTO BOMB] – Sender leaps into receiver’s selfie at the last second.

[MESSY HUG] – Sender hugs receiver but picks them up and spins them around

[ANNOYING SONG] – Sender sings obnoxiously loud right in receiver’s ear.

[CARE PACKAGE] – Sender leaves something on receiver’s desk/doorstep without a note.

[LINGERING GOODBYE] – Sender takes a little too long to say goodbye.

[SHUTTER] – Sender snaps a candid photo of receiver and laughs when caught.

BEST FRIENDS

❛ If we’re not buried next to each other, I’ll haunt whoever planned it. ❜

❛ I know where all your skeletons are buried. Literally. ❜

❛ You’re basically my emotional support human. ❜

❛ We’d 100% survive a horror movie because we’d be too weird for the monster. ❜

❛ You’re the first person I want to tell everything to. ❜

❛ I don’t know what I’d do without you. ❜

❛ We’ve been through so much together. ❜

❛ You know me better than anyone else. ❜

❛ You’re like family to me. ❜

❛ I feel safe when you’re around. ❜

❛ Is this a best friend thing, or a soulmates-who-didn’t-read-the-instructions thing? ❜

❛ If we ever get matching tattoos, it’s going to be a slice of pizza. ❜

❛ You know you’ve ruined me for all other friendships, right? ❜

❛ People think we’re weird. I think they’re right. ❜

❛ Sometimes I think you understand me more than I do myself. ❜

❛ Are we just best friends, or something more? ❜

❛ You’re my favorite person. ❜

❛ If someone annoys you, I’ll just stand behind you and glare. ❜

❛ You’re the peanut butter to my extremely allergic jelly. ❜

❛ If I ever die, you’re responsible for deleting my search history. ❜

❛ No matter what happens, you’re my constant. ❜

❛ I don’t have to pretend with you. ❜

❛ People ask if we’re dating. No, babe, we’re feral. There’s a difference. ❜

❛ You’re always the one I run to. ❜

❛ If we get married to other people, they’re just going to have to deal with me third-wheeling forever. ❜

❛ You know we share a brain cell, right? ❜

❛ Best friends? Nah, we’re a cult of two. ❜

❛ I like you more than food. That’s serious. ❜

❛ I’ve never been closer to anyone than I am to you. ❜

❛ What would I even be without you? ❜

❛ Do you think we’re too close for just friends? ❜

❛ If anyone ever hurts you, I’ll destroy them. Emotionally. And maybe financially. ❜

❛ It’s not codependency, it’s… okay, it’s codependency. ❜

❛ Are we best friends, or just two idiots who won’t let go? ❜

❛ You’re the only one who can handle my brand of weird without calling the cops. ❜

❛ Bestie, we need to schedule a joint feral episode. ❜

[PHONE] – Sender steals receiver’s phone and starts taking cursed selfies on it.

[BONK] – Sender lightly knocks their head against receiver’s shoulder as a form of greeting.

[SQUISH] – Sender grabs receiver’s cheeks and squishes them together mid-sentence.

[HAND CUFF] – Sender grabs receiver’s hand in a moment of fear and doesn’t release.

[STAYING UP] – Sender stays up all night talking with receiver.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

❛ This is so casual I might wear socks next time. ❜

❛ We said no strings, right? ❜

❛ This is just for fun… unless you want it to be more? ❜

❛ If you start making heart eyes, I’m leaving. ❜

❛ We should have an official FWB handbook. Step one: snacks. ❜

❛ Don’t look at me like that. It complicates things. ❜

❛ So… are we still just friends? ❜

❛ I can’t tell if we’re ruining this or making it better. ❜

❛ Should we come up with a safe word, or just wing it? ❜

❛ You know, for something casual, this is alarmingly fun. ❜

❛ I’m starting to suspect this friendship isn’t very platonic. ❜

❛ No one has to know. ❜

❛ Is this Netflix and chill or like, chaotic energy and mild regret? ❜

❛ That was supposed to be a one-time thing. ❜

❛ You know this changes everything, right? ❜

❛ If anyone finds out, we’re both dead. ❜

❛ Are we gonna debrief this like a business meeting? ❜

❛ Tell me you’re not catching feelings. ❜

❛ You’re addictive, you know that? ❜

❛ Is it weird to fist-bump after? Asking for a friend. ❜

❛ This is dangerous. We can’t keep doing this. ❜

❛ So, uh, you wanna get brunch after? Totally normal brunch. ❜

❛ You’re making this harder than it has to be. ❜

❛ Is this casual? It doesn’t feel casual. ❜

❛ Let’s just pretend this didn’t happen. ❜

❛ You said we wouldn’t cross that line… and then we did. ❜

❛ I think we crossed into something we can’t undo. ❜

[TOUCH] – Sender trails fingers along receiver’s arm absentmindedly.

[KABEDON] – Sender playfully pins receiver to the wall and whispers something in their ear.

[CLOSER] – Sender pulls receiver closer by the waistband.

[LINGERING STARE] – Sender watches receiver a little too long before looking away.

[PHOTO] - Sender sends Receiver a nude.

[QUIET] – Sender dresses quietly, trying not to wake receiver.

LOVERS

❛ You feel like home. ❜

❛ I can’t stop thinking about you. ❜

❛ When I look at you, everything else just fades away. ❜

❛ I’m only with you for your snacks. ❜

❛ I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. ❜

❛ You’re so cute it makes me want to fight God. ❜

❛ I want you, only you. ❜

❛ I’m falling for you. ❜

❛ You make everything better just by existing. ❜

❛ Do you want the last bite? Just kidding, I already ate it. ❜

❛ You make me want to be a better person. Or at least a funnier one. ❜

❛ Being with you makes the world softer. ❜

❛ You have no idea how much I love you. ❜

❛ When I said “I want to hold you,” I didn’t mean like a hostage. ❜

❛ I don’t ever want to lose you. ❜

❛ It scares me how much you mean to me. ❜

❛ I want forever with you. ❜

❛ You’re the best part of my life. ❜

❛ You’re mine. ❜

❛ I’m yours. Always. ❜

❛ I love the way you look at me. ❜

❛ Kiss me again. ❜

❛ You’re lucky you’re hot because wow, you’re annoying. ❜

❛ Our love language is memes and existential dread. ❜

❛ My kink is you existing in my general vicinity. ❜

❛ I’d die for you but I’d also dramatically complain about it first. ❜

❛ You’re my entire personality now. ❜

[AMBUSH] – Sender grabs receiver by the collar and kisses them out of nowhere.

[JACKET] – Sender throws their jacket over receiver’s shoulders without asking.

[BOOP] – Sender boops receiver on the nose and looks smug about it.

[LAP] – Sender rests their head in receiver’s lap without warning.

[RAIN SHIELD] – Sender covers receiver’s head with their jacket when it starts raining.

[PLEASE] – Sender grabs receiver’s hand desperately to stop them from walking away.

[CHEF BOYARDEE] – Sender tries (and fails) to cook something for receiver

[HOME CHEF] – Sender successfully cooks something for receiver

[HAND KISS] – Sender lifts receiver’s hand and presses a soft kiss to their knuckles.

[BED HEAD] – Sender combs their fingers through receiver’s hair gently.

SPOUSES

❛ Our marriage is just us arguing about takeout and Netflix, huh? ❜

❛ You still snore like a chainsaw, by the way. ❜

❛ It’s us against the world, always. ❜

❛ I can’t believe how lucky I got with you. ❜

❛ You know me better than anyone else ever could. ❜

❛ You’re my partner in everything. ❜

❛ We built a life together. ❜

❛ This ring means I legally get to annoy you forever. ❜

❛ If we ever get a divorce, I’m keeping all your hoodies. ❜

❛ After all these years, I still choose you. ❜

❛ Thank you for loving me when I didn’t deserve it. ❜

❛ You’re my Roman Empire. ❜

❛ You’re my favorite pain in the ass. And I mean that lovingly. Mostly. ❜

❛ We’ve been together so long that I can communicate with you entirely via sighs. ❜

❛ I like waking up next to you every day. ❜

❛ Marriage isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it with you. ❜

❛ This relationship has turned into an endless “who’s funnier” competition and I’m winning. ❜

❛ I wouldn’t trade this for anything. ❜

❛ We’ve been married so long, our arguments have seasons. ❜

❛ I fell in love with you because you were weird. I stayed because now we’re weird together. ❜

❛ You’re my home. Always have been. ❜

❛ Grow old with me. ❜

❛ We’ve been through hell and back, but we’re still standing. ❜

❛ You make even ordinary days feel special. ❜

❛ This ring means everything to me. ❜

❛ Let’s never stop choosing each other. ❜

❛ I still get butterflies, even now. ❜

❛ I’d marry you all over again. But maybe with better catering. ❜

❛ We’ve merged into one person who just yells at Alexa. ❜

[ICICLE FEET] – Sender sticks cold feet under receiver’s legs with an evil grin.

[SPIDER SACRIFICE] – Sender points silently at a spider and hides behind receiver.

[KITCHEN SLOW DANCE] – Sender grabs receiver’s hands and starts a slow dance

[TREMBLE] – Sender ties receiver’s tie or scarf with trembling hands.

[STOLEN SIP] – Sender takes a sip of receiver’s drink without asking and walks away.

[BACK HUG] – Sender hugs receiver from behind after a tense situation.

[INTERRUPT] – Sender kisses receiver mid-sentence to shut them up.

[GROCERY] – Sender tries to carry all the groceries at once and dramatically fails.

[SOCK SLIDE] – Sender runs and slides across the floor in socks, nearly colliding with receiver.

[HERO] – Sender shows up with receiver’s favorite food

[FRY HEIST] – Sender steals a fry off receiver’s plate, makes direct eye contact, and eats it very slowly.

ENEMIES

❛ Oh great, it’s you again. ❜

❛ Did you practice being this annoying or were you just born with it? ❜

❛ If eye rolls could kill, you’d be dead already. ❜

❛ I hate how much space you take up in my head. ❜

❛ You really think I’d forgive you for that? ❜

❛ You’re the last person I wanted to see today. ❜

❛ Stay out of my way. ❜

❛ You don’t scare me. ❜

❛ I don’t trust you. I never will. ❜

❛ We’re not allies. We’re not friends. We’re nothing. ❜

❛ You think you’re better than me? ❜

❛ I won’t forget what you did. ❜

❛ I’d say you’re the worst, but that feels like a compliment. ❜

❛ Why do you exist? Genuinely curious. ❜

❛ I’d rather hug a cactus than be civil to you. ❜

❛ If you vanished, I’d throw a party. ❜

❛ Please, keep talking. Your nonsense fuels me. ❜

❛ You ruined everything. ❜

❛ Why do you always have to be here? ❜

❛ I’d rather be anywhere but near you. ❜

❛ You have the personality of a wet sock. ❜

❛ Get out of my way before I make you. ❜

❛ You have no idea how much I hate you. ❜

❛ You can try, but you’ll never beat me. ❜

❛ You’re nothing to me. ❜

❛ Do you ever get tired of being a pain in my ass? ❜

❛ Why are you everywhere? Go be annoying somewhere else. ❜

❛ Wow, you’re still alive. Disappointing. ❜

❛ If you talk, I’m leaving. ❜

[SHOULDER CHECK] – Sender intentionally bumps into receiver’s shoulder hard.

[MIMIC] – Sender imitates every movement receiver makes until they snap.

[PAPER BALL] – Sender throws a crumpled paper ball at receiver from across the room.

[HAND HOVER] – Sender almost reaches to wipe blood off receiver’s face but stops.

[UNWANTED CARE] – Sender bandages receiver’s wound, avoiding eye contact.

[CHAIR STEAL] – Sender steals the seat receiver was just about to sit in.

#(m: memes)

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