aurealsblog

[aurealsblog]

I dreamt of a big dick

A dick so big it knocked the wind out of me

I dreamt it wouldn't fit

But he assured me it would

But his father did not want us together

And we did not want to fall in love

Yet we did

God it was massive

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Kan je rouwen om iets dat nooit heeft bestaan?

We gingen van vriendelijk, naar vriendschappelijk naar flirterig terug naar vriendelijk, maar er hangt voor mijn gevoel nu een rare spanning

Een spanning dat je liever niet bij mij in de buurt bent? Dat je het okee vind om met me om te gaan, maar meer niet hoeft

Dat is okee natuurlijk

Maar het maakt me rouwig

En laat me als een idioot voelen

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I just want him to fuck me

Raw hard and full of passion

Is that too much to ask?

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Jezus christ how drunk was i 💀 reading this back makes me cringe

But it feels sad because i enjoy it so much

The teasing the flirting, knowing i can get under your skin

That makes me feel alive somehow

And yet with you... It does not work

I mean i can literally stand naked in front of you and you smile as if i am fully clothed

Would it hurt to loose your composure?

I wish you were more like that

More of a chaser

So i could challenge you more

Dare you more

And teasing you more

Leaving you wantjng more

Desering me

Cause that is what i see with him

I should know better by know

I thinkbyou think i an just like the daughter of tha colleague

Which is fair

And i think for the best

But my god if i did not image us like that

It is funny tho

With alcohol we can talk just fine

Bbut without it

It feels awkward

I thinkk because the boundries are more clear

And while we are drunk it is more fun, more teasing more van god los

Whilst when we are sober are more awkward

And we know the lines

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I should know better by know

I thinkbyou think i an just like the daughter of tha colleague

Which is fair

And i think for the best

But my god if i did not image us like that

It is funny tho

With alcohol we can talk just fine

Bbut without it

It feels awkward

I thinkk because the boundries are more clear

And while we are drunk it is more fun, more teasing more van god los

Whilst when we are sober are more awkward

And we know the lines

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Yep does not like me

He could have initiated contact but he did not

He could have asked for an aswer for his question but he did not

He did not even say hello

Yeah he does not like like me

I mean he thinks i am a nice girl

But that is it between us

And that is fine

But this is the clearity i needed

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Booooh he has drawn a line

I mean good for him for making his boundaries clear and ofcourse i will respect them

But it is sad to me cause now i know how he sees me which is good but still sad

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And now a kissy face emoji... But i think he just normally text that to people? I find him the type to send that ...

When will my deluluness stop ;_;

I do think he likes me, he at least appreciate me and likes interacting with me

I think he initiated contact every single time, bare one day?

But i cannot give in,i cannot hurt them

I know what i would like to try, but i can't i shouldn't

But fuck

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Why why does he do this

Even with you present he still hugged me, put an arm around me, made a dirty joke

Just why

WHY

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He likes being flirty, it means nothing, we keep our fistances out of respect, which is understandable, but i do wonder how it is going to be tommorrow with him with me

And i do feel a bit of grief, cause i know deep in my heart i made a choice

A smart and sensible one, but i'll forever be sad about that

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It is ridiculous, he talked to me and the smiles we exchanged when it ended was just awkward but like the sweet kind of awkward? Like oh yeah it is good that we go our seperate ways but i had fun talking to you and i whish it wasnt so awkward but i feel like that one thing is above our heads which kinda complicates things and that is what made it so awkward

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God it was so awkward but fun but the sensation that i felt waa similar so yeah he likes me

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Thanks to my internet skills i found out more than i knew but it gave me insights that were needed to find some sort of balance so i think that is good?