avanija

[avanija]

I wish I was de*d, I am still the same whiny girl I was since 2015. 10 years and nothing changed

[avanija]

Rainer Maria Rilke, "The Prodigal Son." The Selected Poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke (translated by Stephen Mitchell)

[avanija]

my boy says

he's got a face like mars

and a forehead as large as ground

and his sleepy eyes that of a blue whale

what'd I do to kiss those sleepy eyes

and sweep the dark ringlets

that holds all my desires

you know, I'd foresake sleep

so I could see a smile bloom

his face crinkled, his joy pretty

my world is now alive, I'd say

[avanija]

he's keeping things to himself

tiny shards of glass

he wouldn't show me his bleeding hands

instead he cuts me off - a goodbye

and I fall silent, as my mind races

he's hurting and wouldn't show

instead his voice becomes polite, guarded

softer and softer

until I can't bear

he parts away with ease, with grace

while I shiver, wither and curse

he's gone away again

into distant crevices of his mind

wouldn't let me in, never

his pain taints everything

the call seems colder and I quiver

at his merciless truth

I weep and he wouldn't comeback

not until the cold tendrils of pain

leave his little heart beating,

for whom, I already know

and I wait

Inescapable, this melancholy

hoping he'd drop by

his voice lilting and complaining

of the present and I pray

let me love him

and love is a verb and

I'm poor at grammar and

I wonder will love last

as long as my body holds

I have an exam in two days and I haven't studied at all. I never change😭🙁

[avanija]

“I will always be on the side of those who have nothing and who are not even allowed to enjoy the nothing they have in peace.”

— Federico García Lorca

[avanija]

love as recognition

anna gavalda / friedrich nietzsche / clarice lispector / jandy nelson / rebecca perry / mhairi mcfarlane

[avanija]

My adaptation of THE GOD OF AREPO is now available at Shortbox Comics Fair! Get your copy now and check out the other 100+ short comics in the fair.

Temples are built for gods. Knowing this a farmer builds a small one to see which one turns up, and a friendship of a lifetime begins.

From Oct 1 to 31, all author proceeds earned from The God of Arepo are evenly split between Mighty Writers (US) and The Ministry of Stories (UK), literary organisations aimed to inspire the love of writing in children of marginalised communities.

[avanija]

[avanija]

I'd kiss his face breathless,

count his moles

bite his lobes

stretch his hands,

curl it around mine

I'd kiss his thighs, his eyes clueless

lick his mouth,

count those teeth

circle his waist

and count my blessings

as his hand

finds mine

[avanija]

his eyes, like crescents

shine and glimmer, as joy pours in

his mouth, set to smile

as happiness builds through

the tiny mole, sits atop his nose

poised, utter beauty

and I wonder

what I would do to make this man

mine,

to hold his sturdy hands, fingers deft

and I weep in joy

as his hair curls, as moisture clings

and I'd wait for him

to say my name,

like it was his to be called

and I'd bask in the warmth

as his sweet smelling shoulders

crumple to hold me

[avanija]

the delirious pain returns

of being left alone,

I'm smaller

similar, holding onto a similar pain

I shouldn't be quick to judge

calm down my heart

for you are fine

no flower could hold you up,

not even their cloying scent

misleading misleading

their sweet scent

and their utterly beautiful

deceit

I'd forgive for they give me my joys

wavering, yet absolutely flattering

and my worries cease in their wooing

[avanija]

the tuberose stem wilted in my hands

the sweet fragrance gone

it's pale whiteness

replaced by muddy brown

it was sullied by my hands

and then they'd blame

my impure hands

touching the stem

holding it,

would I do it again

just to show them my pain

I'd do it

again

[avanija]

feels nice to know I was (still am) a manga (yaoi mostly) stan account

[avanija]

Choso vs internet

[avanija]

cold bodies hugged by warm ones

one wrapped in white

streaks of red, everywhere

tear stained faces all around

dust and debris in the air

the constant buzzing,

of drones, of men in uniforms

the cries, the cries so loud

the buzzing dies down

and there's heaviness in the air

of breaths held

hands of violence

killing and starving

my brother, my mom, my father, my friends

yet I remain useless,

sullen a few minutes

and I continue to scroll away

emptiness has gathered in my heart

yet their love never waned,

their prayers never stalled

and so I know they'll win

but then my heart thinks

at what cost

as earth swallows them in graves

full and sparse

would the blooming olives know of the blood shed

the earth filled with poppies

red, red, red and red

I know they'd live

[avanija]

I logged

either with hatred or love

for I'm delirious

looking, loving and flaunting

the things I owned

and when I lost them

it made me derisive

and I slogged

at days end

[avanija]

the things I've feared

have happened

he's cheated on me

shame overcame me

that I had believed him

so gullible I was

I'm so angry,

I believed he was gullible

he wasn't he wasn't at all

he twisted my words

pushed them into my heart

and turned them in

and every exchange filled me with pain

a pain so incredible, i thought death was easier

and I still don't despise him

his tumultuous affection still haunts me

I'm taken back to his arms

warm and delicate

his voice, still sweet

and so much reminiscent of hope

I think it's been a month since I spoke to him, so progress 🙂