average-kuresawa-enjoyer
average-kuresawa-enjoyer
I needed a place to put my insane ramblings
233 posts
tenured leader of the "Kuresawa Enjoyers Canada" organization of which I am the founder and sole member. (most of my posts are queued. likes and follows will be from @danceintheskies!)
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 14 hours ago
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Cackling
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 15 hours ago
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 2 days ago
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Hrkg doodlessssss
Kagi in the tub 🛀
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 2 days ago
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drew this while listening to dandelions !! I am sk normal about them 🫶
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 2 days ago
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Kagibashi from the recent chapter ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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GOD I LOVE THEM SOO MUCH ITS CRAZY. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS TO MEEEE
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 2 days ago
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for having referenced it in piece toss I haven’t actually watched ponyo yet. this will be changing tomorrow. if you also have not watched ponyo yet or perhaps would like to watch it again and also you’re in the us Check theaters near you up until the 27th. happy ghibli fest and also Weekend
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 2 days ago
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stop forcefemming miyano and start putting kagi in miniskirts @ ssmyhrkg fandom
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 3 days ago
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scrambles in after work let's see if we can get that 2k out of you
While I love a successful love story, yes yes yes unrequited loves! (Also handshake anti hanahaki) Loves that are tragic in their way, but also just a part of life. A part of the experiences that make up a person. I love that that's kind of the theme of your fic? What has Ichinose gone through, what was the progression of thoughts and emotions and experiences that lead to where he is now. Even if he does go on to enter a successful relationship, it's fine for that not to be his first love, for Suzuki and the dorm manager to have had such an impact on him. (Side note, loved Suzuki's "reassuring smile"!! Felt that!!)
Also the conflict!! Even if he believes what he says about moving on, does he live it out? He knows it in his head, but what about his heart? Characters can be liars, and even more often, they are just complex! It's exactly because he struggles with it that he thinks about it so much, values those concepts, will talk about it. And still do things that are in conflict with it. Would Ichinose consider himself "moving on" even?
Alsoooo, thoughts on contrasting this with Kagiura and Hirano? I think in another comment you talked about Ichinose's denial of his feelings (hunger) vs Kagiura's insatiability. And then there's Hirano who just doesn't have the same hunger that they do! (Also did I mention I love Ichinose being comfortable with Hirano because he's weird. Weird kids gotta stick together, like there really is such solidarity even when you're different brands of weird.)
ALSOOOO HANZAWA. Loved the line about Ichinose being a little disconcerted by Hanzawa, a little insecure about this first year kind of doing what he should be as dorm head, even just as a senpai. But I knowwwww Hanzawa has at least as much anxiety shoved in him as Ichinose, he is just so so good at hiding it. Just keep busy and no one will look to closely, least of all himself.
(context: we’re discussing my fic, violeta fantasy)
scrambles in after one of the busiest weeks of my life You Will Get Your... 1.2k, it looks like. I did see your asks and then thought about making a proper Organized Post about all the violeta fantasy things again, and then I realized that would take me like a full month so I decided on the more casual route. thank you for your questions / comments, since instead of trying to write Everything I can just... do my best to address this stuff. under the cut bc this is a long answer even if it's not 2k-long.
When I first concepted this fic, the base idea was just, “I want to write an Ichinose character study.” And what I really wanted to focus on was the unrequited love, since we’d seen that Ichinose has really strong feelings about the dorm manager. And these feelings are definitely one-sided—I suppose we’ve yet to know if it’s one-sided forever, but I think for now my statement holds. I think that’s nice, because I love unrequited love. it is powerful, and moving, and meaningful to me, even without any eventual happy ending. This is probably why hanahaki as a trope doesn’t agree with me… I don’t care for the idea that you’ll die if love isn’t mutual (though the art / visuals of choking up flowers is pretty sick).
Ichinose also seems pretty closeted, which is. Another thing I wanted to work with, here, when discussing his character. Ichinose is the type of character who feels like he’s living a pretty high-achieving life. he’s got great grades, is working towards his dreams, and he was social enough to be the dorm head. I'm pretty sure that Hirano describes him as a chill type of guy, which is a fascinating description for someone who we’ve seen get stress cramps. It made me think that Ichinose was someone with a pretty good mask. And it’s not that the vibrant, nice Ichinose we see isn’t real—it’s just that it’s an incomplete representation of him. It fit with a lot of things I was thinking about regarding my personal experiences with being closeted.
Ichinose is someone who looks Fine on the outside, but being gay fundamentally makes it impossible for him to have a “normal” life. Suzuki, here, is meant to represent the mundane and the average. that “reassuring smile” that Ichinose likes him for gives him a sense of belonging. It’s something that sets him at ease because it tells him, you’re not weird. Suzuki is one of the most common Japanese surnames ever, which is why I picked it for this character. I’m pretty sure this is also the reason why the love interest in Let’s Love (the fake archetypal shoujo manga in Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun) is named Suzuki Saburou, so it was also a nod to that. This, by all respects, should be an “ordinary” first love. But Ichinose can’t help but be weird, because he’s gay. That fact alone bars him from the side of “normal.” So when Suzuki later disrespects Ichinose’s favorite game, and doesn’t understand how important it is, it’s a drawing of a chasm between the two. The reminder that you’re always, always going to be an outsider.
I was also really interested in the game message that Ichinose liked so much: “If you never move on, it’s all been a waste.” I thought that concept fit really well with moving on from unrequited love, so it was a natural thing to focus on within the fic. When I thought about highlighting that, I thought it’d be neat to just… talk about the game itself, and have that somehow parallel or echo themes in Ichinose’s life, which is exactly what happened. It was a fun framing device—I got to say a lot of things about Ichinose without necessarily saying them directly, which was cool.
And the message is so interesting, because it’s Ichinose’s explanation. That’s colored by his own experiences. I was kind of vague as to whether Ichinose actually moves on at the end, and that’s in part because I myself wasn’t sure. I’m glad now that I did that, considering Ichinose moved out of the dorm and is still hanging out with the dorm manager. It’s nice to see Ichinose like that, without being a nervous wreck. My interpretation, keeping canon in mind, is that internally, Ichinose has revisited the idea of “moving on” and decided to value his in-the-moment feelings more. Violeta Fantasy (the game) doesn’t suggest that Ven’s feelings about his friends were wrong. Instead it (through Astra) says that they matter, but they can’t control him. So, the Ichinose that obsesses over the futility of his love and the need to move on… he’s actually Defining himself by that relationship, isn’t he? He's letting that anguish of it, whether it's the experience of unrequital, or the desperate need to move on, control him.
So a lot of his final conclusion rests on the idea of like… he has to accept that love DOES feel this way. That it DOES suck. (When YOU fall in love, YOU fall.) That he’s going to feel like this, and one day he won’t feel like this, but that day is not today. (...Not yet.) And that's... fine. For someone who self-describes himself as “impatient,” I thought it would be really good for him to learn to live in the moment. (Close YOUR eyes. Feel the wind. YOU are not yet flying.)
Speaking of… contrasts with Kagiura and Hirano! As you say, I think looking at Kagiura and Ichinose’s relationship to hunger is a fun way of looking at their relationship to desire. Kagiura is insatiable, and he doesn’t ignore it—he’s always snacking and he uses dinnertime as an excuse to stop studying. On the other hand, Ichinose gets so into studying that he’s liable to ignore his hunger and skip entire meals. I see this as a denial of his own desire, which is reflected in my fic with how he’s really insistent about the idea of moving on. As for Ichinose’s friendship with Hirano, one of my headcanons is that Ichinose was kind of a chill and relaxed roommate, despite being the dorm head, because his personal experiences with anxiety have him trying to set everyone else at ease. It’s this feeling of like, don’t look at me and see what’s wrong with me. I’m normal! Nothing to see here. This is a feeling that, in my fic, stems from his experience with Suzuki and being in the closet. Hirano is really good at living his life in his way, and I think seeing someone who’s just so unapologetically Himself would make Ichinose feel like he, too, could be a little weird, and it’d be fine. (This is, after all, the guy who would later google the definition of “normal” because he wasn’t sure what a romantic relationship was meant to be like.) I’m honestly very proud of this because like… Ichinose kind of gives him the allowance to be Weird later on in ch 29, so like… I was picking up on themes! (I think?)  
Hanzawa’s so fun to me because it is very like… hello, Ichinose. That’s you. They’re not the exact same, but Hanzawa definitely has his own set of masks, and I think he’s said before that he keeps busy so he doesn’t get too in his head? Which feels very much like Ichinose. Also I feel like Hanzawa has his own complications with being closeted and stuff, too, which is really fun because Ichinose doesn’t actually know that about him, so he thinks he’s doing fine even though they have the same issue of “outside fine, inside Not Fine.” I think Ichinose would also be disconcerted because of Hanzawa’s Alleged Homophobia (NOT REAL. sorry I just. don’t like homophobic hanzawa statements even as jokes). Ichinose sidesteps Hanzawa really well in ch 28, actually—navigates the situation so he’s kept in the dark about the Hirano and Kagiura hugging situation. So, I think I was correct to write him as a little wary and sensitive to Hanzawa.
Hanzawa's another character that occupies my mind like crazy, I love writing that guy. Thank you for these questions / comments! Sorry it took so long, and I will try to answer your second ask... in less time, maybe.
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 3 days ago
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[ID: a sketch page of Tashiro Gonzaburou from Sasaki to Miyano. He’s drawn in a sketchy style using vibrant colors, with various hairstyles and expressions. Some are half colored, while one in the middle is fully colored. /End ID]
Figured out i can use photoshop on my tablet 😏 so i played around with it with fem tashiro :) s/hes gender.
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 3 days ago
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I love that as individuals, kghr's colors are 💚&💛 but as a couple, their color is 💙 just like the sky above them 🥺
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 3 days ago
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what's happening in haikyuu
i genuinely have no idea
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 3 days ago
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kagihira week day 3
childhood/ sky
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 3 days ago
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Whilst we're all patiently waiting for the ch32 translation I thought I'd share my opinions on an old chapter beat that I think about often.
So in chapter 14 Kagi gets jealous of Ichinose after he gifts a chocolate bar to Hirano, and starts badmouthing Ichinose in front of Hirano
Now I'm not usually a fan of jealously plots but this one hits different.
Mainly because we get to see Hirano really fuck up in this moment:
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Now this is chapter 14, a few chapters after Kagiura confessed but Hirano hasn't quite really grasped what those feeling really mean to Kagi. He's been told to continue with things as they were before and because of that, Kagi's feelings towards him are not in the forefront of his mind.
So he immediately makes a throwaway comment:
"He's to me like I am to you."
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And you can see Hirano immediately realises what he's done, before Kagi even finishes his sentence.
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Like, oh boy, you've done it now.
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I like to think Hirano looks frustrated in this panel, not just because of Kagi's pestering earlier but also at himself. For messing up. It falls in line with a lot of other expressions he makes when thinking about his feelings for Kagi and his internal frustrations.
And then his words hit the mark and Kagi makes this expression:
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The one face that Hirano never wanted to be responsible for making.
And just [keyboard smash] this, this is what kickstarts the moment that makes Hirano want to try. This is what makes him start to consider Kagi's feelings properly. This is what makes him address this issue head on because he doesn't want to see that face on Kagi.
Yes it's an ugly bout of jealousy that makes Kagi say harsh things about someone he's never met. But it's only these ugly feelings coming forth that make Hirano realise how much Kagi is actually hurting. And he doesn't want that. He never wants that.
This is the moment that brings forth chapter 15 where finally he agrees to try and 10 second rule is born.
#the kagiura he's fond of is the kagi who's in love with him... lays down and curls into a ball#it's hard for hirano to conceptualize capital L Love as an emotion. but actions and words make sense to him#it's why he flatly rejected kagiura when he said 'im in love with you' but then got all blushy when he described how he admired hirano and#enjoyed being with him. that's more tangible than 'love' to him#also the window slam moment when he connects wanting to see kagi all the time to miyano's bl lol#agree with everything in this post... like with words this is a demonstrative moment of like. being in love equals acting in certain ways#has consequences. in this case making his dear friend really upset#makes him stop and examine his actions more and try to take his feelings more seriously#he doesn't really get being In Love or doing things Like Lovers but he does want to make kagiura happy and stay by his side#no matter what#good post... enjoyed it a lot#gonna copy previous tags because I like them ->#re other rbs hiranos reaction to seeing kagiura make hashtag That face was#in a way hirano seeing the extent of kagiuras love for him#in 14 he realizes wow. what i said had the power to hurt him THAT much#because he is in love with me#and then in 20 when they thought they wouldnt be roommates#hirano was like okay itll be fine and then saw kagiura who looked so sad#and realized how badly he wanted it. like oh. hes not just gonna let it go and brush it off#because hes in love with me#he REALLY loves me#even if he didnt think these words i think hirano felt it#he doesnt WANT kagi to fall out of love with him either its so insane.#bc the way kagiura acts with him is largely due to his (of many forms) love for hirano#the way Kagiura shows his gratitude and happiness and gets all needy bc he loves hirano so much and hirano loves that Kagiura does this#because he loves hirano#its a cycle and a loop#if at any point kagiura lost this love for him (impossible) he wouldnt be the same kagi-kun hirano knows and loves#but like how does one express#“yeah my best friend is in love with me but i dont feel that way towards him but i want him to keep being in love with me—
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 4 days ago
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I don't think i talk enough about Kagibashi's relationship bc they are so close and its the cutest thing ever 😭 like yeah we usually see them talk about hirano related stuff but just separate the conversations they have from the topic and look at what they're doing and how they talk to each other and theyre such silly bffs. They go to sweet shops together and talk on the phone often enough. And Kagiura steals his food and Niibashi criticizes how he looks and yells at him about it. They eat lunch together. Their classmates KNOW how close they are. I love them so much.
Compilation even tho im supposed to be leaving in fifteen minutes
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Niibashi being the fourth name down on his call log 🥹🥹
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 4 days ago
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Finished the hirakagi light novel a little while ago almost two weeks ago. oops. I'm afraid I don't have as much interesting to say, mainly because most of my annotations were just me crying out in gay agony. So there's gonna be a lot of that here. But I still wanted to make a little writeup like I did with the sasamiya LNs to preserve my thoughts on it. Overall- really enjoyed it! Very sweet and charming. The chapter where Kagi gives Hirano the earrings kind of rocked my whole world. I'm still recovering from that.
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- "When he met the dorm leader, Hanzawa, Kagiura immediately got the impression that he was the sort of guy who never stopped smiling." Ha Ha Ha. His motto is to wear a smile every day....
It's such a big part of his charm to me. Gives him a unique atmosphere. Guy whose eyes you rarely see always wearing a smile to the point that it's unnerving-- and in his first manga chapter he's already laughing evilly and stuff LOL. But then you get to subvert that, showing his eyes and putting the smile on pause whenever you want to have a sliver of his real emotions peeking through.
I also just think he's a very fun loving guy despite The Everything. Bursts out laughing a lot. I don't know where I was going with this. I like hanzawa bottom text
- "If nothing else, the fact that [Hirano] lived in the dorms meant he was away from home, too. Where was he from?" Later chapters reveal Hirano lives nearby-ish, which was kind of surprising. I had half pegged him as a country bumpkin. But this makes a lot more sense LOL
- "Is this guy some kind of delinquent? The blond dye job, the cold look in his eyes… And are his ears pierced?" This impression lasts all of two seconds but it's still so embarrassing for him. That's the love of your life dude. You're going to loudly exclaim I'm Horny For Hirano-San to niibashi in like six months.
"'Huh. Well, sorry again. C’mon in. You can leave your other slippers there. Swap ’em for room slippers.' Hirano bent down, still sort of mumbling to himself."
Okay, oyaji. Again I don't know if this is a quirk of the YP translation but Hirano kind of acting and talking like an old man is so moe to me. You're sixteen years old dude. Why do you act like a 50something uncle. I love you so bad.
- "Hirano couldn’t help but admire how meticulous he was." It's fun seeing Hirano's initial impressions of Kagiura before they became... Like... soul bonded. I think their personalities are really compatible; even if Kagi didn't develop feelings for him, I still think they would have been really close.
- "the young man who’d been living with Hirano the previous year, and who was a year ahead of him in school, had already moved on to fashion himself a temple of study in his new room." Ichinose mentioned!!! Woohoo!!! The ichinose fandom is dying reblog if your tummy hurts
"Sasaki dyed his hair a flashy brown color and had covered himself in piercings (not that Hirano was one to talk). No matter how you put it, he was a man who stood out. He was handsome, but he had a nasty look in his eyes—he acted like everything was too much trouble, and during special events, he didn’t even try to hide how disinterested he was. As classmates went, it was hard to get close to him. When a guy so tall acted so cold, people found it intimidating—but at the same time, he wasn’t quite as bad an apple as he looked. In spite of the tough-guy attitude, Hirano had heard him remark, 'I don’t like to fight. I’m no good at it.' If he had to guess, Hirano would have said Sasaki found high school boring."
Hirano's description of Sasaki makes me feel evil. first of all Handsome Hey hirano. Hey. Do you have something to tell the class. I feel like if they hadn't both met someone they fell madly in love with in their second year sasahira might have ended up as this bizarro odd-couple. Their friendship is so strange and charged. The Ship That Never Was. Depressed flashy rulebreaker x disciplinary committee stickler r-18 hardcore BL don't like don't read
I don't know. That chapter in the sasamiya LNs where they meet each other in their first year is glued to the inside of my head. Hirano who's got a goal he's set on pursuing and lives his life with singleminded determination and just doesn't understand the idea of someone giving up on their own life vs Sasaki who feels aimless and lost in everything he does but admires people who are openly passionate. That's so compelling.
Second off this feels like such a stark difference from how he's seen at the start of the sasamiya manga/anime. Which is intentional because that's largely from Miyano's point of view, I know. And this is before he even meets Miyano anyways. It just... I don't know... Recontextualizes his character a bit. Miyano sees him as cute and cool and patient, Hirano sees him as flashy and... dangerous...??? Which is probably closer to the impression he leaves on most people, even if Hirano immediately follows it up with "he doesn't like to fight though". (No wonder Tashiro was freaked out by him at first.)
'he was handsome but he had a nasty look in his eyes' god. I feel like I tripped and stumbled into an alternate universe where Sasaki is like.... have the people seen or read raise wa tanin ga ii. I feel like I stumbled into Yaoi Yakuza Fiancé for a moment there. I loved the scene where Hirano sold his kidney to win an argument
- "[Sasaki] seemed to know how to go about learning arithmetic." ohhh I wonder if being so used to baking conversions and the like from a young age is part of why he's so good at math now. That and/or helping at the front cash. That'd be fun.
- "'Kagiura’s not like that,' Hirano snapped. Kagiura was serious and dedicated. Hirano thrust the notebook back at Sasaki. Sasaki’s mouth was hanging open slightly, as if he was stunned by Hirano’s reaction, but Hirano didn’t know why he would be." I CAN THINK OF A FEW REASONS WHY HE WOULD BE!!!!
Like I said. Even if their relationship never took any turns for the romantic. I think they both have too many traits the other admires for them not to come out of things at least mildly obsessed with each other. [suddenly struck by adult au implications] auuuhggghfghhh
- “Huh? Aw, nothin’. I mean… It’s nothing.” was this a keigo thing? like, he keeps slipping up and using informal language with Hirano? if that's the case, I get why they localized it like this, but it does come with a fun side effect of making kagi look like a country boy lol. Yeehaw
- "He’s more than 180 cm tall [...] ten centimeters taller than [Kagiura] was." seeing kagi describe this guy who's taller than him atp puts into perspective how fast his ass is growing. Isn't he like 6 ft 3 by third year? What Are They Feeding Him. Were the green peppers the only thing holding him back? And once Hirano got him to eat like five of those the limiters came off?
"He looked a lot like Miyano, in fact, but his air of confidence made him feel completely different [...] Hirano started to get a pretty good idea of the young man’s personality. He’s an egotist through and through. He was cute, he knew it, and he was going to make use of it. It might not seem like a very nice thing to think about his roommate’s friend, but Hirano could already tell this was someone he wouldn’t get along with."
Hirano's first impression of Niibashi is kind of wild. We rarely see them interact in the manga, so I wonder if his opinion of him's improved at all since then? Their dynamic is so unique as the two most important people in kagi's life even if they... don't really like each other? or at least don't feel fully comfortable with each other. just based on the "by the way, Kagiura passed out... just so you know" and "DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THEM!?!" hirakagi scenes
I feel so starved of Niibashi interactions... He's a pretty unique character in the cast all things considered, so I'd love to see him talk to more people other than his giant gay bestie. Not that I don't adore his relationship with his giant gay bestie. But I did get really excited when he cameoed in the sasamiya LN, so.
The part about him immediately thinking he looks like miyano is like a brand seared into my mind. I wonder how things would shake out if Niibashi was Sasaki's queer awakening instead? ....probably worse. For him psychologically. But that's what makes it fun(?)
- "If he asked, Hirano might even let him use his knees as a pillow." Okay. Gayass. I think it's cute how fixated on this idea he ends up getting by the time they do it in the manga. He wants to understand...
- "If his practice regimen sometimes seemed brutal, it was only because he had such a clear vision of where he wanted to be." Kagiura and Hirano are so similar in that way... Passionate people...
"[Hirano's] household was only himself and his parents, and his father sometimes lapsed into silent spells. Exuberance was not his 'thing.' They all got along just fine; Hirano had no complaints about his family, but he couldn’t help feeling a pang when he saw people his own age who were used to living with their siblings."
I'm so hungry for more Hirano family lore. I constructed such vivid headcanon-parents for him from this section alone. With ages and jobs and hobbies and everything.
I think his trait of wanting a sibling/pet to dote on is really cute. Pinches his cheek. Motherly personality with nowhere to go.
"[When imagining a romantic partner], Kagiura imagined someone who would be courageous enough to give him a push if there was a path he wanted to take and loving enough to wait eagerly for him to come home again. Someone with whom he could spend calm, cheerful days, without having to put on an act or force anything."
The way this is literally his and Hirano's relationship. Throws up and dies one million times. AGH and the fact that part of what Hirano loves about Kagi is how open and honest he is with him, and that he doesn't put on an act or force anything..... OTL OTL OTL
"He wanted to be like his mom, who would ask his dad 'Do you want some, too?' whenever she was having a cup of tea. He wanted to be like his dad, who would come home with his mom’s favorite snacks on a random evening, just because."
Related to the last one because this is the kind of thing they'd do. But also it's cute that both the examples he thought of related to food LOL. growing boy....
- "Niibashi might have acted annoyed, but his immediate willingness spoke to how close they had grown as they got to know each other over the past few months." Yup, That's Niibashi. I'm so deathly curious as to what their first meeting was like, and what their first impressions of each other were.
- "Kagiura gave off the faint but sharp aroma of antiperspirant. He seemed acutely worried about his body odor, but he never really smelled too sweaty." See, when he explains it like this it sounds less like a fetish. And I do think Kagi is overly conscious of his BO because he doesn't want to freak out the guy he likes. But I mean... Hirano isn't always the most reliable narrator when it comes to stuff like this......
- "He only really saw Hirano in his school uniform whenever Kagiura contrived to pass by him in the hallway." asfjskdbjsgdj????? He's so funny for no reason. I'm imagining him and Niibashi being late for class because Kagi makes them take the long way around just so he can go "Hi Hirano ❤️"
"Niibashi did every bit as well, or even better, than Kagiura had expected. His presentation, which he delivered with a smile that oozed confidence, was tremendously effective, and he had done his research [...] Niibashi had a gift for networking and was already reaching out to other classes that would need similar materials. Kagiura and the other two committee representatives practically felt like his assistants instead of the other way around."
Niibashi rules. There's an alternate universe where he gave up on his dreams and became The Worst Business Major In The World. I love him so much.
- "The student council president, Touou, was fussy and particular. [...] sparing no one from his condescending glare, he was somehow striking—but he didn’t look like he was having much fun." Was this the guy Hanzawa was beefing with in his second year? I'm so curious as to his deal. Maybe it's lodged somewhere in that mythical 10k words of plot....
"There was one more surprising thing: the way Niibashi calmly and completely handled Touou’s interrogation, which sometimes approached the level of browbeating. It was enough to make Kagiura wonder if the two were friends, but he didn’t want to interrupt the fun Niibashi was obviously having, so he kept his questions to himself."
First of all, I think Niibashi's beautiful debate kid spirit is really funny. Second of all, I feel like I'm misremembering but wasn't there a bit where the student council made a club to take care of the campus cats, but there was only one other person in it? maybe that was niibashi... could be cute. I'm trying to banish the elaborate rivals to friends to lovers story in my head.
- "The very smell of the room seemed different without Hirano hanging out there." I have like. Five different bookmarks for the dogboy kagi archive. This one's the funniest though. There's also the bit about Kagi saying Hirano's bed always smells good.... okay man...
"'Without you here, Hirano, the room feels too big and quiet.' He heard a sort of hoo, and Kagiura couldn’t help closing his eyes at a tickle that felt as if Hirano’s breath were right on his ear. 'You’ve gotta be sleepy, Kagi. Better turn in for the night.'"
Putting aside how this is kind of life-ruiningly intimate. Does it feel like they say that a lot? One of them says/does something overly fond or affectionate, and the other gives them an out by saying "are you tired?" It's interesting. Like their equivalent of Sasaki's "haha jk.... unless", but manifesting differently since the foundation of their relationship is taking care of each other. I think I remember it in one of the sasamiya extras... And in a pic that I have saved because Hirano's fond expression made me throw up and die one million times. Let me see if I can find it.
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Here it is. Jesus fucking Christ. I can't look at this imagebfor too long or I'll start wailing in agony. The point I was trying to make was that they use "are you tired right now?" as a kind of reflexive "did you mean to be that intimate/fond with me?" way out. I'm going to move on because this image is going to kill me dead if I look at it too long. She's Really Good At Drawing Expressions.
My self indulgent wish is for there to be some kind of tipping point, where one of them says "Are you tired?" to give the other an out from the situation, but the response is "...No." and then they make out or something idk
- Their lovely little road trip slash countryside visit was my favourite chapter by far. I have a soft spot for those kinds of stories already, and I also just think it was really sweet and intimate. I really hope they do it again for Hirano's next birthday in the manga. (I'm pointedly ignoring the plot bunny that's staring at me right now.) It's a lot of fun seeing the characters outside the confines of a school setting, both visually and character-wise.
"He’d always been the older dormmate, the guy on the Disciplinary Committee—but in the eyes of the wider world, he was still just a kid in high school." <- related quote
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................I don't have much to say. Except. Is it just me or is this so weirdly charged. I haven't been able to stop thinking about this random ass passage since I read it. You don't get to have him girls, he's MY soup boy... He makes MY stomach feel warm with happiness....
- "[Hirano and Kagiura] people-watched in the station shopping center until their ride came." I'd love to be a fly on the wall while they people-watch... Kagiura seems like the type to make up elaborate backstories for passing strangers to make his partner laugh.
- Kagi's little cousins are so cute. Him refusing to go easy on a 5 year old is so funny. And Hirano being mobbed by a swarm of kids protectively because they could sense how tired he was rocks. It's always fun getting to see Hirano's nurturing personality directed at people other than Kagi, and how it changes accordingly.
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^ this line I wrote in my writeup for the sasamiya LNs feels prescient. if I think too long about Kagi's big family happily accepting Hirano as one of their own I Will Burst Into Tears. Another shimmering thread in the tapestry and all that
- "'Sorry for laughing.' He’d been surprised—and happy. He didn’t say it out loud, but the fact that he couldn’t keep the smile off his face probably gave him away." - Hirano laughs when he's really really happy!!! Like with the homemade cookies. There's another instance of it in the extra manga.
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"That was just how it usually was in the dorm. Hanzawa seemed a bit sensitive about homosexuality, and he was notorious for his ability to sniff out any guys who seemed to be getting too close and drop in on them at inopportune moments. Word had it his contempt for gay people wasn’t completely arbitrary but had something to do with his family circumstances, so even Hirano pitied him for it."
So much to take in. first of all. I have so many Thoughts about hanzawa that I don't think I can articulate properly. it is still interesting that Hirano's still really close with hanzawa, and they share a really lovely friendship even as Hirano knows this (and as he gets closer to kagi/recognizes he wants to be in a relationship with him he still doesn't seem very bothered by it? maybe we'll see this develop in coming chapters. I don't think Hirano aught to cut him off or anything drastic like that, just that it feels like a well of untapped drama potential)
And like. obviously Hanzawa isn't homophobic. You and I both know this, even if Hirano doesn't. He has complicated feelings about queerness, and I feel like he's internalized a few ideas about his own sexuality considering his kind of harrowing family situation. But he still cares really deeply for the queer people in his life-- including his brothers, including Miyano, including Kagiura once he cottons on to how fond he is of Hirano. Obviously he hasn't yet had the development he had in sasamiya to make him more open about that. But I'm a little intrigued... doesn't his reputation as an apparent homophobe bother him at all? Does he just accept it as a necessary evil of preserving order in the dorms? Or has he so deeply internalized the I Have To Be Normal logic that dictates his existence that he just passively accepts his reputation? I need to vivisect that man and peer inside him with a flashlight and I'm serious
- "'Don’t apologize! It was a feast for my eyes!' one of them called back. Whatever that was supposed to mean. Maybe she meant because Kagiura was so handsome." Gasp. Fujo girl? Fujo girl and her gf???
THEY'RE THERE IN THE EXTRA MANGA IT IS THEM WOOOOOO
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I <3 fujo girl and her gf. Peace and love on planet girls. Their cute school festival date... I can imagine it being fujo girl's idea because she wanted to see an all-boys high school so so so badly askjsdfbhgj
"If Hirano was, as Sasaki said, getting better at looking after others, it was probably because of Kagiura. Living with him had taught Hirano that even when he was really worried about the guy, just telling him what to do didn’t have any effect. Plus, he’d learned about joy—and about gratitude. He’d started to think lately that the reason his parents could communicate so naturally and easily was because they’d been doing it since before he was born, sharing with each other and valuing each other."
Lots to say here. First of all Hirano family mention woohoo! \o/ like I said, I have elaborate headcanons that will probably crumble to dust the moment they're shown on-screen. But oh well
Second of all. I know he hasn't even considered considering Kagi in a romantic light yet. But I feel like this passage relates to Hirano's understanding of love? Maybe? When he thinks of people being in love, it's less about open affection and more about commitment and active communication. Getting to exist in the same space as someone, making them happy and enjoying their company. Like a couple that's been together for a long time. A marriage like a best friendship. Hey where have I heard that one before
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Nuances lost in translation...? Or maybe my perception of the word "roommate" is just skewed, because it doesn't feel like a very intimate word to me... Maybe he's just touched to be considered such a big part of Hirano's life?
- The ending scene with them and Hanzawa is really, really sweet. I don't have anything to say beyond "it made me really happy". Also sorry Hanzawa your life's about to get a little more stressful
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auuu auuu auuuuu......
- I'm sure this is just a standard courtesy thing to say, but the author saying "Hirano and Kagiura are such lovely characters that writing them was a pleasure" is very sweet.
Okay. One last thing. I especially don't have anything insightful to say for any of these bits I highlighted, so you can skip this section entirely. The quotes are mainly just ruining my life.
== LOVE AND TENDERNESS AND YEARNING QUARANTINE ZONE ==
"[Kagiura] felt warmth spread through his chest, touching the part of him that was, admittedly, lonely." - p. 21
"[Hirano's] golden hair seemed to glitter in Kagiura’s bleary eyes. It was lovely. Kagiura nearly found himself whispering the question: Did you make it that color because it looks so good on you?" - p. 27. Okay I do have a minor thing to say here which is I think it's really sweet how into Hirano's hair colour Kagi is
- "The 'new guy,' Kagiura, was easy to read, and it was clear he thought the world of Hirano and took to him quickly." - p. 37
- "but it left him thinking that he and Hirano felt closer than family." - p. 84
- "Kagiura, drawn by how Hirano moved in the room’s cramped entryway, almost reached out to touch him, but he forced his hand back. He took a step away from where Hirano was crouched by the door. He didn’t mind jostling with his teammates as they changed in the locker room, but he didn’t feel that close to Hirano yet. At the same time, he couldn’t help but sense that he was overthinking it." - p. 102
"Ever since his new roommate had arrived, the place seemed unbearably quiet the moment Hirano was alone." - p. 110. They've known each other for like. A month and a half atp. My goodness. It's like if a slow burn was a quick burn.
"If Kagiura can just pass his classes, I’ll bet he could get an athletic recommendation to college no problem. Hirano’s gaze softened a bit at the thought—but it was a pointless fantasy right now." - p. 113. he cares for him so much. I just felt a palpable tug in my chest
"I wonder what Hirano’s class is doing for the festival, Kagiura thought, and closed his eyes. He could still see a faint image of Hirano’s smiling face. He wanted to tour the festival stalls with him, a skewer of delicious yakitori in his hand. It must have been the sunlight pouring through the window that made him imagine Hirano in a light-colored yukata—the classic summer-festival image." - p. 128.
I think a summer festival chapter for them in the manga would be really cute... <- wrote that before the new chapter's cover page was shown off. I love winning <- wrote that before the chapter actually came out. I love losing
"Squinting against the too-bright sunlight made him think of Hirano’s golden hair. It was ironic that a member of the Disciplinary Committee would have hair like that, and unfortunately all that bleaching and dyeing had damaged it. A real shame, given how good it looked on him." - p. 141.
This was the passage that made me put down the book in gay exasperation during my work break. He's so into Hirano it's not even funny. My Lord.
Something to be said about how they both get sunlight comparisons? Although maybe that's just a coincidence.
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The Sparkles... I used to think they were reserved for moments of, like, little breakthroughs in Hirano's quest to understand his emotions, but honestly this moreso makes me think of that one sasamiya extra where Hirano meets up with Kagi just to "recharge" by looking at his face. It's cute. Solar panel ship
"Kagiura reached out to Hirano, caressing his lovely golden hair. [...] Hirano’s eyes widened a little when he felt Kagiura’s hand in his hair. 'What are you doing?' 'I thought maybe this would help you calm down…' There was a moment of silence, and then Hirano exhaled; Kagiura just caught the words 'Hey, it really does…' Hirano’s face softened into a smile. It was Kagiura’s turn to be surprised. I never knew he could look so gentle. Hirano looked like a cat who had taken a shine to him." p. 157-158.
This is a really really really lovely moment. I'm going to politely refrain from making a joke about neko = bottom. It's a really lovely moment. I hope the 10 seconds dies soon I need more casual intimacy moments from them or I might blow up. Augh
"Even after Hirano went to the bath, though, when Kagiura was snug in bed, he could still feel the sensation of that golden hair on his palm." p. 158-159
"They made it with a minute to spare—they were the last of the passengers to get back on board. Hirano and Kagiura chuckled at each other (just moving their lips, not making a sound)" p. 192
"The way [Kagiura] sort of shrank in on himself as he voiced the question was charming in the way only handsome guys could pull off." p. 240
"'So you’re saying I’m, like, superspecial?' 'What, you happy about it?' Like a puppy? Hirano teased, getting a big grin out of Kagiura. 'Sure. Y’know, I’m really glad I ended up as your roommate, Hirano.' Hirano couldn’t help but smile at how good Kagiura was at being lovable. Against someone so affectionate, he would never win." p. 241-242.
Let's all blow up together
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 4 days ago
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This is my quarantine zone sideblog for posts relating to Harusono Shou's body of work. Created because the alternative (me sending constant feverish rants to my friend who only saw like three episodes of the sasamiya anime) felt inadvisable
The primary target audience for this blog is me. Present and future. I want to be able to catalog and look back on all my thoughts related to her work and the posts I enjoy that are related to it. I will be really annoying and that's a promise. The secondary target audience for this blog is anyone else that likes her stuff! Love and peace on planet manga. I don't mind messages/asks at all, but I might be slow to answer them. :)
I have like three whole adjectives in my vocabulary. See if you can spot them all. Also I like to reblog older posts a lot; if I reblog something that you'd rather leave forgotten, tell me and I'll delete it! No hard feelings. Also also, most of my posts are queued way in advance.
More minor info under the cut:
Tags to filter/block if you need to:
#suggestive
#nsfw
#blood
#gore
^ I don't think I'll be using these a ton. But they're there. Other tags I use:
#my art
#my fic
#ranting and raving
#asks
#anonymous
#submission
#dogboy kagi archive <- important
I also tag each character "#lastname firstname". And make a half-hearted effort to tag ships.
Thanks for reading this far. [opening wallet] [10 000 pictures of Kuresawa come out of it] Aw fuck my sawas
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average-kuresawa-enjoyer · 4 days ago
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kiri analyzes: ch 28 of hirano to kagiura
hello everyone. that’s me. kiri that is. again. I already gave my introductory spiel when I talked about ch 27 so I’ll get right into it for ch 28. lots to talk about again so the rest is under the cut for length.
before I get into it, I thought I’d address the elephant in the room: the translation that’s available on mangadex is a little… contentious. for this chapter, I consulted this twitter thread that goes into the mangadex translation and offers some alternative takes and translations. personally, this alternate translation is the version I prefer, so it’s what I’m going to be quoting from for my analysis, but I won’t really be doing any kind of translation comparison here, since I have the feeling it’s likely already been discussed, and for this post I’d like to focus on my actual thoughts as it pertains to the text. I just thought I’d put all of this upfront so it’s clear what I’m quoting later on.
with that settled… let’s start by looking at the first page! we open with heavy rain, which offers the whole chapter a little bit of a moodier vibe. I am, of course, delighted to see ichinose. it’s really lovely to see him hanging out in the dorm even after he’s graduated, because it, again, emphasizes the sense of homesickness he has about this place, but it also adds some interesting context to his relationship with the dorm manager? in ch 22 of hirano to kagiura, upon seeing hirano and kagiura playing basketball and studying together, ichinose flashes to an image the dorm manager and thinks, …they’ve still got a year left together. lucky stiffs. coupling that with what he says in ch 23b—“I always just feel… impatient” and “this game I really love (…) had this thing about how if you never move on, then it’s all been a waste”—I have some conclusions to draw.
in ch 23b we see that ichinose and kagiura have vastly differing hunger patterns. kagiura’s got a crazy fast metabolism and seems to always be slightly hungry. he stops studying to go to dinner, immediately. on the other hand, ichinose is pretty bad about listening to his own body, and ends up skipping dinner if he doesn’t have an alarm to keep him on track. if we think of hunger as a kind of desire, and extrapolate that to each character, it suggests that while kagiura’s this almost bottomless pit of desire, who can’t ignore or push down his yearning, because he’s too damn obvious (ch 8, hirano to kagiura), ichinose is the type to ignore or move past his own desires. that’s how his impatience expresses himself—he’s so focused on his goal, so impatient about moving on, moving forward, that he’s not good at focusing on himself.
this is perhaps… not the healthiest of ways to live. ichinose gets stomach cramps from just food, sure (ch 20.5, hirano to kagiura), but it’s clear that at least some of his stomach pains are stress-related, too (ch 15.5, hirano to kagiura). and, well. I imagine that having an unrequited crush and grappling with that unexpressed queerness would not only incite its own kind of stress, it would be something that ichinose would love to move on from and ignore. thus far, a lot of the interactions we’ve seen between ichinose and the dorm manager have been tumultuous. as we see in the chapters cited above, he’s someone who alleviates his stress, but also someone who sets his heart all aflutter.
here, post-graduation, ichinose is lingering. even though he sees the rain and knows he needs to be heading home, he still offers to help the dorm manager out. and while I’m sure they’ve had many pleasant and comfortable conversations during ichinose’s tenure as a dorm head, and outside of that, too, it’s nice to see him so chill. at this moment, he’s, for some reason or the other, decided to stick around at a place he’s kind of supposed to have moved past already. the optimist in me likes to think he’s trying to focus on himself a little more, but considering all my statements about ichinose are still filtered through a mountain of my own speculation and headcanons about his three years of high school… you might have to take my words with a grain of salt.
ahem. ichinose spiel over (for now). I just wanted to express some of my thoughts on him as a character because he’s got a pretty important appearance later in this chapter, but I’m very indulgent about it.
next we have kagiura & hirano on the chapter cover! kagi posing as the dog in this photo is almost… too obvious to talk about? it’s a fun hint to what’s to come, for certain. but it’s also just… that boy is so dog / puppy-coded. that stuffed animal gift that he got jealous of. his phone charm. it’s almost too obvious to talk about. as for the pose and expressions themselves, I think they’re so cute. it’s important to note how freely delighted hirano is, here, as he’s touching kagiura’s hands… he enjoys this kind of carefree, loving treatment! and we are, in fact, going to see him enjoy something just like this very soon!
now. onto our hug sequence. I think this whole scene is so fun, so I’m going to try to break it down into more elemental parts and analyze what’s going on here. overall, this hug and the response to it are hirano and kagiura doing their best to communicate with each other. these two are really sensitive to each other, and my favorite thing about this scene is the way that hirano and kagiura respond to the other, because they’re always considering each other’s feelings. they’re not two characters who align by magic—instead they do their best to convey their feelings and match each other, because they want to stay together. in ch 15 of hirano to kagiura, even when they’re so very clearly not having the same kinds of thoughts, they turn to face each other at the exact same moment, because they’re always thinking of each other. I love them to pieces.
to begin with: let’s discuss heights! in the beginning of this situation, hirano is sitting while kagiura stands. this arrangement, with kagiura above him, adds a fun tension to the scene. it’s not like kagiura’s, I dunno, this oppressive force, or anything? it’s just that hirano, looking up, looks a little diminished. in general, harusono loves to play with heights between these two. like, kagiura, just by default, is taller than hirano, but there’s so many different scenes you can point to him where hirano is above him in some form or the other. i’d have to catalogue all of these appearances to figure out if there’s any throughline… maybe hirano likes having kagiura under him? who’s to say, since I haven’t gone through everything yet. harusono might just like to flip around the height framing a lot. but it’s something fun to take note of.
kagiura asks if he can embrace him, and says it’s something that lovers would do. this idea—of being Like Lovers—is something that’s plagued hirano for the entirety of the manga. what does it really mean, to be lovers? it’s normal, to want to kiss a lover. what does normal mean?
this is why I love to headcanon hirano as some variety of aspec. when I think about asexuality and aromanticism, questions like these come to the forefront. what separates love from like? and, taking the chapter title (“it’s just like a treasure”) into account: what does it mean for hirano and kagiura to treasure each other?
from day one, it’s clear as day that these two love each other. right now, the disconnect between them exists because kagiura wants a relationship that is Like Lovers, and hirano feels like he doesn’t know how to match that. I think there’s a lot of things that we think of as “normal” or “expected” for relationships, but ultimately every relationship is about the people involved in it. for hirano, some of what is standard for Like Lovers might not be true to him, and I’m excited to see kagiura and him work through that. there’s a lot of ways it could go, and I have a couple of different things I want to happen… part of me wonders if hirano would better conceptualize being Like Lovers as a wanting to be family. that sense of domestic married bliss, you know? (“when I get married, I sure hope it’s to someone as open and honest as you!” — ch 18.5, sasaki to miyano)
in this chapter, we get to see hirano and kagiura be more unconventional, and personal, about the way they express their love for each other. for now, though, I think hirano still reacts intensely to the idea of acting Like Lovers, because he hasn’t yet come to a proper conclusion about it. in ch 25, hirano invites kagiura to touch his hair, and then gets confused when kagiura says it’s something Like Lovers. that wasn’t what he’d intended by it, after all. then he hears that wanting to kiss someone, too, is Like Lovers, which isn’t something he’s ever actively thought about. if the way he interacts with kagiura is both Like Lovers and Unlike, how does that explain his own actions? how does that explain himself? in ch 6, after hearing that kagiura wants to marry hirano be family with him, like his parents, niibashi asks, “do you want to kiss him?” it’s a question that asks whether what kagiura feels for hirano is really romantic love. like niibashi says later, maybe hirano’s just going through all of these stages. maybe one day he’ll wake up and understand everything. But hirano’s not the type to wait around for things like that. instead, hirano wants to consider this relationship, as it exists now, as seriously as possible.
(side note: while I do think hirano’s going through the stages of falling in love, I think the way he approaches it and responds to it is pretty different, compared to kagiura. I’m kind of curious to see whether he’ll have his own do you want to kiss him? moment, considering he actually does consider it himself in ch 25 before going to sleep and avoiding the question. on a personal level I’d like him to match kagi without entirely mirroring him, just because I think it makes sense for them)
that level of consideration that hirano has towards kagiura, and his struggles to really Get what is meant by Like Lovers makes him hesitant. I think this is what motivates him to ask, “can… I say… I don’t want to?”
immediately, kagiura steps back in surprise. it’s not a melodramatic move—it’s just his instinctual, reflexive response to hirano expressing some level of discomfort. at this, hirano exhales, and some of the tension deflates. this response is why hirano decides to go for the hugging after all. it’s not just because he knows that he can say no, it’s because it’s just so clear that kagi treasures him.
I also think that his initial half-refusal, and then his acceptance, make hirano feel like he’s taking a bit more initiative in the situation, which is certainly something he wants. in the same way that kagiura wants more of an equal footing with hirano, when it comes to their relationship I think hirano doesn’t want kagi to be putting in effort all my himself. they’re in a mutualistic relationship—each wants to benefit the other.
so then we get the hug, and The Moment—that bit of discomfort! again: immediately, kagiura shifts his position, and moves his hands up to squeeze hirano into a hug that looks a bit fluffier and less intimate than the last. it’s such a brilliant response from kagiura—it’s likely motivated in part by the fact that he still wants to hug hirano, but I also think a simple shift of positions is much less awkward then flinching away. though hirano’s clearly a little distressed by his own reaction, this hug is clearly not causing him any kind of physical discomfort. and kagiura probably knew this would be the case, since he actually hugs hirano quite similarly in ch 20 of hirano to kagiura. hirano, actually, has an interestingly similar set of expressions on his face then.
hirano’s thoughts during this part of the hug are so interesting. he knows he likes kagi as person… so what does that Like mean, compared against Like Lovers? this is a question I’m always asking myself, too. because he’s good with holding hands, which is pretty Like Lovers. and that time when he patted kagiura’s head… that made both of them happy. a mutual, shared joy. that’s what hirano wants.
when he exits that hug, it doesn’t feel like he can offer that. kagiura tentatively asks him how it was and hirano thinks, it’s not like I want you to make that face. this is what I mean by sensitivity—hirano just wants kagiura to look happy when they touch, to the point that he gets mad when kagiura doesn’t look happy (ch 23b, hirano to kagiura). he’s meant to enjoy this, and how is hirano going to enjoy it if kagi doesn’t look like he’s enjoying it, either?
my favorite part of this moment is that though hirano is considering his words carefully, he also refuses to be anything but truthful. so he considers the situation deeply, going through everything they’ve tried before, trying to isolate the variable. the fact that he recalls each moment so well tells us how meaningful his interactions with kagi are, too. once hirano figures out that the variable is initiative, he tells kagi, clear and direct: I don’t really like being hugged. so why don’t I hug you, instead. that blunt, bright honesty, that willingness to face kagi properly… it dazzles me. I’m sure kagi’s dazzled by it, too.
and the hug is good. hirano, now that the height differences have been reversed, gets to apply things he knows that he likes… patting kagi’s head, for example. I’m so in love with the expression he makes when he sees kagi, blushing all lovely-like in his arms… it looks like he’s been enchanted. sure, as kagiura says, what they’re doing right now isn’t traditionally Like Lovers. but what’s happening here is something that works for them.
I don’t believe in love languages with any kind of seriousness, since they fall into that same pop psychology category of like… MBTI and Enneagrams to me. But I think the underlying concept—of loving someone in a way they understand—is important. so here, even though it’s not really Like Lovers, it’s intimate in a way that works for them—hirano’s comfortable, and kagi is blushing so hard that he’s clearly feeling some kind of way about it. crucially, he also says that he’s happy. they are both trying to treasure each other, and they know this.
kagi getting jealous of a dog that hirano literally hasn’t gotten is also super cute. reminds me of when he got jealous of that stuffed animal he gave him. I think it also makes the chapter cover super cute, since kagi’s playacting as a dog there. most importantly, this comment makes hirano laugh, so they break from this embrace without tension, except for—
well. hirano sees ichinose, who sees them. what a blank, open stare… his expression is so tantalizingly unreadable here. from what I can tell, though, ichinose’s natural instinct, here, is to back away. I genuinely think he was just planning to leave them alone and skedaddle. maybe they’d talk about it later. but then, when he’s about to leave, he spots hanzawa. according to hanzawa’s reputation, he would definitely not approve of what’s going on here, and ichinose just immediately starts covering for them. he loudly announces hanzawa’s presence while pretending he didn’t see them, so kagiura doesn’t realize they’ve been spotted, but also so they can collect themselves before hanzawa sees them in any kind of compromising position.
it’s such a considerate and subtle way of acting… you can really tell why he was dorm head, here. and this actually isn’t the first time ichinose has intervened for the both of them. in ch 20, he cuts in when hirano grabs kagiura’s collar, and we specifically see that there’s a couple students who are looking at the two of them and wondering if there’s a fight going on. ichinose rushes in, is like, oh wow you’ve hurt your hand! go to the nurse’s office, now! and lets them talk things out calmly and privately. like I said last chapter, he’s a guy who’s aware of public perception. not all of my ichinose thoughts are entirely speculation.
hanzawa presenting this sort of like… scare, though, is quite interesting. the worlds of sasaki to miyano and hirano to kagiura are pretty… light on homophobia, as far as things go? it’s definitely real and present, but the struggles that our main characters face don’t involve crazy drama, or feeling like the entire world is out to persecute them. so hanzawa, who I think gets touchy about people “acting gay” because he’s aware of how tough it is to deal with discrimination, almost acts as a filter / barrier between the wider world and the world of the manga. we get a touch of that wider world stuff from him and his attitude, but we don’t actually get the wider world homophobia.
I think hanzawa’s strict about relationships because he’s seen them not end well, and probably feels that on a risk level, it’s not worth it. better to shut it down early. better to make things look normal, because it’s safer. on a personal level, when both of his brothers came out as gay and hanzawa awkwardly said he just liked girls, his mother stated that everything was alright because hanzawa was there to carry on the family line. in a certain sense, I’d bet that hanzawa thinks of himself as a filter / barrier in that situation, too. since he’s there, his parents remain fully accepting of his brothers. whether that would change with hanzawa being queer or not, we don’t know for certain, but I do think that’s hanzawa’s fears surrounding the situation… what would happen to him, if he was less normal? there’s a reason that hanzawa has the most piercings of the cast, has dyed hair, and still reads as a smart and studious upperclassman. he’s careful about his image.
I’m interested to see what happens with hanzawa, here. seeing sasaki and miyano clearly makes him feel a little more hopeful about gay relationships, and even though we see hanzawa express concern when first seeing sasaki and miyano together, none of that concern is ever directly conveyed to miyano. he’s filtering himself, because he knows that it’s probably not right to intervene, here.
to tie off my thoughts on this chapter, I’m really interested in the ichinose-hanzawa exchange about using the study rooms in the dorm, versus hanging out in the dorm manager’s room. because what ichinose is doing right now… it’s a bit unconventional, isn’t it? but he brings up his justification easily—can’t study in the study rooms that are for the actual dorm residents, since he’s no longer paying for the dorm. there might be a bit of truth in that, but to me he’s walking a careful line, trying not to be too obvious of what other feelings might be motivating him, here. right at the end of the chapter, he spills the fabric softener. it might have just been a routine error. it might also be that he’s a little more nervous than he’s letting on…
and that’s all from me on ch 28! ch 29, I’m sure, will be a doozy… I’m really hoping that we get to see actual thoughts from ichinose, because we’ve only seen his actions from an audience perspective, and here, he doesn’t really let on his thoughts at all, right? I wonder how much of my speculations about him are actually correct. I hope they are, but it’ll be fun to learn where I’m wrong, too. and the hirano & kagiura progress! can’t wait to see where that leads, too
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