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awesomesaucerica · 3 years ago

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See You - Part 2 (chrislex)

Part 1 here.

Note: This turned out to be a monster. Hope you enjoy the last installment (at least officially)!

One of the complications when you woke up, aside from finding out that Alex Morgan was your girlfriend, was that Alex Morgan was your girlfriend.

It’s anticlimactic really, after that night on the beach.

It would have been amazing if it was just like a light switch that just flipped back on again, with all the memories you lost just came flooding back and everything would magically fall back into place.

But really, you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up. With your luck and with the universe’s apparent vendetta against you, nothing is ever that easy.

Because after that night, after lying on your bed and staring at the engagement ring you gave her, for God knows how long, nothing actually happens.

The only thing you remembered was literally the stupidest inside joke, and how Alex started saying it to irritate you back, and how she actually said it right after she kissed you—

You take a deep breath, stopping that train of thought.

There’s nothing more to think about anyway.

______

@C_Lex99: i can’t believe its actually really over… the.guardian.com/football/alex-morgan-arrives-at-tottenham…

______

The weather has been weird lately so you make sure to religiously check the weather app every time you go out, just to see if it will be an extra chilly day. You’ve always had a sensitivity to the cold but ever since the accident, you’ve been more hyper aware and the sudden drop in temperatures somehow cuts a bit deeper.

Ali says it’s just age catching up with you, grandma to which you promptly reply, takes one to know one.

Today though, of all days, you woke up a bit later than you normally would, your regular jogging path was obstructed by a sinkhole—a sinkhole? Really?—so you had to take a different, longer route.

You get back home, jump into the shower, and head out of the house within minutes. You really can’t be late, or at least later than you already are, so you pray that the sun just keeps on shining and the LA traffic cooperates with you just this once.

It didn’t take you too long to arrive at Diamond Bar and you heave a sigh of relief.

Which is a bit premature because you just realized that you’re wearing a t-shirt and you took out the spare fleece in the car to have it washed the night before. Sadly, you can see that the wind has picked up outside.

Oh well, you win some, you lose some.

With a deep sigh, you get out of the car as fast as you can and make a run for the front door. As soon as you step on the porch, the doors swing open to reveal a smiling Mike Morgan.

“Chris, come on in! Someone’s in for a surprise,” he says warmly and he ushers you inside.

You’ve only been at the Morgan household a handful of times since the accident, and each one of those experiences have been different from the last. The first time felt so foreign, a new space you haven’t been to, even if you see yourself in the family photos scattered about. But like Alex, her family had been very supportive and respectful all throughout. By the fourth time you came by after the accident, you didn’t feel like that much of an outsider as before. Even after the break up, when you saw Pam and Jeri at the farmers market on a random Saturday, they each gave you a big hug and genuinely asked how you were.

As you take in the sights and smells of the home that Alex grew up in, a sense of calm envelops you.

Which is then immediately interrupted by a 110 pound excited boy.

“Blue!” You exclaim happily as you crouch down, giving him the opportunity to slobber all over you.

“Easy there, Blue,” Mike chastises from behind him.

“Don’t worry about it, Mike. I missed him too.”

Mike gives you a grin as you stand up again and accept Blue’s things from him.

Blue, too excited for his own good since he knows he’s going for a walk, bites his leash and leads you to the door. Giving Mike a shrug, you head to the door to set up his collar. Mike opens the door for the both of you and a sudden gust of wind enters the house.

Damn it, you shudder.

“Oh Chris, is the weather still affecting you?” Mike asks, concern on his face.

“Yeah, I forgot my jacket today but it’s okay. Blue will keep me warm.”

Mike gives you a look, a look a lot like Alex’s, and he dashes towards the nearby closet without a word.

He comes back with a very familiar black bomber. “Here,” he says, thrusting the jacket towards you. “Al left this when she picked up her stuff a few days ago. Use it at the park, I’m sure it’ll get colder later.”

You know he can sense your hesitation so he tucks it on Blue’s bag instead.

“You don’t have to worry about this, Christen. It’s okay, I’m sure Al wouldn’t mind. I probably won’t hear the end of it if she knew I let you go without one,” he assures you.

With an antsy dog at your feet, ready to pounce outside as soon as you give the command, you accept that you won’t win this battle. You nod in defeat and he gives you a smile.

With a soft let’s go boy, Blue sets off, pulling you along. You look back at Mike by the door and you give a small wave goodbye.

On the drive over the dog park, you don’t think about his teary blue gaze—a sight not unlike the last time you saw his daughter—as you maneuvered out of the driveway.

—

You’re trying. You’re really, genuinely trying to not to reach over and grab it from Blue’s bag but you know your resolve is cracking.

You’re friends, it’s okay. It’s just a jacket. You wear your friends’ clothes all the time. It’s okay.

You shake your head to clear your mind, and crouch your back further into your crossed arms. You shift from one foot to the other but you know it won’t help. Running with Blue probably would but seeing how he’s zooming all over the place and you’re not wearing proper footwear, it might not work.

You think, should I ask for permission? I should ask for permission. It’s the right thing to do.

Keeping your phone and arm as close to your body as you can, you open up your messages.

You stare at the blinking cursor a little longer. It shouldn’t be this hard. But it’s weird, wearing your exes’ clothes, especially the ones you don’t even remember being in a relationship with but who you definitely remember breaking-up with.

You sigh as you chicken out at the last minute. Might as well send an update instead.

Well, you resolve. That’s an approval if there ever was one.

You shiver one last time, hopefully, as you reach into the bag and slide in the bomber. After zipping it all the way up, you rub your hands on your arms for extra heat.

As you do this, a sudden distinct and familiar scent overtakes you.

You rushed to wipe your eyes as you heard Alex come into the hotel room. “Hey Press, movie night at Kel’s room. Do you want to—,” she paused as she saw the look on your face, eyes puffy, nose red.

“What happened, are you okay?” She walked slowly towards you, sitting down on her bed opposite yours.

No, you weren’t. You haven’t really had a chance to talk to anyone about it since it’s the first night of camp so you thought, might as well rip off the bandaid.

“We broke up,” you said as deadpanned as possible.

“Oh,” she whispered. She reached out, giving your hand a squeeze. “I’m sorry, Chris.”

You studied her, seeing sympathy in her eyes but not surprise. “You knew?”

She gave you a quick smile and sheepishly said, “Yeah, Tobin told me.”

Oh well, you weren’t all that surprised though since they’ve always been close friends. She continued, “I know how hard break ups can be. If you need a friend to talk to, I’m just here okay?”

You stared at her for a beat, thinking why you’re taken aback with her sincerity. You don’t remember a time anymore when you didn’t know the name Alex Morgan but you’ve never really been that close. You’ve probably just never had a chance to be alone together outside of camps or group hangs so you don’t really know each other that well.

But you can call her a friend because she’s best friends with your best friend and girl—ex, ex-girlfriend.

And on this fateful day, at that very moment, you needed one. Someone who can understand what both you and Tobin are going through, and who knows Tobin probably more than anyone.

So for the first time, you opened up to Alex like you’ve never had before. She listened intently, offering a few questions here and there, but she mostly let you do all the talking. You poured out all your thoughts and fears, and not once did you feel that she was taking any sides. You reasoned that there weren’t any sides to begin with because it was an amicable break-up but it still hurt nonetheless. At the end of it all, you learned that love just really isn’t enough sometimes.

Once you’re spent, tears all dried up, you leaned your back against the wall again. Not realizing that you had leaned forward as you were talking and that your hand was still clutching hers.

She gave your hand a final squeeze before pulling you up. “Okay, c’mon Pressy. We’re going out.”

“What? I can’t, I’m already in PJs, Al.”

She took out her phone, typing rapidly. After the sound of a message sent filled the air, she argued, “Okay I texted Kelley, they can meet us there. You need fresh air, Chris. Trust me, I’m the break up expert here.”

You chuckled because really? Finalizing a divorce made her the break up expert?

She kept pulling you along until you gave in, and reached the door. You groaned in response still.

“We’re just going on an ice cream run, I saw a 7-11 just around the corner. We’ll be in and out before you know it.” With that, she opened the door and dragged you outside.

“Wait Al, I forgot my jacket!”

“Don’t worry, here,” she took off her jean jacket and handed it to you. “You can use this now, no more going back for you!” She then positioned herself behind you and pushed you towards the elevators.

You shook your head at the kidnapping as you shrugged on her jacket, still warm and smelled just like Alex.

A loud bark takes you out of your stupor. You look down and see Blue, a slobbery ball between his teeth, tail wagging. Can he sense the breakthrough, however tiny it was?

You level with him as you take the ball from his mouth. “Let’s keep this between you and me first, okay buddy?”

He gives you a slight nudge with his nose and a small whimper. “I know Blue, I miss you too. C’mon let’s get out of here.”

You gather Blue’s things and set out. Being the best boy deserves a treat so you stop by a local cafe to have a late lunch, before heading back to Mike and Pam’s.

As you settle yourself on the couch after you arrive home, with your favorite tea on hand, you think, yeah, no more going back for me.

______

@devin4uu: my gf just sent me her selfie with Christen Press and I’m dyiiiinnngggg she’s so hot 🥵 twitter.com/devin4u/…

@princess_peach: @devin4u OMG BLUE???

@pressident: that jacket too tho 👀👀👀

@morgiemorgie: @CPAMUpdates!!!

@CPAMUpdates: [101022] @devin4uu’s TW post: Christen Press with Blue and a fan at Tiny Cup Coffee near Diamond Bar today.

______

After that day at the dog park, it was like the memory floodgates opened but only for random snippets.

Like, there’s a junk drawer at home—Alex’s home—that both of you just keep putting things in but never out. It was the only thing disorganized in the place.

Or that Alex likes to sing *NSYNC songs while she cleans, with her headphones on real loud, so you end up just watching her vacuum the place while singing off-key renditions of This I Promise You and Bye Bye Bye.

Or that you both were obsessed with Love is Blind (which you promptly rewatched after remembering, just to see what the fuss was about) and you both cried when the Hamiltons ended up together.

Or that you left post-its everywhere for Alex to find, simple “Have a good day!”s or “I love you”s or “Buy dog food and treats,”—which mostly was just to tease her because Alex is a planner and has a great memory so you never run out of supplies. Sometimes you’d be surprised at how detail-oriented she was. You thought of yourself as detail-oriented enough, but this one, you think, was a whole other level.

Or that Alex doesn’t like cortados but she gets it for Kelley every time they see each other, without Kelley even asking. She does these little things for the people she likes, no expectation in return.

Or that Alex knows what she wants and is vocal about it but she’s also a listener. She listens intently, and when necessary, she speaks up and uses her influence to do everything in her power to help out. She confided in you what other people went through in Portland and in the league, and when she learned your story, she held her tears back before cupping your face in her hands. She vowed that she will help you with whatever you needed to do.

Or that the first time Alex stayed over, she warned you that she unconsciously takes up most of the bed during the night. (You were fine with it because that meant she almost always ends up curled around you when you wake up).

It’s these little—insignificant?—things that keep you up at night. Are they enough to build a relationship on now?

______

@CPAMUpdates: [110122] @TMZ’s TW post: Soccer star Alex Morgan and friend dine at Mildreds Soho in London.

@justdream_13: let’s all CHILLLE we dont know what’s going on, everything pointed to a break up a few months ago

@chrislexfan: Is that a date? A few weeks ago C was def wearing A’s jacket and she was with Blue too…

@CP__23: How can Alex do this?? 😭

______

It has been a grueling past few weeks for you, from traveling across the country for the last matches in the regular season to seeing Blue more and then saying goodbye to him before he left for London. “Take care of mommy, okay Blue? Mama loves you so much,” you whispered in his ear, before giving him a final kiss.

You’re exhausted to say the least so you treasure these moments when you can meditate and be alone in your thoughts, even for just a few minutes.

A ding from your phone breaks that peace a few seconds later.

You sigh and open your eyes back up. You’ve muted the notifications on your socials even before the accident but sometimes some of the mentions still do squeeze through.

Opening up your Instagram, you see a mention from Ali in an ACFC post. That keeps you busy for a while, liking and commenting on a few posts here and there but then you check back on your page and you subconsciously find yourself scrolling through your old posts.

One of the complications when you woke up, aside from finding out that Alex Morgan was your girlfriend, was that Alex Morgan was your girlfriend.

And it was common knowledge.

You’ve always been private, separating your personal life with your professional one. You’re careful about what you share online, because not everyone should know what you’ve been up to all the time and strangers are not entitled to comment on your life.

But when you first saw your Instagram and Twitter profiles after getting back home from the hospital, you were shocked to see how many followers you had. It was more than double from the last you remember, and you see how much Alex and Blue were featured on it.

With the ashy look on your face as you scrolled through it for the first time, Alex was apologetic. “We weren’t supposed to do or announce anything but we decided to just get it over with. We figured the hype will go down eventually.”

You didn’t ask any more after that, accepting that that’s probably the downside of being in a relationship with the face of American soccer. You get more eyes on you, you get a whole lot of random people talking to you and about you, as if they know what’s going on in your life. And it’s not all fun and supportive comments, to say the least.

You can’t believe how much hate there is, and the misogyny of it all. You can’t even begin to imagine how it must be on Alex’s side.

A new notification pops up again and you see that someone liked an old post.

It’s a photo of the beach, with a tiny Alex and Kelley playing in the water in the background. Today is a good day, the caption read.

You stowed your phone away after taking a photo of the view. It was still early in the day after you, Alex, Tobin, and Kelley went on a very early morning surfing session so you guys decided to just lounge about on the beach area for a bit. Having camp in California truly is the best, not that you’re biased.

As you watched Alex chase Kelley down by the water, water splashing everywhere, peels of laughter ringing out, you thought, this is my chance.

“I want to go out with Alex,” you whispered to Tobin, who was sprawled out on the beach chair beside you.

She slowly turned to you, and lowered her shades. It took her a few seconds before responding, “Okay.” And then she turned back again.

You stilled, not really sure what just happened. “Tobs, I mean I want to date her.”

Without looking back at you, she replied, “Okay.”

She did not anticipate the wet towel hitting her on her exposed stomach. “HEY!”

You gave her a questioning look, still holding on to the towel.

“What do you want me to say, Chris?” she asked, rubbing her tummy.

You sighed, completely facing her from your lounge chair. What did you want her to say?

“Is it going to be weird?”

You weren’t asking her permission by any means. Alex wasn’t anyone’s property, but you thought given your history, Tobin deserved to know it from you.

She mimicked your position, and thought carefully. “Yes, it will be, probably. But that shouldn’t matter,” she assured you. “I love you, and I love her. What more can I ask for, for my friends?”

It was so easy to fling yourself into her arms after that. “Thanks, Tobin.”

“Any time,” she smiled as she pulled back.

“You think she’ll say yes?” you asked nervously, a slight blush blossoming on your cheeks.

In typical Tobin fashion, she smirked. “Have you seen you?”

She catches the wet towel you flinged towards her with ease while standing up. “Okay, here’s your chance. Hey Kells!”

Your gaze followed her and you saw that Alex and Kelley were right behind you. “Tobs wait—“

Tobin grabbed Kelley as soon as she reached her, whispered something in her ear, and promptly dragged her away from the sitting area. Kelley looked back at you with a wide grin and two thumbs up.

“Chance for what?” Alex asked as she sat down the chair Tobin vacated.

You have always been a go-getter. Why stop today?

“To ask you out,” you said simply. As you looked at her blank expression, you clarified, “On a date. If that wasn’t clear.”

“Oh.”

Oh. Not a good sign. “Oh no?”

“No! Yes, I mean yes. To your question, of course,” she beamed at you. Your smile never left your face after that.

The day went on as planned, with the exception of you and Alex stealing glances and sharing discreet winks.

After packing up, and the date plan all squared up, you said your goodbyes. “See you later, Alll—“

“If you finish that the way I think you want to finish it, deal’s off,” she warned.

“—Lex. See you later, Alex.”

Today was definitely a good day.

So it really was you who pursued her. Granted, you knew that you were the one who asked her out first since Kelley told you about it but this was the first time you actually understood and felt what you did during that time.

Shit.

In the months after the accident, you tried to follow the doctors’ orders and to go back to your normal routines. But you didn’t expect how much of a struggle that was.

How can you do that with four years of your life gone? And that you had a business to run? That you are building a new expansion team in LA? That you had a different girlfriend, who apparently moved back to LA and lived with you? Then you had to go to rehab on top of it?

You knew you were lucky that the most damage you sustained seemed to be the lost memories because it could’ve been way worse when the drunk driver t-boned your car.

You’re thankful, you truly are. But you had to work hard to catch up to your normal life, to get back into shape. It was extremely overwhelming, and you realized that you couldn’t have done it without Alex.

Alex, who was patient, kind, and understanding. Who became a pillar of strength for you, who became the friend you needed.

The guilt of that realization seized you up. How can you lead her on? She deserves better than what you could offer. You’re in love with someone else even if you logically knew that you and Tobin weren’t getting back together—yet, ever.

Meanwhile, you have this beautiful soul carrying you through one of the toughest times of your life, with the hope that someday your memories will be back, memories that might never come back?

You had to break it off, and you did.

Now, it’s a few months later and you’re continents apart.

You fought tooth and nail to get everything back in order, but in the process, you didn’t realize that the one thing that kept that order in place, the one thing you shouldn’t have let go, was her.

______

@CPAMUpdates: [111222] @gbv77’s IG story: Alex Morgan greeting fans after the Tottenham match.

@amfancpfan: omg isn’t that the girl she was with a few days ago??

@wososos87: @amfancpfan which one?

@amfancpfan: the one holding Alex’s hand, wearing her jersey 🥺

@chrislex1323: noooooooo @/ChristenPress if you qt rt or comment on this it means there’s still a chance for you and Alex. If you ignore this, it’s really over!!!!

______

christenpress just shared a post for the first time in a while.

______

Liked by alexmorgan13 and 155,345 others

christenpress That day was a good day #tbt

alexmorgan13 😍

______

Standing in front of her door in this stupidly cold day in LA, you think, wow, I’m really doing this right now?

You were this close to booking a flight to London already but you thought, rationally, you needed a game plan. So after Mike casually let slip that Alex was coming back for the holidays, you thought–finally–the universe has given you a sign.

This was how you ended up in front of Alex’s door, just hours after she arrived from the airport. You take a deep breath and press the doorbell.

Oh God, was this a mistake? What if she doesn’t want to see you? You haven’t seen each other in months, what are you going to–

The door swings open. “Chris?”

You look up and see Alex’s surprised look. All the thoughts you had suddenly went blank so you just blurt out, “Hi.”

She stares at you, probably thinking you’re a hallucination. “What are you doing here?”

“I was in the area and I wanted to say hi,” you offer. Gosh, why did you have to lie?

“Okay…” she says, still very unsure of what’s going on. “Oh, sorry, come in!”

“Tha—“ you start, but a third voice, a very different and British accented voice, interrupts you.

“Oh I knew I had a bill somewhere, here you go—oh hello!” You peek behind Alex, where a gorgeous brunette emerges. Your heart rate skyrockets when you realize, it’s the girl from all of the photos from the last few weeks.

“Hi,” you squeak out, out of forced politeness.

Alex gives you a look before introducing you. “Christen, this is Sandra. Sandra, Christen.”

You hate her already.

Sandra’s eyes widen but smoothly recovers, “It’s nice to meet you!”

“You too,” you force out. Abort. Abort. Abort.

You turn to Alex, who still has a peculiar look on her face. You can’t think of what that means, not right now, because in a few seconds you might actually break down in front of her and her new girlfriend.

“Look Al, I really just popped in to say hi because I had a thing to do around the area, so I wont bother you anymore than I have already.” You quickly glance at Sandra and say the most genuine “Nice to meet you again” you can muster.

After that, you run.

———

Breathe in. Hold for four seconds. Breathe out.

A lot of things were going your way today. The sun peeked out of the clouds as you rushed to get in your car and sped away. The traffic lights turned red when you needed to wipe off your tears. It wasn’t as busy in the streets as you aimlessly drove around for a bit which was great because you didn't really plan for the day to end like this.

Eventually, you found your way to the beach, and that too wasn't busy this time of day. You make your way to your favorite spot and thankfully, it was deserted. You can't even begin to think of what you would've done if your only solace had an occupant.

As you sat down on the very familiar bench, you closed your eyes and started to breathe again.

Breathe in.

You’re too late.

Hold for four seconds.

It’s your fault.

Breathe out.

You shouldn't have let her go.

Hold for four seconds.

But she’s happy now. That’s the most important.

Breathe in.

God, I wish it was me that made her happy though.

Hold for four seconds.

You’re too late.

Breathe–

“So this is where you ended up.”

Your eyes fly open to see Alex standing in front of you. Clutching your hand to your chest, you exclaim, “Shit, you scared me!”

She offers a soft apology as she sits beside you on the bench. She relaxes herself, mimicking your breathing exercise.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, truly not expecting to see her.

She turns to you and looks at you quizzically, “You just left. You think I won’t go after you?”

You look away. “Sorry for interrupting your night,” you mutter, not really meaning it. You look back and see the look she gave you earlier again. “What?”

“Nothing,” she smirks, while making herself more comfortable on the bench.

“Seriously, what is it?”

She gives a small chuckle then wags a finger at you. “You have a tell, you know that?”

With your questioning look, she continues, “You wrinkle your nose when you’re jealous.”

“No I don't,” you say, affronted. You cover the offending body part which makes her chuckle turn into a full laugh. Why does she have to be so charming when she does that?

Wanting to change the subject, you ask, “So how does it feel to be back?”

“Well, I’ve been back for about five hours and I spent an hour looking for you so it’s been exciting.”

“I’m sorry,” you offer, this time meaning it. You didn’t mean for her to look for you and you feel guilty because she must be so tired from the trip and everything. “How are you, truly?”

She contemplates on your question as she turns back to look at the view. “I’m okay. I’ve been better.”

“What do you mean? You’ve been doing so well.”

“I know, life in London’s good. They treat me well, I've made friends and all. I just,” she pauses and absentmindedly reaches inside her right pocket. She’s at a loss, you can tell but then you see the resolve enter her eyes.

“I’ve missed you,” she says simply.

“I miss talking about my day with you, like randomly telling you about this weird story my teammate said, or what Blue did that morning, or what happened at a Togethxr meeting. I don't know. I miss my best friend.”

And that is when you know your heart is truly broken.

“You can still talk to me, Al. I’m just here.”

“I know, but,” she sighs. “I just need more time. I’m getting there, and us being miles apart is good for me. So you don’t need to worry. You’ll get your friend back, not your girlfriend.”

That’s the problem though, you think. Alex truly wants to move on.

You’re too late now.

Both of you stare out into the ocean again, the golden hour hitting the water just right, illuminating everything in a golden glow. You study her profile and think, it’s good that you’re home again.

“Have you been dating?” You whisper, thinking it might be your only chance to ask.

“Yeah,” she says nonchalantly.

“How was it?”

She just shrugs, not giving away anything.

“Okay,” you concede. “Aren't you going to ask me?”

She gives a small laugh. “I really don't want to know. Not yet.”

You nod in understanding. Gosh, you really did a number on her.

You feel a slight poke on your right arm, a very familiar gesture from Alex that makes your heart swell. “What about you? Are you okay, Chris? Why did you come by?”

It’s your turn to shrug. “Just wanted to say hi, and see Blue.”

“Sorry, Blue is still with my parents. He flew out before me, and I’m picking him up later today.”

“I can still see him, right?” What if it’s too much for her, to see you with Blue? Are you ready to let Blue go too?

Her eyes soften as she sees your concern. “Of course, you can. You don’t need to ask every time, Chris.”

She smiles at you, and you feel a finality to it. “Ok, I need to get back. Are you sure you’re okay?”

No, no you’re not. “Yes, of course. You should go. Have fun with Sandra.”

She nods, her slight smile still in place. “See you, Chris.”

She gets up from the bench, and dusts herself off. A sudden urge takes over you because you think, is this really it? Is this really the end of it?

You’ve done this before, thinking that you should let her go because it’s for her own good. You know she’s happy, she’s getting where she’s supposed to be but is it right to keep this from her? She deserves to know and she deserves a choice, even if that choice will ultimately lead you to a path you don’t want to go, she should know.

“Or you could stay,” you say firmly.

She is halfway to her car at that point but she heard you loud and clear. She stops and turns to you slowly, her face disbelieving. “What?”

You get off the bench and walk a few paces until you reach her. You know she recognizes what she’s seeing when she looks at you.

“You could stay here. With me.” She’s about to respond but you press on. “I should've said that the first time I’ve wanted to. We could’ve had more time together.”

“What do you mean?”

“I never told you, but I was so bummed when you went out with, what’s her name–Margot! The blonde one, we met at the fundraiser. I didn't like her at all, but who was I to tell you what to do? When the date ended badly, I knew I wanted to ask you out. But that didn’t happen until a few weeks later.”

“Christen, that was before the…”

“I know,” you whisper. The cat is out of the bag.

A single tear escapes from Alex’s blue eyes. “You remember?”

You reach out to brush it away, gently caressing her face as you say your next words. “Not all of them, just some details here and there, but not the whole picture.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks with a shuddering breath, all the anguish of the last few months at the forefront.

“I wanted to be sure before I tell you.”

“Sure about what?”

“That I wanted this. That I’ll try this time, and not let you go because I stupidly thought it was the right thing to do.” You reach for her hands. “I may not remember all of it, but I know that I want to try. I’m here, if you’ll have me. So please. Stay.”

Alex looks at your joined hands as she tries to control her breathing. Her tears are running down freely now and your heart breaks again at the pain this is costing her. You’re too late.

“Unless of course, you don't want to, which is perfectly fine if you want to stay just friends, I’m sorry—”

Her lips suddenly cut you off, and you feel everything falling into place. Her hands on your hair and cheek, your hands firmly clutching her arms.

It’s perfect, and as it should be.

She pulls away slightly, her eyes still closed as she leans her forehead against yours. “I’ve been wanting to do that for months.”

You laugh, feeling the lightest you’ve ever been since the accident. “Me too. I just didn't know how much I wanted it.” You lean back a bit but without removing her hold. You want to stare into her eyes when you say, “I’m sorry Al, for everything.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

You give a chuckle. You can see from her conviction that, truly, there is nothing to forgive. You know you still have a long way to go with what’s going to happen next but you’re thankful that you got here in the first place. As a response, you opt to go for levity then. “Well, I’m sorry for Sandra.”

A genuine laugh rings out from her before she kisses you again. “Sandra and I are just friends. We were waiting for pizza before her boyfriend picked her up, but then you showed up instead.”

“Really?”

“Really.” She doesn’t expect the full force of your pinch to her arm. “Ow! Why did you do that?”

“I thought she was your girlfriend! Why didn't you say anything?”

“Maybe I was enjoying that you’re jealous,” she smiles at you while wrapping her arms around your waist. “I’m sorry.”

“What about the other dates?” You try to be serious but you can’t keep the smile off your face. You take a mental note to be extra nice to Sandra next time you see her.

“It’s really hard to be on a second date with someone still hung up on their ex,” she reaches down to her right pocket to bring out a ring.

Your ring. You look back up at her in awe.

“I thought you were going to donate it,” you said softly.

“I was going to, but then I found myself just having it in my pocket everywhere I go. Maybe a part of me thought if I misplaced it, that would be a sign. That’s why I don’t think I can be your best friend yet because I still have this.”

“So you hold on to it when you do interviews and stuff? Maid in Manhattan style?” You jest, clearly remembering the way Alex forced you to watch the movie with her. “JLo and Voldemort in one movie, Chris! How? How have you not seen this yet?!”

She must have remembered it too with her blinding smile. “Yup, I hold on to it and it gives me courage.” She brings you closer to her, positioning you to a very familiar hold with her head firmly nestled on your neck and shoulder. “God, I’ve missed you.”

Your arms wrap around her shoulders, shielding her from the outside world. You promise then and there to do this for the rest of your life.

“What do we do now?” She mumbles from her perch. You smile, because even after all of the surprises of the day, you remember that you’ve actually prepared for this question.

“Now, we make new memories.”

______

Liked by christenpress and 346,743 others

alexmorgan13 Morning snuggles in bed with my baby boy #Blue

chrislex4evr side table side table side table!!!!! 👀👀👀

ftblfntk13 Alex wears glasses now?

Jrples_33 Are they back together? Be still, my 💗

looneygirl The glasses and the books on the side table has GOT to be Christen’s 🥰

CP__23 @/christenpress are those glasses yours??? LOL LOL LOL aaaaahhhhhhh

morgiemorgie oh gossshhhh so LOUDDDD

christenpress Yup, they’re mine (the glasses and those two cuties) 🖤

#rpf #chrislex #christen press #alex morgan #uswnt #alex morgan x christen press #alex morgan imagine #christen press imagine #woso #fanfiction #fic #amnesia #exes #mention of preath #two shot #fic: see you #truly hate tumblr because i cant figure out if there's a right/center align function

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awesomesaucerica · 3 years ago

Text

See You (chrislex)

You slowly stand in front of her, not really sure where to begin. I’m sorry. You deserve so much more than me. You deserve someone who can love you fully, not someone who doesn’t even remember how we got here in the first place.

You deserve someone not in love with someone else.

You don’t realize how long you’ve been on that bench until your phone started buzzing with your dad’s text asking where you were.

The sun has just started to descend on the horizon and your hair escapes from your messy bun because of the cool breeze from the water. This surprisingly secluded part of the beach has been a refuge from the last couple of months for you and you consider yourself lucky when you randomly found it from one of your runs. It was grueling, how you wanted your body back into tip top shape after the accident but it just couldn’t still. Nothing was falling into place. It was too early, too fast but that didn’t stop you.

You ran and ran and ran, your mind on autopilot. You were about to break down—physically, mentally—that random Tuesday afternoon but as you caught your breath, you look up and see this misplaced bench at the end of the path overlooking the beach. It was near a tiny clearing which can be a parking area, too far from the main activity area on the beach. It beaconed you and a sudden calm carried you through the next few steps. As you sat down and stared into the water, the weight of everything that happened gently lifted. You wonder how many people felt this way when they go here. You wish you were the only one who knew it’s powers.

You give a small smile and wish the view a see you later, alligator.

Sending a quick reply to your dad, you gather your things and get up from your seat.

You see a figure a few steps off the path and immediately know who it is. Hunched from the wind, with eyes closed, taking a deep breath and exhaling as if releasing all the pain she must’ve felt.

It strikes you at how the universe liked to play games with your life, with what happened in the past year, with how is it that you’re both here, in this very spot at the exact same time. How much heartbreak can one endure in this life? It seems like you’ll both find out.

And as much as you don’t want to think about it, it also strikes you again at how beautiful she is. And how sorry you were with what happened.

She looks down without really acknowledging her surroundings and starts to turn back to her car. You know this is a mistake, a very big one, but this is your only chance, maybe for a while. And the weight in your pocket reminds you that you had to do this.

“Al,” you say softly into the wind.

She stops, probably thinking she imagined it so you say it again more firmly this time.

Her hair whips around as she turns turns. “What are you doing here?” She whispers.

You get taken aback by the question because what were you doing here—either in this place or even in starting this conversation?

You don’t know so you just shrug. “I come here sometimes.”

Pain flashes behind her eyes before her walls and cool exterior take over again. You’re surprised at how well you’re able to tell as you’re sure not everyone can. A little voice in your head logically says that you would know though. Even if your memories can’t confirm it, you spent two years of your life with the person in front of you. There are photos, stories from people you know, hell—even articles and fan threads to prove them.

You both don’t say anything else for a beat and it’s killing you. You’re not one to fill any silence but you have a feeling that if you didn’t, she’ll be gone for good without knowing that you found it.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were flying out today?” You ask but you second guess yourself. Do you want her to know that you’re keeping tabs? You tell yourself she’s still your friend so there’s no harm in knowing. Even if you just found out today and the urge to go to this spot was so great that’s why you ended up here in the first place. You don’t want to think about if that means anything.

“Yeah, I’m flying out tonight. Just thought to stop by before heading to the airport,” she replies softly. Her blue eyes becoming lighter as the golden rays hit her face. It’s unfair at how beautiful they look.

You shake off the thought before changing the subject. “I’m proud of you. Tottenham, huh? Must be exciting.”

“Yeah, needed the change,” she pauses as if revealing too much. You guess there’s not much to reveal.

The last time you saw each other was at the house, with you picking up the last few boxes you had there. Mindlessly, you packed up things, some of them you didn’t recall but packed them anyway since it was in your side of the closet. You said a tearful goodbye to Blue, who you think knew what was happening. You don’t remember what your relationship with Blue was like but from the way he waits for your beck and call and how he constantly never leaves your side, you think it was a good one. Adding to the fact that from looking through your Instagram, he was probably the star of your feed the last few years more than anything else.

Alex hugged your dad goodbye with a soft see you later, Papa C. He turned to you with sad eyes and let you know that he’ll be waiting in the car.

That left you with Blue, who was downcast, head on his paws on his too tiny for him bed, and Alex who was looking anywhere but you, face blank with a hand on the open door. Only her white knuckles gripping it gave away any emotion.

You deserve someone not in love with someone else.

“Al—,” you started but before you could go any further, she had you in her arms in a crushing hug. It was a different feeling, being hugged by someone you knew meant so much to you and that you meant the world to them. As you wrapped your arms around her, you felt her let go. Her silent tears felt hot on your skin as she buried her face on the crook of your neck. You held on tighter.

After being spent, she mumbled a quiet sorry and pulled back slowly to wipe the tears on her face. She leaned her forehead against yours and you closed your eyes as you couldn’t take this much devotion from someone who got caught in the middle of what the universe dealt.

You felt her hands cupping your face as she said, “please take care of yourself, Chris. Please.” She pulled away and you felt her lips on your forehead one last time. You opened your eyes at that and you saw how her her blue eyes were red from the tears and exhaustion. But you also saw how she wanted to be strong for you.

You wanted to be strong too. “If you ever need me, I’m just a phone call away, okay? We’re still friends, Alex.”

“Of course, me too,” she said, more in the tone of blindly agreeing to get this over with more than anything.

There wasn’t much else you could’ve done at that point so you nodded, and with one final pat to Blue and a final glance at her, you said, “Bye, Al.”

You haven’t seen her since that day, 5 months ago now.

She clears her throat and looks out into the ocean again. The sun almost halfway into the horizon. “How’s Tobs?”

You’re glad she wants to talk to you again but you know how much this was gutting her. You opt for honesty as there’s really nothing else you can give her.

“She’s good, I’m helping her look for apartments in the area. She starts training with us in a week too.”

“That’s good,” she says, nodding to herself. But you know she’s not asking the thing she wanted most to ask. You don’t want to dare her to either.

With a sigh, she says, “Look Chris, I have to get going. I need to get my stuff from my parents’ house and say bye to Blue.” She glances up at you and gives you a small smile.

A sudden panic engulfs you. “You’re leaving Blue here?”

She smiles at you, understanding your concern of leaving Blue alone. She doesn’t know that you’re thinking who’s going to be with her when she’s all alone there.

“Just for a couple of weeks. My parents will take him when they come to visit, when I’m all settled. You don’t need to worry about him, he’s going to be so spoiled by his grandma and grandpa he won’t even have time to miss me.”

“Can I come visit him?” You don’t know where that came from but as you said it, there is nothing more you wanted.

Her smile widens. “That’s not even a question. I’m sure he’d love to see his mama.” Her eyes widen at that and gives you a sheepish smile as if to say sorry.

You smile in return though. Thinking about earlier today, you were going through your Instagram feed and saw a photo of Alex, eyes bright, with Blue and the caption, Mama loves her baby Blues. You thought that was clever of you.

With nothing else left to say, she looks at her watch. “Okay, I have to run,” she mumbles. She looks back up at you, hands in her pockets. “It was nice seeing you, Chris.”

She was about to move but your hand catches her arm.

“Alex, wait.”

She turns fully back to you and looks down to see what you brought out of your pocket. “Oh.”

You lift it up, as if she doesn’t know what it was. “I saw this tucked into a pair of joggers, I figured it was from you?”

The pain in her eyes suddenly comes back in full force. She takes a deep shuddering breath before answering. “No, it was from you.”

“Me?” You whisper back, as if a puzzle has finally slotted into place. This ring, clearly an engagement ring, was from you.

“Yeah,” she points to the inscription of your name and the C+A inside it as proof. “You gave this to me the day before your accident.”

You file that nugget of information away for a second because there’s a pressing matter that suddenly bubbled up and you can’t help but ask.

“Then why do I have it? Did you say no?” The prospect that she said no is inconceivable, even to you, the one who had no memory of how you got together in the first place.

The corner of her lips go up a bit. She knows you by now, every quirk, every facial expression. At first, it was disconcerting. How can someone know someone that way? In your mind at the time, you were just friends—very casual friends if you were being honest. And then one day you wake up apparently from a coma and it was 4 years later and she’s supposed to be the love of your life? When you clearly remember it was someone else?

She lifts up a hand to touch you, as if understanding the thoughts that plague you, but stops. “I would never say no to you,” she says softly, bringing her hand back down inside her pocket. “We wanted to keep it a secret but I really wanted to wear it already. On the ride home from the proposal, I kept pestering you so you said you’d hide it somewhere I wouldn’t find it until it’s time to tell everybody. Where did you end up hiding it?”

“A ratty old pair of Stanford joggers.”

She smirks. “Smart. I wouldn’t touch that even if you pay me.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Would it have changed anything?” she asked rhetorically. Would it have? You’re not exactly sure but it would’ve been good to know.

With your stare, she sighed. “I didn’t want to add to your stress. You already had too many things to think about, four years worth of things. There’s really no need to confuse you further. Besides, it’s just me who knows. At least I think,” she trails off.

“Here,” you say, thrusting it towards her. “You should keep it. It’s yours anyway.”

Silence descends upon the two of you as she stares at the ring in your hand. She closes her eyes after a beat. “Please don’t let me keep it,” she whispers.

She could’ve shouted that at you but it wouldn’t have been as powerful as the impact of her softly said words. Of course, she can’t take it. It was a reminder of another life, another path they could’ve been on together.

You resign yourself to the fact that there’s nothing to be done anymore. The chances of you getting your memories back are getting slimmer by the day and it has been almost a year since then. You both tried everything but nothing worked. You can’t let her hope anymore or sacrifice anything else.

“Okay,” you say in finality as you tuck the ring back.

Silence takes over the both of you again before she takes a deep breath.

“Since we’re being honest,” she offers. “I came here today because I told myself I need to let you go. And that’s what I intend to do.” She takes her hand out of her own pocket and shows you one of the most beautiful rings you’ve ever seen.

You stare at it, at a loss for words.

“I ordered this the day of your accident. I was waiting for you to come home to tell you all about it. I would’ve probably told you if you called me but I got a different phone call instead,” she smiles sadly.

You clear your throat, not really knowing what else to say. “It’s really beautiful, Alex.”

“Thanks,” she stares admiringly at her hand. A smirk is on her face as she looks up, “Came here to see if I could throw it in the ocean.”

You give a tiny chuckle. “Very dramatic.”

“Yeah but I couldn’t so…” she shrugs. “I’ll just donate it to charity instead.”

Both of you look out into the ocean again, this time, the sun is at the final stages of its descent. The breeze has started to pick up again and you know your time together is about to come to a close.

“Hey,” you start. “Why here though?” Out of all of the places she can throw the ring—she wouldn’t do it though, you knew—but why here?

The pain in her eyes a few moments ago transform into something else. Sadness. “Thought it’d be pretty symbolic. Let’s just say this place meant something to us. Lots of memories but my favorite one,” she stops as she points to your left pocket, “was that one. That happened here.”

Your breath rushes out of you heavily, the weight of everything that happened burdening you again. None of you deserve this.

“I’m so sorry, Al,” you say, probably for the thousandth time since you woke up in that hospital bed.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, it wasn’t your fault. It was the drunk driver’s fault, never yours.”

You know that, but you push on. “I’m sorry this happened to us. You deserve everything, Al. I’m so sorry I can’t be that for you.”

“I know. You don’t have to feel guilty about this. I still wouldn’t change the past 3 years.”

“Even if it ended this way?”

“Even if,” she smiles at you, sad eyes mixed with something else. Something you recognize from even before all of this happened. Determination.

“When we were waiting for you to wake up, not knowing if you ever will, I prayed to every higher being out there to bring you back. To take me instead,” she has a faraway look on her face, as if reliving the moment. “If they won’t take me then I promised that if you would come back, I would take care of you the way you deserved, help you achieve everything you set out to do, and make sure you will be as happy as you make me.”

“I won’t ever break that promise, even if it means I’m not with you. Because you’re here. Breathing. Standing on your own two feet.”

What do you say to that?

The wind picks up again and the trance is broken with the buzzing of her phone. She looks down and shakes her head.

“I really have to go now, Chris,” she says apologetically. She gives you the briefest hugs, one you think doesn’t deserve to be that brief given the conversation you just had.

You nod as you pull away and you see her go back to her car.

“Bye, Al.” You realized you said it the same way as last time you saw her. This time though, tears are threatening to slide down your face. You can’t figure out why.

“See you later, CP-lligator,” she says with one last smile. With that she enters her car and leaves.

You don’t know how long you stood there. Again, a text from your dad bringing you out of your stupor. You quickly reply back that you got sidetracked and now you’re really heading home. As you walk the path to the more crowded area of the beach, you give a small chuckle at the stupidest inside joke you both had.

Alex got fed up one day with you emphasizing the al in alligator every time you said see you later.

“It’s really not that funny. See, let me do it with your name.” Then proceeds in adding -lligator to every variation of your name. The funniest one for the both of you was ‘CP’. It’s very stupid, so much so that you remember after your first date, and Alex dropped you off at your doorstep, she actually said that after she kissed you for the first time, and you almost punched her. But of course, you were too distracted with—

You stop dead in your tracks, sand flying everywhere from the sudden momentum change. Heart beating so wildly, you think it might actually go out of your chest.

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.

______

Part 2 here.

#rpf #chrislex #christen press #uswnt #alex morgan #alex morgan x christen press #woso #very very very tiny preath of you squint #angst #amnesia #exes #all the tropes #one shot #fic #fanfiction #christen press imagine #alex morgan imagine #Don’t know why I wrote this got inspired by a lot of different fics and cliches so we’re going with it. Enjoy!#fic: see you

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