axyy1505

[axyy1505]

2 more weeks until i will go to Porto for a semester and i am so in love with him… #H

[axyy1505]

it s sooo crazy what i m about to write now. so it was this thing with #P, we were toghether for like 2 months and i broke up with him a week ago. in this period of time i met a guy, #H at a job with drive simulating for 24h. it s very crazy how we got close, but since the day we met he came to my place everyday and also yesterday he introduced me to his cousin and his gf, they came to my place and it was really nice. the only problem is that he has a relationship for 2 years and he is 30 😂 anyways, we talked about us and what great children we would have =))) i m about to leave in Porto next month so it won t be anything serious until i will come back.. it feels so good to be attracted so much with a person..

[axyy1505]

just got home from a night walk with #P and i am so surprised how just “one pack of tigarettes” can get two people that close. it s amazing and everyhing it s sooo natural it kinda scares me a little 😂

[axyy1505]

Se zice că indiferența apropie. Eu sunt altfel. Pe mine indiferența mă transformă în piatră. Devin rece.

Se zice că indiferența apropie.

Fii indiferent și omul te va căuta, îți va scrie, te va apela. Fii indiferent și omul îți va duce dorul, te va dori mai mult în casa sa, în patul său, la o cafea, la o masă cu el. Fii pur și simplu indiferent. Răspunde greu la un simplu „Bună, ce mai faci?”. Nu ieși atunci când vrea el și niciodată nu trebuie să-ți recunoști sentimentele pe care le ai, le simți și ard în tine.

Așa se zice. Însă, eu sunt plămădită altfel.

Sunt condiționată într-o altă formă. Spun ce simt. Îți spun că-mi plac ochii tăi sau că aș vrea măcar câteva minute să-mi așez capul pe al tău umăr. Îți voi spune că prezența ta mă preface într-o fetiță mică și slabă. Nu mi-e rușine să-mi recunosc slăbiciunile. Nu voi nega că încerc să lucrez mult, foarte mult, doar ca mintea mea să nu fie ocupată cu tine. Voi recunoaște că din cauza ta am fost la pământ, iar sufletul meu a fost în doliu.

Voi spune că am iubit, dar am plătit cu multă durere.

Voi recunoaște că am acceptat să-ți joc jocul. Voi recunoaște că am ales să-mi pierd rațiunea și inima. Voi fi sinceră. Însă, indiferența pe mine nu mă apropie. Pe mine indiferența mă face rece. Nu cerșesc atenție ��i nici iubire. Nu-mi fac iluzii și nici nu caut răspunsuri la întrebări care nu au sens să fie puse.

Indiferența îmi seacă inima plină de iubire. Arunc lacătul și îl schimb pe unul nou. Eu sunt altfel. Pe mine indiferența mă transformă în piatră. Devin rece.

[axyy1505]

neasteptat s a intamplat; oare cine s ar fi gandit neasteptat s a intamplat; si sper ca nu ma indragostesc…

e uimitor cum oamenii

apar in viata ta si ti dau gandurile peste cap

iar tu, crezand ca esti puternic si rezisti

pici in capcana sentimentelor ce te fac vulnerabil

si uite asa, zi de zi ai in minte imaginea lor

si incerci sa scapi de ea, caci nu vrei sa pari slab,

nu vrei sa fii indragostit

dar nu asa functioneaza;

sunt puse paie pe foc, momente intime si profunde

ce se deschid intre noi

si ne mintim ca reusim sa ramanem “prieteni”

vor trece sigur si momentele astea, dar pana atunci; ma gandesc cum ma tii in brate dupa o noapte lunga plina de amintiri frumoase

[axyy1505]

it s been a while… i was with a guy, #D from BEST, we did it a few times but then i got bored.. now i m doing it with another guy from BEST, #P and it s a complicated situation. first time we made out it was extremely random, non of us was expecting it, but it was awesome, yesterday the same. the problem is that we are supposed to hide everything from the association and just to keep it FWB, but i started to think about him and to smile at his message.. i hope i won t fall in love because we could never be toghether… it sucks.

[axyy1505]

i don t think i m able to love again… i met a guy, #G, from my volunteering asaociation (BEST Brasov) and we were toghether for like two daus and then i realised that i don t want to be with him, i can t see him like a boyfriend and this thing happended a lot of times before him.. i don t know what s wrong with me and now i dissappointed him too :(

[axyy1505]

i really hate the fact that i m getting attached so fast, fuck you #D

[axyy1505]

ffs how did i fell in love with someone from another country which i know f2f for 2 weeks?? what s in my mind?? i know him from my friend and idk why i am that jealous like he ll be back in his country in 2 weeks and we won t see eachoher anymore but still i hate that he s talking to other girls like it s 6 am and he s outside talking to some girl. i hate this feeling

[axyy1505]

i don t know what to feel. my best friend #T has also a best friend guy, #E from another country and he just came today in Romania. i know they are very close, but i think it s a bit too much. they get along very well, but it seems like it s a bit more than a friendship. i don t know what to think and i also don t wanna put too much emotions in this relationship with #E, bcs for as long as we ve been talking while he was in his country, it looked like we will have something and i don t want to get involved too much until i don t know for sure what is this about. i ll see..

[axyy1505]

today is my mom s birthday and my dad is preparing his wedding dance right now. it hurts me, because i know she s suffering, even tho she doesn t know yet that he s getting married. i m crying and hoping she ll find someone soon

[axyy1505]

he s so sad and i can t do anything about that 🥺 #A

[axyy1505]

Rafale de vant bat la usa mea

Si ma gandesc, el oare ce-si dorea?

Sa ma vada pierduta intr-un vis de-al lui,

Ori zarindu-ma in treacat, hoinarind hai-hui?

Nestingheriti ne chinuim

Cu toate ca noi ne dorim

Sa functionam putin la fel

Insa stiu c-ar trebui sa mi iau gandul de la el.

Si ma decid, imi spun ca-i gata

Ca mai bine s-ar potrivi cu alta...

In schimb el se intoarce

Si nu trece zi fara sa ma remarce.

Pentru mine nu este doar el

De ce oare sunt toti la fel?

Mai vine unul, ori pleaca altul,

Insa niciunul nu-mi atinge patul.

Bunaoara, n-avem ce sa facem...

Tot la aceeasi iubire ne intoarcem.

[axyy1505]

feelings can sometimes be so overwhelming. i have days when i m the most happy, and days like today, when i feel horrible without a certain reason. maybe it s because my exam is coming soon and i m not finding my motivation to study enough, and it scares me, because i prefer to procrastinate rather than do the homework i have to do, and it s not good at all

meanwhile, some guy came back in my life and it makes my brain be crazy a little, and also i have to make time for him now 🤯 #A

[axyy1505]

the stress of exam is so big and beside that, i met a new guy. i hated him first, but now we're together, nothing so serious yet, but i think it will be fine. #A

the fact that i spend the weekdays in the capital is very good for my study, but i miss my friends from my other city when i'm not there :(

[axyy1505]

[axyy1505]

i ve never felt this before. the thought that you could have died is terrifying. i had my first car accident on 11th Feb 2022 and it s scary. the feeling of empty stomach appears just by thinking about that day. hope i ll never have a similar experience ever again.