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happy 36th birthday

marshall williams

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hiiii 🥹🥹

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Are You Afraid of the Dark in 500 Words or Less Season 1 | Episode 4 The Tale of the Twisted Claw

Eric is the absolute worst. This week he calls a meeting to tell a story he hasn’t finished. Luckily David, who just went last week, has a story to share so no one’s time ends up being wasted. This episode first aired back in 1990 on Halloween night – two years before Are You Afraid of the Dark debuted.

The Tale of the Twisted Claw begins on the night before Halloween – a night referred to as Mischief Night. Kevin and Dougie, our two preteen protagonists, decide to play a prank on an old woman named Miss Clove who is rumored to be a witch. Now personally, I don’t mind a harmless prank but what these kids do to this poor old woman is awful. When she opens her door, they spray her in the face with shaving cream which causes her to knock over an expensive-looking vase and then they run off like the little shits they are.

Then these two have the nerve to actually show up to her house on Halloween night expecting her to give them candy. Miss Clove unfortunately, doesn’t have Snickers bars or Bottle Caps. What she does have is the claw of a vulture which she says will grant each both three wishes a piece.

It doesn’t take long for the boys to start wishing their asses off. The first wish ends with them nearly getting murdered by some creepy-looking hooligans and the second wish results in an innocent boy getting mauled by a dog.

Dougie, being the smarter of the two, quickly puts two and two together and realizes he and Kevin’s wishes are coming true – but not in the way they want. Kevin, being a complete and total dumbass, brushes this information off and promptly wishes for Dougie to lose his parents. Dougie freaks out after receiving a phone call from a police officer letting him know his parents have been in an accident. He yanks the phone from the wall before the officer has a chance to finish.

Dougie then wishes for his grandfather to be there which is a bit awkward considering his grandfather is dead. The creepiest part of the episode is the grandfather’s old car driving up to Dougie’s house and then we get a first-person POV of presumably his grandfather walking up to the house. Because no one wants to see Dougie’s zombie grandpa, Dougie wishes for all the wishes to be undone which calls the claw to disappear and everything to go back to normal – but not before the vase they caused Miss Clove to knock over is delivered to Dougie’s home.

The end.

The Midnight Society appear to be satisfied with David’s offering but if I were them, I would be giving some serious side-eye to Eric. Gary puts out the campfire and everyone leaves. See you next time for another spooky tale. It’ll have you howling!

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Are You Afraid of the Dark in 500 Words or Less Season 1 | Episode 3 The Tale of the Lonely Ghost

David has a HUGE crush on Kristen so when he finds out her birthday is coming up he decides to celebrate by … scaring the shit outta her by sneaking up behind her in the woods. Smooth move, David. He gives her an early birthday present but there’s no time to open it right now because it’s story time!

The Tale of the Lonely Ghost introduces us to a rather nerdy but super sweet girl named Amanda who is sent to stay with her dotty Aunt Dottie and her awful cousin Beth (a redhead, no less) for the summer. Amanda thinks she is going to hang out with her cousin Beth and have some summertime fun but Beth quickly squashes that idea.

Amanda meets Beth’s nanny who Beth treats like garbage. Amanda feels sorry for Nanny and notices Nanny wears a locket around her neck. Take note of this – it’s important.

Beth finally relents and gives Amanda the opportunity to hang out with her and her totally tubular friends. The catch is Amanda has to spend the night in the house next door which is rumored to be haunted. Since Amanda doesn’t believe in ghosts, she accepts Beth’s challenge and heads over to the house in the middle of the night.

Once there, Amanda ventures upstairs where she a dead girl reflected in the closet mirror. Amanda freaks out and leaves. The next morning, Aunt Dottie scolds Beth and Amanda because the house was vandalized. She sends the two next-door to do some cleaning up.

When Amanda and Beth arrive next door, they discover the upstairs bedroom has the words HELPME written all over the walls, only backwards. Beth believes Amanda did this to get back at her but Amanda assures her cousin she did not do this. Now the next series of events are crazy so hang on reader! Beth gets trapped in the bedroom closet, the ghost girl leaves the closet and Amanda figures out that Nanny is the ghost girl’s mother.

Amanda runs next door to find that Nanny is leaving – for good. She’s tired of putting up with Beth’s shit. Amanda convinces her to come next door, but Nanny says she can’t because the memories are too painful. Amanda succeeds in getting Nanny over to the house next door and Nanny and her daughter are reunited. Nanny steps into the closet mirror with her daughter (presumably killing herself?) and Amanda releases Beth from the closet just as Beth’s friends arrive. Amanda and Beth’s friends let Beth know some changes need to be made. The end

David succeeds in telling a truly spooky tell and just as everyone is about to leave, he reminds Christmas of the gift he gave her. She opens it and it’s a locket. She promises to wear it forever and kisses him. That’s it for another episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark!

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Are You Afraid of the Dark in 500 Words Or Less: Season 1 | Episode 2 The Tale of the Laughing in the Dark

Instead of us starting at the campfire, we start with a story already in progress. When Betty Ann – this week’s storyteller – mentions clowns, Kristen freaks out and starts to leave. After being mocked by the rest of the gang, Kristen decides to stay in order to prove she’s not a chicken shit. Now we can start the story!

The Tale of the Laughing in the Dark is not only one of the clunkiest story titles we get over the course of the series, it’s one of the most iconic episodes of the show. We are introduced to an amusement park called Playland and our protagonist Josh. Josh is a redhead therefore by Are You Afraid of the Dark rules he is coded as an awful, awful human. This series is chocked full of horrible red headed kids so buckle up kiddies! Other characters include Weegee (yes you read that correctly) who for some reason is friends with Josh despite Josh being an absolute dick to him 24/7 and Weegee’s sister Kathy. Both Weegee and Kathy are too afraid to go in Playland’s haunted house “Laughing in the Dark” which earns them a teasing from Josh.  

The very next day, Kathy informs both Josh and Weegee that “Laughing in the Dark” is haunted by a cigar-smoking clown named Zeebo who stole money from Playland and was chased into the haunted house attraction by the police. What happens next is absolutely bonkers. Apparently Zeebo’s cigar ends up sets the place on fire and Zeebo gets trapped inside. Josh mocks Kathy which leads Weegee to dare Josh to go inside “Laughing in the Dark”. Josh accepts the dare and even says he will steal Zeebo’s nose which Weegee will have to wear at school for a week should he prove successful.

The kids head back to Playland and Josh enters “Laughing in the Dark”. He reaches the final room, finds the door Zeebo is behind and takes the clown’s nose. Bad move, Josh – bad move. Immediately after taking Zeebo’s nose, the clown begins to haunt Josh at his home by turning his spaghetti into cigars, placing a clown shoe-sized footprint in his pudding and blowing up balloons underneath his bedroom door. A rightfully freaked out Josh runs back to Playland, after hours I might add, and not only returns Zeebo’s nose but gives him an offering of Cuba’s finest cigars. Now hold on just a second here – how does a pre-teen boy get a box of cigars in 1992? Did he take them from his dad? Did he steal them? We never found out. What we do know is that Zeebo is pleased with the gift and decides to stop haunting Josh. End of story.  

Betty Ann ends her first story of the series and as the members start to leave, Eric scares Kristen by putting on a clown mask. Much like Josh, Eric is such a douche-nozzle. At least we never have to see Josh again – we’re stuck with Eric.

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Are You Afraid of the Dark in 500 Words Or Less: Season 1 | Episode 1 The Tale of the Phantom Cab

We’re immediately introduced to the Midnight Society. Gary’s the leader. Kiki’s the tomboy. Betty Ann, the quirky one. David the shy kid. Kristen is the ultimate girly girl. And then there’s our resident snot – Eric. More on him in later installments of this blog. There’s a new person seeking entrance into the Midnight Society. His name is Frank and the only way he can become one of the cool kids is to tell a spooky story they all approve of.

The Tale of the Phantom Cab introduce us to Denny and Buzz, two brothers who hate each other so much I couldn’t help but wonder why they went hiking together in the first place. Right off the bat, it’s established that Denny is the cool brother and Buzz is the smart brother. The two get lost in the woods and are directed to the house of a doctor by a stranger they happen upon. He assures them they will be able to get help.  

Buzz and Denny end up at the cottage of one Dr. Vink (Not Fink, but Vink…with a vuh-vuh-vuh). Dr. Vink proves to be a complete wackadoo yet these two, out of complete desperation, still enter his cottage in hopes of using his phone. In order to use his phone, Dr. Vink asks the two of them to solve a riddle. Because Buzz is established as being the smart brother, he is expected to solve the riddle – but he doesn’t. So, no phone for the brothers and just like that Vink sends them on their way - but not before letting them know there is a cab that runs in the woods who can take them home.

Sure enough, there is indeed a cab that shows up and the stranger Flynn they ran into earlier is the driver. Without reservation, the two boys get into the cab and they quickly learn this is a poor decision on their part. Flynn is not just a cab driver – he’s a dead cab driver. He, too, was unable to solve Dr. Vink’s riddle so his hand was chopped off instead? Oh – and then he ended up crashing his cab into a tree. He is now charged with ferrying those who are able to solve Dr. Vink’s riddle to their doom.

After way too much back and forth between the brothers, Buzz finally makes himself useful and solves the riddle just in time to keep the two of them from perishing in a fiery car wreck. The brothers are found by a park ranger and as Frank ends the story, we learn that when the authorities attempt to located Dr. Vink’s cottage, they are unable to find anything.

Frank is unanimously voted into the Midnight Society, which is a relief since this group needs a bad boy-type to round out their collection of misfits.

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Are You Afraid of the Dark in 500 Words Or Less: An Introduction

As someone who came of age in the 90s and early-2000s, Nickelodeon was a pretty big deal in my household - especially on Saturday nights. Between the hours of 8 and 10, Nickelodeon hosted a 2-hour block of television known as SNICK. The original SNICK lineup was Clarissa Explains It All at 8 PM, Roundhouse at 8:30 PM, The Ren & Stimpy Show at 9 PM and Are You Afraid of the Dark at 9:30 PM. While I quite enjoyed the other shows (except for Ren & Stimpy which I wasn’t allowed to watch due to how crude the content was) it was Are You Afraid of the Dark I loved the most. This is quite ironic considering I was a huge scardedy cat back in those days and some would say at age 34 I still am. Maybe it was the concept of kids telling stories - I was beginning to take interest in writing stories of my own around that time. Maybe it was because it was a very safe space for me to face fears of my own. What I did know was that when 9 PM came around on Saturdays, I was planted in front of my television alongside my mom who was also a fan of the show.

In this series, I will revisit the show from my childhood and see if those episodes that used to scare me to the point of me needing to sleep with a nightlight still deliver on the scares. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this blog series, Are You Afraid of the Dark in 500 Words or Less.” Hope you all enjoy!