b-ad-a-uthor-blog

[b-ad-a-uthor-blog]

My dumb rant

Making this is hard mostly because of the fact that I don’t know exactly what I want to say. I only learned about ace discourse today. Yesterday. I don’t know. I haven’t slept all night mostly just looking at all of it. I even made this tumblr just to read more about it. I think I made it after midnight. So yeah, it feels like today. 

I’m a lot of things right now: tired, hungry, sad, hurt. It feels like theirs this big rock sitting on my chest and I dont know if its because of the fact I havent slept in 24 hours or because I feel so betrayed by a group of people that I didn’t even know existed before today. Don’t get me wrong. I see all of the support and it makes my world, and if I wasn’t so exhausted I probably would have remembered to do anything to show them that I appreciate it. But there’s something about the negative things that hurt so much more than the positive things help. 

I’ve seen a lot of things over the past 12 hours I’ve been awake and looking into this: 

I didn’t know what cishet meant at first; I thought it was an insult before I looked it up. Just the tone people use it in.

I’ve seen people say that ace people should make their own space and not invade lgbt spaces. I didn’t know that I would need to make one. I don’t think any of us knew that. We thought we would be safe here. At least I did. 

The A stands for Ally instead of Asexual. That hurts. I know that its supposed to be for closeted people who still want to give support, but what that doesn't account for is the straight people who consider themselves allies. It hurts that those people can say they’re in the community when I can’t. And the worst part is, you can’t even correct the people who you might think are straight because they might just be in the closet and you can’t tell. This is mainly just spiteful but it still adds something to to this rock on my chest. 

I read a post the described the lgbt community as a club that likes blue. I’m sorry to the person that wrote that for not knowing how to reblog that post. Like I said, I just made a tumblr like 5 hours ago. But what they said made me want to write this. I don’t mean any hate to them. I’m sure they're a great person. I had a big long comment on their post, but it got too big. So I decided to write an even bigger post talking about more stuff. 

I took the persons club and shifted it around a bit. Instead of a club that likes blue, now its a club that likes all the colors but red. Now Ace walks up to this club and wants to join. Ace doesn't like any of the colors but he wants to feel safe inspite of that. Because people tell him that he’ll like color later in his life like his own opinion don’t matter. People used to act like Ace was mentally ill for not liking colors. Or they try and force Ace to like colors. Then the club says no, Ace can’t feel safe with them. They’re sorry of course, but the still don’t want him.

I know that it isnt the best example. It lumps too many things together and makes too many generalizations. But im tired and hungry and I’ve been awake for 27.