babbelcause

[babbelcause]

[babbelcause]

thinking about the people who vanished without a trace. The mutual who reblogged something as usual and never came back online. The friend on discord who just disappeared, and when you go to check on them their account is deleted and theres no other way to contact them

I look out of my window and hope you are okay, I wish you well and Im sorry I didn't get to say goodbye.

I hope we meet again someday but until then. Stay safe. Stay alive. Be well.

[babbelcause]

This was shared as a "bad" joke but I was so charmed by it I've been thinking about it for days.

[babbelcause]

Me, on the welcome desk in the library: Good morning, how are you today?

Customer: I have welcomed Jesus into my heart and so I am well today and every day.

Me, a little unnerved: Okay then! Is there something I can help you with?

Customer, digging around in his bag and pulling out an iPhone in a box: Unfortunately, Jesus can't help me with this fucking phone, so I came to the library.

[babbelcause]

[babbelcause]

[babbelcause]

My cat’s body is so loose and saggy that he blended in perfectly with a sweater on the ground. When my mom was cleaning up, she thought he was part of the sweater and grabbed him. :(

[babbelcause]

if you think about it, every time we tranquilize animals to transport them safely to another place, we are the sleep paralysis demon

[babbelcause]

Shutting my brain off to enjoy fantasy novels gets harder and harder all the time.

Stuff the European Middle Ages didn’t have and it distracts me when they show up:

Potatoes

Oranges you could peel with your hands and eat

Sparkly diamonds

Musical harmony, eg guitar chords being played under a melody

A colourfast black dye for clothes

WHY DO I HAVE TO KNOW THESE THINGS. NO ONE CARES.

Petition to be able to scrub my brain of overly-detailed knowledge of the past.

(This is part of why I enjoy The Untamed. My brain is not stuffed with facts about Chinese history, so I don’t automatically notice when they put a 15th century sleeve on a 13th century outfit. I realize this will wear off as I learn more about Chinese history, but it’s nice while it lasts.)

[babbelcause]

[babbelcause]

For the life of me, I just can’t study for my driver’s license.

My brain just goes into a big bad “Ugggggghhhhhh” mode

It’s boring, I don’t care about it, there’s a thousand things I wish I’d be doing instead. I hate the pervasive notion that you can’t be a respectable adult unless you can drive.

I hate it when my partner says “when you can drive, we’ll go on road trips together!”. I don’t want to go on road trips. Sitting in a car is boring. Physically and mentally. The best way to enjoy a beautiful landscape, is to *actually* be in it, not taking picture from afar on the side of the road.

Holidays are far more interesting when you can go slow and observe and get immersed.

You may get rained on, but do you know what’s worse? Not smelling the air and not feeling the wind on your skin and the ground under your feet.

You may not see all the spectacular things book guides says you should, but do you know what’s also nice? Letting yourself be surprised by the small things. Five years on, I don’t remember much from the Big Art Museum I visited in Tokyo, but I’ll forever remember the kind man working at the small, overlooked People’s Museum who offered me a paper origami box at the end of my visit. I still have the box.

You may even find out that it’s a lot more enjoyable to let your sense of adventure speak instead of treating it like a box-ticking exercise. You may discover what it’s like to live in the moment when you stop the incessant picture-taking. Our trip to Scotland cost me 1000€, and I didn’t even have fun.

[babbelcause]

there are like five rules to life and those rules are

1. eat 3 meals a day

2. always have a non alcoholic drink with you

3. never trust anything you think about your life after 8-9pm

4. do a little something for urself every day

5. interact with a Beast at least once a day (human, feline, canine, lizard, bird, etc)

and the secret 6th rule:

6. if you can't do all of those rules, just do the ones you can

[babbelcause]

[babbelcause]

Magical items and cursed artefacts that are currently being used for something else than their intended purpose.

The cape of Infinite Wisdom, that gives you all the knowledge of the universe but unfortunately renders you incapable of doing anything else than stand there processing it, aware of everything everywhere all at once, which drowns out being aware of your surroundings. People use it to trap runaways and wild horses to capture them without injuring the target.

The Wrestling Machination, that was far too efficient in folding up flesh-and-blood human opponents, which was locked up for centuries before being stolen - presumably for horrifying uses. It was later found in secret use in a nearby laundromat, which uses it to neatly fold up clothing.

Potion of Shapeshifting, But Only Once. Not useful for intended purposes, but has more than once been concotioned and used by people who were utterly sick of human life and would rather spend the rest of their lives being a seagull.

The cursed amulet of No Woman Will Want To Fuck You, originally crafted as a wizard college prank, currently worn as the daily signature accessory of an astonishingly beautiful and unfathomably gay man, to ward off unwanted female attention.

[babbelcause]

I don’t know who wrote this or why, but this writing is just *chef’s kiss*

**Editing to add: I now know that this was said by Lindy West in her book The Witches are Coming. Good to know! 

[babbelcause]

Cowboys vs. Modernism in Glen Baxter’s cartoons.

http://www.glenbaxter.com/gallery/

[babbelcause]

The chili plant made a deal with their God to only be consumed by things that could spread its seeds and fly. The chili received capsaicin, making itself painful to eat for mammals, but not birds, and all was well for the chili.

Then the human shows up, tastes it, and likes the pain. So now there's this flightless fucking mammal eating the chili. Like not even a fruit bat or anything, a flightless fucking mammal chomping on the chili.

What the fucking shit, God, cried the chili, I specifically requested the opposite of this.

Now hold on, wait a moment, replied the God who talks to plants but has no idea what the fuck these apes are going to do next. It might be something cool.

And in a flash of a second, in barely fraction of the time that chili took to develop capsaicin, the humans went from walking across land bridges and rowing little boats across small waters, into building ships that could cross oceans. More humans tasted the chili, and liked the pain. They took the seeds with them, and planted it elsewhere.

See? They spread the seeds.

They're still not flying, said the chili, still feeling insulted and betrayed.

But before the conversation was over, the humans were still not done fucking around and nowhere close to finding out. The ships became machines, and another machine was invented, capable of flight. Now, not only were the humans farming chili on continents far too far away for any of the birds that originally ate it could dream of flying, but the chili flew with them to lands where it could possibly not grow, so that humans over there could also eat it and enjoy the pain.

You see? They spread your seeds and fly.

It doesn't count as keeping a promise if you only manage it by a fucking accident, said the chili, still somewhat insulted. But nonetheless, the chili thrived.