babylonbabbling

[babylonbabbling]

Some Nazca lines align with the setting of the sun at certain times of the year, such as the winter solstice. These lines may have been laid out by astronomers to help them calculate the movement of planets. 

 Witness the Nazca lines with us from the air!

https://www.archaeologychannel.org/peru-tour/

Registration closes March 13!

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Researchers have used Easter Island Moai replicas to show how they might have been “walked” to where they are displayed.

VIDEO

[babylonbabbling]

JULIUS CLOWN CAESAR

This is easily one of my favorite fucking history stories, when Julius Caesar was captured by pirates.

Let me just say this first, y'all already know who Julius Caesar is so I'm not gonna tell you who this goofy ass is so let's get started.

THIS NIGGA JULIUS IS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST MOTHERFUCKERS TO EVER LIVE.

Julius was 25 at the time heading to Rhoades to study, this nigga was just a nobleman and a student at the time. That is it. He was then captured by a bunch of Cilician pirates which is where the story starts.

The first thing this son of a bitch did was once the pirates told him they were going to ransom him for 20 silver talents (330 FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS TODAY) He looked into these pirates souls and said "ex fucking cuse me? I'm worth AT LEAST 50 silver talents you fool." Might I add is around roughly 825,000 DOLLARS.

This wild mother fucker then sent HIS OWN PEOPLE OUT TO GET THE RANSOM.

Now heres the fun part. Caesar gave absolutely no fucks he was a captive. HE WOULD MAKE THE PIRATES STFU AND LISTEN TO HIS POETRY.

He would be sleeping and the pirates would be out in the ship talking and Caesar would literally come out and tell them to shut the fuck up because he was trying to sleep.

This fucking clown would play cards with them and workout with them, and consistently told them as soon as they let him go he was going to crucify all if them.

This crazy bitch would wake the PIRATES UP IN THE MORNING AND MAKE THEM LISTEN TO HIS SPEECHES. He would make the pirates get hin food and shit, on God this man was insane.

Anyway after 38 days they brought the ransom money and Caesar was let go. Now mind you, were not currently talking about the emperor were talking about a fucking college student, he managed to RAISE A SMALL ARMY OF NAVY SHIPS IN LESS THEN A WEEK AND HUNTED THE PIRATES DOWN AND CAPTURED THEM.

He then went delivered the pirates to a prison and went to meet with Marcus Junius to get the pirates executed to which Marcus responded with "fuck no, I'm selling em as slaves and making some money bitch. I can only imagine Julius's face looking like something along the lines of.

So this COLLEGE STUDENT WENT BACK TO THE PRISON AND BASICALLY JUST STRAIGHT UP TOLD THEM TO EXECUTE THE FUCKING PIRATES AND APPrently EVERYONE WAS JUST FUCKING FINE WITH THAT BECAUSE NO ONE SAID SHIT WHEN THEY

WERE

ALL

CRUCIFIED.

Summary of the story.

A fucking college student got captured by pirates, told them all to shut the fuck up I'm not a penny whore, in worth at least a dollar, made then listen to his what I can only imagine being shitty poetry. Raised a small army, captured them, told the Govoner of Asia to fuck off and had them all crucified.

I still hate Julius Caesar for fucking up my favorite library but godamn was he fucking funny.

[babylonbabbling]

STONEHENGE

Bro I'm gonna start off by saying this pandemic is driving me insane, so feel free to listen to my crazy history ramblings.

I have come to the conclusion of two things.

Humans really like building and creating shit.

Humans like things that are pretty.

With that being said, everyone in quarantine rn is bored shitless imagine 1600bc you were either building something, or hunting, not much to do. So what did humans decide to do? Build a bunch of rocks in a circle that look pretty.

Now there are a bunch of crazy myths surrounding Stonehenge, some say parts were made by the Devil some say it was Merlin and shit. But hey hey, hey just shhh listen, it lines up perfectly with the different equinoxes and different constellations. It was clearly a place if religion.

I mean heres the deal look at a modern. Cathedral, why was it built? BECAUSE HUMANS LIKE TO BUILD SHIT AND IT LOOKS PRETTY.

All this stuff about aliens putting it up and carving it and transporting it and shit. Bro we cant even spend 5 days in isolation imagine you have nothing to do YOUR WHOLE LIFE and some random motherfucker comes up to you and says help me move these rocks. Wtf are you gonna say? No? YOU'RE BUSY? No you're gonna say sure I'll help move these big ass rocks, it's not like I have anything else to do.

Now with that being said most of the rocks were transported 160 miles from a quarry is Wales, which if in being honest it's not very easy to move 4 ton rocks 160 miles. BUT back to my previous point, you already agreed to help move these big ass rocks for no reason, then POOF they as you TO GET ON A FUCKING BOAT and your goofy ass is just looking at them like.

DAMN RIGHT IM GETTING ON THAT FUCKING BOAT WITH A BIG ASS ROCK BRO.

Now I'm not even going to get into the 2848438382 different stages of building Stonehenge went though, but if it does tell us anything is that humans will take a long ass time to just build some pretty shit.

They built a pretty ass cemetary bro.

I think alot of the time people tend to underestimate what ancient people can do with an unlimited amount of time. You think they had a fucking contractor telling them they had to be done by this date? Nah they just took their time, no rush, no hurry. Just pretty rocks in a circle.