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i know that comparing pylons to angels is overdone by now, but these connecting rings they attach to the top of telephone poles couldn't be more halo-like if they tried

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Interactions Bruce has had with an 8 year old Dick Grayson based on things I’ve said to my cat

***

Bruce, watching Dick scurry by with a guilty look on his face: Hey Dickie, what have you got there?

Dick, who has just shoved his hands in his pockets: Nothing

Bruce: show me your hands

Dick, who very clearly has something wiggling in his pockets but now has his hands shoved up in Bruce’s face: nothing! See?

Bruce: what’s in your pockets?

Bruce, now chasing Dick: WHAT IS IN YOUR POCKETS

Bruce, who just saw a lizard head poke out of Dick’s left pocket: DICK COME BACK HERE AND GIVE ME THE LIZARDS

***

Bruce, sleeping peacefully:

Dick, who is awake at the crack of dawn, now crawling over Bruce’s chest: BRUCE!

Bruce, who has just had the wind knocked out of him and now has all of Dick’s weight on his chest with one of Dick’s hands pressed to his windpipe: stop

Dick: BRUUUUCE!

Bruce: ITS NOT BREAKFAST TIME YET GO BACK TO BED

Dick, now hitting Bruce’s face: BRUUUUUUUCE!

Bruce, now wrapping his arms around Dick and rolling over so he’s smothered under the pillows: shhhhh bedtime

Dick, who’s voice is now very muffled under the comforter with his face smooshed in Bruce’s chest: bruuuuce

Bruce, moving one hand to the back of Dick’s head: ssshhh I can’t hear you until my alarm goes off

Dick, pathetically: bruce

Bruce, huffing and puffing and kicking the blankets off as he carries Dick out of bed: ugh FUCK fine I’m up IM UP we’ll go have a snack

Dick, looking quite pleased with himself: :)

***

Bruce, walking up behind where Dick is staring at something on the floor: whatcha looking at

Dick: bug

Bruce: oh, what’s it doing?

Dick: bug stuff

Bruce: oh, okay. Cool.

Dick, laying on his stomach and kicking his feet in the air:

Bruce: don’t eat it

Bruce, now sitting on the other side of the room, trying to actually get some work done: I mean it, Dick

Dick, still kicking his feet:

Bruce: don’t eat the bug Dick.

Bruce: make good choices

Dick, who is now poking at the bug, still kicking his feet:

Dick, who is now scampering out of the room:

Bruce, chasing after him: DICK

Bruce: SPIT IT OUT, DICK!

Bruce: THIS IS NOT A GOOD CHOICE, DICK

Bruce, who has now caught Dick around the middle: SPIT IT OUT

Dick, who is no longer having ANY fun, but spits it out into Bruce’s hand: :p

Bruce, who’s gagging at the wet bug in his palm: that was not a good choice, Dick. That was very very gross. Very yucky.

Dick, now scampering away into another room to probably do more stupid shit: :)

***

Bruce, walking by where Dick is sprawled out on a couch, sleeping in the most uncomfortable looking position: aww

Bruce: an angel

Dick, cracking one eye open: I’ll bite you if you move me

Bruce, still smiling: a sweet little baby

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what if when Bruce adopted his kids he just. Never told anyone. The public knows about the various Robins, yes, and Hood and Nightwing and all that have followed. But Dick Grayson never made it into Bruce Wayne’s charity gala photos, and Jason Todd’s adoption wasn’t tbr talk of Gotham after it was put in the paper. Little Tim Drake’s disappearance, some time after his family died, was seen as little more than a retreat from fame, and Damian was never announced to be a Wayne.

so you have Batman and his apprentices (former or not) and then just. Brucie Wayne, living in that manor with only his butler to keep him company. Or—so Gotham thinks.

this could either be angsty as shit or hilarious. Since I’m in a crack mood . . . let’s explore option two.

Random reporter: Mister Wayne! Have you ever thought about having children? What will happen to your legacy upon your death? Bruce, who knows full well Tim will take over the company with a competency he does not even want to explore: uh. I’ll probably donate my savings to like, a worthwhile cause Reporter: and what would you call a worthwhile cause? Bruce: *says the first thing that comes to mind* uh Kent Family Farms Reporter: *turns to assistant* WTF is Kent Family Farms assistant: I have absolutely no clue. Someone google it

Gothamite: *sees Jason walking around at a Wayne Gala* oh, hello! And who might you be? *assuming him to be the son of one of the nearby Rich People* Jason: a primitive semblance of humanity built in the image of my former innocent self Gothamite: Jason: Gothamite: Jason: also a crime lord. Gothamite: Jason: those were actually the less mind blowing of the three answers I could have given you, believe it or not

Clark Kent, Reporter: *sees Bruce Wayne next to Dick Grayson at Gala* and who might this be, Mister Wayne? *hoping his Sometimes Friend Bruce will introduce him* Bruce: this is . . . uh . . . Clark: *thinking that he has never seen Bruce so flustered* a boyfriend, perhaps? Bruce: Dick: *horrified gasp* oh my god, do I look old enough for that? Please don’t tell me I look old enough to date him, dude. Please. Clark: *sweats* Bruce: this is . . . Dick: *grinning* a result of a violent and torrid love affair with my mother, an actress, with whom I cut off contact after Bruce promised to buy me a convertible as opposed to the measly Prius she offered me Clark: Clark, internally: what the Fuck Bruce: *puts his head in his hands*

Bruce: *at a JL meeting* well, I have to go. My children are all home sick with colds. Superman: *chokes* your WHAT Wonder Woman: you have children, Batman? you never told us! Bruce: I never told anyone. Hell I’m not sure anyone even knows my second oldest still exists outside the family. Superman: Wonder Woman: Bruce: well, see you *fades mysteriously into the shadows*

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I'm just thinking about the chaos that can ensue due to Damian's years of tutoring clashing with the usual American schooling system from the other bats. Not from the material though, from the culture.

Like all the other bat children have gone through at least a few years of American High School: Dick after Bruce takes him in, Jason in the years where Bruce puts him in school before he died, Tim before he said Fuck This Noise and dropped out. But Damian?

Sure he knows all the material, is way beyond most of the material honestly, but that's not the point. The point is that Damain hasn't yet gotten indoctrinated traumatised used to the American Education System.

Observe:

Damian: What is with their constant insistence on the most inconsequential things? What is so important about- about a mitochondria?? Dick, Jason, and Tim at the same time: The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Damian: wtf??

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i love the -with mama trend but sometimes i get sad because that is clearly papa and he aint getting any credit raising those darn kids...

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*arguing about who is most robin-like*

Damian: robins reguarly fight to the death to defend their home. i am the most territorial, therefore i fit the bird mantle more accurately,

Tim, lazily: robins are also omnivores, so you’re out, you fucking vegan

Damian: i am vegetarian not vegan you utter-

Steph, googling: apparently robins are monogamous and mate for life. so. like.

Dick:

Steph: Dick’s out.

Dick: you’re mean.

Tim: this forum says that robins die really young and only really tend to live to like, five or six.

Dick:

Steph:

Damian:

Tim: …so…

Everyone: *slowly turns to look at Jason, who’s busy reading a book*

Jason: *looks back at them, incredulous*

Jason: oh come on- i’m not even a part of this debate, how am i STILL catching strays?!

Dick: we’re saying you’re the most robin like-!

Jason: FOR GETTING CAUGHT BY A PREDATOR.

Damian: oh god, i’ve already been Robin for two years. how long do you think i have left?

Jason: you guys are assholes

Tim: stop making everything about you Jason, Damian might DIE soon.

Jason: ?!?

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If I like a headcaonnon enough, then I'll adopt it as my own. One of these headcannons is that the Bats act less human than they really are.

They are human! It's just that adopting mannerisms of the actual animals helps them keep their civilian identities away from their vigilante ones. And it's not much, not really.

It started with Dick. Kids have a tendency to stare at things the younger they are. Eight year old Dick Grayson thought that staring at the crooks and tilting his head was perfect for catching people off-guard. He found that cackling added to the effect, and he really did find it funny how these adults with scars and tattoos and such would scream like little girls and stumble right to Bruce. Dick managed to perfect this so that he acts like a real bird while in his suit, flying through the sky and being a blur of color that cackled at thugs pain.

Head tilts just a little too bird-like. Whistles and chirps to call out to Bruce without anyone knowing what was being said. A call sign for checking in as Dick got older and started to patrol areas on his own.

Bruce saw the usefulness in Dick chirping like a bird. He worked with Dick to create a language based on bat and bird sounds, and it's a small portion of why they work so well together.

Jason picked up on it. The head tilts, the chirps and whistles that Bruce made sure were distinctly different from Dick's calls. A way to tell which of his chaotic little shits he was calling out to.

Babs also picked up on it. She wasn't one of Bruce's kids, but she learned to be more bat-like and how to call out to the others, just in case.

Each bat kid has their own call, their own bird. Cass chose to use the sounds of a young bat calling to it's parent or others around it. Most of the Robin's have sounds that are similar yet different.

There's one thing that's true through Gotham. The sound of Batman's kids laughing echoing through the streets like some disembodied voice from a horror movie isn't something to be scared of. Their laughter said that they were in good moods.

It was the chirps, the narrow eyed, birdish head tilts, the sound of birds in the dark of night, that you had to look out for.

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Core four young justice is codependent yes.

But they have nothing on the codependent relationship of Tim and Dick.

Dick would kill himself and everyone else for Tim.

Tim doesn't have morals for anything other than Dick.

They might be able to step away from each other but more days then not. Dick falls asleep only to wake up with his little brother curled around him.

Half of Jason's problem with Tim is the jealously of Dick and Tim's relationship.

Jason doesn't realize that he is also apart of the overall toxic Robin brotherhood that's means he would Slit Bruce's throat if Dick, Tim or Damain asked.

Damian's more than smart enough to clock what's going on and he's cares very little about how bad it is that he would like to crawl inside of his brothers and never leave.

Codependent Robins is my very favorite Headcannon.

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i saw a post recently telling people they shouldnt lie to their trans friends about whether they 'pass' because it could endanger them, and while i get the concept i think the problem is that passing is... so highly subjective? different people are gonna intepret your gender presentation differently.

like i've personally had strangers adjust their gendered language with me mid conversation and had no clue what changed their mind. i had a lunch break where one coworker had clearly assumed i was a man while the other had clearly assumed i was a woman and both kept side eyeing eachother in confusion. which is fine by me, that's the kind of reaction i've intentionally cultivated, but it does suck if you're aiming for a stealth lifestyle because there really isnt a line where you wake up one day 100% passing.

maybe just... try not to resent people if they say you pass when it turns out others may not agree with them. there's a good chance they weren't intentionally trying to give you false hope, it's just that gender is in the eye of the beholder, and if you're mid transition different people are gonna behold you differently.

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Jason: *looking at a bunch of colorful crochet blankets laid over Dick’s bed* oh, these are pretty nice. I didn’t know you could crochet Dick: thanks, they’re my trauma blankets Jason: Jason: they’re what Dick: y’know how some people stress bake? Namely, you? Jason: . . . yeah . . . Dick: well. I crochet. So *points to a blanket* see that one there? The red one? That was when Bruce died. The blue one was after Spyral. The orange one was actually right after my parents died, that’s my oldest one. And the one right there that I’m still working on is ‘cause I’m depressed as fuck and my therapist is on vacation so she told me to crochet her a blanket Jason: Jason: what the fuck, dude

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if you're writing and find yourself thinking 'this is too weird/gross/offputting/esoteric/ambitious/catered to my specific interests + sure to push away a broader audience' that is the devil speaking and it is a lie. you are already firmly on the right path and you need to double down

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If the right way is too hard, fuck it. Do it the wrong way.

Folding clothes keeps you from getting the laundry done? Stop folding clothes. Put a basket in your room and throw your unfolded clean stuff into it right out of the dryer, it's fine.

Rinsing dishes off keeps you from loading the dishwasher? Load them dirty and run it twice.

Chopping onions keeps you from making yourself dinner? Buy the freezer bags of chopped onions.

You forget to take your meds and don't want to get out of bed to get them? Start putting them next to the bed.

Can't keep up with the dishes? Get paper plates. Worried about environment impact? Order biodegradable ones online if your local store doesn't have one.

Make the task easier. Put things where you use them instead of where they "go." Eliminate the steps that keep you from finishing the task. Eliminate the task that is stressing you out.

Do it the "wrong" way. It's literally fine.

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listen to me right now: stop wasting precious time waiting to dress sluttier until you're smaller. you have a limited number of slut hours before you die and barring cosmic interference you will Never obtain more of them. wear the crop top

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my mom's in a pokemon go battle right now in the other room saying a whole shonen protagonist speech

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Can people from the United States stop making jokes about “WW3 😜”….there are people in Iran evacuating their neighborhoods, places they grew up, and all YOU are experiencing is watching the news and a few TikToks….

You are not at war, you will most likely never see war, and if your “dark humor” is coming at the expense of others then it is not dark humor, you’re just an asshole.