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always so fun when dick comes home

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TimKon, anyone?✨

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Just found out I was thirsty not by receiving a signal from my body about it but by dozing off and dreaming about cold water from different alluring angles. This is great. I think all my wants and needs should be revealed to me this way

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I had a dream that there was this magic meteor coming to destroy the planet and the only way to stop it was to do an evil alien blood transfusion on this teenage girl to give her meteor-controlling powers. She was hesitant about this because she thought her crush might not like her back if she had evil alien blood and that it would be more romantic to die hand-in-hand with him as the world exploded.

But that was a problem for another dream—first we had to get the evil alien blood. The evil alien was this huge scary radioactive slime creature. It might have actually just been Alolan Muk the Pokemon, actually. There was no way it was going to give up its blood voluntarily, so someone had to make nice with it and get close enough to siphon some off. I didn’t so much draw the short straw as get instantly drafted into the role. “Go hench for the radioactive slime monster, you’ll be so good at it.”

And lads? I was so good at it. Maybe too good. I did a whole fucking creepy Igor voice and said stuff like “very good, your sliminess” and it became so attached to me that it wanted to hold my hand and cuddle constantly. The only reason this didn’t immediately kill me is because it has a glowing golden orb it could regurgitate that would heal all wounds in the vicinity and reverse radiation damage. Getting its blood was easy. Escaping less so—I tried to kill it by mixing up some slimes for it to absorb that would theoretically have an explosive reaction. No dice. Trying to trap it in the basement didn’t work—it just oozed up out of the floorboards (it lived in my grandparents’ old house, for some reason.)

And to be clear, it was evil. It was not a nice person. Being its friend and teaching it about the power of friendship was not going to work. It killed and ate organic life for fun and liked to make me sit uncomfortably close to it on the couch to watch Jerry Springer and laugh and laugh and laugh.

I finally snuck out for long enough to make contact with my teammates and get them the blood. By this point, other, smaller meteors were already striking the Earth. When the girl initially refused the transfusion I decided I didn’t want to spend my last hours on Earth hanging out with a really mean slime monster, so I ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction, booked a room in a nice hotel, took a luxurious bath, and ate nothing but croissants and raspberries until I looked outside and saw the slime monster standing in the rain holding a boombox above its head. It wasn’t playing music or anything, it just knew that this was the cultural symbol of Please Come Back.

The dream ended with a POV shift to the girl’s crush, who told her he’d love her even if she were part slime monster and helped her do the transfusion. No word on what happened to me.

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“Eww don’t ship them ! They’re just friends/ they hate each other/ they barely have any interaction/they never even met/they’re not from the same series !”

Pussy. Back in my days, we shipped Elsa and Jack Frost to hell and back because they were both ice themed.

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(what time is that for me?)

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Clark’s deadpan look as he reveals their coworkers are actually far stupider than Bruce thought is everything. I’ve rarely if ever seen Batman that scared.

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Don’t worry, bud, Bruce will get it eventually…

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We need to bring this back!

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around when I first started dating my boyfriend i bought myself this novelty blanket that looks like a photorealistic tortilla because I am SUCH A SUCKER for novelty shit. when he saw it in person for the first time his eyes lit up, which should have been a warning sign for the indignities to come.

so he’s a first responder and his day shifts start obnoxiously early as far as I, a pampered corporate asshole, am concerned. almost invariably when he’s at my place there will be an alarm at an hour that is downright unconscionable that will make him wake up and roll out of bed to get ready and will simultaneously make me burrow under the pillows grumbling about how surely nobody actually NEEDS their lives saved this early in the morning, after which I will promptly attempt to go back to sleep

he is a clever man and he knows this is when i am most vulnerable to attack.

every single time we do this dance, he quietly dresses, packs up, goes about getting ready to leave, and then when i have juuuust fallen back asleep, he returns with the tortilla blanket. He finds it no matter where I have hidden it.

He then creeps silently up to my side of the bed and uses his superior speed, strength, and reflexes to wrap me up in it incredibly tightly while i am still dazed and sputtering, so that i cannot move my legs or arms and am reduced to humiliating halfhearted magikarp flops that do not deter him from at least attempting to kiss my forehead.

then he goes to my bedroom door, opens it, then pauses, turns around, looks at me, the soft human filling of the facsimile of an enormous burrito he has just constructed, and says in his best romantic lead voice “I’ll see you soon, beans.”

you cannot understand how devastating it is to my ego that i am beans.

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and with your help it can rack up 700k notes on tumblr in 2024

no tumblr this doesnt need tags im releasing it into the wild as god intended

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i'm not sad enough for radiohead lyrics to apply to my life anymore so i made them into blackout poetry with only the bits i can relate to. sorry thom

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i think before you marry someone, you should sit down and go through the AITA subreddit with them and see what their take on those situations is

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"a girl is damned if she does, damned if she doesn't" - my professor

if this isn't stephanie brown......................

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Animation practice ~ ✨