barelydying

[barelydying]

Nesta, Bryce, the Mask, and the aftermath - HOFAS chs. 76-77 and the Ember bonus chapter

HOFAS spoilers after the break (this is a long one, lol)

I had an overwhelmingly positive reaction to HOFAS chs. 76-77 when Nesta gives Bryce the Mask, and the Ember / BAM bonus chapter when we see the aftermath on the Prythian side of things. It was fascinating to get on Tumblr and see all the negative reactions on all sides to this set of scenes.

Starting with the bonus chapter, I agree with others (@aelin-godkiller, @myfriendscallmeraba, @maddieimhot) that it is written in character for every person in it.

I'll start with Cassian, because the negative reaction to him in this set of scenes was the most confusing for me. Post-ACOSF, Cassian is one half of a healthy functional romantic partnership and mate pairing with Nesta. These two do not always agree. They learned in ACOSF how to disagree in a healthy manner and how to apologize when it is warranted, and for passionate people like these two, that can happen often. On page in the bonus chapter, Cass is exactly in character as both Nesta's mate (his "Rhys…" makes it clear he thinks his High Lord is emotionally overreacting) and as the General of the Night Court Armies (the fact that he doesn't make an argument to Rhys for Nesta in support of her decision is right in line with this for me).

The only part of the bonus that gave me a pang in relation to Nessian was when Nesta says to Ember that her Mate may be the most angry at her of all, but if that's even the case, I don't think that's because of the potential consequences of the decision Nesta made, but because she made it alone and failed to rely on those around her with complementary power and knowledge to hers. I also think Nesta's comment to Ember is residual evidence of her ongoing struggle with her anxiety... In reality, I'm pretty sure Rhys is more angry about what she did than Cass, y'all. But I also think, just like in ACOSF, Nesta is sometimes an unreliable narrator when it comes to thinking those who love her most are specifically and pointedly mad at her. As a fellow anxiety sufferer, this tracks. And the fact that during the later HOFAS scene when Bryce returns the Mask, Cassian is sitting with Nesta clearly holding no grudges or anger toward his mate (but you bet Rhysand is probably still freaking out somewhere over the Mask being in Midgard with the Asteri, and reasonably so!), tells you Nesta may have been projecting her own worry and even regret onto her mate, the one in the Night Court Inner Circle she is closest to and thus most vulnerable with.

The bonus is also 100% in character for Rhysand, as many have pointed out. I was honestly dying to see Rhys's reactions to Bryce's kind of bizarre, almost aggressively Fae exit from Prythian at the end of "The Drop," so having him bear down on the scene between Nesta and Bryce was peak entertainment for me. But then if we cut to the bonus scene, in Ember's POV we get a Rhysand who is reacting to the possible consequences of a Trove item potentially reaching the hands of the Asteri, by the hand of one with another Trove item in her back that can open the portal between their worlds. I don't disagree with him that this is a huge risk, and as a new father he's probably in protective fight or flight mode all the time.

The thing I think is beautifully in character for Rhys here is the familial development we see between him and Nesta. I don't read this exchange as some kind of regression to their pre-ACOSF animosity. I read it as two family members having more of a family fight than a fight over strategy. In my reading, Rhys is in fact having an emotionally vulnerable response to what just happened, and I think he knows it and is allowing it because Nesta is now family and allowed to see those parts of him. The problem I have always had with Rhys is not that he is messy and imperfect, but it's when those traits play out alongside the fact that he is politically and magically one of the most powerful beings in their world. In a strange way, though, his argument with Nesta that Ember observes is shaped incredibly and beautifully by their developed relationship as brother- and sister-in-law. He is angry and upset but he doesn't throw her into a dungeon, he engages her and shows all his cards in doing so - something he never does with a real enemy.

And, I also read Rhys's emotional reaction in another way which may or may not be a popular reading: Rhys is also throwing a tantrum because his sister-in-law is a power player at his level in the magical conflict that spans from Prythian to other worlds. As a leader who has never had anyone challenge him at that level except perhaps pre-ACOWAR Amren, it's a situation that he is probably still adjusting to. Rhys can't just remove Nesta as a threat, both because she is his sister-in-law and more importantly because she wields powerful magic (that he does not have himself - again, this is the grating part for him I think) as both a resident of the Night Court and mate to his General. And because Rhys isn't on top in all the ways any longer in the way magic shapes events in the Night Court and beyond, he loses it. And I found it very realistic and some of my favorite on-page Rhys material I have read since he plummeted in my esteem in ACOFAS.

Nesta is also in character for me in these scenes, both the HOFAS chapters and the bonus. We see in her words and actions both the (previously) human part of her as well as the Fae warrior part of her. She vacillates between being confident and being chastened, and I think both traits are healthy for her, and more or less in balance across the scenes. While I would have loved the exchange with Bryce to be less rushed, because this is a CC book I understand why it was paced the way it was.

(And again, the drama of Rhys bearing down on them with his Lord of Darkness and Night drama flying across Velaris, while Nesta and Bryce discussed and then traded off the Mask, was peak entertainment for me. Nesta also almost made the decision to stall long enough to wait for Rhys and make the whole thing his problem and not hers - I loved that glimpse we saw of her considering that too! That she decided instead to act, I think, was because she probably logicked that Rhys would openly battle Bryce on sight, and Nesta would have calculated that would not be in the best interest of both worlds given what she knew of the Asteri threat from her time under the Prison with Bryce and Azriel.)

And finally, Ember is in fact the queen of the bonus chapter for me. My biggest frustration when I came on Tumblr after reading HOFAS was how every reading of the bonus chapter centered the freaking males in the sequence of scenes, when if as a reader you don't make this about the IC and their dynamics, in my reading in this bonus chapter SJM was telling an important story between two women: Ember and Nesta.

This was a bonus chapter about how amazing of a mother Ember is (because her daughter is the FMC of this book, about to go save Midgard, so learning more about Bryce's mother helps us understand Bryce better), and SJM rightly realized putting her in the same room as post-ACOSF Nesta, whose mother was the opposite of Ember, was the perfect way to showcase this. That Rhys came along and added some drama was la di da for me and utterly secondary to what passes between Ember and Nesta.

The final thing I'll say is, the part of chs. 76-77 that bothers me the most is not anything in the scene itself, but the high expectation it set for the final conflict with the Midgard Asteri and how that expectation was not met satisfactorily for me. I did like the "Death / Not Death" filter Bryce experienced when wearing the Mask, and I also liked that Nesta's mental-emotional struggles while wearing the Mask were not universal to all wearers of it... But, the raising-the-dead magic was not consistent and was mostly vibes in the way Bryce manages to use the Mask to raise the Fallen. The whole thing with their wings attaching to the mech suits, and also how their command to do her bidding stuck even after she removed the Mask.....yea, that was a let down.

The Trove had such rich inner logic in ACOSF. I hope that logic returns when we get to ACOTAR5, and that the Mask as a Deus Ex Machina winds up being specific to Bryce's whole Magical Starborn Princess Powers schtick. The Mask is way more threatening to the wearer in Prythian than it seemed to be in Midgard, and I like that version of the Mask better.

[barelydying]

Hofas Headconon

Midgard figures out a way to sustain their tech with their own powers in place of firstlight. And Bryce sends Nesta and Az an apology present.

Imagine this:

Nesta n Az lounging in the HoW private library and suddenly a portal opens, before they can react it closes back up. And in its place is a tiny package with the note,

" Dearest friends Azriel and Nesta ,

Consider this as an "Im sorry I stole your Dagger" and a " Thank you for helping me save my world from evil Intergalactic parasites" presents.

Xoxo,

Bryce

Ps: if it stops working hit it with your power, "

And when they open it they find two ipods full of music from Midgard !

And and and

Imagine an ugly baby statue present shows up on solstice with a note , " my mom made me send it "

[barelydying]

Leave it to Quinlar to break my Nessian heart

Hunt squared his shoulders, utterly unshakable. Bryce's throat tightened to see it - to know even before he spoke that he had her back. "It's tough for me to accept, especially when they wrecked Lunathion this spring, but if Bryce trusts them, I trust them. Besides, we're out of options."

It kills me that Bryce knew before Hunt even spoke that he had her back. It makes me wonder if Nesta thought Cassian would have her back only to find out that he didn't? Or if she already knew at this point that he would never have her back?

And then we have Hunt, who does not fully support Bryce's decision and thinks it's a tad reckless, but trusts her anyways. Cassian proved that he neither trusted Nesta, nor believed in her.

And then to make matters worse, we have this:

Hunt fell into step beside Bryce, putting a hand on her shoulder as if to offer his support, but she could have sworn that even her mate was disappointed in her.

Hunt is disappointed in Bryce, but he still comforts her and supports her. Cassian let Rhysand threaten Nesta with punishment, let Rhysand directly challenge her, watched his mate cower before Rhysand and never once offered her any support or comfort. And worse, Cassian was the most furious with her. She spent all night thinking she would be executed at dawn, and I guarantee you Cassian offered her no comfort. He ripped her to shreds so badly that she raised that wall of steel in her mind to protect herself from him.

Cassian is a spineless asshole, and SJM does not like her males to be spineless assholes, so I do think we'll get a Cassian redemption. Maybe Hunt will re-enter Prythian and hand over his copy of the Mated Male Memo so Cassian can read up on the bare minimum of being a mated male: 1. Always have your mate's back, even if you don't agree with her. 2. Always trust your mate, even if what she's doing seems reckless, it will always turn out okay in the end. 3. Always support and comfort your mate,  even if you don't fully agree with her decisions.

[barelydying]

Yall are delusional if you think Nesta is going to leave Cassian or the night court. First, they are mated. Not just mates. Mated. They accepted the bond, and SJM loves her Heas. It's a done deal. So either keep reading and deal with it or drop the series and find something you enjoy. Not to mention if they even could break the bond, how empty and broken Nesta would be for eternity. You really want that for her?

HOFAS happened three months after acosf. There's still alot of healing on Nesta’s part. Just because she saved Rhys, Feyre, and Nyx doesn't mean things are swept under the rug with them. Her and Cassian are both fiery and stubborn. They are going to have arguments. Honestly, it's perfectly normal for them to argue on occasion.

This. What Nesta did in HOFAS. Went beyond her and Cassian, beyond Rhys. This was a decision that Nesta should not have made herself. Yes I understand that she saw Bryce's desperation and understood her. She probably put herself in Bryces shoes for a moment. She took a chance. But it's a huge fucken chance because they don't know nor trust Bryce fully. And if she failed the whole of Prythian/Midgard is fucked. They have nothing to defend themselves against the weaponry Rigelus has. They will all die. Including Nesta Archeron.

Rhys had every right to scold her. And Her saying he's not her High Lord isn't accurate. She lives in his lands. Whether she wants to admit it or not. If any of the courts got wind of what was happening with Bryce or that Nesta gave this mask up to a stranger from another world do you know who would be faulted? Not Nesta. Rhys and Feyre would. They would suffer the consequences because Nesta falls under their lands. Their rule.

And now Cassian, who apparently had never defended Nesta once. Again. Nesta was In. The. Wrong. Her actions were beneficial and understandable but wrong. Cassian being upset and disappointed in her would absolutely make sense. Think of times in TOG, when Rowan wasn't happy with Aelin. He stood there silent until they were alone. That's more than likely what happened. Cassian didn't say his piece until everyone left. It's an argument between Nesta and Cassian and no one else.

That argument. The one that happened off page yet everyone wants to fucking crucify Cassian over cause you think you know what he said. When in reality you don't. Is wild. Three months ago, when she was with Emerie and Gwyn, they were taken and placed in the Blood Rite where he was helpless in going to her. He lost her briefly in the bog, watched her put her life at risk. How many times in acosf? He went a year or so watching Nesta absolutely ruin herself, had her lay over his body in front of Hybern, almost losing her, them, then too. Now, someone, a stranger and someone potentially dangerous, opened a portal in his living room where his mate was. And he wasn't there. All that trauma and ptsd he keeps on lock was blown wide open.

So now Cassian is a storm of emotions when he arrives home. Probably arrived mid argument between Nesta and Rhys, and the entire flight was given brief details of what's happening fueling his emotions. His fear, trauma, concern, disappointment, and anger. When Rhys leaves, Cassian and Nesta got into it. Sure he was pissed about the mask anyone would be. I would be. I personally think it goes on beyond that. Far beyond it. Nesta’s life, once again, was put a risk and no one knew what Bryce wanted. Cassian’s worst fear when the portal was open, was Bryce taking Nesta and never seeing her again. All that came out in their fight.

As readers, we know Bryce's intentions are good. They as characters who haven't been given the best view of Bryce dont believe it. Yes, I do think there needs to be more trust in Nesta. Especially where Rhys is considered. Cassian, as her mate, blowing things out of proportion is logical cause all mates have done it at some point. But yeah he needs to trust her a bit more too. He trusts her more than Rhys does that's for sure.

To play devil's advocate, I could be wrong on Cassian and Nesta and their fight. Absolutely. Im not Sarah. But neither are you who are wishing he dies, and Nesta leaves him over a risk that was never hers to make alone when it involves the whole world of Midgard.

If you read this entire thing and disagree. That's cool. The unfollow and block buttons are right there.

[barelydying]

One last Nesta for @nestaarcheronweek

Ember Quinlan the MVP of standing up for Nesta. Take notes Cassian.

[barelydying]

@nessianweek | Day Five: Behind Closed Doors

My first idea for this art was to focus on the dialogue from the Acosf Prison scene, where Cassian says “I can’t risk you” and this phrase was repeated at a time when they were alone, after Bryce returned the mask to Nesta, because I believe it is one of the reasons, among others, for Cassian to be “the most furious” person with Nesta in that situation. However, the same Acosf Prison scene develops in a way that allows me to believe that Cassian recognizes that he should believe her. So I decided that, in response to Nesta’s “I’m fine” after the worlds were safe, in part because of the decision she made, he would again respond with an “I don’t know why I doubted you”, because I want Cassian to increasingly allow himself to consider Nesta’s perspective first, instead of criticizing her in favor of others, especially in cases where she is the most appropriate person to assess the situation.

My dear Jaque made this wonderful illustration, which I was super excited to share, and I don’t have enough words to praise and thank her.

Art by: Jaqueline Florencio (jjflorentina)

Commissioned by: @podemechamardek

🚫 Please do not repost.

[barelydying]

@nessianweek | Day 05: Behind Closed Doors

Sarah J Maas was once asked during an interview, “What would be the perfect modern-day dates for the ACOMAF couples?”

Sarah said that, “Nesta and Cassian would go to a private island or the Maldives where they would have some quality time alone” 😉☺️

@/kotikomori nailed this perfectly, and showed the sweetness of their mate bond. Thank you @/kotikomori for this devastatingly beautiful artwork of Nesta and Cassian!

Art by: @kotikomori

Commissioned by: @amandapearls & @melphss

Characters belongs to: Sarah J. Maas

[barelydying]

nesta: I can't fix me

Cassian, fiercely: there's nothing to fix

BOLD fucking words. yall demeaned and belittled this woman. you laughed at her hurting herself falling down the stairs. yall took away her HOME. yall locked her up 10k steps in the sky. yall made her work without pay. yall literally *lied* to her to get her to do what you want when her other """""choice""""" was getting hunted for SPORT in the human lands and to be murdered

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERES NOTHING TO FIX. YALL SPENT 700+ PAGES CHANGING HER INTO WHAT YOU WANTED HER TO BE BEC SHE WASNT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOUR CLIQUE

throw him away

[barelydying]

I archived the jin stream!

There will be a summary and highlights coming within the next 48 hours!

[barelydying]

@byghostface 🥰🤎💜

[barelydying]

"He’d teach her wingplay later"

Later when

[barelydying]

PREACHHH

Thoughts on ACOSF

⚠️ SPOILERY, SO DON’T READ IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE BOOK ⚠️

⚔️ the good and the bad, I’ll try to get rid of the bad thoughts first and keep the positive ones for the end but idk where my line of thought would go as I recall and type so here we go

• Nesta’s journey of healing is hers and hers alone. She owes no one in the inner circle anything, they didn’t do her any favors. (Now before I delve into this, I just want to say that I see they (Feyre and Elain only) had good intentions, but I’m going to point out everywhere it went wrong, probably against what they planned, but still it went horribly wrong) She was still suffering all the same after she got her free will stripped from her, the decision made for her by packing her things without informing her or listening to her opinion or trying to have a more lenient approach to the matter, being threatened that her second option is being thrown to the human lands where she could die, being lied to about the consequences of her actions in law, being told she “belongs in the Hewn City”, being told she’s “a pathetic waste of life”, and choosing the place everyone admits they hate going to aka the House of Wind, as her destination to heal. Knowing full well she can’t make the descent down these stairs and would be imprisoned without the power to winnow. And instead of being given her space and time, they push her to talk and interact when all she’s trying to do is have some distance from everyone. Some time to herself, to not feel anything, to control the storm of thoughts raging on the inside. And she’s pushed time and time again to face her trauma and heal RIGHT NOW because apparently, they’re timing her. And she shouldn’t have her emotions on display, when she tells them she doesn’t feel like talking yet she’s forced to interact and socialize. Anyone who’s been forced to interact against their will knows how draining it is. Now imagine this coupled with being triggered by water, and being triggered by fire, which are a daily necessity. And imagine everyone got a decade or more to deal with their trauma and are still not entirely healed, yet your time is up after little over a year. It sucks. And I hate how what triggered them to action wasn’t that she was wasting away to nothing, but the bill. When the bill was high, they drew the line. And I hate how in the narrative, the “conversation” -even though I wouldn’t call it that because only one side was allowed to talk and the other side wasn’t allowed to object- was written in a way that made it about THEIR image, when she’s frequenting taverns. THEIR image, when she doesn’t show up to their parties. THEIR image when the bill for her drinking is high. (They say it’s too much money, as if they don’t have all the riches and they all spend money on things that are absolutely not necessary, and THEY drowned her with gifts, LOADS of gifts, after she sacrificed her power to save her sister, which she didn’t do for payment, but anyway the thought is, they had the money and just like they thought Amren deserves payment for what she did in the war, they should’ve kept the same energy for Nesta because she had no small role in that either). I just think they handled it badly. Not exactly how you’d talk to someone suffering from PTSD, depression and survivor’s guilt. For one, threatening a worse alternative isn’t helpful. Secondly, There were way too many people in that room. More than necessary. Feyre and Elain would’ve been enough AS HER FAMILY (and I’ll get to details on this in a moment). And Feyre was the only decent one handling it as someone who actually was looking for a better outcome and really had the intention to help, someone who wasn’t there just to humiliate. Amren and Rhys were only there to land jabs and poke at her insecurities and bad coping mechanisms. Rhys used his power on her to force her to obey him and we all know how it’s a big NO among them. Many of those in the IC had worse coping mechanisms. But what she was doing was too much for them to handle? She was self-destructing. And she kept her distance. If I told someone I needed my space and they kept poking their head in my business, I sure as hell would lash out. When someone needs space, their privacy should be respected. No matter how long it takes them.

And I don’t see where the problem with her drinking was. She never showed up to events drunk. We never saw her hungover the day after. She was spending some money on drinking yes, but it did not get out of hand. She was also spending money on food and gambling. All in all, not the worst coping mechanism among those who were criticizing her. Not to mention that everyone who criticized her were drinkers as well, and they all slept around during some part of their lives.

Now the problem with the presence of other people in that room, other than Feyre (if Elain didn’t wish to attend and preferred to have some space between her and and Nesta, it’s her choice) anyway, only Feyre’s presence was required. Everyone else there was just an accessory, only adding stress to the atmosphere, forcing Nesta to get on the defensive with the way they slut shamed her, shamed her for drinking, shamed her for not being able to take a bath even though she told Feyre how the water still scares her, etc. I can see Sarah wanted it to look like a “family” intervening. Like some tough love sort of thing. But she failed. Simply because, the IC might be Feyre’s found family and she might take such a talk from them because it would really be tough love. As for Nesta, she doesn’t view them as family. She barely knows them. So for a group of strangers, or let’s say newly acquainted people, to sit around her and point out her every flaw and shame her for every misstep, who wouldn’t lash out at that? It’s enough she’s forced to spend time among them, on holidays she doesn’t really believe in, where they force her to attend but actively ignore her presence and treat her like a ghost. Why make her come if they don’t enjoy her company? It’s just ridiculous. Then when she gets angry from all the pushing and lashes out and it’s entirely her fault. they’re all like “come to our gatherings where we will insult you, nitpick all your unhealthy coping mechanisms, but don’t be offended and seclude yourself, we all took decades to deal with our trauma and killed people while doing it but your coping mechanisms are unhealthy. And your actions are unforgivable because you lash out at us when we shove ourselves down your throat. How can you not like us? Everyone has to like us.” Then she gets thrown away to a war camp, a FUCKING WAR CAMP, while a big part of her trauma is because of war. And instead of dealing with her face-to-face, while being gentle and showing her they’re on her side WITHOUT JUDGEMENT, WITHOUT WINCING AND GLANCES AT EACH OTHER AND INNER CONVERSATIONS ABOUT HER WHERE SHE’S EXCLUDED, they’re like “we’re tired of your shit so here’s a house you can stay in while you sort this out away from our merry little circle, which has its nose up your business anyway. But still, sort it out away from us.” And in that house she became more and more closed off and her healing - and I will die on this hill - her healing DID NOT start until the house came into play which was her own doing. And it kicked off because of Emerie and Gwyn, who both didn’t judge her, didn’t demonize her, didn’t only see the bad in her, but accepted her as she was and loved every part of her. Showed her that she was not a waste of life and there are things to live for. As for the beloved inner circle? Beyond insulting her and her coping mechanisms, They don’t tell her about the weapons SHE made, because pro-colonization Amren doesn’t think it’s wise, that Nesta would use it against the world. (Amren do you hear how stupid you sound?) they always villianize her, assuming she’d be out to take the world and take revenge on everyone who ever glanced her way. They assumed she was bad, they assumed because she was angry, that she would use her power for killing and terrorizing and building an Empire like they all do. When all she wanted to do was listen to music and be around good company who passed her no judgement.

Anyway, getting into some details with each character:

Feyre: I hated Feyre’s “crying over scrambled eggs because my image is destroyed my sister spent so much money on drinking”. And the fact that when telling Nesta she was doing this for her own good, she told her she was embarrassed for her own image in the same breath. But beyond that I was fine with her. I loved her reconcilation with Nesta. I loved that she was one who wanted to give Nesta more time, recognized that she needed her own time. I love them together. I think without everyone’s interference, their reconcilation would’ve happened much faster. They were already making progress before ~some people~ ruined everything and caused Nesta to be closed off again. I don’t hate that Nesta sacrificed her power to save Feyre in the end. She’s her sister and she loves her and this is not the first time she proved this. She would do anything to protect her sisters and she hates herself for the times she misstepped. Even though it wasn’t her fault and there was a full grown man sitting there who conveniently got a redemption arc. What angers me though, is that it was only after this, that the inner circle viewed her as someone who is worth their respect. And made the sacrifice materialistic by drowning Nesta with gifts. She didn’t do it for their acceptance or for their love, or for payment. She did it because her sister needed help. Period. (Sidenote: I’m writing a post where I delve deep into their relationship, which I will eventually post, because I think I reached an understanding about their relationship)

Elain: let me get something out of the way, she has power. She has free will, she’s not a baby. She’s a grown woman who doesn’t need coddling. I hate how the fandom views her as a baby. And she’s constantly infantilized, preventing her from reaching her full potential. Now that that’s out of the way, here are my 2 cents on her, since she wasn’t in this book much: Nesta’s wording was very clear, yet I’ve seen this scene misread all over the timeline. Nesta said “I sat by your side for weeks. Weeks, while you wasted away, refusing food and drink. While you appeared to hope you’d just wither and die. No one suggested you either shape up or be shipped back to the human lands.” Nesta’s problem is NOT that Elain wasn’t “there” as in “by her side”. She explicitly stated she needed space. Nesta’s problem was that she stood between Elain and anyone who might tell her to snap out of it and lock her trauma in some dark room in the back of her head. She made sure Elain had her time. While Elain agreed to pack her bags and didn’t prevent them from shipping her away, deciding her time was up. All she wants is time, and Elain didn’t have her back on this. Then we have the fact that Elain slut-shamed Nesta. And then when Nesta comes to the party this time, Elain meets her at the door and her reaction instead of saying hi and leaving it at that or simply ignoring her, is “did Feyre pay you this time?” I’m torn on where to stand on the Elain-Nesta situation, a part of me is disappointed in Elain. I think she should’ve handled this better than anyone else because she was there, she witnessed the trauma happen, Nesta was there for her, they grew up being inseparable the entire time. If anyone should understand her better than anyone else, it’s Elain. So why did she abandon her to everyone’s judgement? And a part of me is like maybe she knew whatever she voted wouldn’t matter because the IC were taking the step anyway, and didn’t want to be there when it happened. Or maybe she’s still dealing with her own trauma in her own way and doesn’t want a confrontation. But I always circle back to the sl*t-shaming and the shaming about the drinking, and then I think about the Solstice scene where as soon as she saw her she was like “did Feyre pay you this time?” And a part of me is angry about the shaming undertone of that too, while some part of me thinks that maybe Elain felt unwanted along with everyone else and that in order for Nesta to meet them, she has to be paid, but we will never know unless we hear it from her.

Rhysand: that piece of shit, misogynist, who used his powers to compel Nesta to obey his orders, pulled rank on her, taunted and threatened her every step of the way and utilized her for his own agenda, and was *surprised* to learn the woman has trauma. Took him being inside her head and unable to wake her up from the nightmare, because the behavior she was exhibiting wasn’t enough. [insert shocked pickatchu meme]. I also would like to add that him playing the protective love interest from his mate’s own sister, WHO COULD’VE HARMED HER IF SHE WANTED TO, but never wanted to because she’s not a bad person, is so cheap. Like- you, the guy who drugged her and made her give you lap dances, are afraid for her sake… from her sister? Who only ever used words as jabs and is generally rude? Or do you feel like you’re overpowered and are trying to fill the void in your toxic masculinity and reassert dominance ?

Cassian: He was patient with her, and probably the healthiest person in the inner circle who dealt with her until she was okay, but he still silently agreed with all the shit that was said about her. Shit she didn’t deserve to be said about her as someone going through trauma. He mocked whatever progress she made on the stairs calling it pathetic in the beginning. He stayed silent when Nesta was stripped of her will, when she was told she belongs in the Court of Nightmares, when her fate was decided for her, when she was being lied to, when she was threatened to be thrown to the humans who would kill her. He made some progress and understood her better with time, but it doesn’t excuse how he stayed silent when she was being mistreated. Specially since he claims her loves her. He also stayed silent as the Inner Circle despised her presence but still used her to reach what they’re plotting for. He progressed, and he got better, I’ll give him that. But still, as someone who claims he loves her the way he does, he shouldn’t have allowed his friends to manipulate and use her in their schemes but then exclude her from everything else, even knowledge about her own power. But I love that he was patient, that he worked to understand her, that he grew to stand up for her. I would argue that they are the healthiest ship written by SJM this far.

Mor: fucking Mor, who experienced trauma, told Nesta she belongs in the court of Nightmares. Where she was abused herself. Knowing women are viewed as objects there, knowing Nesta would recieve abuse there. She said that, wishing abuse on someone who she simply didn’t like and had some quarrels with. They never saw eye to eye and that’s fine. They always had sharp tongues when talking to each other and that’s fine. What’s not fine though, is that THIS of all things, seemed so out of character for Mor. Now, she never knew Nesta was a survivor of SA. But as someone who helps SA victims, she’s the last person I expected such a comment from. It felt very out of character. I hate that this is the Bi character in all of this mess. Of all people, a hypocrite is the Bi person. The LGBTQ community deserves better. I thought about it, and maybe Mor, being like a stranger to Nesta, and seeing her ignore Cassian in front of the Illyrians who already look down on him, made her angry to the point where she just wanted to land a jab and didn’t think her words would mean anything. Maybe all she wanted to do was stand up for Cassian, but what she said was definitely not true and not okay. I wanted her and Nesta to have a talk about it, but also she grew to have decent conversations with her and she helped her when she and Cassian had that fight. So I don’t know, maybe it’s a silent progress between them.

Amren: this one told her she was a waste of life. What a great way to deal with someone who’s suffering from PTSD and depression and having suicidal thoughts, Amren. Tell them they’re a waste of life, enforce every thought they are having as fact, push them to the point where they doubt they should be breathing, and when they’re told they could tumble down a mountain and break their bones while hiking, their first thought would be “good”. Amren deserves a medal, a badge of honor for being the 500+ old woman who has healthy ways of dealing with traumatized people telling them they don’t deserve to live because the thoughts of their power and dealing with controlling that power right now is so overwhelming. Amren, who decided that because Nesta was always angry, she had no right to know that she used her power unknowingly and forged powerful weapons. Amren, who was pushing for colonization throughout this book, was afraid of Nesta misusing her power. Villainizing Nesta’s every thought, as if Nesta wasn’t overwhelmed from the thought of possessing so much power, as if Nesta doesn’t refuse to use her powers and train. As if Nesta is out there hiding as she masters her power to reemerge and turn the world upside down. You’re the one who’s pushing Rhys to colonize other territories and become high king, Amren. Maybe *you* should be locked up in the house of wind for therapy. What hurts most in this is Amren was her friend. She trusted Amren. Amren said that shitty line to her and then lied to her and manipulated her and used her to further Rhys’s agenda. She flopped from telling Feyre that Nesta is immortal and a few years are nothing, and she should be given time. She would not betray her trust, to whatever she turned into in ACOSF. And everyone give SJM a round of pats on the back and an applause for making Amren the wise one here and making Nesta, the traumatized one who was wronged, get on her knees and apologize. I mean- if you thought this apology scene was necessary, then clarification about the fight between them was just as necessary. Or you include neither scene. But deeming the apology important and not the incident? This is some victim blaming on a whole other level.

The House of Wind: The house of wind was honestly one of the best parts of this book. It was Nesta, “Lady Death” as they call her, breathing life into something, and it was gentle, and it was patient, and it was understanding, and it pushed her to be healthier without judging, without throwing insults or slut-shaming. It hated that she didn’t eat? It kept waiting for her until her body gave out and she had to eat. It didn’t like her drinking? It gave her water when she asked for wine. It showed her its darkest part where she found the greatest warmth as well, as if saying don’t be ashamed of your darkness because in it you’ll find light, and it didn’t abandon her or stop responding to her when she was angry. It was actively by her side, without any judgement, only support and pushing her to fix the behaviours without dissing her. and it was everything those people around her weren’t. It was family.

Gwyn: their first meeting wasn’t at all what you would call “friendly”, to a fault by Nesta. Gwyn didn’t even know anything about Nesta, yet she didn’t react with even more anger as ~others~ did, she didn’t fear Nesta, or give a retort, or get angry and lash out at her. She took the blow and was, with all the calm in the world, like fine, you want to tell on me, go tell. And Nesta did go tell on her, then realized by herself how she acted rashly. And later helped Gwyn without being asked to, by swapping the book so Merrill doesn’t scold her. And their friendship grew to the point where Gwyn, a traumatized person who couldn’t dare leave the library, started training with her, was her friend and had conversations with her that didn’t center her trauma or her coping mechanisms being analyzed. She went out of the library for the first time in 2 years when she knew Nesta needed her by her side. She occupied her mind with stories of Valkyries, women being strong and unyielding in a society which didn’t allow it. She took her hand and gave her a purpose in life to work for. Gave her a friend who didn’t judge, a kind face in the maelstorm of judgemental faces. Until she felt like a safe space to Nesta to the point where she spilled all her thoughts, the ones she could only admit to herself, to Gwyn, letting her inside those walls. And when she braced for judgement, she didn’t receive it. Gwyn dealing with someone’s trauma, as someone who’s been through trauma herself, is one of the beautiful corners of this book

Emerie: Another woman with trauma. She sees Nesta enter her store, of course she knows who she is, yet she doesn’t judge her. Nesta asks about making the fatigues warmer, Emerie says she’ll ask, but it’s costly. Nesta says then she can’t afford it, admits that she was cut off, Emerie, as a stranger, doesn’t judge her. She says she could make them anyway and she can pay her as she can. Because no one should feel cold. It’s simple, irrelevant. Nesta wouldn’t freeze to death, she as a stranger has no obligation to help, it’s a simple reasoning. “You shouldn’t feel cold”. It’s enough for her to help Nesta. Something as mundane as feeling cold. She asks her to join her for a meal. And Nesta asks her if she would join the training, which Emerie refuses. and Nesta blurts out that she didn’t take her for a coward. And later, Nesta sends her the herbs she wishes to get which she can’t get often because of her location, and it’s a message of “you too deserve to see what’s best in the world, to go out and experience the beautiful parts and live, not just exist”. So Emerie goes to training with her as well, and they bond over romance novels. Emerie also reaches a point where she opens up about her own trauma, and tells the truth about what she faced and her survival. This girl who is 50-something at least, who has never had friends, living a lonely secluded life, finally found someone who was trustworthy enough to be around and form a bond with. As for the fact that she is a PoC, and the illyrians are portrayed as this group of savages who abuse their women and their women have no say in their lives and futures and how they clip their women’s wings, when wings, wingspan and wingplay heavily imply that wings are erogenous parts of the body and wing clipping seems to be the equivalent of Circumcision, which again so happens to be done by the “PoC savages who abuse their women”, hits a whole lot as fucking racist and xenophobic. PoC deserve a storyline where they’re not viewed as the villains.

Azriel: I loved his relationship with Nesta. He was the best chaperon™️, he never spoke in judgement toward her. There was a silent understanding between them. However, I’m not against him showing his feelings toward Elain or her toward him. It’s fine, if that’s what they both want. I don’t think Lucien is the type to call for a blood duel. He simply brings her presents and attends when invited, he doesn’t force himself on her and keeps his distance. However I did hate that Azriel took the necklace and gave it to Gwyn, as a secondhand. I know his only intention was to make her smile but the necklace wasn’t meant for her. It’s not a trial by error, he can’t just keep trying out with different women every time he fails with one. And I’ll just leave this here.

The elephant in the room: the entire IC is involved in this, them all blaming Nesta, framing her as the wrong person, when she told Feyre about the dangers of her pregnancy? I don’t care if she did it while she was angry, her heart was in the right place. She got hurt from them deciding her fate without her involvement, voting on her, not once, but twice, about her fate because she wasn’t fast enough to deal with her trauma, then again when deciding if she should know about what she did with her own power and the weapons. and she showed Feyre what was really at play. Protecting her from what she faced with the Inner Circle. Just because she was angry while doing it does not mean she did it out of spite. She did it to expose them, specially Amren at that point. But I don’t get how it was twisted to “because she wanted to hurt Feyre”. She wasn’t even angry at Feyre. But you all would rather suck up to the Inner Circle than confront the fact that they’re hypocrites and liars with a propaganda. They’re evil. They fear Nesta using her power to seize control of everyone because it’s how THEY are. With all this High King crap. Basically colonization dreams. With how they press rank whenever it suits them, and lie about the law to win arguments. It’s because those who are inherently bad think everyone is bad just like them.

Other Elephants in the room which have been here a long time: the thing with blaming Nesta for not being the breadwinner… I could never get it. Some have money-earning skills, others don’t. She, at the point of her life when she was human, was only trained in dancing and appealing to men socially so she could uplift the family’s social status. She couldn’t hunt. Feyre could. And NEITHER, should’ve been the breadwinner. Nesta was willing to starve to death if it would push her father to do something. Feyre wasn’t willing to wait and starve or watch anyone starve. But it doesn’t mean Nesta was at fault. She was only 3 years older than Feyre. Let’s leave the “the oldest child has to step in for the parents when the parents fail” mentality in the past. It’s ridiculous. Nesta was under no obligation to be the breadwinner. And she suffered self-flagellation regularly for letting Feyre walk out there and hunt. But she literally had no skills that when she thought of something to do, she could only think of selling herself on the streets. The parents were abusive, both of them. Favoring one child over the other and planting rivalry between the siblings. “i love you” means nothing. NOTHING, when there is no action to prove it. And if anything, this book made me realize that Nesta was never okay. She was never in a good place mentally. I mean, I knew, but this book just proved it. Her mother favored her alright, but it was not in a loving way. She simply exploited her to climb the social ladder. She didn’t give her love, she gave her instructions. She enabled the grandmother to beat her, and instill some “harsher punishments” one of which Nesta still holds the scars for. She was called worthless, as a child. Why? Because she made a wrong step in a dance. She was physically and verbally abused, and her mother let it happen. Yet she was the only one who would give Nesta the time of day so Nesta still loved her. As a child, her mother was the only person who showed interest in her and she clung to. However twisted it was, it’s the only love she ever got. The only love she knew. Then she lost her. and later the family also lost their wealth. So all she was taught to do her entire life suddenly became meaningless because she can’t achieve what her mother “trained” her to do. And we know the rest of the story. She never felt at home, not even when her mother lived and she still had that wealth. She admitted as much. She was never fine. She might’ve appeared the part, but it was never true. And since she was so good at masking her emotions, nobody was the wiser.

side note: As for her power being the “bare minimum” now, there better not be a plothole, since Rhysand couldn’t contain merely the “surface of her power” because it was too much. and if that’s all she retained, then it’s good enough for me.

[barelydying]

Let me redo this

Have you ever just wanted to 

… a character so much that you literally start seeing red.

[barelydying]

Have you ever just wanted to 

... a character so much that you literally start seeing red.

[barelydying]

Friendly Reminder

Ivy and Vanessa never found out what the name of that blue flower was...

[barelydying]

FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT!

Nesta taking Feyre’s money in the solstice

How is averyone in this fandom making Feyre the victim in the bribery situation? I don’t get why you say Nesta is a bad sister for taking the money, like…did we read the same book?

So it’s clear that Nesta doesn’t want to go, and you can be mad at her for not going to her sister’s birthday, okay (not okay, actually), but even Feyre knows Nesta doesn’t feel comfortabe with the IC, yet forces her to go and then jokes with them about how Nesta is going to be drunk and be a pain in the ass, well don’t FORCE her to go.

Nesta has no income besides Feyre’s money and both know it; Feyre refuses to give her money for the rent if she doesn’t go to her stupid party and then is upset when she takes it? What was she supposed to do? Live in the fucking street?

Nesta not only went sober, but also wasn’t a bitch with this people who made her feel unwanted all night, she was not even the first one to leave! Give her a break.

And then there is Cassian who the fandom also sees as somehow the victim. He didn’t talk to her or tried to in months, ignores her all night and when she leaves and rejects him and his present he gets mad? What did you expect to happen after ignoring her? If you wanted to give her a present why didn’t you do it when everyone was sharing theirs?

I’ll tell you why: because he only wants Nesta when they are alone, he is ashamed of her and she knows it and doesn’t want to be part of it. In acowar he lets her hand go as soon as Mor gets in the room, in wings and embers he says he doesn’t want to tell Mor about what is going on between them and he expects her to be okay with that, take the present and let him walk her home after not speaking to her not only that night but in months?

Nesta is free to reject a man and his present even if they talk daily, which they don’t. She doesn’t owe him any special treatment just because he has feelings for her (and I’m actually a Nessian shipper, I want them to be toghether eventually, but not like this).

Also, Nesta is not being a bitch to her sister when she takes the money, it was Feyre in the first place who refused to pay for the rent unles she visited that night knowing Nesta had no choice but to go; that was literally Feyre’s mental process, that’s how she got the idea!

[barelydying]

Did anyone else use to suck the juice from oranges, and pretend they were vampires drinking the blood of their enemies or is it just me?