baumarius

[baumarius]

somebody asked if I sell prints and told me they wanted one of the sniler. i don't, but you can download this full resolution png and print the sniler to your heart's content. also, i kinda have a ko-fi

[baumarius]

Thorn from Therian Territory just published a partial reaction/review for Starlight Telepath! Go check it out!

[baumarius]

You do not need to be online to be therian. I am mainly because I've got music and art to share, but I rarely interact or even keep up with things. There are much more important things that require my attention. Unfortunately I live a rather solitary life right now, but a solitary life is preferred to engaging with drama on the regular. A lot of folks have an agenda and I don't need that in my life. Things don't need to be that complicated.

I’ve mentioned it before, but I feel like I am slightly betraying myself. I’m no longer active in this community. The drama, the content just not being what I want to see… I don’t think I would’ve gone quite inactive if it wasn’t for that. And, well, like I said, I’ve met someone. They fully enable me despite not knowing, so it’s not like I’m burying it deep with them. I get shifts daily, I am having a phantom paw shift right now. But still. Being in this community for 12 years. I deactivated my Instagram profile. I did not use it and I did no longer like the content I was seeing. Here it’s kinda a similar story. I just don’t like what’s going on in the community anymore. I will forever and always be a beast. An animal. But I just don’t know.

[baumarius]

We're cranking this one up to 11.

[baumarius]

c:

[baumarius]

$1300/2000 already. Thank you all! I may still need to drive but this helps immensely.

> Possible moderate obstructive sleep apnea diagnosis from home sleep test, in-lab sleep test incoming

> Could only take 2 Uber rides today without falling asleep (I am primarily an Uber driver)

> I am an unknown length of time away from receiving a CPAP

> My car payment was due on the 8th

I hate to ask for it but I might need help again this month >.<

The earliest they could schedule the in-lab sleep test for was June 1st. I'm on Medicaid so the test and the CPAP won't cost me anything. Once I start using it I may see an immediate improvement in my condition, but that will happen too late for my current situation.

I need $2000 by the end of the month, to pay my car payment, insurance, and other bills. I have $200. I have $1300, thanks to donations from others so far. So my car won't get repoed at least.

If I could work full time I'd make double what's required, but I'm really struggling to drive in this condition. Focusing on the road for more than 30 minutes to an hour forces me to the side of the road for a nap in which I am unable to get up or move for hours even if I try. I can feel that my memory has taken a hit from this as well, albeit temporarily (hopefully). I feel like I'm trapped in a perpetual twilight.

I also currently have 7 ulcers in my duodenum and was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis last month, so I'm on new medication for both of those. It is as painful as it sounds. And I need to move out of my apartment before the end of the May...

Anything y'all can give would be appreciated. I can pay it back once I'm not falling asleep on the road, if desired. I've been really close to finally being self-sufficient, but my health situation has been kicking my ass.

This goes straight to my PayPal:

Thanks.

[baumarius]

> Possible moderate obstructive sleep apnea diagnosis from home sleep test, in-lab sleep test incoming

> Could only take 2 Uber rides today without falling asleep (I am primarily an Uber driver)

> I am an unknown length of time away from receiving a CPAP

> My car payment was due on the 8th

I hate to ask for it but I might need help again this month >.<

The earliest they could schedule the in-lab sleep test for was June 1st. I'm on Medicaid so the test and the CPAP won't cost me anything. Once I start using it I may see an immediate improvement in my condition, but that will happen too late for my current situation.

I need $2000 by the end of the month, to pay my car payment, insurance, and other bills. I have $200. I have $1300, thanks to donations from others so far. So my car won't get repoed at least.

If I could work full time I'd make double what's required, but I'm really struggling to drive in this condition. Focusing on the road for more than 30 minutes to an hour forces me to the side of the road for a nap in which I am unable to get up or move for hours even if I try. I can feel that my memory has taken a hit from this as well, albeit temporarily (hopefully). I feel like I'm trapped in a perpetual twilight.

I also currently have 7 ulcers in my duodenum and was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis last month, so I'm on new medication for both of those. It is as painful as it sounds. And I need to move out of my apartment before the end of the May...

Anything y'all can give would be appreciated. I can pay it back once I'm not falling asleep on the road, if desired. I've been really close to finally being self-sufficient, but my health situation has been kicking my ass.

This goes straight to my PayPal:

Thanks.

[baumarius]

I've got new music coming in a couple months. A new album: Tendril Talk. Who's ready? :3

[baumarius]

When my ego disintegrates I become animal

This is one of the things it can mean to be therian.

Do you really wanna shift? Turn off the lights. Turn off your phone and your computer. Sit down. Take what time you need to prepare. Then take a deep breath, and as you slowly exhale:

Let go.

But...you can't let your ego go if you don't understand what it is and what's left without it. Turning your ego off may seem like a mystery right now but it can become no more difficult than many of your own biological processes, like taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. If you don't feel like this will work, I implore you to take the time to watch this video:

Ego is a wall around your consciousness that most people cease to perceive. It can trap you in a prison of your own design and convince you that this cramped hell of an existence is safer than the alternative. To counteract your fear, you need to feel safe in your own skin. That means you need a time and place in which you can feel truly safe, with not an ounce of tension in your body. Don't underestimate the importance of physicality - this can be something like meditation, or it could be something like exercise or some kind of sport. You will slip back into ego in the beginning no matter what. You'll probably run into all kinds of limiting beliefs. This is normal. Keep practicing and it will get easier to just be.

None of your fear, doubt, or despair can control you if you let your ego go. This is because ego is literally just a reaction to fear. It is the act of reaching for another thought, reason, or interpretation. You are actively doing this. It often defies all logic. You may think it keeps you from being impulsive, but when you let that constant impulse go while you meditate with your animal instincts in mind, it becomes absurdly easy to shift. Feel that near-instant reaction and learn to slow it down and retract it instead. This gets easier with time and practice. It might even become irresistible. For some, after continuing to practice this for weeks, months, or years, there is a point of no return. Some go back and forth, some of us stay continuously shifted to some degree, and some of us love it.

Does being that way scare you? Does it not excite or inspire you? Do you not have the audacity to be yourself? Are you not exhausted from living in fear?

There's nowhere you're supposed to be. There's nothing you're supposed to do. There's nowhere you're supposed to go. You're in an eternal here and now. Your instinct will protect you. You're not going to become the "wrong person." You're not someone who doesn't own up to their mistakes. And if you are, you can fix that if you really want to. Or not. I don't run your show.

This is your conscious experience and yours alone. Few outside of yourself will ever notice that you are different. The ones that do are usually just curious, but no matter what you do, none of them can see inside your head. The ones that don't notice are too caught up in their own lives (most people). And the ones that take offense aren't here. They're blinded by their own hubris. For all intents and purposes, they can't even see you.

[baumarius]

On theme with my last few posts, when did it become common to know next to nothing about your theriotype?

I'm not saying you need to be able to spit out a college thesis presentation on them or anything even close to that substantial, but it is kind of baffling to me when people have no idea what their own species actually eats, or how big they are, if they're social or not, where they live, that sort of thing. I don't understand how you know that you are one if you have no idea what they're like? And aren't you curious about your own kind?

I promise it's really rewarding and dysphoria alleviating to learn about your own species and see all the fun little ways that you are alike with them that you may have never thought of or known about otherwise. I know it might feel like you know all you need to know about them because you are one, but just think, an animal raised in captivity by humans with no contact from their species knows next to nothing about their own species! That's how you start out, too. But you can learn. It'll never be the same as having been raised by your own kind, but isn't it the next best thing?

You are in a unique position to learn about your kind and the threats that face them. You could have an impact on their lives even though you've been separated for them, or at the bare minimum, you could not spread misinformation and harmful content about them because you don't know better.

[baumarius]

I'm here, I'm therian, and much of my music is inspired by my experiences, shifts, and musings. And it's 99% instrumental. I've put out over 8 hours of it so far. If you like soundtracks at all, you may enjoy it :3

"Therian Music"

Sometimes I think about making a playlist that helps me connect more to my kintypes. This has lead me to fall down the rabbithole of "therian music," music made specifically with therianthropy in mind.

There aren't that many examples, but what there is is often very... On the nose. Injecting literal meanings into songs is nothing new, but I often find it hard to enjoy songs artistically when they're like that.

I've also found that a lot of the songs that talk about therianthropy are in the same genre. "Indie." Which is fine, it's a very accessible and trendy genre.

I know the demographic of people who strongly connect therianthropy to their identity aren't usually the type, but it'd be cool to hear songs in different genres. Therian Metal? Theriopunk? Jazz? New wave? I know there are therians out there who make music, but their music isn't always about being a therian. Imagine the artistic potential in writing a typical Green Day-esque pop punk song about being a therian. It's possible!

Now what's stopping me... I guess nothing. I'm a musician. I understand music. I can play a lot of instruments. DAWs are accessible nowadays. Eh. I guess it just comes down to my lack of time or motivation.

[baumarius]

Uber Driver in Need: Help Bau Trade In His Car

I just posted a GoFundMe. I don't expect anything to come of it given how much I need to make this happen, but I figured it might be worth a shot. I need to trade in my car for one that is not backed by a neo-Nazi.

After being sieg heiled, screamed at, interrogated by riders who both love and hate Elon Musk (I hate Elon Musk), and repeatedly cancelled on for driving the wrong car all in a single DAY, I think it's time to get rid of it. But I can't, and just putting anti-Elon stickers on my car isn't going to cut it. If nothing comes of this I will just have to keep driving, and try to be as safe as I can. I've gotta keep driving anyway.

I loathe to think about what might happen in the event that I pick up the wrong person or go to the wrong charger. Every ride feels like I'm sitting at a slot machine hoping I don't get 3 skulls in a row. It'd be cool if Elon got booted from Tesla but I don't know if that'll happen in time/at all.

If you can't donate, sharing is still much appreciated! Word of mouth goes a long way.

[baumarius]

You guys do know you're supposed to reblog things, right

[baumarius]

By David Bolin

[baumarius]

Living As Alterhuman: Passion and Convinction.

As discussed by @baumarius the following is an explanation and description of how I feel about my alter humanity.

I'll be referring to level 3 of your 3 level framework, or the “so what” of being alterhuman. How it impacts me, how much I care, whether my expression is limited by my environment.

To start, I pursued psychology aggressively. I studied it for 5 years in preparation for university. This was before I knew that the label of alterhuman existed. I was searching for the nameless thing I knew to be wrong with me. Seeking answers to why I felt so twisted and shameful inside. Why I had strange thoughts, struggled with my self worth, and could never fit in among my peers. I learned a lot from psychology, and started therapy during those 5 years.

I also learned that I was a werewolf. An alterhuman. At least partly as a result of exactly those feelings I was seeking to understand. My place in this community was a huge piece of the puzzle.

So, how do I feel about it? What does it mean to me?

Peace mostly. Acceptance. A means to love myself more completely. A way to understand and accept the parts of myself I spent a lifetime pushing away. It gives me confidence. Makes me feel at home in my skin.

It definitely changes the way I view myself in relation to human society. I've always felt a bit like an outsider, and felt the pressure to socialise more. To conform. To be liked by my peers. It bothers me less now, knowing that I have a good reason to feel a little estranged. I don't exactly fit in most humans' view of the world, whether it's psychologically or behaviourally. Of course that makes friendship all the more valuable. The people, both human and not, who choose to understand or at least accept me as I am.

It can absolutely be hard at times, not being understood. Having to swallow my instincts so I can go unnoticed. Or worse, having to wrestle with my prey drive while in public. The separation that exists between me and humanity is both a blessing and a curse, to some extent. These days though I lean more towards it being a blessing.

I haven't made any drastic life decisions around my alterhumanity. Although it does have a place in my relationships, and my work life as an artist. I'm currently a member of a wildlife group, the largest one in my country, and I'm looking forward to getting involved in some of their projects. Protecting and caring for the ecosystem is part of being alterhuman for me. It's why I garden, and why I immerse myself in the woods at every opportunity. I'm not religious, so the woods are as close as I get to any holy ground.

I wouldn't describe myself as passionate about my alterhumanity. I'm invested in building a life where I can express it authentically, and I'm clearly motivated to share and talk about my experiences here. But It's not exactly coming from a place of passion. It's more a place of comfort. I feel comfortable in what I am, and want to continue to be comfortable. Hence my choice of friends and my criteria for where I want to live.

It's all very practical I suppose.

I'm predominantly interested in building habits, structures, and systems that will allow me to be myself. Access to nature, the privacy and freedom to celebrate the full moon as I choose, the ability to channel my experiences into my work, being able to vocalise and be authentic around friends, even publicly wearing stuff like pins and collars- or painting my nails. Practical ways that I can express my identity and continue to exist largely unhindered.

It’s what I'm working towards right now. After three years of pursuing this bachelor's degree, I'll pivot into making art full time. Figure out how to save for a place to live somewhere out near the trees. Carve out the time to pick back up my interest in ecology, and maybe do some activism in that area. My goals have been extremely clear cut for the last few years. After a long time being unable to envision a future for myself, I'm more than determined to see this through.

More than anything, I'll chase this dream of an integrated life. Even if I fail, I'll know it wasn't for lack of trying.

So I guess THAT'S my conviction.

The will to live, as I am.

You ask, at one point, what this would all look like in an ideal world. To tell you the truth, I'm not entirely sure. I've spent most of my time since joining the community, focusing on “realistic” methods of integration. Essentially all the things I mentioned earlier. I think my ideal world is still very possible. I don't particularly want to share the details of my alterhumanity with strangers, so public acceptance doesn't concern me.

I suppose my most far fetched desire is for an offline community of alterhumans in my area. Everything else I can attain simply by working for it, learning skills or amassing funds. But I can't spontaneously generate alterhumans nearby. I’ve only met one other, and it was by coincidence. There is a vast gulf between the digital and physical spaces. Online, information and possibilities for connection are rampant. In person, not so much. Being public about that kind of thing is too big of a risk for most. The privacy that protects us also keeps us separated.

Again though, my ideal world is largely attainable. Time in nature, channeling myself into my work, getting fangs, finding people I can express myself around, all very achievable. I think that's important to acknowledge, because a lot of us feel like a comfortable or authentic life is beyond our reach. It may not be perfect in every way. There are going to be times where human responsibilities come up unexpectedly and encroach on my freedom. But it's still a life worth pursuing.

A huge thank you to @zith-ipeth , @beastlybardou , and @dovspeaksbeast for sharing their own journeys and visions of the future. I still consider myself new to the community, but so much of it is having others to look to and learn from. Thank you all.

[baumarius]

By Donald B. Grall