beautyywrites-blog

[beautyywrites-blog]

the battle of heart & mind

should i follow my heart or go along with my mind

they both are saying two different things & i'm torn between the two

my heart says to stay

while my mind tells me to go

i'm in agreement with my heart but it has lead me wrong before

i don't know what to do i'm torn in between the two

one right one wrong

i can't decide

it's to much of a risky choice

if i stay i'm afraid things will be the same

if i go i'll have to start all over with someone new

and that's not something i'm willing to do

the faces change with the same situation

years pass

and i'm in this same place

fighting the war of heart & mind

i can't chose a side they're both a part of me

both possessing valid points

neither stick out like a sore thumb making my choice easier

the pros & cons are equal

for some reason i still feel unbalanced

still feel if i make a decision it will end up being the wrong one

no matter how much each side plead it's case

i'm still sentenced to being unhappy

unhappy with my decision

what should i do

i don’t want to be confused

i don’t want to regret my selection

i ask God for His input and it seems He doesn't hear me

or maybe i'm ignoring the signs

thinking it's meant to be the other way around

will my heart and mind ever be on one accord

for some reason i feel the answer will always be no

when it comes to this matter

the matter of love & moving on

or is it lust deceiving me to believe it's love

love the thought of having someone

even if its's the wrong one

only time will tell

i’m impatient

i've waited for to long

with everyone whose entered my life posing to be the one

only for them to walk away as if i never existed

never mattered

i must be defective  to keep making the incorrect compromise

of the heart & mind

or is it flesh that's assisting me

pursue the wrong accommodation

sexual stimulation playing a great part to my selection

it wins while i lose every time

in the battle of heart & mind

[beautyywrites-blog]

thanks for your honesty

thanks for your honesty

even though it hurt like a million daggers stabbing me in my heart only thing is i didn't die

i have to live with this hurt

thanks for your honesty

i already knew the answer i just wanted to see if you were ready to admit your transgression

 i was your prisoner and you took pleasure in torturing me

taunting me with your omission

thanks for your honesty

if you would’ve been up front it wouldn't hurt less

like snatching off a band aid to a open sore

thanks for your honesty

it hurt me to the core now that everything is out in the open

there is nothing more for you to do or say

now let me be open and honest with you

i still love you

i still want us to work things out despite our problems feeling like a punching bag

taking your hurtful words and actions

unfazed

despite being your one and only

to becoming just a number in your phone with no name

restricted

to when i can call and text you

while you sleep next to her

this hurts like hell

it would've probably hurt less if you lit cigarettes and burned them in my chest attempting to reach my heart

[beautyywrites-blog]

thoughts of you

thoughts of you won’t leave my mind

i've tried time and time again to clear them

i've been down this road before

you always leave me lonely

i don’t want anymore

thoughts of you

thoughts of you keep coming

it'll be a cold day in hell before i take your back

why don't you just leave me alone

and take your thoughts with you

i've been by your side for the past five years

and

you've always left me high and dry

with permanent memories of the good ol days

get out of my head

i'm through with you

get out of my life burning the soul ties

thoughts of you

brings tears to my eyes

while

the sound of your voice makes me unwillingly smile

what have you done to  me

i can't understand why i keep having these thoughts of you

turn me loose

you have no good intentions

our time has passed

now please leave

and

don't ever come back

[beautyywrites-blog]

hidden treasures

i’ve let you in

i can't get you out

i've given you a glimpse of my world

you continue to look around

fascinated with the hidden treasures encrusted within my soul

a connection of like minds

i can’t seem to find on a regular basis

consistency they lack

sending me on a endless journey

looking for a deeper acquaintance

a meaningful conversation

touching beyond small talk

mental stimulation 

elevating to another level

mind blown 

every time i hear his soul speak

he brings out the lyrical freak in me

trying to convey the way he moves me

passionately

inspiration from miles away

over the past few days pages of my notebook have been overflowing

its a nice escape

from the anger and frustration

i’ve felt from from being heartbroken

recently

[beautyywrites-blog]

if this is love

if this is love then I don't want it

pack its belongings and move far away

I don't want you

I don't want the late night tears and fears

on my mind

wondering what you are doing

who are you with

when or if your coming home

if this is love then I don't want it

pack it up and return to sender

I don't want it

I don't want the unanswered phone calls and texts or the excuses

I didn't hear my phone

my service is bad

I was busy

that doesn't make things right like you believe

neither does spending the night out with your friends

thinking its OK because you said I made you mad

if this is love then I don't want it

ship it back you've got the wrong address

I don't want it

love isn't suppose to act like that

if this love send it on its way

I don't want anything to do with it 

if this is love

[beautyywrites-blog]

Call Me Crazy

CALL ME CRAZY

CAUSE I STILL CARE

CALL ME CRAZY

CAUSE I WANT YOU HERE INSTEAD OF THERE

CALL ME CRAZY

BECAUSE I CAN'T EASILY LET YOU GO

I'VE PUT TO MUCH INTO US TO WALK AWAY

CALL ME CRAZY

CAUSE EVERYDAY I’M THINKING OF YOU AND HOW I CAN GET YOU BACK WHERE YOU BELONG

WHICH IS RIGHT NEXT TO ME

LOVING ME

INSTEAD OF PRETENDING I’M NOT HERE WILLING TO MAKE IT WORK

DESPITE ALL OF THE TRUCKLOADS OF DIRT YOU'VE PILED ON ME

I'M WILLING TO SHAKE IT ALL OFF

CALL ME CRAZY

CAUSE I STILL LOVE YOU

CALL ME CRAZY

I NEED A DOCTOR TO EVALUATE MY BRAIN

CAUSE I STILL WANT TO BE WITH YOU EVEN THOUGH NOTHING HAS CHANGED

[beautyywrites-blog]

I Can’t Breathe

I can't breathe

All the lies  you are forcing me to believe is blocking my airways

I'm hyperventilating

Trying to adjust to the fact that you are expecting me to actually believe these lies

I can't breathe

The knives in my back have punctured my lungs

I'm gasping for air it's only making things harder

With you staring me in my eyes providing no help

Watching me die from all your lies

I can't breath

All your promises are coming up trying to get out of me

With no success it's only choking me

I can't breathe

I can't breathe

As you stand there and watch me offering

No help

I collapse

I can't breathe

I can't breathe

I can't ...

Breathe

[beautyywrites-blog]

Love War

You want me

I want you 

But

We allow our pride to get in the way

 Not wanting to be the first to break

 Becoming vulnerable

 Giving the other leverage to take advantage 

To afraid to surrender for fear the other will walk away

 So

 We build up our walls guarding our heart for dear life

 We load our cannons

 When we speak we shoot verbal bullets 

Wounding one another trying to retaliate the irrational behaviors

 Trying to cope with the fact that we are not together

 We turn to meaningless endeavors

 Attempting to convince ourselves we are happy 

Ignoring the voice in our head telling us to quit the games and make our family work 

Our pride wont let us 

We're to hurt no matter how much time has passed 

our transgressions have not been properly addressed

We constantly fuss and fight because we cant get it right

 No matter how many times we go back and fourth 

We're tired of the short stints where everything is all good and we smile in each other's faces

 When we're hurting inside 

Don't want to bring up the past so we pretend nothing happened 

Covering our problems up like they will eventually go away

They won't

 It’s the first thing regurgitated in a argument

 A dose of reality we weren't ready for 

Daggers to the heart that puncture straight thorough 

Taking our breath away

 Reliving the life we felt was all so perfect

 It hurts

 Hurts like hell and I cant tell if we will get back together

 We open old wounds every time we talk 

I can’t have a regular conversation because I'm thinking of the way things use to be

 They weren’t perfect but at least we were both there trying to make it work 

What hurts the most is I can’t cut you off 

Get you out of my life like all the other guys who didn't work out

 We are tied together for life 

I hope we can get it right some time soon