becomingbetter2k20

[becomingbetter2k20]

No body really cares.

They ask why you are quiet and they ask why you aren't eating. They ask what's on your mi d and they ask "what can I do?"

But any answer given is brushed off. Disreguarded. Not important. Never important.

I'm so unimportant. I'm such a waste of space. Not even regarded enough to be a burden. I'm just there. A stupid thing that exists in the way of others. A stupid center piece no one asked for. A gaudy set of flowers clashing with the decor.

Throw me away. Pretend I never existed.

Thinking of the words people would use to describe me at my Wake

"Cheerful, funny, big hearted"

The liars. They tell them selves inflated positives about my character when not a single one knows me.

They dont ask

"Why are you so sad? Why are your eyes so empty? Who made you feel so unloved."

I cant answer those questions anyway.

This sadness exists so deep in my soul there is no rationale. There is no why. There is just an empty yearning sadness for something I can never obtain.

What is the point?

What is the point?

What is the point?

What is the point?

What is the point?

What is the point?

What is the point?!

What is the point?!!

There isnt one.

Good night.

[becomingbetter2k20]

me coming back on tumblr after two weeks of uncontrolled binges

[becomingbetter2k20]

I feel so fake.

I cant eat right.

I can't starve right

I cant love right

I cant die

I'm so useless.

I'm so tired of being useless

I want to be air.

Thin and nothing and light and lovely.

I want to be gone.

[becomingbetter2k20]

Me - "woah this blog has some quality content!"

Me- *realizes I'm scrolling my own blog*

[becomingbetter2k20]

I love this guy's videos

[becomingbetter2k20]

What "odd" physical changes do you hope to see with weightloss?

I want to have lots sinew-y hands. Like the boney knuckle, veins popping out aesthetic.

[becomingbetter2k20]

Ahhhhhh life is so busy I forgot to update! I completed a 120hr fast! I lost 8lbs and regained 3 so I lost about a pound a day! Ahhhhhh I'm so happy! I hit my November goal part way through december and I really want to hit my next goal by January 14th (my b-day)

[becomingbetter2k20]

I am so in love with the Pecock back and the way the stylist used red/black in each pic 😍 the set is also so elegant yet spooky, I want to see mortisha Adam's in one of these!

Michael Cinco | Fall/Winter 2014

[becomingbetter2k20]

This is my favorite shade of red, I would love to wear any of these 😍😍😍

Elie Saab | Fall/Winter 2013 Couture

[becomingbetter2k20]

Obsessed with the Swan princess/ Christine Daiae vibes 🤩

[becomingbetter2k20]

The lighter pink one is my favorite 😍

Reem Kachmar, fall 2020

[becomingbetter2k20]

I feel like the stars are gaudy but I am in love with the fabric choice/color

[becomingbetter2k20]

That fae aesthetic tho 😍 this color perfectly suits the model

[becomingbetter2k20]

Woo hoo! I have been meal prepping everything and I'm down 4lbs!

[becomingbetter2k20]

I could totally see Hera wearing something this fierce 😍😍😍

Paolo Sebastian | The Nutcracker

[becomingbetter2k20]

I am a sucker for those asymmetrical garments 😍😍😍

Krikor Jabotian | Spring/Summer 2014 Couture

[becomingbetter2k20]

I would give my left leg for that belt

Cucculelli Shaheen | Beautiful Beasts