beekeeperhank

[beekeeperhank]

Went to Gregg’s and asked them to give me one Gregory and they pulled a miniature squirming homunculus version of my father out of the display case with tongs. They asked me if I wanted him heated up or not. Told them yes as he seemed a bit cold and they put him in the oven and he fucking exploded. 5 stars review.

[beekeeperhank]

Watching early 2000s fantasy shows on Disney plus punctuated by ads for the recent Snow White film is so depressing because why the fuck are the effects in Buffy and once upon a time infinitely better and more convincing than a recent film made by literal fucking Disney. Like you cunts make more money than most Eastern European nations and you’re getting beat out by fucking once upon a time?????

[beekeeperhank]

In the club explaining the intricacies of medieval race theory and then immediately licking a salt lamp I found. My friend is holding a captive bolt gun to my head should I be worried.

[beekeeperhank]

I keep seeing my favorite paint chip eaters on the menagerie that is Instagram saying that trump is crazy and I can’t lie, I think that should be a sign that we’re doomed. It’s one thing if reasonable people are saying he’s batshit, but when your fucking competitively ranked methheads are saying it? That’s bad. Like this guy is married to an actual mannequin and even HE can see that your president’s policies are insane. This is the top 1% of lead munchers we’re talking about here, let’s be so fucking fr right now.

[beekeeperhank]

This is like watching that one couple you knew in middle school passive aggressively updating their Facebook statuses after a minor disagreement. Except it’s not two twelve year olds it’s the president of the United States and the modern day equivalent of his scheming court eunuch.

[beekeeperhank]

The x files special effects team may have had a budget of 27 cents and a single tab of acid but goddamn did they serve cunt

[beekeeperhank]

Me, sleep deprived, shaking like a chihuahua, near tears, trying to stuff the clothing I just bought into my purse: omg im so sorry haha uh im so so sorry I think um I think I might need a bag for this actually I'm so sorry for asking would that be ok

The cashier who is about to lunge over the counter and kill me with his bare hands: Oh you want a bag? You want a bag NOW? Yeah let me just get that for you. Do you want my firstborn child as well? Do you want me to rip my liver out and feed it to you as I bleed out on the floor? You'd love that, wouldn't you? Let me suffer for your demented pleasure. I hate you.

The shadow figure that's been haunting me ever since The Incident: Dude I really think you should've gone for the batman pajamas.

[beekeeperhank]

I have a lot of thoughts on all of these "dark fantasy" hardcore-snuff-porn-disguised-as-books abominations, but I think my main issue boils down to three things.

First of all, it's ruining the literary market. So-called booktok girlies are out here flocking to the most putrid, poorly written smut imaginable just because it's somehow less taboo to read an actual book than it is to find dead dove do not eat fics on ao3. The problem with this is that, even though there are still a fair few authors like this that are self publishing, publishers are starting to pick up more and more books like these simply because of a perceived audience, while abandoning actual quality literature that's being produced. Seriously. I don't fundamentally take issue with smut, but girl. Fanfiction sites still exist. Deviantart still has a thriving community of writers and artists producing all manner of whatever fucked up depravity you crave. Ao3 is still an actively used website. Keep your freak ass bullshit out of the mainstream publishing industry!!! I don't care that reading real books makes you look smart. Go search up NBC Hannibal erotica on google like a normal person and STOP TRYING TO GET THIS SLOP PUBLISHED.

Secondly, it's normalising things that should NOT be normalised. I'm not talking about weird kinks. [In the voice of your Republican uncle] I myself have read my fair share of Hannibal erotica on the interwebs. The issue lies in the fact that these books, which, by the way, are mostly written by women, at least from what I've seen, are not just normalising but FULLY ROMANTICIZING domestic abuse. When I talk about dark romance I'm not talking about those self published books about fucking gingerbread men or sentient doorknobs. Those are just a natural byproduct of the internet. The ones that concern me are these books where women are going back to their abusers, romanticising super toxic relationships, and putting the female characters in situations where genuinely horrific things happen to their bodies. I've seen videos of women promoting books with snippets of writing that are worse than the most deranged and morally questionable parts of Berserk. And what it feels like to me is a continuation of this new narrative that women are meant to be perceived through the male gaze. This isn't sex positive feminism or whatever else you want to call it. This is women writing books and sexualising situations which are so fundamentally steeped in the idea of male domination that it genuinely doesn't even make sense that women enjoy them. And the fact that these books are being actively promoted and have a significant following is deeply worrying. We should all be entitled to our own weird freak kinks, but it seems to me that these "kinks" are deeply and inherently tied to a very concerning and rapidly growing narrative.

Finally, I think that the expansion of this "booktok" niche, and really its existence at all, is a fundamental violation of one of the cardinal rules of kink: to not involve the public or any unwilling parties in the performance of said kink. I'm obviously not going to get into any of the kink at pride discourse, or talk about whatever the fuck is going on over on kinktok. But I feel like regardless of your opinions on that, there's a huge difference between seeing a dude in leather dog ears and a ball gag at a pride parade and being algorithmically recommended a video with 25k likes of a woman describing her "dark romance" book where a dude yoinks out a woman's eyeball and sticks his bald-headed giggle stick in the cavity. Like damn girl! Hell yeah, recommend me thirty video of starseed cults after this, I'll take that over whatever the deep fried fuck that was! I genuinely do not care what kinks you have or why, but there's a gigantic difference between reading those books in private and actively promoting them on public accounts. I get that they want to gain traction but like, I guarantee there are better and much more target-audience specific places to post these things than on fucking TikTok and instagram. Please, refrain from this. You're going to give my grandma a heart attack one of these days. It's not cool.

[beekeeperhank]

health amd wellness are cults im starting my own mind-body cult where idont c the sun & do just terrible th ngs to my body

[beekeeperhank]

musk is going to die in a Tesla explosion in 6 months after sticking his nose where it doesn't belong and we will never get a conclusive answer on whether it was a CIA car bomb or just a normal Tesla malfunction

[beekeeperhank]

im in my skillet straigh t up shrimpign it. and by it. well let's just say haha, my rice. im frying. my shrimp. im up here with this rice.. the shrimp are ricing my me. theyre shrimping my fry.

[beekeeperhank]

@mothercain I just felt like you should know I listened to perverts while super high and got the urge to bite someone. 10/10 album.