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There was one of those hyperspecific polls that had an option like “your grandfather told you war stories that he never told anyone else” and now I feel like I have to tell the story about how a spider saved my grandpa’s life in WWII and how my family doesn’t kill spiders because we owe our existence to that One Single Spider

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Truth

Headcanon that Ice grew up rich and because he grew up rich he didn't know SHIT about housekeeping type chores until he made it into the military, and then it was a crash course on how to do laundry, general cleaning, and cooking. Slider fondly remembers the time he had to gently explain that no, Ice, you can't use regular dish soap in a dishwasher. Yes, the bubble river will happen every time you do. No, it won't hurt anything but if I get a goddamned nickname for sliding half down the hallway on your soap spill I'll make sure you get a worse one.

Maverick, on the other hand, grew up bouncing around the foster system. He learned early and learned fast; general chores were spread out amongst the foster kids and you had to do your chore or you would get in trouble. Once he aged out he had all the skills but the years living alone before he met Goose meant he had practically turned them into an art form, something Goose greatly appreciated when they were stateside.

Between the two of them, everyone always assumes that Ice is the homemaker and Mav is a domestic disaster, but its actually the complete opposite. Ice was ready to propose the first time Mav cooked for him, while Mav as officially banned Ice from laundry duty after one too many loads of whites got dyed pink.

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COMRADE VAL🦅🦅🦅🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

He’s writing Icemav fan fictions.

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An unfortunate series of events

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Okay pronounsssss!!!!! You better work them pronouns!!!!!!

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I feel like a zookeeper throwing raw meat into a tank full of piranhas every time i post these

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Tom “I’m Smarter Than You” Kazansky text posts

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Pete “never fucking learns” Mitchell (feat. Goose) text posts

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Mav: I just heard Ice call the dog a “fucking liar” because he barked like someone was at the door and no one was there

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Bradley: What if we went to dinner again but not as friends this time?

Jake: AS ENEMIES?

Bradley:

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Maverick has zero (0) concept of personal space, like Ice could just be showering, and boom! Here comes Mav, busting the door down and strolling in, going something along the lines of:

Ice: *enjoying a nice warm peaceful shower after a stressful day at work*

Maverick: *busting in the bathroom door* Get a load of this-

Ice: ಠ_ಠ ? ....I'm in the shower?

But then after a while, it just becomes a common domestic thing that happens. Mav sits on the toilet lid or the bathroom counter and tells Ice about his day and asking advice, and eventually, Ice begins weighing in and offering his own thoughts. Mav hands Ice a towel (sometimes he'll pull one from the dryer so it's nice and warm) when he turns the water off and passes him whatever he needs from the counter before following Ice from the bathroom into their bedroom where Mav will flop onto the bed and continue whatever story or conversation he's started while Ice dresses.

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Like, they really let Maverick struggling with his sexuality for 36 years and kills off Iceman to make sure their protagonist is straight.

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This is exactly how this scene went

HELP

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Phoenix: Come on, sir. The paperwork thing isn't the problem. This mission is keeping you and Admiral Kazansky apart. You two just need to bone.

Rooster: [Mortified squeak]

Mav: What did you say?

Rooster: [whispers] Don't say it again.

Phoenix: I said you two need to bone.

Mav: How DARE YOU, LIEUTENANT TRACE! I AM YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICER!

[5 minutes later]

Mav: BONE!!!!

[10 minutes later]

Mav: What happens in my bedroom, Lieutenant, is none of your business.

[21 minutes later]

Mav: BONE??!!

[40 minutes later]

Mav: Don't ever speak to me like that again.