bewarethelocust

[bewarethelocust]

i want something bad to happen to me

1. because i deserve it

2. because i want to reinstall my longing for death

in my current situation, not comparing to anyone else, for me being terrified of death is worse than being suicidal. wanting to die was less painful than being so terrified of death that i don’t let myself live.

[bewarethelocust]

Do I want to die? Or do I just want to disappear for a while? Being all alone in a black void not doing anything just existing and then coming back. Or do I want to start new? Be born again? Start all over again and hopefully live a better life? I don’t know. I just want it all to stop. It’s not death that I want but it’s just a break. A break from existing. Is that too much to ask for?

[bewarethelocust]

[bewarethelocust]

how do i explain that i don’t give a fuck if you hurt yourself unless you care?

like if you obviously need someone to comfort you then i will

but if you’re just like “oh i relapsed” i’d be like “okay”

cause anything else and i’m a hypocrite

if i say “no don’t do that! sh is bad! grr i love you don’t hurt yourself!!” then like im a huge hypocrite cause i hurt myself too lol

unless you’re like abt to kill yourself or if you make a big deal out of your sh, i don’t care

as long as ur alive im not gonna make a big deal out of it

[bewarethelocust]

[bewarethelocust]

what even am i?

[bewarethelocust]

In regards of the Trump government scraping all trans inclusion in its queer information portion of its websites I have made this thing. Spread the word. Don't let them pretend we never existed.

P.S: Don't like! Reblog! <3

EDIT: Well this got a lot of attention! I got a few users asking to print or repost my art and I am unimaginably grateful to everyone's interest, especially since it's a really simple drawing I made on a whim haha! Anyone who is looking to print these out to hang or hand out or repost on another platform is free to do so, although I ask you to credit me and let people know it's from my Tumblr profile! If anyone wishes to do anything else with my art or post and wants to clarify what I consent to then they can message me privately and I'll explain! <333 all my love to my queer siblings

EDIT: I made an LGBTQIA+ version with a focus on trans and intersex folks, it's on my pinned if you prefer this version of the acronym.

[bewarethelocust]

Masks 🎭

[bewarethelocust]

i’m losing touch with reality

i don’t feel alive

i don’t think i’m real

i’m not real

i am not real

[bewarethelocust]

the pills in the medicine cabinet look fucking delicious rn…

[bewarethelocust]

my mom got me a milkshake but i don’t like the flavor she got me

i’m already having a shitty day and this made it worse

but i need to be grateful cause she literally got this for me because i was having a shitty day

so im just gonna drink it cause i dont want her to feel bad

i hate the milkshakes from this place anyway they always make me feel sick

so now i’m gonna feel sick and shitty over a flavor i don’t even fucking like

i feel like crying but i don’t wanna be fucking pathetic

i hate myself and my life so much

i just have to be grateful

i can be grateful

[bewarethelocust]

i don’t want to feel this way forever

but forever doesn’t actually exist

nothing lasts forever

i won’t last forever

therefore these feelings won’t either

so i guess i could say that i don’t want to feel this way for the rest of my time alive

but don’t i deserve it?

i deserve this

i deserve to feel like shit

and i deserve to feel like shit for as long as i’m alive

it has never mattered what i want

so why should it matter now?

[bewarethelocust]

word dump “poetry” under the cut that is both metaphorical and literal.

warning, it’s VERY shitty

some days i want to just

run.

run and never look back

run and feel the wind hit my face

or the rain drops falling in my hair

run and trip over rocks and fallen branches

climb things to big to hop over

and hop over things too small to climb

listen to the sounds of the world around me

the birds

the foxes

the coyotes

the cars

the cars.

the bikes.

the people.

when i hear the sounds i’m a little too familiar with, i run farther.

farther until all i can hear is bugs, birds, and the grass leaving small cuts in my legs.

i try to forget the sound of the cars,

and the bikes humming,

and the people talking,

but it’s always there.

a faint ringing in the back of my ears.

getting louder each time i think i’ve forgotten it

it refuses to let me leave. to let me run.

and eventually after all the work of getting away,

i end up right back where i started.

possibly out of subconscious fear of what might come if i left for too long.

or it could be i missed the sounds i sought to get away from.

i don’t know.

i will never know.

soon i will run again,

and see if i can get any farther than last time,

before going right back where i began.

[bewarethelocust]

[bewarethelocust]

i don’t think i’ll ever actually be loved in a romantic way.

maybe it’s cause i don’t deserve it

maybe it’s cause i don’t let myself be loved

or maybe it’s just cause i’m not lovable

all i know is that it’s not going to happen

i will be completely alone forever

due to my fear of letting myself get close to people

and people not wanting to be close to me in the first place

[bewarethelocust]

sorry if i don’t respond to vents very often unless they are being sent to me specifically

i can barely handle my own shit

idk how to take care of yours </3

but i can try :)

sometimes it’s easier to help other people than to help myself

[bewarethelocust]

i’m tired and i want to give up but it’s not my time yet

probably

maybe…

…