bfuconspiracytheories

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blatant thievery of Ryan's Holy Water Squirt Gun™ idea.

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happy 34th birthday shane madej! we love you!⋆⑅˚₊

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I’d like to write a Hallmark Christmas movie where the big city PR lady arrives in her small midwestern hometown for the holidays to do research for next year’s big Christmas in July campaign, even though she’s something of a grinch. She’s left her coded-Jewish boyfriend in the city and is missing him when she has a meet-cute that involves spilling cocoa all over the hot new bookstore owner in town, and he spends much of the movie trying to reignite the spirit of Christmas within her, often while they run into her hometown ex, a corn-fed Christmas Tree Farmer who couldn’t leave his trees to be with her in the city.

Eventually she rediscovers the meaning of Christmas and is merry and bright at a community holiday party, but also informs the Bookstore Owner that in a few hours she’s driving back to the big city. When this happens there is a sharp record-scratch and Bookstore Owner goes “What? No. Why?”

He confesses to her that he is an angel who was sent to get her to rediscover the joy of Christmas so she would hook up with her Christmas Tree Farmer ex and return permanently to the small midwestern town. Big City PR Lady is stunned by this and says, “Him? But I have a boyfriend! And he’s so…bland!” 

The angel responds with a list of exceptional qualities the tree farmer has but which are obviously not good matches for Big City PR Lady. She tells him that it’s been a wonderful vacation and she has lots of great research for her PR campaign, declares that she likes her life in the city, and goes to her room to start packing. At this point there’s a POV shift from her to the Angel, who knows he will be summoned to heaven in the morning to report his failure. He decamps to the Hallmark version of a divey all-night diner where he runs into the Christmas Tree Farmer, who thinks he’s sad Big City PR Lady dumped him and attempts to console him by telling him all his good qualities. 

Then, when you think the Tree Farmer is going to suggest a grand romantic gesture to win Big City PR Lady’s love, which he himself could use, instead he meaningfully asks if he can buy the Angel dinner. 

The music swells romantically and it begins to snow outside, which is the traditional way an Angel knows he’s completed his mission to Heaven’s satisfaction. They go outside to watch the snow fall, end up under the mistletoe, and the Angel realizes his true mission was not to hook up Big City PR Lady, who we see displaying an engagement ring at a Chinese food dinner with all her cosmopolitan friends, but to end up with the Tree Farmer himself and fill the town with joy all the year through. Angel kisses Tree Farmer, happy ending, credits roll.

I will title it Christmas Tree Topper.  

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k a a ac h o o iw

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Paolo Sebastian | The Nutcracker

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i want to cuddle all of them at the same time

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“Like any reasonable human, I do not like harming innocent people, but like any reasonable human, I do not consider the wealthy to be innocent people.”

— Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor, The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home

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Brain: how about we draw something new

Me: hmm

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Watcher Weekly #018

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me when I take a uquiz and get the result that only 2% of people got

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The Hunt for La Llorona

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SUPERCUT Lorde (2017)

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here it is. the least appealing thing i’ve ever heard of