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When Should You Tell Your Date That You're Bisexual?

When Should You Tell Your Date That You’re Bisexual?

Dating online can be filled with lots of tricky questions from the start. Do you tell your date that you’re between jobs? Do you confess that you’re a cat dude and already have two fur babies? And how much of this information is, or isn’t, appropriate to reveal in your profile or on the first date?

For bisexual users, though, the question of what to reveal and when hits even closer to home: When…

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A New Study Explains Why Many Lesbians Are Biased Against Bisexual Women

A New Study Explains Why Many Lesbians Are Biased Against Bisexual Women

Lesbians and gay men alike see bisexual women as more attracted to men, according to research.

The “double stigma” experienced by many bisexual peoplehas been well documented in academic literature over the last few decades. Like gay and lesbian folks, bisexuals suffer stigmatization and discrimination from the heterosexual majority for not being straight, but they are additionally shunned by the…

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I'm a Bisexual Guy and, No, It's Not Just a Phase

A few months ago, I came out as bisexual to my new gay friend. It took only a few minutes for him to ask when I'd last had sex with a woman. I was prepared for the question and gave him the answer without missing a beat. This was nothing new to me.

I'm well aware that people often view my openness about being bisexual as a tacit relinquishing of privacy about my sex life. For many people who aren't bisexual, I have to prove myself—and the fact that, no, I'm actually not gay—by openly having sex with people of multiple genders at any given time.

People have consistently asked me these sorts of questions since I was 14, the first time I publicly came out as bisexual. As I dated girls throughout my teenage years, my friends would ask me if I was still certain I was bisexual. When I began to date guys in college, my parents asked me if I had “picked a side” yet. When I told them I was still bisexual, they assumed I was still going through a phase and would eventually decide to be straight or gay.

Anyone who's waiting for me to pick a side will be waiting forever because it's never going to happen. I'm bisexual, and that's that.

I get it. Even I once thought that bisexual people decided to either be straight or gay.

When I was younger, bisexuality was foreign to me. It's not like I suddenly woke up one day with the eureka moment that I liked boys and girls. Instead, my attraction to girls came first. In the third grade, I was smitten with a girl who played in the band with me. It was in my pre-teen years that I began to find boys my age attractive. It started with a close friend and branched off to other guys I spent time with on various sports teams.

At first, I thought everyone was attracted to people of multiple genders too and that they’d decide to be either straight or gay (or get categorized à la Harry Potter’s sorting hat maybe). Then one day, I Googled “I like boys and girls.” When the word bisexual came up, I was finally able to verbalize my attractions.

As I grew older, I found more robust definitions of bisexuality, like that of bisexual activist Robyn Ochs, that deeply resonated with me as someone who is attracted to individuals all over the gender spectrum. "I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted—romantically and/or sexually—to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree," Ochs writes.

Although I fully embrace my bisexuality, coming out can still be an anxiety-inducing experience, like it is for many other queer people.

Despite my coming out as bisexual over a decade ago, it’s something I still do regularly with friends and strangers alike. For bisexual people, coming out happens every time we have a partner with a different gender than our previous ones or when we're hanging out with people in different contexts. I come out to gay people who meet me in gay spaces and to straight people who meet me in straight spaces. Depending on where I am, how I present, or who I’m with, my bisexuality may or may not be believed.

My bisexuality is especially complicated because I experience most of my life in gay spaces as an activist who writes, speaks, and organizes primarily about LGBTQ issues. I also engage in my femininity, an expression historically powerful and radical for queer people. I’ll wear makeup out, heels in nightclubs, and my mannerisms can label me as a femme guy. All these things can make people assume I’m gay instead of bisexual.

Rarely do people assume I’m straight. Besides my being more femme than some men, bisexual men are almost always stereotyped to be gay. On the other side, bisexual women are almost always stereotyped to be straight. This idea, rooted in patriarchal superiority, is that once you're attracted to a man with a supposedly almighty penis, that's it: You must be primarily attracted to people with penises for the rest of your days.

I've even gone through breakups because of the notion that I can't truly be bisexual.

My girlfriend in college subscribed to this idea, eventually breaking up with me after a few months of dating, because her friends teased for having a “gay boyfriend.” She knew shortly after I began seeking her out that I was bisexual, but she didn’t see it as real because she never saw me with a guy. Looking back, I know she didn’t ever really accept my bisexuality and tried to ignore it as much as possible.

When she broke up with me, I asked her if she doubted my romantic and physical attraction to her. She said she didn't, but she couldn’t handle what others thought of my sexuality.

When people like my ex and her friends assume my bisexuality is just a stepping stone to coming out as gay, they presuppose that bisexuality isn’t queer enough. Bisexuality, to them, is half gay and half straight. This remedial understanding of my sexuality fails to understand bisexuality's fluidity and complexity. Bisexuality is 100 percent bisexuality, and doesn’t need to be quantified by anything else.

It's not just a personal issue. This idea of bisexuality as a phase or nonexistent orientation has tangible, negative impacts on our community at large.

A 2015 report from the Equality Network in the United Kingdom surveyed 513 bisexual respondents, 48 percent of whom experienced biphobia in medical offices when trying to access services and 38 percent of whom received unwanted sexual comments about their orientations when trying to access these services. Sixty-six percent of respondents felt they needed to pass as straight when attempting to access medical care, and 42 percent felt that they needed to pass as gay or lesbian.

Overall, only 33 percent of respondents usually felt comfortable telling their doctors they were bisexual, and 28 percent of respondents never felt comfortable doing so. Without this knowledge, it's impossible for doctors to fully advise bisexual people on how to look after our sexual and reproductive health, leaving us vulnerable to illnesses and conditions that could otherwise be prevented.

There's also the fact that bisexual women are disproportionately more likely to experience sexual violence. Sixty-one percent of bisexual women report experiences of rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime, compared with 44 percent of lesbian women and 35 percent of straight women, according to the most recent data available from the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey.

Bisexuals are the invisible near-majority, making up almost half of the LGBT community. But we're consistently erased from queer narratives and history. We bisexual people aren't affirmed for who we are but pushed aside into binary boxes that cannot contain us.

Some argue it would be easier for everyone involved if bisexuals identified as straight or gay, depending on our current relationships. That it’d be less confusing, and we’d face less biphobia, if we just stuck with a sexual identity that’s on the binary. Yet, for me, that’d be denying part of my identity. My bisexuality is an innate part of who I am, and to let others define me would be denying my whole self.

Regardless of the gender of my partner, I’m bisexual. I am not defined by my relationship or by people outside of it. I define my sexuality around my romantic and sexual attractions as well as my bisexual community. I was bisexual when I came out over a decade ago, I’m bisexual today, and I will be bisexual tomorrow.

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OP-ED: BIPHOBIA AND DATING BI GUYS

OP-ED: BIPHOBIA AND DATING BI GUYS

Vagina Cooties.

That’s what my date told me I had for being bisexual… seriously.

I’m not sure what I was more upset at — the biphobia or the immaturity of a 24-year-old gay man who seemed like a viable suitor. Mind you, he told me vaginas had cooties just after telling me they also had teeth. Needless to say, I didn’t call him the next day.

I’ve noticed this as being a reoccurring theme among…

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How to Date a Bisexual Woman: Tips and Advice

Found out that the girl you’re dating has a bit wider views on genders and relationship than you thought? We have a couple of tips that will help you deal with this situation.

Luckily for those whose loved ones are into both sexes, or a guy looking for a bi girl, our society treats ladies with non-traditional views much friendlier than it used to. In fact, its attitude is way better than the opposite way around. For some reason, bisexual women seem somewhat mysterious or even exotic to us, while guys with the same preferences are often treated with suspicion. But despite this, there are still tons of things one should take into account when building a relationship with a bi girl to avoid awkward situations and misunderstandings. So, here’s how to date a bisexual lady.

A man dating a bisexual woman: what's it like?

If you’re expecting some dramatic differences between this type of relationship and a traditional one, we’ll have to disappoint you. But to make sure that your new, exciting experience won’t turn into a mistake you’ll regret, you probably need to be aware of these facts.

You can completely rely on your bi girlfriend when it comes to trust

Bisexual girls are as faithful as any other woman. But this also means that they have the same attitude towards men’s ideas of having an open relationship or any other kinky suggestions. So no major differences here.

No one should use bisexuality as an excuse to cheat, and if you’re too worried about your girlfriend going crazy with someone else, you should deal with your thoughts first and understand why it’s so hard for you to trust her. But if she actually uses her bisexuality in this way, then she’s just playing with you, and it’s time for you to part ways.

You’ll have to get used to her funny stories about her ex-girlfriends

This is probably one of the weirdest things you’ll face when dating a bisexual woman. The thing is that a straight girl can share with you a cringey story about her messing up with her girlfriend’s bra hooks. Stories like this will make you feel like you’re having a chat with your old pal but not your romantic partner.

And there’s one more thing you’ll have to get used to – her lecherous comments about some of your friends, TV characters, girls from her job, and so on. You’ll just have to go along with it (at least until she totally loses control over herself). You don’t need to bother her with jealousy.

Bi girls don’t like being asked about their sexuality too often

There’s one last thing you should know about dating someone who is bisexual: bothering her with questions about her sexuality all the time, asking for some hot details of her previous sexual experience with girls or doing something else to make her flaunt her sexual preferences may start pissing her off one day. You should keep your interest to yourself and just let your girlfriend enjoy your relationship.

She can still be bisexual even if she hasn't tried it yet

This may come as a surprise, but you don’t need to sleep with a person of your sex to become bisexual. And a lot of people with such views have actually never have sex with the same gender. Usually, there’s something serious that’s stopping them from doing this, like a long-term relationship or simple shyness. Or they haven’t had the opportunity to do this yet. So if your girlfriend says she’s bisexual, she most likely is. She knows herself better than you, anyways.

Don’t expect your partner to be kinky

Typically, when it comes to bisexual woman dating, most guys assume that these girls are kinky just because they are bold enough to admit that they like both sexes. But we can’t speak for all bi ladies out there. Your partner may have nothing against trying a couple of new tricks in bed.

Having a bisexual girlfriend doesn’t mean having threesomes

No matter how wide your companion’s views on sexual relationships are, she may not be emotionally ready to do this with more than one partner just to fulfill your desires. Maybe, she fantasizes about having another woman in your bed, but the thought of you caressing and penetrating another partner may be too disturbing for her. You’ll just have to accept that your girlfriend isn’t that kind of a sexual partner.

So, now that you know what to expect, would you date a bisexual woman?

Bisexual dating tips

Now that you know how it feels like to date a bi girl, here’s what you can do to make your relationship work.

Major tips

Keep her secret to yourself. Sure, it may be super exciting to find out that your girlfriend is bisexual. Your head is probably full of questions and fantasies, and you’d like to share it with one of your friends or loved ones. Conversely, such news can make you really worried and concerned, making you want talk to someone even more. But it’s arguably the worst thing you can do when dating a bisexual woman.

If she doesn’t want everyone to find out about her sexual preferences, then you can’t discuss it even with the closest people, and she won’t be happy to find out that you told someone her secret. Having Besides, you never know how your buddies will react. They may start making fun of your girlfriend’s sexuality, and this can ruin your relationship.

Trust her. There’s a huge difference between bisexual and lesbian girls. Your girlfriend didn’t just decide to stick with you until she finds someone better and more attractive. Sure, she’s into both guys and girls, but it was you, who conquered her, and you’re the one she wants to be with. Have more faith in your girlfriend and never worry about her loyalty too much.

Tell her that you’re OK with her sexuality. If you want to avoid any possible issues related to bisexual women dating, the best thing to do it is to have a long and sincere chat about your girlfriend’s sexuality. Make sure that she knows that you understand that she’s not like the majority of girls out there, and you’re absolutely OK with that. Tell her that if she wants to discuss anything else regarding the issue, you’re always ready to do it.

A few practical tips

How to tell if your girlfriend is bisexual. Women typically perceive other women as rivals, criticizing them and pointing to their shortcomings. But if your girlfriend often comments on slender legs and hot butts of other chicks, then this can be an interesting symptom. Sometimes a girl herself can go clear about her preferences, especially if you ask about them while resting after awesome sex or watching soft lesbian porn. It’s difficult for girls not to blab it out in such a situation. And if she ends up angry after you ask, you can just make a joke out of the question.

If you’re not close enough to ask her directly, you can ask something like this: Which Hollywood actress is your favorite? Have you ever thought about a relationship with a girl?

What to do if it turns out that she’s really bisexual

Well, the first and the most obvious question you should ask yourself, in this case, is “should I date a bisexual woman?” When dating a girl who’s playing in both leagues, be ready for her leading two different lives. You'll never be her ‘only’, she still may have someone else on the side. If she doesn’t, this person may appear in the nearest future. And your jealousy will only make her mad because she’s bisexual. For her, everything is perfectly normal: one part of her is dating you, and the other’s dating a girl.

Be ready for the fact that she’ll not only keep you away from her girlfriend but will also be jealous of other girls. She has the right to date other girls, but you must belong to her entirely. Moreover, your girlfriend's girlfriend may not be happy having you as her opponent. Most likely, she won’t give a thing about you, but she may also try to spoil your relationship.

How to compete with your female opponent

If you want to know how to date a bisexual woman, you need to learn how to bring her pleasure. Know why some girls prefer sex with other girls? Because women always try to deliver each other a much brighter orgasm than men do. Guys often believe that the only thing you need for awesome sex is a penis (after all, even lesbians use toys), but this is another myth that comes from adult films. Porn and sex have different goals. In sex, the main goal is orgasm for you and her, while in the movie, the goal is to bring a person watching it to orgasm. But sex isn’t about monotonous movements; it’s about emotions.

Sex with every woman is unique, so what worked with your ex-girlfriend, may not work with your current one. There’s no algorithm in how girls are turned on. It would be cool to have a set of instructions for giving them the best orgasm in their life if it existed. Look for the most sensitive places on her body: it can be fingers, toes, and even her eyebrows. Oh, and don’t lie to her: don’t say to a plump girl that she’s slim. Just admire her luxurious breasts.

Bisexual dating sites

With these bisexual dating sites and apps, you’ll find yourself a companion to your taste and desires.

Bi Cupid

This bisexual women dating site is the oldest on this list. It became a thing back in 2001, becoming one of the first dating websites to offer its services to people looking for a partner with non-standard sexual preferences. With the audience of almost one million singles, Bi Cupid is the largest dating site for bisexuals out there. You can join the site for free. There’s also a version of the site adapted for mobile devices.

Bisexual Passions

This one is the second most popular bi dating site on the web. It combines online dating with social networking and offers you a chance to find a bisexual partner for long-lasting relationships. You can create an account on Bisexual Passions for free, though free membership has certain limits. You can try out the site’s search engine, but if you want to get in contact with someone, you’ll have to upgrade your account.

City Bi

This website provides a safe and fun way to find a bisexual companion. City Bi isn’t solely focused on bisexual women dating. It welcomes people with various sexual preferences. The site has two types of membership: standard and Pro. Choosing the first variant, you can upload up to 27 pics, use a country filter to find that special someone, and “wink” at girls you like.

HER

This dating app was created by LGBTQ women to cater for all your needs. You won’t find a better service for lesbians and bisexuals online. If there are bi girls looking for relationships near you, the app will show them to you. HER is more than a bisexual dating app. It’s a big community where bisexuals and lesbians can get fresh news and find new friends. One of the best advantages of HER is that it’s completely ad-free.

OkCupid

Everyone knows what OkCupid is. Its main advantage is that it’s free to join. When creating the account, you can choose your potential partner’s orientation. In case you’re interested in something more than a one night stand – this app is just for you. It doesn’t take longer than a couple of minutes to sign in. The app works with all major operating systems, so you shouldn’t have trouble running it on your device.

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Tips For Dating A Bisexual

Tips For Dating A Bisexual

Is it accurate to say that you are bisexual? You ought to very consider bisexual dating as there are numerous advantages that accompany it. One of the advantages is that you have a tendency to have a simple time discovering your optimal accomplice. When you visit bisexual dating sites you will discover numerous men and women searching for bisexual accomplices and you should do nothing more than…

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3 Myths About Bisexuality, Debunked by Science

Bisexuality is the tendency to be sexually attracted to both men and women. To some, this may sound like a superpower doubling one's romantic options (and odds). But in real life, bisexuality can be an awkward identity to have, creating a challenge truly fitting in with either the “straight" or LGBT communities.

But most important, bisexuality tends to be quite misunderstood.

Myths and stereotypes about bisexuality abound, some even contradicting one another. Straight and LGBT people alike can hold such stereotypes, compounding the difficulties bisexual people can have fitting in. Luckily, an increasing number of researchers have been producing research improving our understanding of bisexuality.

Here are three examples of how science has worked to combat misconceptions about bisexuality:

Myth 1: "There's no such thing as bisexuality."

This is especially laughable. How can you tell a group of individuals that they don’t exist? But the idea that all people have to be either straight or gay is pervasive and persistent, especially when it comes to men. Frustratingly, even within the most LGBT-friendly circles, you encounter the idea that “there’s no such thing as a bisexual man.”

Researchers have quite clearly laid this myth to rest with a study recently published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior(1). Researchers recruited straight, gay, and bisexual men, and exposed them to a variety of erotic film clips. Not only were participants asked to rate their subjective feelings of arousal in response to the clips, they were also connected to physiological equipment that measured changes in genital arousal. As would be expected, heterosexual men responded with much more subjective and genital arousal to films containing women rather than men, and vice versa for gay men. However, bisexual men were aroused relatively similarly by videos of both men and women. They were also more aroused by bisexual clips—for example, two men and one woman—than were the other two groups. Importantly, these differences were in both their reported arousal and the objective measurement of their genital arousal. It is clear from this study that these individuals were not “pretending” to be bisexual.

Myth 2: "Bisexuality is just a phase."

With this myth, bisexuality is represented as a state of experimentation or confusion—stereotypically experienced during the college years—that occurs before a person settles on their “true” identity.

Lisa Diamond has conducted some very sophisticated work on this topic, in which she examined the sexual identities of women over long periods of time. In a paper published in Developmental Psychology(2), she reports on a sample of women she followed over a period of ten years. Her results clearly showed that bisexuality was not a transitional period: Very few women who had identified as bisexual in adolescence changed their identity to either straight or lesbian by the end of the study—only 8% of that group did so. Rather, bisexual women were consistently sexually fluid over time, maintaining attractions to both genders, to varying degrees, over the course of a decade.

Myth 3: "Bisexual people can’t be faithful to their partners."

This myth—arguably the most pernicious one—stems from the assumption that one partner can not fully satisfy a person who is attracted to both genders. Sooner or later, other people assume, they’ll yearn for someone of the gender that their partner is not. In studies, people tend to perceive bisexual individuals as being more likely to cheat on partners than heterosexual, gay, or lesbian individuals(3).

In reality, a great many bisexual individuals have happily monogamous relationships; for example, by the end of Diamond’s 10-year study(2), 89% of bisexual women were in monogamous, long-term relationships. Further, research suggests that bisexual individuals who do desire multiple sexual partners may typically achieve this goal by negotiating open relationships with their partners, not by sneaking around behind their partners’ backs(4).

I could find no research supporting the idea that bisexuals are any less faithful, or less honest, with their partners than people of other sexual orientations.

Insights on identity

The growing field of research on bisexuality is promising, in that it counteracts many myths and misconceptions while also providing some interesting insights into sexuality in general. Unlike pop culture sources, these scientific studies suggest that bisexuality is a relatively stable, consistent sexual identity. We still need more research to better understand the ways in which bisexuality is similar to monosexual (heterosexual, gay, lesbian) identities, as well as the ways in which it might be unique.

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How do we dating a bisexual man on bisexual dating site?

How do we dating a bisexual man on bisexual dating site?

Bisexual people more and more like to date on bisexual dating site rather than the real world. But a lot of bisexual dating sites are expensive and unreliable, people often spent their money and got bad a user experience. So how do we choose a good site? How do we dating a bisexual man online?

Choose a good site

Today I want to recommend a secure and most effective dating site to you. It named…

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8 Things I Learned From Dating A Bisexual Man

8 Things I Learned From Dating A Bisexual Man

When I started dating my bisexual ex-boyfriend, everyone raised their eyebrows. While many of us swoon over openly bisexual women like Megan Fox and Anna Paquin, bisexual guys just don’t get the same kind of love. It sucks that there’s still a still a double standard when it comes to dating bi guys, but being with one for two years taught me some pretty amazing lessons about life and love.

1. NOT…

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Life as a bisexual man at work

Barely a week goes by without some mention in the media about gay men, lesbians or trans men and women. The same applies in academic research. Of all the colours in the LGBTIQ rainbow, there have been countless studies on each of those letters except, it seems, the letter B, for bisexuals.

What makes this a curious trend is that bisexuals comprise the largest proportion of this minority group and yet they “remain the most invisible and under-researched” of the lot. That’s the realisation that prompted a study due to be published soon in the Journal of Vocational Behaviour.

The researchers were intrigued by the experiences that bisexual employees encounter (or is that endure?) in the workplace. That intrigue stems from prior research which has revealed gay men and lesbians are six times as likely to be out at work than their bisexual colleagues. Bisexuals also report greater anxiety, stress, depression, panic attacks, compulsive behaviour and substance abuse.

In this latest study, which comprised more than 200 people, the bias against bisexual personnel was exposed as presiding quite strongly among gay men and lesbians, too. That’s surprising because it means it’s not just heterosexuals who actively discriminate but minority groups as well. In other words, those being discriminated against are themselves doing the discriminating. This is especially targeted towards bisexual men; far more than bisexual women.

The scholars posit this occurs because there’s greater acceptance these days that women’s sexuality is fluid; that it moves freely across a spectrum throughout their lives. In contrast, “men are denied that freedom and are instead expected to be attracted exclusively to either women or men; there is no middle ground … Bisexual men are perceived to be gay men who are still closeted".

It’s formally known as cultural homelessness – a phenomenon that afflicts those who suffer prejudice and isolation when they’re rejected by both the majority and the minority. There’s essentially nowhere left for them to belong.

This new research goes beyond simple bias to also include the now-unsurprising reality that bisexual men are far less inclined to disclose their sexuality at work, and significantly more likely to endure heightened levels of psychological distress, to drink more frequently, and to overuse cigarettes and marijuana.

These consequences arise due to a pervasive human need to categorise. People are either black or white, male or female, young or old, and of course gay or straight. To suddenly meet someone who doesn’t squeeze into a binary code is too confronting and confusing for many individuals – particularly when the person they’re meeting is a bisexual man – and so they subsequently perceive them as “indecisive, inauthentic and untrustworthy”.

As a result, the researchers believe there are serious implications for employers, specifically in relation to staff turnover and career progression. Faced with such discomfort in the workplace, it’s not unreasonable to expect bisexual employees to hop from one job to another seeking an escape from bosses who “reward stereotypically masculine behaviour by their male employees”.

Apart from the obvious implication of that last sentence – that the denigration of non-masculinity in workplaces should cease – it’s also recommended employers make space for bisexual employees in their diversity policies, staff associations, training programs and initiatives. To this day, they tend to be neglected.

As someone who’s been openly gay at work for over two decades, this research has made me try to think of a bisexual colleague I’ve had, either from the past or the present. None spring to mind. There have been plenty of gays, lesbians, trans people and queer folk but not a single one who’s been out as bisexual. When reflecting on the statistic noted earlier, that bisexuals make up the greatest proportion of LGBTIQ people, that’s quite an astonishing realisation.

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What's it like to be a bisexual man?

What’s it like to be a bisexual man?

Since you asked what it’s like, here are some direct comparisons:

The being attracted to men part is a lot like being gay. You can go to gay bars and discuss boyfriend troubles without worrying about who’s listening. You can like shopping and opera, and you can have a sense of style and know how to dance well, without worrying whether men will think you’re a poof, because you are one. But: unlike…

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ASK A BI MAN…

As a bi man, I often find that there is a lot of confusion from others regarding what bisexuality really is, which naturally leads to a wide variety of questions. As understandable as the confusion might be, in my experience, a lot of these questions born of curiosity are asked in times, places, and ways that are wildly inappropriate.

In those instances, I am not inclined to engage in a conversation. It doesn’t mean that I am unwilling to have these discussions and answer these questions eventually, just that I, like every other person, want to feel comfortable in the setting in which they are being discussed.

During Bi Visibility Month, I wanted to bring some of these questions to light to help understand where some of this confusion comes from and do my part to alleviate some of it as well.

So, I asked folks to ask me their questions. These are questions that I was sent via social media; please understand that these answers are mine alone and solely reflect my experiences and opinions as a bi man. I encourage other bi individuals out there to share your own answers as well!

What spaces do you feel most comfortable in (gay or straight)?

I feel comfortable in both spaces, but it really depends on what I have planned for the evening. For instance, I would not do or say some of the things I would in a gay bar that I would do or say in a straight bar, and vice versa. I do not view this as “putting on an act” in any scenario, but rather understanding the environment and reacting to it in a way that is most comfortable to me. There are issues with acceptance in both types of bar that can be improved upon, but fortunately I feel equally as comfortable in both spaces.

Is it hard to navigate dating seeing as the stigma of bisexuality is prevalent in both communities?

Definitely, particularly when it comes to relationships with gay men. Generally speaking, they seem to have the biggest issue with bi men because they view it as a phase rather than a legitimate sexual orientation. Additionally, there have been those who have voiced concerns to me that a bi individual cannot be faithful in a relationship due to the fact that they are attracted to more than one gender, which can be particularly frustrating because it paints bi people as lacking in moral characteristics such as honesty and trustworthiness.

How do you deal with people who say you can’t be bisexual, you can only be heterosexual or homosexual because at the end of the day you’ll end up with one or the other?

I say regardless of who I wind up with (if I wind up with anyone) I will still be the same person I was before; the logic that your partner determines your sexual orientation is inherently flawed in my opinion. Additionally, I would not choose a partner whose mind was so closed off that they think there are only two ways to express sexual orientation.

How/when did you know that you were bi?

To some degree, I knew that I was attracted to both men and women since I was quite young, probably around age eight or nine. However, at that time I did not know what bisexuality was; I genuinely thought that it had to be one or the other which lead to years of confusion for me. I finally learned that bisexuality was a legitimate orientation through the punchline of a joke; not an ideal way to discover it, but it certainly motivated me to begin searching for resources and answers. I’d say it wasn’t until my college years that I fully accepted myself as a bi man.

What stigmas do bisexual men face that homosexual men do not face?

I believe we face a lot of the same stigmas from those outside the LGBTQ+ community, but within it things are quite different. I have found that as a bi man, I am continually berated and told that I am not valid. I have been told I’m a damage to the LGBTQ+ community and a detriment to people who have “really come out.” We are frequently ignored or told we are wrong, which is very disheartening to experience in a community that is supposed to be accepting.

What is the biggest misconception you’ve encountered as a bi man?

I would say that there are three bi misconceptions that I routinely face:

That bisexuality is not valid and that I am confused or in a phase

Bi individuals are incapable of being in a committed, monogamous relationship

There is not a set percentage or number to gauge “how straight or gay” you are

Do some bisexual people only enjoy having sex with one gender?

I do think that some bi people could be physically attracted to one gender, but emotionally attracted to more than one. I believe this would depend on how you view attraction and relationships, but for me personally, I would not have any issue with such a person identifying as bi.

What are some things that people say/ask you that they think are totally ok that actually are not?

I think the most frequent and invasive question I get asked is for me to provide a detailed account of my sexual history in order to prove that I am in fact a bi man. It is also one of the few questions that I do not answer anymore.

[bisexualplaygrounds-blog]

5 Smart Rules to Set Before Having a Threesome

5 Smart Rules to Set Before Having a Threesome

It’s a total sex cliché—the bow-chicka-wow-wow porn scene, the drunken one-off some people have in college, or the fantasy straight men obsess about starting at puberty about being with two women at once: Threesomes are one of our culture’s most sensationalized sex scenarios, probably because it’s just transgressive enough to seem wild, but it’s not crazy enough to be seen as an out-there kink.

O…

[bisexualplaygrounds-blog]

6 Truths of Bisexuality

6 Truths of Bisexuality

As underarm hair started making its appearance in the reflection I saw of my 14-year-old body in the mirror, I also starting noticing a lovely girl in drama class. She was fiery and sweet. Her laughter moved my soul with sensations that realigned my stars.

She would become my high school sweetheart and together we’d find love. Her and I eventually made our way to my bedroom for our first-ever…

[bisexualplaygrounds-blog]

The 9 Best Things About Being Bisexual

It's not always easy being bi. Between stereotypes of oversexed, unfaithful bisexuals and social pressure to "pick a side," not to mention the fact that bi people are more likely to be closeted and face higher rates of depression, drug and alcohol abuse, and intimate partner violence, coming out as bisexual can be enormously challenging. But there are also lots of things, big and small, that are joyful and worth celebrating. So since June is LGBT Pride Month, let's talk about why being bi (or pansexual or polysexual or otherwise attracted to more than one gender) is awesome!

1. You never have to question your sexuality because you're attracted to someone. If your identity includes being open to folks of all genders and gender presentations, then scoping out that cute girl/hot guy/sexy genderqueer person on the dance floor doesn't call for a reevaluation of yourself and your life — it just calls for working up the nerve to go ask for their number.

2. You're revolutionary just by existing. It's definitely frustrating that so many people struggle with recognizing bisexuality as a legitimate orientation, even in today's progressive social climate. Still, it can be pretty satisfying just to keep being bi and awesome, refusing to pick a side or conform to anyone's stereotypes, and prove them wrong without ever having to say a word. Every time you correct someone's misconceptions about what bi people are like, you're sticking it to the man (or woman) just a little bit. And doesn't that feel good?

3. You can easily give up men or give up women without giving up dating.Everyone's had that awful breakup that makes you want to wash your hands of the gender that broke your heart — at least for a few weeks. For a straight girl or a lesbian, that's gonna mean a period of celibacy, which isn't always a bad thing if you need it to regain your emotional equilibrium. But if you're bi, you can swear off men for a year and still get laid every night.

4. You can pursue a relationship with anyone you think is rad, regardless of gender. It's hard enough to find someone who shares your sense of humor, challenges you intellectually, turns you on, and your BFF approves of — can you imagine how much more difficult that would be if you took half the human race out of the running, right off the bat?

5. You have a built-in jerk repellent. Yes, lots of people won't date bi folks because they're clinging to ridiculous stereotypes about bi people being cheaters or "just greedy" (ugh). But you know what? Those people are jerks and you don't want to date them anyway! Aren't you glad you found out now, instead of after you started sharing a sock drawer?

6. You have a million sexual possibilities! Lots of straight people — and even some gay people — assume that "sex" describes only one or maybe two activities. But when your experience includes sleeping with people of multiple genders, you learn quickly that there are so many more possibilities. Being bisexual can allow you to expand your horizons, try new things, and even pass your knowledge along to your partners. Ultimately, you're helping to create a world of better sex for everyone.

7. You have some awesome bi role models. You know who's bisexual? Really cool people! From beloved actress Angelina Jolie to hilarious comedian Margaret Cho to Carrie Brownstein, goddess of rock and sketch comedy, to James Baldwin, very possibly the greatest American novelist who ever lived. Being bi means getting to look up to tons of successful, talented folks who don't let gender define who they love.

8. You can wave the bi pride flag. It's pink, purple, and blue, which, if you ask me, are all of the best colors.

9. You know you can't assume someone's orientation just by who they're dating. A girl dating a girl isn't always a lesbian. A man dating a woman isn't necessarily straight. When you have these assumptions made about you on a regular basis, you can work to counteract them and hopefully provide a role model that inspires others to do the same.

[bisexualplaygrounds-blog]

I’M NOT DATING HER SO YOU CAN HAVE A THREESOME

I’M NOT DATING HER SO YOU CAN HAVE A THREESOME

I’m bi and I’m polyamorous; which makes life in my small town both very interesting and extremely frustrating for many reasons. For example, when I’m seeking out same-sex partners, I encourage them to build other relationshipsor even actively seek out partners who already have established, healthy relationships because I already have that, and one of the reasons that this endeavor becomes so…

[bisexualplaygrounds-blog]

Bisexual Men Have Higher STI Rates Than Gays

Bisexual Men Have Higher STI Rates Than Gays

Men who have sex with men and women (MSMW) have a much higher rate of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) when compared with gay or straight men, ScienceDaily Reports. Publishing their findings in American Journal of Preventive Medicine, researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) conducted a review of studies pertaining to MSMW published between 2008 and 2013.

  MSMW…