bkbmindwrites

[bkbmindwrites]

Kiersten White, The Chaos of Stars

[bkbmindwrites]

i have felt an overwhelming dread from every piece, every event, every person in my story that brought me pain, in the most difficult way. but even within the heaviness of struggle, resonates strength.

bkb.

[bkbmindwrites]

pain never ends, no matter where you are in your life. but beauty doesn’t either. there’s beauty in every piece of pain each of us feel. regardless of how that pain makes you feel, eventually that pain will resemble something more beautiful than you could imagine.

bkb.

[bkbmindwrites]

i have never quite felt alive until the moment i left the pages of my story that deserved better. the me that deserved better. that little girl who felt pain she never deserved to feel but fought through it anyway. i never really felt like me, until i beaded the part of me that never deserved to be a part of me to begin with.

bkb.

[bkbmindwrites]

understanding self-love isn’t about reliving your trauma, it’s about working through your trauma to grasps the meaning of self-love.

bkb.

[bkbmindwrites]

watering my own flowers has become a troublesome burden that overwhelms me like the stars flooding the night sky. despite my immense need for self-love; i’ve never grasped the art of painting a beautiful self mosaic.

bkb.

[bkbmindwrites]

you fight a war.

i fight a war.

we all fight our own wars.

consuming you & me like a chokehold.

what if i let the chokehold fully consume me tonight?

would you let it consume you, too?

or would you keep fighting despite my desire to let the chokehold consume me, fully & effortlessly.

bkb.

[bkbmindwrites]

fighting a battle that consumes you like a fire, in which will eventually turn to ash. fighting a battle that doesn’t boast but instead; lives among you like an old, faded tattoo. fighting a battle that no one understands but you wish someone did. wishing someone understood the overwhelming pain that seems to never fade.

bkb.

[bkbmindwrites]

rainer maria

[bkbmindwrites]

healing.

awakening the depths of my heart-wrenching grief. healing comes from a place of kindness, forgiveness. allowing myself some grace through the grieving process. forgiveness for not doing more. kindness because my heart does not need anymore abuse, especially from myself. the process of healing seems foreign most days, but on the days it does not, i find myself in a midst of grace. the grace i have so longed for, after giving everyone else the grace, kindness & forgiveness i never gave myself. grief has torn my heart to pieces, but healing will slowly put those pieces back together.

bkb.

[bkbmindwrites]

i have fought to understand where my struggles have brought me. where my struggles leave me. without the suffering i have endured, the fight to understand who i truly am would have never reached the surface. without these sufferings, everything that makes me who i am would have never blossomed.

bkb.

[bkbmindwrites]

there’s no such thing as a pain free life. one must come to terms with their pain at one point or another in life, no matter the depths or situations around such. without pain, one cannot truly understand the deepest concept of freeness.

bkb.

[bkbmindwrites]

the understanding that love without pain is nevertheless forgotten. as you cannot truly understand the depth of a heart-burning love; without the depth of a heart-wrenching pain.

bkb.

[bkbmindwrites]

Carrie Fountain, from "Late Spring in the Mesilla Valley", Burn Lake

[bkbmindwrites]

i can’t seem to fathom how i got here.

how i kept fighting despite the pain.

but i did.

you see, that’s the nature about me.

i won’t give up even when the world gives me every reason to do just that.

i’ll continue to fight until my bones are brittle & broken.

despite my brittle bones, the fight in me will live on regardless of the pain.

bkb.

[bkbmindwrites]

everything seems so foreign. losing you took a piece of my heart & trying to find that piece again, seems like a challenge i am not yet equipped for regardless of how hard i try.

bkb.

[bkbmindwrites]

i fight day in & day out, to make sure i make something of myself. but, “is it really worth it - if i’m not making you proud?”

bkb.