blackwvdow-blog

[blackwvdow-blog]

lvzarus :

⚡ ⟶                      the warmth that coursed from opposing hand felt uncomfortable, lazarus not savvy enough with the notion of simple affections that he couldn’t understand ( & even if he could? he needed space, he needed to be left to his own devices ), but there was a weakness in not being able to pull away. not when he felt so physically DRAINED that there was an unknowing if he would even be able to stand, to be able to walk himself back towards the bounds of shield & declare himself okay via nodding tresses, even though he was anything but. families were meant to be a product of love & safety, protection that there would be a want not to receive anywhere else, & yet for lazarus? such four walls brought around RESENTMENT, panic, bitterness that he wasn’t allowed to roam free upon the planet, prisoner like a pooch restrained within a kennel which no chance of escape. how was that a family? how was that a home when it felt exactly like the abode he had frequented in with hydra? sure - lazarus hadn’t been under any form of torture since waking up within their guard, but being locked within his room at night? curfews? strict dieting & training, as well as rules that he didn’t wish to follow? it was a dictatorship that he couldn’t stand, certainly not something he viewed as a family unit in the slightest. hand shifted itself away from natasha’s touch ( he couldn’t even look at her ), soft whimper pooling as he wiped away the evidence of upset that had lined features, brunette mane shaking in defiance that she was WRONG & in the long run? there wasn’t a scenario that would change that for her to be right, at least that was lazarus’ logic anyhow. 

                   the feeling of his hand pulling away from her own caused a slight sigh to escape natasha's lips, not that she was surprised since he hadn't been one who had taken all that well to physical contact or affection of any kind, but she had wanted to at least TRY to assure him that he wasn't alone in any of this, that he had a familiy with shield even if it was the most dysfunctional family to be a part of. the red-head had felt like being a part of shield provided her with some sense of comfort and safety, she felt like she was surrounded by a family who would look out for her, keep her best interests at heart and appreciate everything she would do for them; something she never had anywhere else, and she only wanted lazarus to feel that same way she did. she didn't move away from the bench, rump remained in place against the seating even if he wouldn't look at her, noticing the shake of his head in disagreement with what she had said. ❝i know that things at shield seem a little...uneasy right now. i get that you probably feel like you're trapped as opposed to being around a FAMILY; but i promise you, we look out for eachother like we're family. you're safe, we protect eachother, we fight for eachother -- it's what we do and it's what we will always do. things will change, they'll get better and soon enough, you won't have to be held or have certain strict rules, soon you'll see the family that i do too.❞

[blackwvdow-blog]

                  after it had been noted that lazarus had been sitting within a nearby park on his own for hours on end, natasha volunteered to go out and talk to him before shield decided that sending in a team of agents to bring him back would be a good idea, something that the red-head knew would only end up provoking him to perhaps act out and attack, or even worse -- scare him. the last thing she ever wanted to do was make him feel uncomfortable in any manner whatsoever, she didn't ever want him to feel like he had a reason to be afraid of her, not when she was only  here to help him, to let him know that he didn't need hydra anymore since they were nothing but BAD for him and to him, he could be safer and much happier with shield. brows furrowed as she noticed him sitting upon a bench by himself, no time wasted in eventually making herself known and sitting down on the empty spot next to him, turning to offer him a small smile of reassurance as she done so.

                   before she could even utter a word towards him, he had pointed in the direction of a family not too far from them, two parents fussing over their child in the most loving way, beaming smiles upon their faces as the kids laughter was evidently heard. it broke her heart to see him  getting upset over the fact that he didn't have that, he had never had that and he never would -- it made her feel terrible, made her feel like she wanted to rip hydra apart from the inside out even more than she already did wish to do so. it was unfair that he had never gotten a proper childhood, he had never had parents fuss over him or been able to call some mom or dad; instead he had been bred by hydra, created to become a monster killer with the only somewhat parents being steve and bucky, the two people who's DNA he currently held within his veins. reaching a hand out, natasha took a hold of lazarus' own in a comforting, reassuring manner to let him know that even though he didn't have THAT, he would always have her and now shield too. ❝----i-i'm sorry...i know it must be hard. but your home? it's with us now, and i promise you'll always be safe, FAMILY keeps eachother safe; and that's what we are now.❞

( @blackwvdow​ )

⚡ ⟶                       rump had been firmly planted against oak bench for what felt like centuries, numbness beginning to invade veins that couldn’t even muster up an ounce of care, not when he was fixated. not when lazarus was permanently paralyzed with oceanic hues gazing towards children, how happy they were around their parents, their FAMILY ( & something that completely tore his heart into shattered glass, a vision he wanted, a notion of love that he desperately craved ). moisture had formed in waterfalls upon smooth features, crying something that the now possession of shield would do on the daily but over this? it wasn’t EXPECTED, much like the sudden presence of the red-head wasn’t expected either. perhaps it should have been especially when he was tagged & chipped so that the company could see where he was at all times like he was some kind of untrustworthy dog, the fact he had been situated in a park for several hours seemingly arousing suspicions. was that why natasha was here? ( of course it was ). to check up on him & perhaps drag him back to a place that he had needed some fresh air from in the first place? not that subjecting himself to such torturous imagery was exactly making him feel better.

                              tears had been wiped away as soon as natasha had made her approach, sniffles audible & digits raised against moisture as if nothing was wrong ( everything is wrong !!! ), a guise that was instantly seen through & questioned. lazarus could feel her warming presence sitting besides him, perhaps too close for comfort when he simply wished to be alone but before noises of protest could depart or perhaps the notion of walking away? honesty spilled, as if it would somehow make it seem less NIGHTMARISH if he expressed it to someone else, to someone that probably didn’t care. ❛la—–lazarus —- ❜ digit was pointed towards a nearby child that was surrounded by his mother & father, tears slipping down his smooth, rash-covered profile before fingertip was shifted to point in the direction of the elders that had created their beautiful youngster.  ❛h-home —-❜ brunette tresses shook slowly, lazarus craving the ideal of PARENTS more than anything, more than his actual desire to live which frankly, he didn’t under this brutish circumstances where NOTHING made any sense. the only thing concrete was that the ex-asset? he didn’t have a family, he didn’t have a mom & dad to be comforted by, to be loved by. he thought hydra was torturous but not having such protection & safety in the form of parents? killed him more than he could truly bare. voice was shaken incredibly, tears slipping as all lazarus could do was bow his head, repetition of the word ❛h-home —❜ spilling into the atmosphere as if confirmation that such was something he would NEVER have, not in his entire lifetime.

[blackwvdow-blog]

cvptainhydra :

☠ ⟶     ❛right, whatever. suppose it doesn’t even matter anyway.❜  & yet it does ( horrendously ), the asset probably making that point evident by the way unwrapped hands begin pounding against the punching bag once again. he even thinks it’s him, just to make the hits HARDER.

                            watching as he assaulted the punching bag with his bare hands caused a heavy sigh to spill from plump lips, natasha growing worried that he would end up hurting himself if he continued to do this without at least wrapping his hands first. ❛you're gonna end up hurting yourself -- he isn't worth it, he isn't worth getting like this over, alright? what he does, says, thinks...it's not important.❜

[blackwvdow-blog]

cvptainhydra :

☠ ⟶     ❛i think you’re deluding yourself if you think he’s not gonna stick his nose in where it’s not wanted. the asshole is in LOVE with you, he’s not going to suddenly give up easily especially when it comes to me.❜

                            ❛it doesn't matter how he feels about me, it's not going to change anything and HE isn't going to change anything. i'll make sure he doesn't stick his nose where it doesn't belong again, alright? trust me, he won't interfere with us again.❜

[blackwvdow-blog]

cvptainhydra :

☠ ⟶     ❛not worth it? he sure seems to think he is, thinks the god damn sun shines out of his ass or something. fuck - he’s lucky i didn’t shoot him square in the skull, only reason i didn’t was ‘cos of —-❜ ( you ). ❛i won’t be as patient next time he comes near me, natasha.❜

                       ❛i know, and i know that it took a lot for you to be patient with him this time. but he won't say anything else, i'll make sure he doesn't -- i'm sorry you had to deal with him being like that...❜

[blackwvdow-blog]

( @cvptainhydra )

                              ❛no. i'm sorry for all of that, he should never have said anything in the first place, but he doesn't matter and -- no, don't expect him, he’s not worth it.❜

[blackwvdow-blog]

[blackwvdow-blog]

liongvard :

🐾 ⟶     ❛he better not blast me with his suit again, i was only PLAYFULLY roaring at him last time! he can be best buddies with the guy in green but me? apparently it’s wimp central, so lame.❜

                          ❛hey! you don't need to be best buddies with stark, you're already best buddies with me -- who needs him? especially if he blasts you like that, i mean, that's just SUPER uncalled for.❜

[blackwvdow-blog]

( @militvris )

                           she was panicked, FRANTIC even, but trying to calm down just simply wasn't an option for her anymore, not when bucky was evidently hurt after their mission not exactly going to plan. seeing him in pain completely tore her apart, especially when she felt like perhaps she could have prevented it, maybe if she had been in the right place at the right time, she could have stopped this from happening -- but she couldn't go back now, all she could do was make sure that he was OKAY. ❛----james...are you okay? i-i'm so sorry i let this happen to you, i should've been there to h-help. just tell me that you're okay...p-please.❜

[blackwvdow-blog]

cvptainhydra :

☠ ⟶     ❛then you know what needs to happen, for BOTH of our sakes.❜ & with a slight reluctance etching into the edging of his metallic soul, the asset removed the contact from opposed hand with a snatch. he shouldn’t have allowed himself ( or natasha for that matter, if he had to care about someone else ) to become so emotionally compromised. they both weren’t made that way, hell - they had been sterilized so that such events couldn’t happen, even if the removal of a family didn’t remove the rare chance of LOVE. blue orbs tainted with sadness as they flickered downwards & despite knowing this was the right path to take? deep down, it didn’t make the hydra-made feel any better. ❛we can’t see each other again. you know that.❜

                          ❛DON'T say that.❜ there was no way she could NOT see him again -- first of all, it was probably impossible considering they were constantly being made to go up against one another, but most of all? she loved him. she cared about him, she couldn't live without him and she knew that within her heart. natasha didn't care if they were supposed to be enemies, she didn't give a damn if it was FORBIDDEN that they be together, the only thing she cared about was the asset that she had fallen so insanely in love with. even if he wished to be stubborn about such feelings and constantly try to push her away, the red-head just couldn't allow him to do that any longer, she had to vow to stay by his side. ❛things don't have to be that way and YOU know that. how many times do i have to say i'm not leaving? or that i'm not letting anything come between us? i love you -- whether we're supposed to be side by side or against one another, that doesn't matter.❜

[blackwvdow-blog]

cvptainhydra:

☠ ⟶     optics glanced down towards the contact that caused goosebumps to ripple against muscular frame, shiver ghosting up the indentation of spine that made the asset flinch, knowing that such affections were completely wrong & yet, he was too exhausted to pull it away. he was tired, he was done with missions when sleep was lacking from him, insomnia-ridden or otherwise; but that didn’t mean to say he APPRECIATED it, jaw muscles clenching slightly as he gazed towards the forbidden gesture. why couldn’t natasha just leave him alone? wouldn’t that be best for everyone involved, no bloodshed on the horizon & certainly no death, the concerned words that hung in the air like toxic smoke threatening to choke him completely. ❛i don’t need to rest. if anything? i need to get my ass in fucking cryo & call this a day.❜

     ❛no, you don't.❜

     concern was always evident when it came to the man who held her heart, especially when he said things such what he had right now, she couldn't HELP but worry about him. heavy sigh escaped her lips, hand still held upon his own even if it was inevitable that he would eventually push her away, but she cared about him and of course, she loved him -- there was no way she was going to pretend that she felt nothing towards him. 

        ❛i just -- i don't want you to end up getting hurt, that's all.❜

[blackwvdow-blog]

liongvard:

🐾 ⟶     ❛well, we’re both in the same boat there but that doesn’t mean i don’t insult them when it’s needed! i mean —- actually, i’ve never insulted them. i’m just as lame as you! time for me to start working on the to do list of people to call morons —- tony first?❜

❛i think if i have you on my side then i should be able to call them what- ever i want and get away with it ---- so yes, tony first! he'll get pissed off the easiest.❜

[blackwvdow-blog]

liongvard:

🐾 ⟶     ❛& here was me counting on you calling them morons ALL the time! your game is slipping, nash, i’m super disappointed!❜

❛nooooo, don't be disappointed! calling them morons can be our little secret, they just don't need to know about it -- i kinda have to stay on their good side.❜

[blackwvdow-blog]

@liongvard

❛that's because it HAS been forever, big guy! i missed you, you're not allowed to leave me here with all these morons again -- just...don't tell THEM i said that.❜

[blackwvdow-blog]

@cvptainhydra

❛don't say that...❜

heavy sigh escaped plump lips as she heard the awful words that were related to DEATH becoming audible, even the mere thought of such fate landing with the man she loved caused her heart to be tugged upon massively. one hand reached out to rest upon his own in a comforting manner, perhaps that was crossing a line but in all honesty, the red-head didn't give a damn if the other pushed her away or if he said he wanted her to leave him alone, she CARED about him -- hell, she loved him and she was going to worry about him no matter what he said.

❛you need to try and rest, you're going to hurt yourself if you don't. i'm not saying you have to SLEEP, but just...rest. relax for a while.❜

[blackwvdow-blog]

[blackwvdow-blog]

cvptainhydra:

卐 ⟶    ❛—- maybe.❜

               there’s a solemness to tone almost as if steve doesn’t want to                believe that as TRUTH, how could he? that would ensure that                their feelings were acknowledged, emotions that should have                been pushed upon the wayside in exchange for loyalty towards                their chosen allegiance. it would mean admitting that care truly                swept throughout usually barren veins that the asset had been                trying to discard for what seemed like centuries. there was the                wish for a cigarette to purse within calloused digits, inhalation                of smoke & the rush of nicotine an action that could perhaps                MASK this conversation as nothing but a wispy, foggy dream,                but all he had was natasha & the presence that caused organ                to ache heavily within caged chest, head bowing as the exterior                of the streets outside windowpane didn’t seem so important                anymore.

               ❛this shouldn’t even matter. it’s not as if we can DO anything                about it —- we are meant to be at war.❜

❛pretty sure we're already at war with whatever feelings we have towards one another, that's harder than having to go out there and physically fight if you ask me -- none of this is easy, but that doesn't mean it can't work...❜

perhaps she was clutching on loose ends, holding onto some- thing that deep down she KNEW shouldn't work out even slightly, but that didn't mean she would stop trying. the love she held for him was real, the most raw emotion she had felt in a long time and she needed to hold onto that for as long as she possibly could, she couldn't tell herself just yet that things between was a lost cause, not when she NEEDED a small glimpse of hope to keep her going. a soft sigh escaped the red-heads plump lips, green orbs gazing towards the man she loved as the corner of her lips tugged up into the smallest of smiles, her heart racing just from being so close to him -- he truly did mean the world to her and she would fight to the death for him if she had to.

❛i know that we're supposed to be enemies, should probably not even be seen together unless one is kicking the others ass -- but how many times have we gone our seperate ways now? and yet, here we are, still in the same place, feeling the same feelings -- we keep being brought back together, that's gotta mean some- thing, right?❜