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TIRED OF GORTASH NOT BEING A ROMANCE OPTION? JOIN THE UNION TODAY!

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"Gods, you're a sight for sore eyes."

Lord Enver Gortash in all his glory. IDC what some people say, he's kinda hot, guys. This piece was sponsored by one of my patrons. prints | high res on patreon

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The trick is to turn it into part of what makes it hot. Like "Unnnngh you LIKE wearing those ugly shoes? Those spite books? Nasty...."

Tumblr edits are really trying to put me on team Gortash as if I can ever ignore that mans choice of footwear

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Yonic dish found in NY

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You utter brat. You're going to burn this place down.

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WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME GORT’S VA WAS SERVING UP CUNT ON THE PLATFORM FORMERLY KNOWN AS TWITTER!?

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HE MEANT THAT THERE’S NO ESCAPING THE LONG DICK OF THE LAW

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this IS the vibe.

IT'S GONNA BE A FUCKING GUNSHOW BITCH

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This gives off the same vibes as those guys who take photos in front of their tricked out cars.

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As a nose-shoe-eyebag-lore boxing enthusiast, I am putting this on my fridge and nobody can stop me. The pants. OP I want you to know this image is a threat to my studies. God he’d be such a mean boxer. He’d probably make kissy faces across the ring just to piss off his opponent. I’ve gone feral. I’m absolutely wild for this. You can’t do this to me, it’s finals week. (Keep doing it). This man has a backpfeifengesicht.

Been thinking about Gortash bare-knuckle boxing after all the discussion about his potentially broken nose.

Seen some other people piercing those nips, I'm on that hype train now.

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I need everyone to see just how bad Gortash is at lacing his shirts.

Look at it. Look at this man.

This man is an archduke. He's president of Baldurs Gate.

And he cannot lace his own clothing.

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This take deserves to be put on my fridge next to a picture of Raphael and Gortash

Shawty this no diss but I feel like the appeal of Ascended!Astarion to his stans is 100% kink related. I say this as mf who thinks two of the evilest men in the game is fine (Gortash and Raphael). But like outside of me thinking they’re handsome, in the context of the game, they both got shit going for them.

Gortash? Charismatic, goes to the gym, intelligent to the point where he builds magic robots, rich, politically successful.

Raphael? Charismatic, has a floating mansion in Avernus, very well cultured, artistic, knows how to make good deals for himself and how to spin them, a lot of expensive assets, Italian-coded, rich rich, intelligent.

Ascended!Astarion is canonically broke, only has a mansion that he probably will get taken from him by the other Szarrs (or will be evicted by the Flaming Fist when he ends up not paying the right magistrate off), has zero political connections with the other vampires in Baldur’s Gate, so even though he’s more powerful they won’t fuck with him like that. His 10 charisma having ass ain’t gon keke it up with vampires from other cities. You think Strahd is going to respect this irritating twink with raw power but zero clout? Nah

Bro can turn into a cute bat and that’s about it. Everything he does end up getting is because of Tav/Durge. He’s like the down on his luck boyfriend that asks his partner for 10 dollars, buys a lottery ticket, gets 600 million and starts acting like he did something. No offense to Ascended!Astarion fan girls, but a mf like me only fuck with ballers

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No, no they’re got a point. Y’all remember the bank? Where all the sectors of the economy are doing fine, written by Gortash, source: Gortash? His source on where the economy is: “trust me Bro”. More on this later.

Gortash is like “I’m making the city great” and then he wastes tax payer dollars on an underwater prison to hide all the people he’s kidnapped, wastes more money on the steel watch and militarizes the flaming fist, ignoring the rising threats of the city like the necromancer making zombies, the shortage of coffins at the cemetery, portals to Hell, and literal vampires. Like Gods above, what about the homeless population? The beggars? You’re making the rich richer and keeping the poor poor? What is this, America? Have we even SEEN this man’s tax statements? I think not.

Get it TOGETHER or you’re never being re-elected, my guy.

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“Stinky gordito crunch” in the tags lol

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[Mod] Update - Gortash Stylist

Added a No Top version! Check it out here.

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I feel the need to share the inscriptions on the statues in Gortash's office, because there's a lot going on there! Like, these aren't your standard Baldurian historical figures, this is pointed.

We've got:

A supporter of orphans who considered the Lower City no place for children. (Recall the biography outline that suggests he considered himself or at least presented himself as an orphan post-hells, and spent those years in that part of Baldur's Gate.)

A collection of people who built their fortunes from nothing, featuring some disdain for hereditary patriars, and a bit of using sex to get ahead.

A figure who was "cruel and hard-handed" in his day, but history remembered fondly.

And then literally Bane.

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also i feel like we, the gortash fucker society, have brushed over the fact that gortash fucked wisteria jannath so good that she gave him one of their family heirlooms worth more than their entire house