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Flu, strep and I hate February

Today was not easy, after spending my Saturday morning at an urgent care getting Jonathan diagnosed with strep throat. I thought I was being too sensitive when I felt like a role was a bit warm Monday morning… I wasn’t just being a mom seems like I was in tune to the fact that Gabriel has the flu. That’s why it’s the afternoon portion of today was for me. Rushing to daycare to pick him up out of his nap… He was actually sleeping, to take him to a pediatrician that was closed until 2 o'clock. I finally got an appointment for 3 PM and it was determined that he was positive for the flu. Now I’m at the mercy of Tamiflu which I’m told by my provider doesn’t work wonders and I have to take the rest of the week off because the fluids to work its way through little Gables body which may take anywhere from 5 to 7 days. All of this is very prescriptive, And I’m taking it so emotionally. Why do I have the birth-control to bend my arm that was placed last week I believe… I don’t know I already forgot but that may be playing into my emotionality as well. I feel super depressed and lonely as hell. But the day is over and I get closer to the day that Jonathan comes back.

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This is just so beautiful..

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Prompt- How do we spread love better

We can honestly spread love better by teaching our children how to love, and how to understand another human being. Empathy! Which is not feeling bad or sad for another but recognizing the struggle that another person is going through and being there for them. Not to fix anything but to let them know you’re there as a support. RaNt🙇🏻‍♀️ Less social media posts of flowers and dinner plates… this just seems like such a ploy…A way to get others to believe in this perfect love. Free pass to those of you who have found a new love. If you are totally smitten with someone and enthralled by the novelty of it all. But if you’ve been married or in a long-lasting relationship just stop . By this point you know that Love is not perfect, love takes lots of work, lots of waiting, lots of patients …you can’t take a picture of that you can’t frame it perfectly. So stop showing me your flowers and food…I don’t buy it 🖤

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Day 10 /February challenge: #fictionalcrush can you see a pattern tall dark and handsome with a little crazy mixed in

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Don’t slip away from me…don’t think its ok that I cry and you feel nothing….my feelings will take flight without you. I will drift far beyond reach before you know it….#thoughts #slippingaway #wallflower #emo #relationship #woe #givemelove #hearts #hopes

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I just want a journal like this!!!!!!!!!

If my friends were characters in a book I.

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Day 2 of my 5k challenge , feels good! Broke sweat but I’m not dying.

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Characteristics of being Selfish...- Rigid, expecting others to do things for you, Needy, you can't calm yourself down, talking things over till you feel better. Selfishness makes you act like a child. EGOCENTRIC! You can't marry a child, you can only take care of one! - Marriage is about giving... My type of of selfishness doesn't look materialistic or self centered...but I focus on my feelings way too much and I have trouble self soothing. So although I give of myself all day, and I'm supposed to practice self care, I mistook that for expecting my family to care and attend to me at home- not the case... This paired with a husband that did not have a job and pregnancy hormones raging...caused me to live through my feelings during the entire year of 2014. I put my feelings out like fires with whatever was closer, ultimately leading to a separation. And as I entered the dating field, I knew what I had to do...be nice. Hiding my 'crazy' with other men caused me to see how selfish I had been in my marriage. Fortunately I've learned---Being nice, letting go of my own feelings and taking care of myself is the key to overcoming selfishness! It starts with me!!! The longer you try to be nice...the nicer you become. Marriage and motherhood are full of moments you won't like...how will you approach these low moments...hurt, fearful, childish, victimized or graceful, loving, good humored and a blessing to the people around you This the core of service. Don't worry yourself w/ appreciation or recognition, you don't get medals for being a good wife or mother- be better and be happy.

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Goals...

I miss her and all she was…

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It’s here–the new year, happening for today included opening the last of our Christmas gifts from my mom’s side of the family…sweaters and wallets, toys and more toys…Daddy was sick with a stomach bug and Mom gave us $20 to take JJ to see Star Wars…Jon and Jay are there now, while I type this up…and Gabriel is trying to catch some ZZZ’s in his crib. He’s been in and out for about an hour. 
As I get older, I know that the year will progress at high speeds…it doesn’t really slow down until summer, the months that you want to drag on forever…and then it speeds up again…some resolutions…this year I have way too many.
1) the year of the thighs!! Work out my legs on my elliptical for at least 15 minutes a day
2) USE Coupons
3) Take more pictures, I’m thinking IG challenges?! I’m not sure how
–I want to take a picture of the boys everyday for the whole year…kinda want to see how they change. Not sure how I would put it all together…
4) WRITE…I should say anything, just to get myself in the habit
—but I want to start a scripture journal, where I write my life’s happenings but also relate them to bible readings I’m meditating on. 
5) Keepsakes…I have been inspired by project life. A scrapbook type of keepsake activity. Only I don’t want to bombard myself, so I want to start with a ‘project life box’…I saved a soap box I got this Christmas…thinking of filling it with mementos and pictures from this year 
6). Brushed brush a brush a…eww I KNOW, my brushing habits haven fallen by the way side. I also want to use white strips every six months
7). BUY new GLASSES
8) READ more
9) Treat myself…buy pretty things I like – lipsticks, nail polishes, coffee
10)

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33 Prompts to  Break out of a Personal Style Rut

DISSECTING YOUR CURRENT LOOK

1. Subconsciously or not, our clothes send a message about who we are, our values and attitudes. What does your wardrobe say about you? If a stranger looked through your closet and then met you in person, would he/she be surprised?

2. If you had to explain your personal style to a stranger as 5 – 10 elements, what would they be? Consider colours, shapes, overall themes, moods, etc.

3. Make a list of every single outfit you wore last week. Now, figure out how each of them could be upgraded without changing the overall concept of the look. What items would you change, which details would you tweak, etc.

4. List your five WORST outfits of the past five years. Now break them down: what exactly made them so awful? The colours, specific items, the fit, the material?

5. What is your main motivation for spending any time on your style at all? Do you use fashion as a creative outlet or an expression of your values/personality? Does dressing well give you confidence?

6. If you had to choose between the two, would you rather be a chronic over-dresser or a chronic under-dresser? Why?

7. Are there any things you now wish you had worn at some point in the past, but didn’t because of a lack of confidence or rules set by others?

8. Get super specific about your style rut: What exactly is boring/annoying/frustrating you? Take this diagnostics quiz if you need some help.

9. Consider all of the big and small things you do on a day-to-day basis (working, meeting friends, exercising, lounging on the couch, carrying your groceries, etc). Completely ignoring all visual aspects, come up with an outfit that is 100% practical, functional and tailored to your individual lifestyle.

10. Make a list of the top 5 most stable and the top 5 most variable elements of your style throughout the years. Which elements have always been a component of your style for as long as you can remember and which do you tend to switch up the most. Can you identify anything that separates the two groups, e.g. are most of your stable elements beauty-related and the fluid ones specific items, etc.?

11. Think about one of your typical outfits, one that represents your overall style well and that you feel comfortable in. Now imagine an outfit that is the exact opposite of your typical look. Do you hate everything about it or are there individual elements that you actually like but that just don’t fit in with the rest of your style?

12. Which emotions have the biggest impact on how you dress? Do you dress differently when you are very happy or very sad?

THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS

13. A thought experiment is a creativity technique that works by removing all outside restrictions and using a completely blank slate as the starting point for idea generation. Image all of your clothes were lost in a fire. Which 15 items would you buy first?

14. As a cartoon character you only get one outfit, but that single outfit perfectly represents the essence of you and your unique style. In a cartoon-version of your life, what would your exact look be from head to toe? Think clothes, hair, make up, jewellery and so on.

15. Quick: Pick three movies that you adore for their visuals. If you were a character in them what would you wear?

16. Take a moment to reminisce about your three favourite vacations so far. Let’s say you got to move to each location for a couple of years. What would you wear on a day-to-day basis and why? How different are your three looks?17. Imagine your life was perfect: you had your dream job and lived in a beautiful house (or apartment, mansion, beach hut) in your dream city and spent your days exactly how you want. How different would your style be compared to your current look and why?

18. Imagine you lived during the 1950s and had your ideal look all figured out. What would you be wearing on an average day? What is your look for special occasions? Repeat this exercise for the 20s and the 70s. What elements of your style remain constant, which could you incorporate into your present-day look?

19. If you could only wear a single outfit for the next two months, what would it be? Consider every detail, from your main items to accessories and make up.

20. Jackpot: You get to steal one outfit each from your three biggest style icons. Which do you pick?

21. You know how Beyoncé used to channel her alter ego Sasha Fierce to allow her naturally shy self to be ultra confident and free on stage? What would your own style look like after a Sasha Fierce treatment?

22. In a hollywood version of your life, what actress would play your part and what kind of outfits would she be wearing (bearing in mind that hollywood tends to glamourise things)?

23. Which five items would you buy today if you had an unlimited budget?

STYLING CHALLENGES

24. It’s way too easy to fill up your Pinterest boards with super bold and bright outfits that might speak to you on an abstract level, but that you wouldn’t actually wear in real life. Inspiration is good, but rather than pinning a ton of pretty high-fashion pictures, also try to look for images that can help you shape a wardrobe that is right for your own lifestyle. Find 10 outfits on Pinterest or your favourite style blogs that you would wear exactly as pictured.

25. List three things you love on other people but think you could never pull off yourself. Go on a mission to make them work on you by trying out lots of different versions or toning down the intensity (e.g. wear a subtle flick instead of bold winged eyeliner).

26. Practice calibrating your outfits. Start out with one of your go-to looks and then either dress it up or down by amping up or toning down its individual elements one-by-one, e.g. add, remove or change your make up, add or remove accessories, tuck in hemlines, switch out your shoes, add a different jacket, etc. See how far you can take it in either direction.

27. Go through your existing wardrobe and build at least 10 complete outfits that you have never worn before in that constellation.

28. For three days switch up your hair and make up routine: if you usually spend 15+ minutes on your make up in the morning but tend to just give your hair a quick brush through, go bare-faced but create a new creative hair style each day. Alternatively, if you usually accentuate your eyes, wear a bold lip colour and so on.

29. Go into a store that you consider to be totally not your style and challenge yourself to find one complete outfit that you would actually wear. Even if it takes you three hours!46. Imagine you looked great in every colour imaginable and could rebuild your wardrobe from scratch. Read this post and then develop an ideal colour palette for your shiny new wardrobe, complete with main colours, neutrals and accent colours.

30. Pick 20 pieces from your wardrobe and try to create 20 different outfits like in these posts (include shoes but no other accessories). The key here is to choose versatile pieces in complementing colours, styles and textures. Imagine a couple of different occasions, style your outfits and snap a few pics for reference!

31. Pick a simple outfit, something like dark-wash jeans + a white t-shirt, and challenge yourself to create 5 completely different looks using only accessories, hair and make up.

32. Play around with the level of contrast in your outfits, both in terms of colour and style. Colour: Create at least one completely monochrome look and another that’s a mix of light and dark shades. Style: Build an outfit that consists of only basic and statement pieces , and another that’s based on mid-range pieces that are neither basic nor super eye-catching. What end of the spectrum do you prefer?

33. Meet up with a friend who has a very different style (but a similar dress size) and swap clothes.

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12/4/15- That Red Message Notification

i know its you, because i had a dream about you yesterday... The message was gone by the time I opened the mailbox. Gone, deleted with no trace. If I'm on your mind, I hope it's because your missing me and nothing more. I hope that you are doing well, and glad for all your blessings. I hope you found the life you have been imagining. Although I may come off bitter, I have nothing but strong hopes for you and your family. That you can live in peace...because you were right all along, I am very blessed. I realize that now, in truth, we can live lives full of hope and blessing apart, and only apart. If your wondering, I'm doing great and I don't miss you, I think about you from time to time and I know I'm where I belong. I know what we were and I know what purpose I served, I'm okay with that. I have come to peace with past decisions and I pray that you have as well.

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Christmas decor 2015

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Thanksgiving shopping list🦃🍂👆🏽

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The idea that I am going to heaven...that I am a good and virtuous person. My plight in life now is not to dwell on the corruption of a world I allowed to penetrate my thoughts and being but to work effortlessly each day to grow; to be better... to myself and those around me so that I may live in peace with what has become a part of me.

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