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bleacherspic · 1 year ago

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My experience with Luke (Punz)

CW: toxic relationship, racism, dubious consent

I know in the past i said that i would no longer speak about him publicly, and when talking about my experiences with abuse and emotional mistreatment i begged to keep it anonymous but after reflecting on this for a week and seeing so many incredibly smart and strong women tell their stories. they have given me the strength to say his name.

this is really scary to talk about because of the copious levels of harassment i have received from his fans in the past so if this spreads or gets out of hand i will simply log off.

If you read my last post, i nicknamed him 1.

So aside from everything i said there, there were a lot of things i didn’t include because they would’ve made it obvious that it was him and it could potentially backfire on me so, i’m very afraid to post this. but i’m going to do it scared anyway, because it’s not fair that he gets to just go and live his life worry-free as if he didn’t practically ruin mine.

Because I already made a very lengthy post about him, i won’t include everything i said last time to avoid being redundant but if i repeat myself, please bear with me.

In our year long relationship i had to endure emotional neglect, gaslighting, verbal abuse, one instance where there was dubious consent, and much more.

Starting off at the beginning of our relationship, that’s when i was getting copious amounts of hate and harassment from his fan base (warranted or not), he decided that our relationship must be kept private. he said it was to “protect” me from his fanbase when in reality it was to protect himself. it was so he wouldn’t get all the backlash i was getting. this is funny because one of the things i got called out for was saying the B slur (derogatory term used against mexicans/latinos). I won’t get into the nuances of if i could say it or not as a puertorican because that’s discourse that does not pertain to this specific situation. But you know who definitely can’t say it? A white boy from Massachusetts. When i was getting cancelled for this and getting thousands of tweets calling me names, he decided that was the perfect time to say “I mean you are a b***** aren’t you? my little b*****.” Now, he said this completely unprompted. I was in the process of writing my apology and he just said that. I tell you this because i immediately shut him down and told him that there was no universe in which it was okay for him to say that word and especially not one where he could just call me that. While i was reprimanding him, he was smiling and laughing. he apparently found it amusing to call me a slur. regardless, he gave me a half-assed apology and said he wouldn’t do it again. and he didn’t. but this wasn’t the only time he was weirdly racist to me. this was my first time being in an interracial relationship so i was led to believe that this was normal by all the white people around me at the time. But, sometimes my spanish accent would come out and he would make fun of me and the way i pronounced some words. He also refused to visit me in Puerto Rico when i lived there or come meet my family when i really wanted him to because he “didn’t like the heat” or “it’s dangerous there isn’t it?”. Once, while we were watching season 2 of Bridgerton, he implied that the Sharma sisters were “too dark” for him to be attracted to them. This hurt me because they are brown skinned girls. I am a brown skinned girl. Then this, combined with the fact that he told me once he wasn’t attracted to me made me feel like my skin color was unattractive. These are only a few examples i can think of at the moment, but i’m sure there were more. Our relationship ended in 2022 so some of my memory is a bit hazy. But, I do remember feeling inferior to him throughout the relationship because he was white and I was not. I chalk that up to all the micro aggressions i had to deal with because i had never felt that way around white people before.

Another thing i had to endure was him constantly making me feel like he was embarrassed to be with me. Because i was cancelled, he didn’t want to associate with me too much. He did defend me on multiple occasions, I’ll give him that. But, he only did it because his name was getting dragged in the mud along with mine. Excusing my actions made him look better for being around me. In reality he didn’t really care. Because he was such a big content creator and someone i looked up to professionally, I took his advice as law. He told me to tone down my personality, to keep a low profile, to change things about myself to be more palatable to his audience. The same audience that spoke about me like “The pussy can’t be that good punz please stop defending her”. So i changed a lot of things about myself and my content to better suit what his audience liked. He made me feel like if his audience liked me, he would be public about our relationship and stop hiding it. He told me the reason why he wanted to keep our relationship a secret was because he didn’t want to get hate for it. But this wasn’t true. On my 20th birthday he went to Las Vegas for a twitch rivals event. That night i asked to facetime him to say goodnight and he refused because he was at a hotel room with his friends and he didn’t want them to know that we were together. It was as if my mere presence or the utterance of my name was a source of embarrassment for him. And he didn’t let me forget it. It wasn’t just a public thing at that point. He didn’t want people to know we were together, period. This was devastating to me because I would talk to all my friends about him. I was so proud to be with him and I was just one more problem to him. He made me feel so small and insignificant just because his fans didn’t like me.

He would berate me a lot. Not just due to getting heat online, although he did do that a lot. But in general whenever we would get into an argument or a disagreement he would always call me names like annoying or weird or stupid. He would raise his voice at me if i did something he didn’t like and call me an idiot. And that really hurt, i felt like i couldn’t bring up anything or do anything without getting insulted. If I hadn’t seen him in a few days because he was too busy streaming and i asked to hang out he would call me needy, clingy, and annoying. Granted, he might not have been wrong, but that is not something you say to someone you claim to love. He also insulted me when i was in depressive episodes. I have BPD and at the time i was not being treated properly for it. So, I was all over the place emotionally and he was what i clung to for validation, reassurance, and love. I talked to him when we first started dating about my disorder and told him that if it seemed like something he couldn’t handle that he could opt out of the relationship. I guess he didn’t think it was that bad or something idk because whenever i had really bad depressive episodes, he would tell me I was too sad to hang out with. He said that my sadness was a burden to him. Which would be fair. But, once my mother had a conversation with him about me. She told him that i am someone who needs a lot of love and caring. She said that if he wasn’t willing to put in that kind of effort into a relationship to just leave me alone. He reassured her that he would be there for me no matter what. He told my mother that he would protect me and my heart. He did not. He took all the warnings I gave him and ignored them and then made me feel like I was the problem. And even worse, he would say that i was pretending to be sad to get his attention when he would neglect for days at a time.

There were also some smaller things like the fact that he made me feel really guilty whenever he would spend money on me. Also, he would be really mean about my eating habits. For context, i used to suffer from an eating disorder. I was anorexic and had a really unhealthy relationship with food during high school and my first year of uni. This relationship began when i was recovering from my ED. For me, eating was really hard. So i had certain comfort foods that, while sometimes unhealthy, at least it was something to eat when i didn’t feel like eating anything. He knew this. Yet, whenever i would crave some of these foods he would call me fat. Constantly told me I’d gain weight from eating all that junk food. Saying that to someone with an eating disorder is crazy. Other smaller things were that whenever I would post tiktoks where i was lip syncing or just looking good he would yell at me and say i was looking for attention. Same with Instagram or Twitter whenever i would post photos where I looked hot. He never planned out a single date for us. I would beg him to get me flowers and he did maybe once but i’ll get into that in a bit. He would make fun of me in front of his friends to make himself look better. He let his friends say really degrading things about me in his presence. For example, once when i was showering, i overheard him on a discord call with George and Sapnap and i heard George say “if you don’t go in the shower and have sex with Andi, i will”. Once, when i was really struggling with my legs (for those of you who don’t know, i have arthritis and it’s very painful. at the time i wasn’t diagnosed but i was in a lot of pain) I literally could not walk. I had to beg him to take me to the ER because i didn’t know what was wrong with me. He didn’t want to take me but eventually i convinced him, and while we were there all he did was complain about how long it was taking and that he would have rather been at home streaming. Whenever I would talk about my interests that i was excited about like shows or books he would be incredibly uninterested and say that those things were stupid and he didn’t want to hear about them. I know all of these seem very silly or superficial but cumulatively it was awful.

Now for arguably the most serious thing i’m going to talk about. I want to preface this by saying i am just telling my side of what happened. You can come to your own conclusions about this.

On April 25, 2022 it was our one year anniversary, and i had made a dinner reservation for us. I expected him to plan something throughout the day for us to do. He told me he was going to spend the whole day playing Valorant so I got upset and cancelled the reservation. After a very heated argument, we calmed down and i asked him to come over. He came over about an hour later with flowers and drinks (I was 20 at the time so I couldn’t buy the drinks myself). He brought Smirnoffs and Trulys. For context, I am a lightweight. I always have been. I literally get tipsy on half a cocktail. And that day, I hadn’t eaten anything because i was in distress over our argument. So we get to talking and drinking. I blacked out after my second Smirnoff. Apparently I drank 3 but I genuinely cannot remember anything after finishing the second one. The next morning i woke up naked in my bed. I woke him up and asked him “Luke, why am I naked?” and he said “Because you didn’t want to put your clothes back on.” When I clarified to him that that was not what I meant, he got defensive and said that he didn’t realize how drunk I was. He proceeded to tell me that I initiated sex with him and that i was very enthusiastic about it. He said he didn’t know i could black out on three smirnoffs. He made fun of me for being a lightweight and continued to make light of the situation. Then he mentioned that i fell off the bed at some point in the night and that it was funny how drunk I was. I then questioned him. Because if he thought that me tripping and falling off the bed because i was so drunk was funny, how did he not know that i was too drunk? He responded by saying that i fell off the bed only after we were done. That day I broke up with him. I’m still really confused about what happened that night. I don’t remember anything and all I have to go on is what he said to me. We were in a relationship at the time and he says he didn’t know how drunk I was so I’m not sure what to call what happened. A while after that day, his friend that hmu while we were broken up and I started talking again and i confided in him about that night. He told me to be careful saying things like that because they could get me into trouble. I spoke to some of our other friends about it and they told me it was no big deal and that it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know how drunk I really was. Because I don’t remember, I have been led to believe that this is not a serious matter. You can think what you want, come to whatever conclusions you want. That is just my side of the story.

I want to add that I’m not proud of how I acted after the relationship ended. I felt really angry at all the shit he put me through and I guess a part of me wanted him to hurt even a quarter of how I did. So I started talking to his friend and got involved with him. This backfired on me because his friend ended up really hurting me too so ig i got my karma. But the thing that hurt the most is that because of what I did, some of our friends took his side in the break up. I was told that I did something terrible by getting involved with his friend that he was already insecure about and that he didn’t deserve that. These are the same friends who were witness to the dumpster fire of a relationship we had and all the things he did to me. They turned their backs on me because of this one thing I did. But stood by and watched as he treated me like garbage for over a year.

I will conclude this by saying that while this relationship has been “over and done with” for almost two years now, I carry a lot of trauma from it still. I still talk about him in therapy and have had to put in a lot of work to heal from what he did and i still cannot say that i am okay. I am very blessed to now have a patient and understanding partner who has helped me heal from that trauma and i just want to quickly thank him for that. Nobody deserves to go through what I did. While yes, it was a toxic relationship, and I had a part in that, it does not excuse all the awful things he said and did to me. This is my truth, thank you for taking the time to read it.

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bleacherspic · 2 years ago

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I'm only going to go over the sections mentioning the allegations, because I believe those to be he only parts that should be there. I'm sure I have a lot of thoughts about the rest also, but I know they're just there to distract.

Anastasia (23:56-25:29):

Says she couldn't have had his number in her contacts showing on tiktok because he uses a google voice number on his acc - I've had several friends who have his doxed number in their contacts, where it shows Dream in their contacts on tiktok

Says he only had contact with her through twitter dms and that she had 18 in her bio and then contradicted this in the dms - She didn't have 18 in her bio until the end of august 2020, when she turned 18. They were talking in "early 2020" (Dream's words).

Says the texts and him face revealing to her aren't real - I guess there's no verifiable proof they are, so he can't really disprove them either, but it's worth noting that she sent one of the photos of the texts to one of her friends in october 2020.

Bottom line: He frames her as a liar, but the 2 things he 'disproves' aren't true.

Amanda (28:22-37:55, 39:33-44:49):

Says nothing inappropriate happened between them using a tiktok comment from Amanda - The tiktok comment is from before the alleged inappropriate contact in january 2021. There's another tiktok comment she made about being groomed by a big yter in september 2022, which he never shows

Goes through their instagram logs to show he was disinterested in her and didn't know she was a fan - I think him being disinterested makes it far weirder that he kept in contact, which he makes seem was against his will like he doesn't famously ignore people and has thousands of fans in his dms anyways. He also conveniently remembers her wanting to be a streamer and not all of the messages she sent about her being a fan of his.

Goes through their snapchat 'logs' to prove there was no sexual contact - These appear to be edited and leave things out (just going to link a thread going over this). His proof is an easily editable json file. Hers is a video made with a second phone of her scrolling through all of the messages.

Says she told him she was 19 - No evidence of this, same as there's no evidence of him knowing she was 17.

Says she deleted instagram messages, tiktok comments and twitter likes - This means nothing, besides the fact she was embarassed about liking him previously especially now that everyone was scrutinizing her over it.

Says he would never have met up with anyone during his faceless period - Jay corrobarated that Dream was also talking about flying her out during this time (and I guess Dregentina did now too)

Says if they did have sexual interactions she should have proof of this because she used a picture she took of their snapchat messages with a second phone in her proof - The fact she took 1 picture of their snapchat messages in may 2022 doesn't mean she was obsessively taking photos of their every interaction back in january 2022 with a second phone

Bottom line: Consistently paints an extremely malicious image of Amanda, but most of the things he shows to support this don't really prove that, and says nothing inappropriate happened using very flimsy snapchat logs.

Jamie (59:48-1:15:06):

Says he's never had sexual contact with a minor and never groomed anyone - He never says if the snapchat video was real and if it was, who it was sent to. This is the thing he needs to disprove for this and he just doesn't.

Says he met Jamie when he wasn't even a youtuber - Only thing he clarifies about their relationship. Doesn't explain anything about why there's a video of Jamie sending a video of Dream sexting her on snapchat through twitter dms in august 2019.

Says the burners aren't people that know Jamie and are simply digging into her life and talking about things they know nothing about - I agree the burners are fucked up, but it's really the content and whether it's real that needs to be addressed.

Shows discord messages saying he didn't know her age - This seems like something very important to prove your innocence, but it's practically glossed over. After all this anonymous person, Sam2, never even talked to him about this, so how would she know this

Shows Sam2's statement saying that to her knowledge he has never interacted with underage fans inappropriately and that she wasn't involved - Completely contradicted by herself.

Shows Jamie's statement saying she's not a victim - I feel very bad for her and wish things didn't happen like this. Whether she thinks she is a victim is kinda irrelevant in the question of whether Dream sexted minors though, which she doesn't deny.

Says he assumes Nat's version of events (her sending the screenshot whilst she was drunk is real) - I mean, I guess he at least cleared Nat there of malicious intent.

Bottom line: He seeds doubt about this story constantly, yet never denies it. In fact he kinda seems to clear everyone in this story of any faking: Jamie, Sam2, Nat, even the burners, they're all just people sending pictures without all of the context, which he never provides.

Some more general comments:

Most of his own proof is a lot more poorly substaniated than that which was shared by Anastasia, Amanda and the burners, yet anything that they shared that can't be 100% proven to be real, he paints as fake, even doing a segment about how easy it is to fake evidence. Not his evidence though, his word is God, remember that. Forget that the whole video is him bringing up times he's lied before.

He often brings up how "ridiculous" claims are, which I guess is easy to believe when you look at these 3 claims in a vaccuum. If you have the knowledge of what a lot of other girls who have had sexual contact with him (and how many that are), this all seems a lot less ridiculous.

He never knows they were underage, even though they were stated elsewhere. There's no actual proof of him having reason to think they weren't minors. We do know they were all underage during alleged sexual contact.

I never brought up anything about the police, because to me it's irrelevant. I'm not knowledgeable enough and I don't think that the reports not having been filed says anything about their believability.

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