blog-aestrash
blog-aestrash
aestel
2 posts
"The silver moon shines like a faint nostalgia tugging at a melancholic soul and suddenly I am becoming the phantom whispers of all the people I had to let go."
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
blog-aestrash · 3 years ago
Text
ilang beses na ba ako nagsulat tungkol sa mga pasista
alas dose ng umaga. pumipikit na ang mga mata sa kakahintay. nakaharap sa kompyuter at pansamantalang nagliliwaliw. baka sakaling magkaroon ako ng ideya tungkol sa mga nakalapag na gawain. ilang buwan na ba simula nang binigay ang takdang aralin na ito? hindi ko na rin alam. simula nag kolehiyo, ilang beses na ba ako nagsulat tungkol sa mga pasista? minsan naiisip ko kung may mga salita pa bang hindi nasasalita o angulong hindi pa nakukuha. hanggang kailan ba ako magsusulat patungkol sa mga delubyo sa mundo? ewan. nakakatamad. omg bigla kong naalala na pwede pala magsulat sa wikang filipino. oh edi sige. kaso ano namang isusulat ko. ay tangina.
0 notes
blog-aestrash · 3 years ago
Text
breadwinner na may amag
no single day in my life has ever been spent not mourning on what i could have been had i not be the breadwinner. the way it has been inscribed from the day i was born, or even conceived, that i am meant to "raise my family from the pits of poverty" makes me grieve for the identity that pre-existed before any of this transcription does. perhaps i would not gloss over the death of random strangers in my facebook newsfeed and wish that fate would have made sense being more cruel to me than them. perhaps i could have flourished more in my personal and professional endeavors. perhaps i need not terrorize myself of understanding and understanding and understanding the generational curse of mental fuck-up. in the universe where it is only i that i am responsible of, i would have loved fully dedicating my life to the marginalized. of what seals it all, more than the idea of an alternative reality, is how each day constantly slaps me the truth of never being decent at the only remaining purpose in my life. as much as i wish i could provide my siblings better lives, i still struggle to fit by my own and by the conventional standard of what is good enough. and the barely-giving-a-fuck society does not help at all given the shitty circumstances around us lately. the things i could control and the things that are beyond me belligerently cross path with each other to make the pathetic human being that i am. if only i was a step-half better version of myself, i would have at least managed to live a purpose unconstrained. then again i am just bound to decay until the end of my life.
xoxo
ps: wag niyo ako i-console. i am responsible for my own mental health. at awkward. tho comment kayo here and only here (gawa kayo tumblr account yieee) if gusto niyo rin magtrauma dump. this is a safe space.
psss: would love to read your journal entries as well. therapeutic daw siya according sa colleague ko. and wag niyo ko tawaging cloutchaser, this is just a toned down version of the most private blogs in my account AHAHHAHA
0 notes