bloggong

[bloggong]

Field Camp Reflections (part 1)

1. ‘Okay 1st company, this is what I want to see!’

2.

3. ‘Your next timing is 0700. I want to see all water canteens full, all 3 litre water bags full, and 1 full Jerrycan per FG plus 4 Jerrycans per section.’ 4. IBM = strip and powder up before the screeching bats shit fleas on you. 5. Get blisters on all fingers when digging shellscrape. 6. Accidentally empty 2 bottles of insect repellent on your blistered fingers and LBS when trying to eradicate antnest inside your shellscrape. 7. Numb fingers during Sit Test. 8. Issuing G-I-R-L-O when enemy is 150 metres away and can’t locate you and your men, thus altering enemy to your position and engaging in instant firefight. 9. Refraining from engaging in number 2 for 5 days and 4 nights, only to regret that decision on the 5th night at 2:36am in the morning. 10. Camo off, Camo on in crunches and push-up position change on a red ant nest

11. Getting high blood pressure as section IC for 2 days of field camp 12. Distributing 840 rounds of ammo + loading 60 rounds per person + consuming lunch + signing ammo form in 7 minutes All the same, Praise God.  -gong 11:07pm 10 Feb 2021

[bloggong]

A pre-field camp reflection

Hey guys,

Short one today. Given that I'm using this blog as an online catalogue of my thoughts, this will do though.

I'm very worried for Field Camp the next few days. Pray for me that I continue to honour the Father above all, and that I may grumble less and give thanks more.

Just wanted to share my notes from Greg's sermon today on Discipleship. It was very good.

Living in a post-Christian world

Within Singapore society, the term post-Christian holds less weight, since our founding fathers embraced secularity over a Christian centric worldview. As such, Singapore always deliniated Christianity and religion as a private matter; contrary to a public matter.

<Philippians 4:8-9>

The key 6 categories:

True, honourable, just, pure, lovely, commendable

The antithesis to these 6 categories;

TRUTH (Genesis 3:1)

- These days truth has become internal and foolishly subjective

- Truth is now a common commidity that is trafficked in a post-modern world

- Political stance, views of reality, our view of authority figures and the anti-estab movement, all these things have a much bearing on our view of reality

CONTRARY TO

1 Corinthians 15:3-8

*Paul emphasizes the crux of the matter, truth is not subjective, it is actual objective reality.

All of our faith is built upon a sobering historical reality. We must base the foundation of our faith on objectice reality, with the supernatural being and the Divine being as congurent with reality as other physical occurences.

HONOURABLE

- Would you deem those mentioned in the beautitudes (Matthew 5:1-11) as honourable?

- Examine the end results of those deprived of earthly riches, comfort and power

- Yet, Blessing is found in those who have a poverty in Spirit, which is why it is a blessed thing to be mourning over one's sin

- Your entire value system must change, you CANNOT both be a child of God and a hater of God

- The heart is the thing that must change. Christian discipleship is not a matter of WHERE to draw the line, but a question of WHO you want to honour.

*We must DISCERN what is truly worthy of honour, namely the praise of the Lord Jesus Christ, and give him the glory He is due.

JUST

- Why do wicked men and women feel an innate sense of injustice when we see an innocent child being tortured to death, or a soldier betraying his Unit to save his own life?

- The issue here is that in a post-Christain world, the fuel of social justice movements is one's feelings instead of attacking the standards that have been arbitrarily denoted by weak, flawed men and women

:. A brief summary of the three points so far.

TRUTH = An objective definition of reality (epistomology)

HONOURABLE = This is something to be esteemed (ontology)

JUST = Moral judgements of issues (ethics)

At its crux, this is the disciple's worldview. All this can only be sustained by sovereign grace and supplication of the Holy Spirit.

We must have both WORLDVIEW and PRACTICE!

What we do, what we say and what we see all affect our journey in living out the Christian Worldview.

Does your PUBLIC and PRIVATE life add up. Are they congurent? (Matthew 23:27)

If life without Christ is no life at all, and life with Christ is everything, then how can you be ok when you are spiritually dry?

Thus, a disciple of Christ must see how beautiful Christ is, and treasure that as commendable above all else!

<Discipleship in an anti-Christian world>

(Luke 9:23)

- Daily you MUST bear your cross, deny yourself and follow Him.

*Actual context of persecution of the song "I have decided to follow Jesus"

When tempted to give HONOUR to other things that don't last, can you continue to give ALL HONOUR to the only one who is due all of it?

To Him be all Glory, Honour and Praise, for Christ is the epitome of truth, justice, mercy and love, and is all that is commendable, pure and lovely.

Alright, that's the end of this blog post. I pray that when I exit field camp, I can say I have done any of these things, only by His grace alone.

Praise God.

-gong

2:25pm (3 hours 20 minutes to bookin)

31 Jan 2021

[bloggong]

The poison of self-reliance

“Here is the sweet paradox in how God works. He blesses those who admit that they need help: The poor in spirit are blessed (Matthew 5:3). Sanity has a deep awareness, I need help. I can’t do life right on my own. Someone outside me must intervene. The sanity of honest humility finds mercy, life, peace, and strength. By contrast, saying we don’t need help keeps us stuck on that hamster wheel of making excuses and blaming others. The end result isn’t life and peace; it’s self-righteousness, self-justification, alienation, and bitterness.”

- David A. Powlison

In keeping with the times, I’m starting this post with a David Powlison quote. While I hadn’t actually heard of this man till a sermon this morning during YF (courtesy of a mentor who shall remain anonymous), this quote had the same brick-to-the-face impact as a good’ol Paul Washer sermon.  To quote my brother in Christ Mr Yip, “any other sin can make you experience brokenness that drives you to repentance” but “pride only hardens us”. Alright, I’ve my quota of 2 QUOTES for now. Will check in with another quote in a bit!  Okay, but to contextualize a bit, given the aggressive header for this blog post (which I promise I will get to in due time), it has been around 3 weeks since I’ve started my journey as a NSF (ie. full-time National Serviceman) on Palau Tekong. In this time, I’ve learnt many things, but for the sake of conciseness, I’ll condense it down to the following point.  1. To be responsible, one must be devoted to duty and not themselves.  This statement, which if you examine closely, actually contains the distilled intention of the SAF, of prioritizing our duty to our nation over our own selfish gain, isn’t inherently wrong. In fact, most would argue it is a noble thing to cherish the safety of your country and your loved ones over your own comfort and pleasure.  So why am I bringing this up? And what does this have to do with self-reliance being toxic?  Let me try to explain this in the best way I can.  Through the now countless hours I’ve spent rushing up and down the four flights of stairs in Smart 4/ Long 4/ Admin Kit/ PT kit, my LBS clamping my hip bone, my helmet whacking the edge of my fog-tinted spectacles, as my right hand hovers over my half-filled water canteen and I frantically check to ensure my admin bottle is filled, I have realized that one thing the SAF (and UG in general) ingrains in every soldier is the need to be responsible.  The unspoken rules of Rocky Hill School 4 Coy 1 are as follows. 

Take care of yourself. Don’t be a burden to those around you. Maintain your personal bearings first. 

Help those around you who need help. 

The betterment of the section/ platoon/ company holds higher priority than the needs of any individual recruit. Don’t be selfish.

By the Lord’s manifold grace and infinite mercies, I have not had any major screwups that have resulted in my section or platoon having to pump as of yet. Perhaps my UG background prepared me partially for the punishments we have had to endure so far, but only by His grace have I been able to get all my tasks finished as of now. Here’s the issue though. With the limited admin time we are given in School 4, sometimes limited to 20 minutes every night before lights out, having to shower, do laundry, prepare for the next day’s attire, ensure all items are accounted for, set alarm and numerous other things, I have become a very task-focused creature.  In efficiently finishing tasks delegated to me, I begin to get annoyed with those around who who are unable to do what has been asked of them. When we are made to pump, I get angry at those who are slower than myself. And above all, I realize that in the rank-centric ego-heavy atmosphere of the SAF, self-reliance and one’s physical abilities largely contribute to one’s self-identity. So when, by God’s grace, I attain Gold for IPPT, I don’t give Him glory (or at least, I fail to publicly express it.) Effectively, I fail to live up to the mantle of what Christians are to live for, namely, to the praise of God’s glory.  In the quiet moments of the morning when my phone softly buzzes me awake, I no longer contemplate God’s grace and love in giving me another day of life. Instead, I plan for the day, I try and prepare as best as I can, and I do not commit any of it to God.  In the conduct-laden weeks filled with multiple high keys, I find lesser time to give thanks, and spend my days complaining, mindlessly bantering or stoning. These days, talking nonsense seems much more attractive to me than reading His word. Using my phone to read webtoons is more alluring than opening the Solid Joys app.  Again and again, I am a stubborn child who has been shown the overwhelming sweetness of the love of the Father, yet I remain content chewing on the rotten carcasses of my ego. Spending time in NS has (again), shown me more of who I really am. Under the facade I kept up, Really, I know what the issue is. At the end of the day, it is one of personal pride. What I need more is not confidence or self-esteem. To the contrary, I need a more accurate view of my place in the Universe. I need to see myself as lesser, and the Father as more.  IF anything, I need LESSER confidence in my own worth, and GREATER confidence in the sovereign irresistible grace of the Father.  Truly, the Lord is sovereign, His will will be done. All things WILL be accomplished for His glory, and for His name to be lifted high.  And it is a marvelous, beautiful, awesome privilege that a hell-deserving, forgetful, evil wretch like myself would be claimed as a child of the thrice Holy God, redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, and sanctified daily by the powerful work of the Holy Spirit.  This isn’t simply information. This is good news, tear-jerking, mind-eviscerating news for a wretch who before, had nothing to look forward to but an eternity of suffering under the wrath of a righteous judge.  For someone who has done nothing of worth or value his entire life, it again becomes clear to me when something of value appears. And here, the infinite worth of the eternal life bought for me by the death of the Son of God himself is something I cannot hope to repay, nor is it something my feeble mind can comprehend without God’s grace.  AND so here’s the crux of the matter.  I need to again, be humbled to a point of absolute brokenness. I have to realize that, when faced with all my inadequacies, I am not simply looking at a part of myself that I have failed to ‘train’. Rather, I’m looking at a reflection of my true self.  To quote Mr Paul Washer, “On that day when He comes again, He will pluck all things, all men’s talents, all the best of the human race, and grab it with one hand and exclaim, ‘This is ALL FOR ME’”.  I have to again remember that not only is my faith, all of life, heck, even the whole universe, sustained by Sovereign grace, that all of this is for His glory alone.  ONLY through this can I be turned away from pride, idolatry, and anything that does not point to the blazing heart of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I must become less, so that He may be made much of.  Brothers and Sisters in Christ, please keep me in your prayers. Even as I have anxiety for the 2 weeks of Field Camp coming up next week, I am even more worried that as I return to BMTC tomorrow, I again spiral into the toxicity of self-reliance. That I am foolish enough to consider myself of more worth and more grit than those around me, just because God has graciously bestowed me with experiences that are meant to be used for HIS glory.  I pray that in the coming 2 weeks, as more grace may be shown to me by the Lord, that I may in turn be more gracious to those around me. That I may be less selfish with my time. That I may prize others above myself, but that I may prize Christ as even more valuable than precious gold, or anything else in this life. That I may watch my tongue, that it will not slander with falsehood or callous word, that everything I say and do may point to the Holy, Righteous, Merciful, Loving, eternal Lord I worship. To end, I want to share a short conversation I had with Peter Goh over whatsapp today. To summarize, we both agreed that we were “spiritually despondent”. But that’s an issue right? How can my response to a question “How r you“ be “pretty okay” when I’m feeling “spiritually dry” if “life without Christ is no life at all and life with him is everything” ?

I’m worried. I fear my heart if calloused and blind to my own sin, that I no longer fear the Lord. I fear I no longer treasure His eternal promises and worth above the world. But in equal measure, I will cherish His promises in His word.  Brothers and Sisters, even as I stake my claim not in my own inadequacy, but I take greater confidence in the Father’s ability to turn a wretch like me (again!) toward Him and transform my heart of stone into one of flesh, keep me in prayer. Over these two weeks, I pray I may glorify Him by His supplication alone. Praise the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Truly, all to Him I freely give, for the all surpassing worth of the Lord Jesus Christ. I pray I can start the short book Pastor Razo gave me ‘The practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence” and Greg’s 60-day “Daily reading devotionals” as well, such that when I have my passing out parade, I may take greater confidence in His mercy, grace and love. 

“It was wonderful love that Christ should rather die for us than for the angels that fell. They were creatures of a more noble extract, and in all probability might have brought greater revenues of glory to God; yet that Christ should pass by those golden vessels, and make us clods of earth into stars of glory - Oh, the hyperbole of Christ's love!”

- Thomas Watson

AND

“The more bitterness we taste in sin, the more sweetness we shall taste in Christ.”

- Thomas Watson

SO

Romans 3:23 

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

AND

Psalm 115:1

Not to us, Lord, not to us, But to Your name give glory, Because of Your mercy, because of Your truth. 

Praise God, for He is worthy of all praise and worship, and all things.

Soli Deo Gloria.

-Gong

10:02pm

30 Jan 2020

[bloggong]

A short reflection on my current predicament (aka F.R.I.E.N.D.S)

Good evening Brothers and Sisters,

Hope this blog post finds you well, that yall are keeping in good health, and that everyone is remaining suitably socially distanced. 

For context, I am cataloguing my thoughts via this post, because I’m not fully sure of what to think now. By God’s grace in due time I’ll be able to look back on this period with a much clearer head.  Life has always been split into various chunks/phases. When you are a child, these phases are clearly defined, whether it be by your parents, your country’s education system, or your religion. Days are neatly carved into slots of time where you engage in various pre-determined activities. These days molt into weeks, which collapse into months, and when all is said and done, years fly by quicker than anyone can count.  For me, life was always sectioned off by where I was in school. Primary school to Secondary school to IB; ACS Primary to ACS Independent (express) to ACS Independent (IP) to Year 5 and 6 of IB. While there were definitely some trying moments, I knew where to go everyday. Every groggy morning brought with it the expectation of the deadlines that weighed heavy on my shoulders, yet I knew I had to head to school, namely 121 Dover Road, to attend yet another day of lessons.  After completing the IB exams last year, even as I had around a month of free time pre-enlistment, I knew what I was to do with my time. I spent time completing essays for University applications, hanging out with treasured friends, planning for YF ‘camp’ 2020, and watching a copious amount of youtube. 

Funnily enough, as a male, I have the privilege of being provided a 2-year-long mandatory gap year in the form of NS. Even here, I know the place where I must go (emphasis on the must). The point being, even now, society has carved out a place for me. 

Yet, when I look at my friends, especially those going into University, or others who don’t serve NS, I quickly realize that soon, we will be adults. As I scramble around in NS, as they work on Uni apps or at their part-time jobs, we are gradually being matriculated into society as graduates of Singapore’s education system. And to be honest, I’m worried. I’m afraid, of the future, of what is to come, of how I am to live both in NS, in University, and in the working world.  More than that, and to finally get to the crux of this post, I worry I will lose my friends. Over the break post-IB, I really developed many treasured friendships, friendships that I really pray will last a long time. Yet, after entering NS, when time is so scarce, the 48 hours separating bookout and bookin oftentimes not even being afforded to me, I realize that in scheduling my weekends around meeting friends and family, I am, to some degree, being very selfish.  And so I worry, I fear that I am being too clingy to the people I care about. That in wanting to meet them on the weekends when I bookout, I am depriving them of time they want to spend somewhere else. That in their niceness, I am inevitably pushing them away.  So I don’t know.

Right now, I’m just mired in this place of confusion. Of conflict over whether I should push ahead and spend time with them anyway, and risk annoying them, or keep a healthy distance.  And after much thought, I’ve decided that while I can’t predict the future, even as I desire to spend more time with this treasured group of friends who I hold dear, I have to be okay with things changing.  Even as the nostalgia saturates the many memories I’ve made with them over the past year, particularly over the last 2 months, things will inevitably change. Whether we grow closer or grow apart, I can’t be too sure. While I really do not wish for anything to change, and I try my best to grip hold of these invaluable, God-honoring friendships, I am too weak to be in control of these things. In truth, all men and women are too weak to be able to grasp relationships and chart their course in the desired direction. Rn, I’m just in a state of being torn apart by my longing to spend more time with these friends, and having a need to acknowledge that I cannot forsee whether these friendships will last. So brothers and sisters, pray for me. Pray that I will have faith in Him, in the Father’s loving kindness, that by His grace, if it is His will, I will keep in close contact with these dear friends. More than this however, that I will treasure and prize His glory above all. That if I grow apart from these dear friends, that I know it is for His name’s sake, and that I will continue to serve Him as an undeserving wretch raising up filthy rags to a Holy, all-consuming, praise-worthy King. Pray for me as well that I will be given a desire to read His word, to grow in my knowledge and understanding of the Lord even as I continue in BMT and NS. I fear that my hunger to praise God has been numbed by the overwhelming schedule of my days in NS, so I pray that in His love, the spirit will again give me a fire for understanding and growing in faith, both for my sake and for the growth of my cell in the YF as well, such that we may all grow in a manner glorifying to Him. Truly, friendships and family may taste sweet, but all is comparably bitter in regard to knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. Thanks yous (and PS; a short aside to the OG chingus shoutout to “lame + dudu is cute uwu”: if yall are reading this, thank you for the many treasured memories, beginning from mid-2018 till now. Thank you! I treasure you! And even if we can’t make time for each other and things get busier, no worries! Even as I want to spend time with yall, school and work and many other things will surely come into play. I will make time for yall, but by no means is this promise something I can fulfill by my weak hands, only sustained by sovereign grace. So even as I will continue to make time, please settle the things you need to do first. If yall feel a break is in order, then let me know and we shall go with that. But please please know this! While I treasure the time I spend with yall very very much, the busier life gets, the harder it will be to meet. Schedules will conflict, timings will overlap, our paths might not cross as often. Ultimately though, I pray that we can continue to remain close, and know that even if we can’t meet IRL, when you are happy, then I am also. I hope you don’t find my beta-ness too overbearing at times, but thank you for this relationship that has taught me so much about myself, about yall, and about the Father’s mercies. Priorities will shift and things will change, but I pray we continue to honor the Father above all things, and seek for His will to be accomplished by broken vessels like ourselves by His grace and mercy. Thank you.) John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this, that a person will lay down his life for his friends. Signing off for now as a sad NS boy and a redeemed sinner about to re-enter Tekong -Gong

9:01pm

24 January 2020

[bloggong]

Narratology (part 1)

Post-shag activity admin time really hits different. 

Timecheck, I have around 20 minutes to the next scheduled activity. Hopefully I can finish this in time.

Kind of a different post today, but was thinking much about narrators. For some context, in my application essay to Yale-NUS, in which one of the essay questions required us to ‘ask’ and ‘answer’ our own question, I talked to a small extent about Narratology. While in actuality, I wanted to discuss said topic at length, the constraining word limit and the difficulty I had in constructing a question that perked the curiosity of the reader meant that I was unable to fulfill my aim. 

So I’ve instead decided to pour out my collected thoughts here instead, where they may rest, devoid of an audience.

Effectively, what you’re about to read next is an abbriviated version of my actual essay, namely the deleted parts. I’ve got to go for some talk in 15 minutes, so in subsequent admin times, I might come back and edit this, or contnue with a follow-up post that properly consolidates my thoughts. Go easy on the roughness of this unedited, uncut version of the essay though lmao thanks. 

(To give a bit more context, I ramble on at length about a game called “The Beginner’s Guide”. I highly reccomend playing the game; if you have the time or the cash, since it’s easily found on Steam, and it helps support a fascinating creator as well. Otherwise, various analysis can be found on youtube. In fact, said excerpt of my essay from below was inspired by a breakdown of “The Beginner’s Guide” by the youtube channel Errant Signal, do consider supporting their channel!)

Though I have consistently found myself mesmerized by the chorus, a group of actors in greek theatre who take on the role of de facto narrator cum comedians and sorrow harbingers, popularized by one Shakespeare, there is much to be said of artists and authors who leave a degree of distance between creator and audience, allowing for reader interpretation. Here, the absence of a protagonist in books with ambiguous endings allows for a degree of wish-fulfillment for a work’s audience, with the end of the narrative being realized by the reader instead of formalised by the creator of a given work.

In other cases, the absence of a narrator, or even a protagonist, saw viewers infusing their own narrative into the work. This proclivity for readers to generate their own interpretation, which then colours their perception of a given work, was clearly evidenced in psychologists Marianne Simmel and Fritz Hedier’s pioneering work in “An Experimental Study of Apparent behaviour”, a study in which they created a short animated film comprising two triangles, a circle and a rectangle formed by four sticks of varying proportions. In their paper, Hedier and Simmel’s found that the human impulse to form narratives, with participants ascribing the aforementioned shapes with genders, characteristics like “valiant and spirited” and “brutish and abusive”, and establishing moral judgements on said figures, showed that in the absence of a narrator, or a clearly defined narrative, humans are quick to construct their own storylines to make sense of otherwise disjointed, random observations. In this light, in the absence of a narrator, audiences are as likely to fashion their own rendering of what occurred within a narrative. This is likewise observed in non-fiction media as well, as oftentimes, documentaries depicting Sporting Championships, alongside news pieces, tend to ratchet up the tension through techniques that would normally be observed in their fiction-based counterparts. This is keenly seen when Sports Matches are romanticized, with the final deciding points being played out in the last moments of a match, alongside documentaries intentionally portraying a team as a larger underdog initially, so as to make their final comeback all the more unexpected and cathartic for viewers. Here, when non-fiction media begins to imitate fiction, even in the absence of a direct narrator, it reveals the human tendency to identify and infuse our own narratives into any observed event, even when said event is devoid of such sentimentality.

However, such interpretation could border onto the questionable side if a reader begins to psychoanalyze a piece of work, possible seeking to interpret or fabricate inaccurate information about the creator of said work, which could result in reductionism of the complexity of the creator’s message, possibly leading to misrepresentation of the author’s ideals. In certain cases, where the author intention is completely perverted and obfuscated as a result of a reader’s infusion of their own interpretation into a given work, with said view encroaching on the liberty of the author to spread their message, the lack of a narrator who directly imbues context and meaning into a work could result in such an occurrence. 

This is observed in “The Beginners Guide”, a fascinating videogame which delves into such a scenario, with the fan, Davey, infusing their own motif into an artist, Coda’s work, with the conjured motif of a ‘lamppost’ being altered into a creator’s works against their permission, causing the artist to feel made used of and manipulated, with the artist ultimately stopping production of his games. In the fan’s inability to understand that the artist was at certain moments, creating games for himself, instead of seeking to critique a societal issue, or comment upon a universal emotion, Davey unawarely alienated Coda, ultimately causing the disillusioned Coda to stop producing games altogether, as Coda fled the medium entirely to avoid such manipulation. Here, the lack of a clear narrator who emphasizes the point of thetext reveals the risk of an artist’s work being perverted entirely by fans who fail to understand the proper context and motivation for said work.

Yet, at the same time, the aforementioned game, “The Beginners Guide” acts as a piece of Metanarrative, in that it constantly acknowledges that it is a videogame. Within the fiction of the story, this “guide” is a compilation of the artist, Coda’s work, by a fan, Davy, who is seeking to at first question why Coda left, with the game subsequently unveiling that Davy, to many ends, was the cause of Coda’s departure in the first place. Since many of Coda’s games that are unveiled in “The Beginners Guide” lack a narrator of any sort, let alone an autodiegetic one who would fulfill the role of protagonist, Davy feels empowered to infuse his own narrative into Coda’s work. In doing so however, Davy’s meddling inadvertently corrupts the message and intention of Coda’s games entirely. Importantly, in choosing to dispose of the conventional narrative distance afforded by other more conventional games, with “The Beginners Guide” instead choosing to tell a story that is firmly grounded in reality, the unreliable narration of Davy, who details his interactions with Coda throughout the game, see that player’s expectations are completely subverted. In highlighting how Davy’s attempt to engage in psychoanalysis of Coda as a person through his games intruded on Coda’s privacy, threatening his work and corrupting his intentions,

“The Beginners Guide” both acts as a stellar piece of fiction that details what happens in the absence of a clear narrator who contextualizes the story for audiences, whilst forcing players of the game to refrain from psychoanalyzing any other artists work. Even as this effect is achieved through an unreliable narrator, the commitment to realism that initially causes players to question if the events detailed within the game are real or metaphorical allows for the subsequent reminder to be hammered home, that all creators of any work are complex individuals, and that audiences should refrain from psychoanalyzing an artist through his work, or infusing their own narrative into a work to the degree that it takes away from the artist’s intentions, lest it result in perversion of the artist’s intentions.

Congrats if you somehow managed to trudge through that bog of convalution. I think I’ll write more about this when my head is much clearer.

Aight lmao bye for now.

-gong

10:08pm

21/1/2020

[bloggong]

What does it mean to be a soldier?

Hey everyone, its yaboi back with some spicy outtakes~

Okay but keeping it real, had the opportunity to throw a live hand grenade today, and it really got me thinking. 

While much of BMTC (all 3 weeks) so far has prepared me (somewhat) physically, and emotionally for the grind of being a soldier, I never really considered the weight of serving as an enlisted member of my country’s defense force. To be quite honest, its really harrowing. 

The plastic-rubber hybrid earbuds hastily stuffed in my ears, closing my eyes for even a brief moment to clear my head, I still failed to anticipate how loud the sound of a live grenade exploding was. The reveberations rippled through the few hundred metres of empty airspace, the vibrations tearing through the seemingly hefty concrete wall designed specifically to block from the radiating sounds of the exploding grenades. 

Sitting at the wooden bench, the gravity of my current situation hit me. The daily drawing and sending of rifles, these grenades, BMTC, this 2-year ‘gap year’, all these things were for me to defend Singapore. And ultimately, I needed all these things, all this preperation, to kill another human being. At some level, I had to be prepared to take the life of another for my country. To be honest, the more time I spend in NS, the easier it becomes to get absorbed into this mindset. Subtle nationalism incoming: but I really do enjoy reciting the SAF’s 8 core values, and the mutual camaraderie hardened by common suffering has strengthened the bonds between my sectionmates and I.

But so what right? Even as I repeatedly reassure myself; oh Singapore won’t go to war lah, no worries about it- I still find something bitter at the back of my throat when I have to confront the reality of my situation. Am I ready to use the weapon I have been given, if needed, to take the life of another threatening the sovereignty of Singapore?

While I want to dissociate, treat BMTC like any other endurance-based UG camp I’ve suffered through, what is it really about? 

I don’t yet have an exact answer. Throwing the live grenade today did fill up a tiny piece of the jigsaw puzzle as to my purpose in NS though. I no longer hold any grand ambitions of having a ‘xiong’ or ‘chill’ unit life. I no longer want to look past the next week to try and anticipate how I am to survive. But in all things, brothers and sisters, pray for me that I keep my eyes centred on Christ, that He may be glorified and I may be made less of. 

So to answer my intially-intentioned rhetorical question? 

“What does it mean to be a soldier?”

It just do be another way to glorify Him.  (it do be tough though lmao)

Soli Deo Gloria

-gong

10:10pm

20 Jan 2020

[bloggong]

An update

Hi everyone,

It is with a heavy heart and sore shoulders that I book in tomorrow. Even as God has graciously given me 2 days of break after an already reduced confinement week, I still find that I dread going back. 

Time on Tekong is like liquid plastic. It has a distinct texture, fluid yet turgid, the days zip by even as each minute is excruciating. The countless times I've ascended and descended the steps to refill water bottles, the repeated counts of laundry, the rushed kiwi smeared on my haphazardly cleaned boots, resisting the urge to lay down on freshly pulled sheets, preparing for a solid tekan after failing stand by area, scrubbing down the dirty toilet floors, all these memories overwhelm my exhausted mind.

While I am sure I will cherish these things in time to come, I cannot see the light now. I am trapped in a place of solid darkness, a darkness so smothering I fear I will grow calloused as my eyes adjust to the depravity and perversion of my surroundings. Really, on one hand, I am afraid. Afraid of how much the next 3 months will reveal about my character, of how it will shed the artifice of 'seeming holiness' I have built up in the time I spent at Church. And I am truly terrified that in the unconscious moments, in the instances where the hum and buzz of NS has died down, I forget that I am created to honor and glorify the Lord of all the Earth.

Really, while I want to say that NS and Tekong is a disgusting place, I cannot help but acknowledge that it is only disgusting because I am vulgar. Ultimately, this darkness is one I have embraced, not one I am suffering from. It is my sinful nature, and my sin, that will condemn me.

For every measure that I waver in cursing, in embracing the perverse and Godless culture that perpetuates the oftentimes toxic masculinity of the SAF, my eyes grow more accustomed to this darkness, until I can no longer recognize that I am trapped in a cave of my own doing.

Friends, brothers and sisters, pray for me, even as I pray for myself. I pray I will always use language that glorifies the gracious, patient, loving, kind, merciful, sovereign, thriceholy God. Pray that I will always do all things for HIM. Pray that I will never in my foolishness assume that even a slight shift in tone to cut my section mates will not be seen by Him. And pray that I will live for HIS sake, as the Lord Jesus Christ died for me.

Brothers and Sisters, I pray this acts as a solemn reminder, as it did for me, that all of us, every men and women on this planet, are lower than scum. We have all sinned against the blessed Lord of all creation. And we are ALL in need of daily supplication, daily grace and daily reliance on His mercies. Above all, I pray I remain a testimony that lifts Christ up high, that I am so broken past the point of repair that self-sufficiency is no longer an option, that the Lord might in His continuous patience and love, use me as a flawed vessel for His glory to be manifest.

Praise Him, for the Lord is worthy of all things and so much more, yet we do not render Him even a miniscule fraction of what He is due.

Romans 8:18-25

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

Pray for me that I will have the courage to evangelize to a brother in my section, and talk to another who goes to New Creation. That I will be given wisdom to do it for His Glory alone, and that in all He will be made more of as I become less.

This is a test, a refining of my faith. I only pray that in the Lord's endless mercy and grace, my faith will be purified to a mettle that brings Him glory.

(ps. I will update this blog weekly, under His grace.)

Soli Deo Gloria

-Gong

5:33pm

16 Jan 2021

Soli Deo Gloria

[bloggong]

A new phase

Hello gents and ladies and all who are reading this post,

Timecheck- it’s 8:38pm, I am entering the gates of NS (well to be more specific somewhere in Tampines before I’m shipped off to Tekong for 2.5 weeks) in less than 12 hours and 7 minutes.

It’s nerve-wracking, it really is. So many things to worry about, many things for me to consider. Already, I look to ORD, when I haven’t even begun my NS journey proper. 

All the same, I pray that through this next phase of life, I continue to stake my trust in the Lord and His son. Was encouraged by prayer with brothers and sisters from Comm discord call yesterday. In reading 2 Peter, I stumbled upon this chunk of verses from 2 Peter 1:3-11. 

3 for His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. 4 Through these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world on account of lust. 5 Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, 6 and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, 7 and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. 8 For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they do not make you useless nor unproductive in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For the one who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. 10 Therefore, brothers and sisters, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choice of you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; 11 for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you. 

Wow, long passage huh. But specifically, verses 5 to 7 stuck out to me. While I hope to write more about the significance of this after I end confinement week, it is telling again, that all these qualities are what are deemed essential. Without them, we are blind-sighted, we cannot see.  Friends, pray for me as I enter NS. That I will be humble, loving, kind, patient, slow to anger and abounding in love for my fellow men, that I will serve them and do it all for the sake of Christ my Lord. Praise Him.

See y’all in a few weeks

Soli Deo Gloria

-Gabriel 

8:46pm

4 Jan 2021

[bloggong]

The Local Church

Sometimes I really think I’m the most stubborn person on this earth. It’s ironic that in all the time I’ve spent watching sermons by Washer, Piper, Macarthur, in all the literature I have spent reading literature meant to nourish the body of Christ, I have rarely thought about the significance BBPC has played in my development. Even as I spent every Sunday from my early years from 2005 to my pre-enlistee year in 2020 at 21 Bukit Batok Street 11, I never really considered what role I was meant to play in the Church. Despite sitting through sermons warning on the sin of being a pew-warmer, I foolishly assumed after coming to the YF in 2015, that by occasionally contributing to discussions, by immersing myself in activities among other Christians, by being graciously chosen to serve in the Youth Committee, that all these things meant that I had ditched my years of inactivity in the P5~P6 era, that I was no longer a pew-warmer. 

1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God does not see as man sees, since man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Paul Washer (as usual) threw a wet cloth at my face with the sobering reminder that before the Eternal God, before the Seraphim (who are not Holy in God’s sight), the most Holy man, the best Theologian, the most devout Christian, is condemned to the depths of Hell, condemned to suffer for eternity under the wrath of a Holy and Furious God. Before the Father, all of men will bow, and each individual will be judged for the life they have lived. Either they are in Christ, or outside of Christ. Either they are his Children, or haters of God. Most importantly, before the Throne of the Lord, my attempts to hide in a crowd are rendered futile. Before His judgement, every men is condemned, not on a scale of how “moral” or “kind” or “loving” they were in comparison to the men around them, or in comparison to the society they grew up in, but only by the standard of the Lord. 

The inspiration for this blog, Job 34:23 encapsulates the sinfulness of men. In the hands of an angry God, sinners have nothing to look forward to. Sinful, hell-deserving men are set forth to roam the earth to tremble in awaiting the coming judgement, for which none can save. In continuation from Job 34:23, verse 24 continues

Job 24:24-29 He breaks in pieces mighty men without inquiry, And sets others in their place. “Therefore He knows their works, And He overthrows them in the night, And they are crushed. He strikes them like the wicked In a public place, Because they turned aside from following Him, And had no regard for any of His ways; So that they caused the cry of the poor to come to Him, And that He might hear the cry of the afflicted- When He keeps quiet, who then can condemn? And when He hides His face, who then can behold Him, That is, in regard to both nation and man?-”

So how does all this rambling link back to the local Church. I remember Paul Washer admonishing the crowd, and what still sticks out to me was his caution on going into the missions field. Washer warned that before any men or women is to look into going into the Ministry as a missionary, they are to first look at the local church. If there is no love for the body of Christ, the local Church, and no love for the struggling brothers and sisters that need prayer, fellowship, time and counsel, then how can they love the brothers and sisters in the far lands of Angola, or the forests of the Amazon? I remember going over this verse in the weekly prayer sessions I had with a few members of the YF comm. This verse has continued to echo and resound inside my skull over the past week and throughout YF Camp. 

1 Peter 2:13-17

Honor Authority

Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. For such is the will of God, that by doing right you silence the ignorance of foolish people. Act as free people, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bond-servants of God. Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.

Above all, let our lives be turned away from other men, from serving anyone or anything for selfish gain. Let all we do be used to please our Lord, that by growing into the image of Christ, we do all things for the Glory of God alone. In the plentiful and indelible grace of the Father and the Son, let us fear His warnings in scripture, honor our fellow brothers and sisters, and do all things for His glory. 

Dear friends, please keep me in prayer, that I will not grow indifferent to the work of ministry, that I will fear the Lord, and will do all things for His glory. I pray that in all we do, especially in the Church, we do not serve out of obligation, nor do we serve out of task-focus or responsibility. Let us serve the King, so that on the day when we come before Him, we can give an account reflecting the heart of one who loves Christ above all else.  Soli Deo Gloria

In His love

-Gong 10:43pm 14 Dec 2020

Praise Him.

[bloggong]

Take #2 on Post-Modernism

Okay, photo kinda unrelated but healthy reminder.

Wowza, what are these regular updates on this tumblr huh?

Anyway, today was Day 1 of YF camp, and as usual our camp speaker Greg already put out a few absolute bangers (apart from endorsing Mr Shai Linne ofc).

I find it interesting that as of late, more and more church messages and sermons have been centered around the danger of subjective truth. I remember my Church Pastor addressing it a while back, and even before him, I can vividly recall Paul Washer talking about it as well. Effectively, whether the rebuttal arises from the post-modernist's refusal to accept the presence of irrefutable absolute truth, or from the unwillingness to submit to an ultimate authority which governs their decision-making, their worldview crumbles into irrationality and darkness (Wow harsh words but I'm sure Paul and the other apostles were as, if not more harsh).

Anyway, the reason why I am writing this post as I take 176 to West Coast Park is because of something Greg spoke about on Day 1 of YF Camp. In addressing the need to discern the truth, alongside the need to recognize that there is 1 truth, Greg cut to the heart of a topic I have been getting into as of late , namely, presuppositional apologetics.

Presuppositional apologetics (or presupp, for the cool kids), is an apologetic method coined by one Cornelius Van Til. Such an apologetic originated from Van Til's rejection of the other methods of defending the faith that he was presented with, (the evidentialist argument, creator-creation argument etc), a rejection arising from the notion that such apologetic placed the unbeliever as the "Judge", with "God" being put on trial.

In his rejection of said methods, Van Til acknowledged the supremacy of the Word of the immutable almighty God, the Bible, as the absolute standard from which any value judgement or decision must be made. Moreover, another piece of justification for the presuppositional method of defending the faith, one I find very compelling, was Van Til's reference to Romans 1:18. If the unbeliever, is truly as the Bible says, "[suppressing] the truth in unrighteousness", then this means that they already know the truth of Scripture. 

In effect, no men or women who denies the truth is without excuse, for all of nature screams the Glory of God, and attests to the existence of an immutable and loving creator. In this light, the apologist should not put the Sovereign God on 'trial', allowing the unbeliever to decide if the Father is 'real or not'. 

Rather, the apologist should presuppose (hence the name hehe) the truth of the Bible, and seek to prove the existence and legitimacy of the Father and Christ through the daily assumptions the unbeliever makes about reality, since they know God exists, and are rejecting it in unrighteousness. Another thing I appreciate about this apologetic method is its emphasis on the moving power of the Holy Spirit. In true Ephesians 2:8-9 fashion, presupp highlights that only by the grace of God can men be saved, and only the Spirit can sanctify a depraved people.

Romans 1:18 Unbelief and Its Consequences

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness

Alright, now that I've laid out the groundwork of Presuppositional Apologetics, I want to link it back to Greg's talk today. Throughout his talk, I couldn't help but link it back to the unconscious, inconspicuous post-modernism that has seemingly permeated the secular mindset on all levels.

Oh and before I forget, bruh Proverbs 9:10

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

Something key about presuppositional apologetics is its emphasis on tracing an observation to its root. In other words, it rationalizes every occurrence observable to scripture. To give an example, Van Til would argue that secular morality, logic and axiomatic theory, and an innate sense of justice, are all proof of a transcendent omniscient omnipotent God. In the same strand, presupp forces the apologist to begin their apologetic from the position of every word of the Bible being true. So should the unbeliever question whether they can prove the Bible is real, the response is "Yes I can. The Bible tells me so."

While I can understand the apprehension one might have adopting such an apologetic method, the more you think about it the more it makes sense.

In his book, "Defense of the Faith", Van Til begins by espousing on Ultimate Authority. Whether one is a Christian, an Atheist, a Materialist, a Monotheist, Polytheist, Pantheist, or any other belief system, they unconsciously submit to an ultimate authority. Most of the time such an authority is logic and sense perception, though in some cases it can extend to axioms and morality.

Regardless, the presuppositional apologist takes these assumptions, and points out how without God, they cannot make sense. For the sake of clarification, I will explicate on Morality, especially in the post-modern worldview.

For a post-modern Atheist, they would argue morality is subjective. Should a society or culture advance past a certain point, morality can fluctuate and change with it. In other words, any feelings of injustice exist because of this unspoken shared moral code that everyone agrees on.

The issue here is twofold.

Firstly, for an atheist, morality should not matter. If men really is borne not in the image of an immutable God, but is just a bunch of chemicals, or on a more macro-level, quarks bouncing off each other, then there is no basis for morality. Really, men is just a bunch of chemicals acting a certain way at a certain temperature. In that case, why should one dictate a certain moral action? What differentiates men from a bottle of coca cola that is shaken and opened, with fizz leaking out. If men has no intrinsic value, then why is there even a debate about morality? Arbitrary concepts like right and wrong, which a debate attempts to determine, do not exist if the two debaters are composed of noises concocted by atoms in motion. Some atheists would argue that morality arises from a need for mankind’s self-preservation. Here, the question becomes one of degree. Where does such a rule extend to. If morality is innately understood by every human, yet is entirely subjective, then does this mean that because my morality states that I will kill anyone with squeaky shoes, a squeak from your Converse Sneakers warrants your death?  Evidently that is not how morality works. Morality is not simply composed of two groups of people shouting at each other, with the louder group determining the morality of the system. If men has an awareness that things like murder, sin, and adultery are wrong, but this is not to arise from the presence of a Just God who has placed in every men and women’s heart a notion of his justice, then where does this morality extend to? Even if I can agree that within my family, we share a sense of morality, why should this ethical code extend to those outside my direct sphere of influence? If someone’s long-term longevity is of no direct interest to me, why is it wrong to rob your neighbor? In the same vein, why is it wrong to wage war on other nations should their interests not at all align with mine?  Here, the atheist’s argument for having a coherent moral system completely falls apart. This is what Van Til calls the futility of the non-Christian worldview. In the futility of the Atheistic Worldview, we observe the “impossibility of the contrary”, where in the absence of any other explanation for morality, the Christian worldview can account for one.  Similarly, for the secular Post-Modernist, they are quick to state that while something might be true for them, it does not have to be true for others. In short, subjective truth. This is dangerous for many reasons, but on the logical front, it is self-contradicting. Many Post-Modernists will even admit that they do not know what is ‘true’ for sure. All one has to do to refute the post-modernist is ask them if they know THAT to be true. If the post-modernist cannot claim to know anything to be true, their argument is incoherent and any knowledge claims are inconsistent with their worldview, in which case their worldview likewise crumbles into absurdity. To quote the man, Mr Paul Washer, in his indictment of the post-modern mindset, “either I am right and you are wrong, or you are right and I am wrong, or we are both wrong, but we CANNOT both be right!”

Hopefully through this very brief example, it has become clear (to at least some degree) how the presuppositionalist is to defend the faith. In having a consistent and coherent epistemology, the apologist is to hold up the ultimate authority of the Bible above all other things. Only through this can a logical argument emerge. Yet, and this remains key, regardless of the apologetic one employs to explain the faith, I pray that the a love for the unbeliever, a love that mimics the love of Christ, is what motivates our pleading with them. The apologist is to plead with the unbeliever as one pleads with blinded people in a burning building. While I often times find myself trading blows with others when talking about the faith, especially in using presupp, we have to remember above all, to hold fast to the truth of the gospel, that God became man, and bore the wrath of all who believe, such that they might in grace, find eternal salvation.  Brothers and Sisters, let us encourage each other in the time we have on this earth, that we preach as dying men and women, to dying men and women, that they might in grace and mercy, find the salvation that they know to be true, and know of the sweetness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

Matthew 8:1-4 

Jesus Cleanses a Man with Leprosy

When Jesus came down from the mountain, large crowds followed Him. And a man with leprosy came to Him and bowed down before Him, and said, “Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean.” Jesus reached out with His hand and touched him, saying, “I am willing; be cleansed.” And immediately his leprosy was cleansed. And Jesus said to him, “See that you tell no one; but go, show yourself to the priest and present the offering that Moses commanded, as a testimony to them.”

This might become a running theme, but as usual I’m going to end with an excerpt from Shai Linne’s song “Startling Mystery”

“Sovereign Lord, who can truly understand Your depths? You give us life, You're the source of every man's breath Your mysteries, the sharpest of minds can't guess They stand perplexed, can't fathom what you plan next In the garden, we failed Your command's test We transgressed, now our world is a grand mess Lord, You're perfect, so why should You demand less? Man's best is only a sinking sand quest

But through Christ, watch God saving hand flex Redeemed the people, North, South, East, and West Glorious robes, in the Promised Land, dressed We stand blessed, all because of the Lamb's death 

So as we're liftin' up our praise to You, receive it, Lord The object of our affection, whom we adore Fallen in our misery, You darted into history The pardon of iniquity, startling the mystery

The oceans, the planes, the mountains, the rain The universe proclaims the glory of Your Name And what am I that You called me to Your side? And took this heart of stone and broke it open wide”

Friends, keep each other in prayer, that we walk in a manner that is pleasing to our King. 

Coram Deo 

-Gong 

6:16pm

12 December 2020   

[bloggong]

How am I to love?

I've often wondered what having Christ-like love means. Sure, there has been many a sermon that has expoused on the qualities of the God-man Jesus Christ, even some directly adressing His love. One common characteristic is that all of these sermons (rightly) tend to talk about the different types of love (ie Philia Love, Pragma Love), before ending on Agape Love, which can be broadly defined as selfless, unconditional love.

On one hand, Praise be to the Father and His son for the gift of grace and mercy that allows depraved, sin-sick, hell-bound men and women to be justified before a Holy, Righteous, Sovereign God.

At the same time, (much in part due to my sinful, foolish, stubborness), I often find it difficult to treat everyone around me with Love. And in defiling the character of the Sovereign God by claiming to worship Him, yet not treating His Children in love, I am actively sinning.

Funnily enough, of course it was a Paul Washer sermon that punched me in the gut real hard. In it, aside from explicating what seemed to be his favourite passage, Romans 1, he talked about what a love for others, a love that mimics Christ, should look like.

Aside from the outward action that accompanies this love, alongside a joy that arises from glorifying the Lord with all our life, this love does not come out as an act of devotion men has for God.

Rather, this love is chiefly motivated by Christ's love for his children. While John 3:16 has become so overused in contempary culture, especially in the Charismatic circles, the beauty of the all-encompassing nature of the gospel, in which the blazing Glory of God is revealed, reflects the love with which Christ and the Father loves us with.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."

Where else would the Judge of the whole earth, a Judge who delivers absolute justice, pardon the iniquity, and show such sublime grace to sinful men by taking the punishment instead. So to end, it is not my love for Christ that holds me fast and gives me love for others. Even as I love Christ, it is primarily His love for the sinning wretch that motivates a desire to glorify Him. In this light, we are all vessels of mercy that the Lamb has bought.

Truly Lord, the Universe proclaims the Glory of your name. 

Soli Deo Gloria

-Gong

8:43am

12 Dec 2020

[bloggong]

The archives

older posts can be found on: https://5ef762de634a0.site123.me/