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We looked inside some of the posts by bloodstonewashed-blog and here's what we found interesting.
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11K
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8K
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3K
Reply Per Post
12
Time Between Posts
17 days
Number of Posts By Type
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9
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8
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Hello Summer, or should I say ‘Satan’
hell on earth, apart from the random heat, is having to take a typing test for a job when I don’t type regularly anymore. My Fitbit keeps getting aught on the edge on my laptop and some of the verbiage that I have to copy is fucking ridiculous. The last one I did spoke of black market meat and Germans....WTF man?!?! really? Who the hell comes up with this shit? I’m completely at a loss here
to top it off, I know I can do better...but I don’t spend a copious amount of time online anymore (better things to do) so my keyboard skills are beyond rusty...that and MS word auto-corrects everything these days...can’t account for laziness I guess.
I just hope that all this testing crap I’m putting my self through pans out to something...coming to the end of my rope here and not sure what else to try in order to land a job...I mean at this point I’m afraid retail won’t take me.
I don’t even know why this last place rejected me, they sent me one of those over regurgitated ‘...we regret to inform you...’ emails...I may have felt better about it if a real person had said something to me...maybe not...fuck...
Oh well, back to drunk California weather and trying not to look average on a type test.
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One more thing
FUCK YOU FOR ENTERTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME UNDER FALSE PRETENSES!!!! Selfish masogonostic asshole!!!!!
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I gave you EVERYTHING you asked of me and more...so much more, for so many years. You ask me what’s wrong, and when I tell you it’s turns into a conversation about how fucked up you are, how fucked your life is...fucking comfort me for a fucking change, actually do something to fix the problem. Words are cheap, and from you, pointless. Stop being the selfish, victimized attention whore that you act out and deal with the fact that you need to adapt for a change, the world can’t form to you just because you think it should
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I swear it’s like I’m being punished when I’m not the one who fucking broke everything
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One of the many reasons I love this time of year : finding hideously cute new friends ❤️
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grumble
mom’s been having me take her wellbutrin script to see if it helps...it does...it’s a little upsetting how much it does. I notice the difference more when I don’t have it and I’m forced to once again deal on my own.
I’ve dealt with substance dependency once before (granted, it was physical dependency for pain killers..but still) and I really don’t wanna be there again. I have to keep reminding my self that it is not a controlled substance, but the fear is still there.
I wonder if I should be on my own for a while...I don’t trust anyone right now. this past year has completely destroyed my faith in humans and I’m struggling to recover from that.
my therapist tells me I should try talking to my dead grandmother...I think she picked up on the fact that I really relied on her POV, even when her mentality started to slip. She wasn’t very lucid the last few years she was around, but she had her moments (especially when I really needed her) where the fog would clear and her advice and encouragement would make perfect sense. I miss her, more than I ever thought I would. She understood me in ways no one else could, and our relationship was based on that. her and I could sit in a room full of people and engage in random conversations and yet still be in our own world, cracking jokes that went over everyone's head. those were moments where I really felt intelligent and confident lol as stupid as it sounds. I did find ways of accomplishing that when she wasn’t around...but now I’m at a loss on how I did that, or even how her and I did that...kinda sucks cause I could use an ego boost right about now.
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So how do I spend my Labor Day weekend? Making shark hats for charity 😁
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Hell
He asks me if I'm ok over and over...but no matter how many times I tell him and explain it to him he will never understand
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Post Apo Girl 32, 33 and 34 + Angry Balls sketches by Serge Birault
Artbook: Corpus Delicti
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Fallen
all is calm, all is bright the whispering angel falls and gently grazes on every last bit of you it’s my guilty –
you notice with your eyes wide open pale blue concrete ice-cold me call my name and give me a kiss and then hug me tight with that shell of a body which you aren’t even in
the life that you’d spat out still left something behind I see a red-vivid eternity which I’ll sing of next to you what was I born for? hey, love me because I won’t let you go
hello mmmmmyyyyy name iiiiiiiisssss
a thirst that burns sips at me without cure these hands dyed scarlet sneer at me
before long I won’t be able to hear, either seeing the tears from your eyes I’d silenced my breathing
call my name and give me a kiss can you still return via the same path you’d taken with that body which isn’t even fragrant with blood?
I’d smashed the peeled-off glass swallowed it while it was still dripping down I see a vivid eternity which I’ll sing of next to you what was I born for? hey, will you say you’ll love me?
each time you call out to me entrust your flesh and blood to the instinct that answers in response call my name and give me a kiss and then hug me tight with that shell of a body which you aren’t even in
love me until you shatter to pieces the life that you’d spat out still left something behind I see a crimson-vivid eternity which I’ll sing of next to you hey, love me until I’m satisfied until all that I am comes apart at the seams
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shark bait
don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved working for the shark diving business that started it all. I’ve learned so much, grown a great deal and met some amazing people...but ever since last summer the company has taken a nose dive and is not recovering.
the person who I directly reported to is the one that brought me into this job 7 years ago. he was a co-owner, a VP of sorts, and while our owner/CEO/whatever the hell he wants to call him self took a 3 year paid leave to do whatever, my boss and I kept things a float. In this industry, you don’t make money hand over fist, but we made enough to scrape by, and we were proud of what we did.
Last year, the owner made a grand re-entrance, wanting to buy a new boat and change everything...he took out a loan, bought a boat, had it refurbished in alaska...and that’s where we got screwed. all the money in the loan was spent, so money that should have been spent paying off vendors and allowing us to run was spent making up for that...our trip season didn’t happen...and I was the one having to explain to over 800 people over a course of a month and a half that they were not going to see sharks as promised....it broke me in ways I have never had my soul broken before (and I worked tech support for comcast for two years...so yeah)
Last year was the beginning of my world falling apart...which I’m not gonna get into now...our VP took a step back and eventually bailed out entirely, and as of last October, had be telling me to do the same...I wish I had listened then, because the environment I’m working in now is toxic to say the least
I am looking for work actively...my options are limited considering I live in a 1 car household...and all I can really apply for is admin and PA stuff. I know some accounting and I’m good with numbers and data entry...I really don’t wanna deal with the public anymore...people are petty and fucked and I don’t have the wherewithal so protect my self mentally from it at the moment. Honestly, every time my phone rings or my email pings I have a panic attack.
last night my current boss (the owner/CEO) blasted me through email about a situation that was a week old and was a non issue, he had no information at all on what was happening....to top it off he copied this woman who’s working/volunteering for us (she gave us a 110k loan to bail us out from over spending last year and now she handles our social media) on the email...wildly inappropriate...his issue us that someone said that they couldn’t get a hold of us for something...which yes, I can’t answer every phone call...i’m the only one with access to it!!!
*sigh* my plan is to train this woman this weekend on EVERYTHING I do, all of it, give her access to everything (which means she’ll see the extravagant spending our owner doesn’t hold him self accountable for) then find another job as soon as possible and bail...I have enough shit to deal with in my life, this doesn’t need to be one of them
I get texts from our social media woman over the weekend, asking that we take care of things right now...my phone is connected to my email so I can work on the go, but now I don’t even want to bring it with me cause it’s always going off.
our CEO goes from hot to cold in a nanosecond....I’m done, I’m so done...I wanna quit...I wanna cry...I’ve considered committing my self cause my whole world has been fucked for to fucking long
...the long and short of that is our company started to tank, a couple months later at christmas my grandmother died...a month after that my significant other emotionally abandoned me...what he says was for my own good...that last one we’re working on...hopefully...it’s only been a week and a half since he finally came to terms with the fact that if we break up then I’m gone for good...there’s no being friends, there’s no going back...I can’t do that anymore and I’m sick of it to be honest.
anyways, rant done...on to the next task
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Namae no nai kaibutsu
The fairytale seems to have died moments ago In the brick hospital ward, I can’t sing right at all On the night shrouded in fog, come out, red moon Hey, look at me Don’t avert your eyes Behind the black cell bars I was born Go wish for the price for your malice Well, I’ll give you that justice as much as you desire it Destroy it before it destroys you I’ll pay the price for my karma and go together with you, monster without a name My ears are ringing The barbed wire is rattling so noisily that I can’t recall the melody from that day The rain hasn’t stopped yet I can’t see anything Hey, look at how big it has grown Make the black rain fall from this sky Because I’m undesired I cracked into a nervous breakdown to my lovely onlookers who are just as guilty as I am Well, exercise that justice now Embracing a wound that can’t be wiped away I’ll accept my body and go together with you, monster without a name Ah God tells of the true world Behind the black cell bars I was born Go wish for the price for your malice Well, I’ll give you that justice as much as you desire it Destroy it before it destroys you I’ll pay the price for my karma Take retribution, nameless monster Make the black rain fall from this sky Because I’m undesired I cracked into a nervous breakdown to my lovely onlookers who are just as guilty as I am Well, exercise that justice now Embracing a wound that can’t be wiped away I’ll accept my body and go together with you, monster without a name
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