bloomlaurel

[bloomlaurel]

🗡️a wandering mercenary🗡️

[bloomlaurel]

how to explain to someone that your go to comfort film is a gory horror film without sounding like a complete nutter

[bloomlaurel]

I really like the word “smitten”. because at first glance you just think of sappy lovey-dovey stuff but also you have to remember this is a word that’s born of the word “smite.” a devastating word. a word that, summarized, means stricken. smitten means stricken as well — struck with devastating affection.

[bloomlaurel]

“Back in the eighties dungeons were becoming a thing in New York. Guys would pay a lot of money to come there and have some dominatrix tell them what to do. I was making leather pencil skirts for a lot of the doms, with holes in the back so that guys could kiss their ass. One day I was fitting a dom named Asia, and I told her: ‘I bet I could make more money than you without wearing stuff like this.’ She bet me I couldn’t. It was all a big goof. But then I started really thinking about it. Asia was making $150 a session, and that was real money. So I did the same thing I always do when I get an idea. I just ran an ad in the back of the Village Voice. Most of these girls were advertising how young they were. So I used the word ‘mature.’ And I figured out how to write ‘Jewish Guys Welcome’ in Yiddish, and I put that at the bottom. It was some of the easiest money I ever made. I never let them touch me. All I had to do was be a bossy black woman. And I could do that easy because my mother had been such a bitch. I’d pretend to be a school teacher, or a nanny. It was the dumbest shit. I just kept inventing crazy scenarios. And the crazier the scenario, the more money I made. One time I heard about a dom on the Upper East Side who charged $3,000 a week to kidnap a guy and lock him in her basement. I didn’t have a basement, but I knew a limo driver named Dean who liked to hustle like me. So every time I got a call from a new client, I’d say: ‘You want to be kidnapped, don’t you?’ And he’d start stuttering like: ‘Duh, duh, duh, duh.’ And I’d say: ‘Listen to me closely. Stand on the corner of 5th and 18th tomorrow at 3 pm. Don’t be late.’ Then I’d call Dean and tell him the plan. It was always easy to spot the guy. He’d be the one checking his watch and looking scared as shit. So we’d roll up in the limo, grab him by the collar, and pull him inside. Then I’d lock the doors and start telling him what to do. Everything went down in the back of the limo. Dean just rolled up the partition and kept his eyes on the road. At the end I’d give him $100, because I was getting $250 for that.”

-Happy 81st birthday to Stephanie 'Tanqueray' Johnson. If you see her wheeling around Chelsea today wish her a happy birthday, and there is a nonzero chance she will give you a glow-in-the-dark dildo eraser. -Humans of New York

[bloomlaurel]

horror movie enjoyers will be having a terrible day and be like fuuuuuck i need to unwind….maybe nows the time to finally check out shit piss deathfest 2 . For a bit of lighthearted entertainment

[bloomlaurel]

a heavy weight on your chest

i feel like boobs often are drawn with a kind of. weightless quality to them? wanted to capture their heaviness. and theyre almost never just like chilling with sloppy style. so heres my girls chilling with sloppy style. thank u

[bloomlaurel]

west coast nest coast

[bloomlaurel]

Leaf Litter Lads!!

[bloomlaurel]

who let this bird on the train

[bloomlaurel]

In my opinion it's a lot more healthy to be able to own that you dislike someone for petty reasons than to do all kinds of mental gymnastics to make everyone you don't really vibe with out to be a bad person actually

[bloomlaurel]

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[bloomlaurel]

Espeon and Totodile ko-fi doodle for Éniza! 🍩

[bloomlaurel]

Godzilla in Shinjuku

You can now get prints in my inprnt shop : DebbieBalboa

[bloomlaurel]

Not to be a bitch but sometimes people engage with fiction in the most boring way possible, and nowhere is this clearer than in videogames. Like what you mean you hate a character just because they were kind of abrasive when speaking to the player character? "They were mean to me" and it didn't occur to you to wonder why? Like, what might their attitude toward you reveal about the world? About the social dynamics within it? About their own perspectives and backgrounds and personalities? Does it even occur you to ask? Would you only have liked them if they bowed to your presence and talked about how great you are? Like I'm sorry but you're so boring. How boring fiction would be if it cathered to you

[bloomlaurel]

You have to learn how to say no without you feeling like you’re being mean. Setting boundaries is how you see who does and doesn’t respect you, your time, or your emotional well-being. Anyone who sees your boundaries and thinks your being mean or tries to push that boundaries is not a person you owe your time or attention.

[bloomlaurel]

One of the most important documents in recent chinese history: Lesbian kiss at Tiananmen, 2006.