bluefox3

[bluefox3]

What do you do when your whole world falls apart and nobody slows down to notice?

What do you do when waking up and going to bed are both a chore?

What do you do when the one person you want to ask for directions is the very one who cannot give them to you?

And finally, what do you do when you feel like you'll never want to do anything ever again?

[bluefox3]

I can no longer tell my emotions apart, am I angry? Am I sad? Am I frustrated? Am I confused? It all feels so much and not enough all at the same time, hot and cold, a burning touch and an knife made of ice.

[bluefox3]

Tick tock the clock moves on,

Tick tock you're already gone,

Tick tock the time won't stop,

Tick tock says the clock,

Tick tock it's moving fast,

Tick tock a year has passed,

Tick tock I waste away,

Tick tock why should I stay?

[bluefox3]

The slip ups are the worst, a passing thought, saying goodnight to an empty room, that one singular moment where your brain forgets that a piece is missing

I had one a couple weeks ago where I turned to say goodnight but there was no dog on my father's bed, it was the same day I'd looked up at the window when I got home and had the realization again

Today I was halfway through the thought that my sister would bring my package in when she went down for a cigarette before I remembered that was impossible

[bluefox3]

A letter to my sister

A year ago when you were in the hospital I never once entertained the idea you might not come home, in my mind there was always a day, sooner or later, where you would come back around and they would let you out like nothing ever happened

But it didn't, you never came back home, I never got to hear you laugh again, there was no call that you were better and we could come pick you up, instead there was a call that you were dying and by the time we got there you were gone, then they stuck us in that god awful waiting room until you were cold before they let us see you, didn't even look like yourself then, just laying there with your mouth and eyes partially opened, you should've seen the way our father cried then, when we went in the room and you were gone

In my mind you were always going to get better, so why did you leave instead?

[bluefox3]

Like to charge reblog to cast

[bluefox3]

being so staunchly anti generative ai while everyone around you is "i used chatgpt" and "i asked grok" and google search is useless and every company is implementing ai and every single celeb is taking ai money and partnering with ai is like... it's so jarring. why can't you see the harm like i can? why are you so lazy? why are we making society this stupid? can we please stop? it's killing people does that not matter to you?

[bluefox3]

being anti ai is making me feel like in going insane. "you asked for thoughts about your characters backstory and i put it into chat gpt for ideas". studies have proven its making people dumber. "i asked ai to generate this meal plan". its causing water shortages where its data centers are built. "ill generate some pictures for the dnd campaign". its spreading misinformation. "meta, generate an image of this guy doing something stupid". its trained off stolen images, writing, video, audio. "i was talking with my snapchat ai-" theres no way to verify what its doing with the information it collects. "youtube is impletmenting ai based age verification". my work has an entire graphics media department and has still put ai generated motivational posters up everywhere. ai playlists. ai facial verification. google ai microsoft ai meta ai snapchat ai. everyone treats it as a novelty. every treats it as a mandatory part of life. am i the only one who sees it? am i paranoid? am i going insane? jesus fucking christ. if i have to hear one more "well at least-" "but it does-" "but you can-" im about to lose it. i shouldnt have to jump through hoops to avoid the evil machine. have you no principles? no goddamn spine? am i the weird one here?

[bluefox3]

AI industry groups are urging an appeals court to block what they say is the largest copyright class action ever certified. They’ve warned that a single lawsuit raised by three authors over Anthropic’s AI training now threatens to “financially ruin” the entire AI industry if up to 7 million claimants end up joining the litigation and forcing a settlement.

well…darn

[bluefox3]

And so the cycle of cold emptiness and burning tears starts anew

[bluefox3]

Honestly at this point I might as well just kill myself, what's a third family death gonna do? Make it worse? As if anyone would even notice I was gone. I tried talking to people, I tried asking very specifically to talk to people in my life I thought could help, but since nobody gives a damn I might as well not be here anymore. I'm pretty sure I have enough over the counter medications to finish the job, just gotta get through work first and I'm out of this hell.

[bluefox3]

A text ignored, finally unsent

I won't bother you again

[bluefox3]

I type a text to ease my fears, I've sent it now I'm waiting here

The hours pass with no reply, I check again and wonder why

My brain decides without consent, I'm hated now my life is spent

I type a text but nevermind, no one's ever really mine

You stay awhile claim forever, but I know its really never

No one ever really stays, I wonder what made life this way

Was I sad for far too long? Have I done some horrid wrong?

I check again just one last time, the bubble tells me you're online

A message sent but left unread, I really am better of dead

[bluefox3]

Another Monday back at work, another day of endless hurt,

Another loved one come and gone, another heart without its song,

Another day I see through tears, another day without you here,

Another Monday, time moves on, another loved one, moves along

[bluefox3]

I type a text then hit delete, my life no longer feels complete, I reach for help that never comes, I'm all alone, nothing is done.

[bluefox3]

Honestly can't believe my grandpa died

[bluefox3]

I saw you just last night when we went to say goodbye, I thought you might hang around longer although I don't know why, we said we'd be back Friday to say one more goodbye, but I guess that that can't happen now you've finally closed your eyes.

I'm glad I went to say goodbye even though I almost cried, another life thats gone too soon, I'll sit here crying in my room.

First my sister than my grandpa which one of us is next? I don't know if we have it in us to go through another death.

I suppose there'll be a funeral and I'll need something black, I wonder if you're gonna make me bring my brother Zak

Will it be a fancy thing where we all wear suits and ties? Or will it be more casual remembering our lives?

The world keeps spinning, grandpa's gone, the world without you moves along