bluethxghts

[bluethxghts]

Two Parts of The Whole

After losing one’s way it is normal to desire a mentor to say “This is what you need to do”.

Keeping track of the pacts made within one’s heart can easily become a burden, when it was once a beacon.

At times, struggles can feel as if they have happened for no reason.

Among set-backs and success, it is normal to wonder what is next. In some instances, fatigue causes the interest in knowing to wane.

Of all the places you will go, the one thought that always lingers in a tired mind is-

“I am drained”.

In order to find peace of mind, room must be made for it. This not an easy task.

As our ages increase, many of us will fight with the desire to ask for and then accept support.

Individuality and community seem to be two concepts that are always clashing.

Bridging the gap between them can be a project that is always under construction.

It takes intentional effort to remind ourselves that we do not have to select one over the other.

They require each other.

The community adds to the individual, and then the individual adds to the community.

To see this, one must remain willing to attend to the present. New awareness cannot rise out too heavily focusing on what has passed.

Leaning too far ahead equally does not work, and often results in toppling over.

No amount of hard work can change the importance of balance.

Eventually the time will appear to only, or consistently, stretch within reason.

Clinging too tightly to stretching at all times will lead to tearing, and eventually result in what feels like the ripping of one’s spirit.

There is no award for over exertion. There is no celebration for exhaustion. Effort has to be matched by rest.

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Reading Period

I feel here physically, but far spiritually. It is as if I can touch everything around me, yet I do not feel the sensation in my hands

My soul is tired.

I worry others around me do not feel the same, that this feeling is one distinct to me. So, I say nothing about it to anyone.

My soul is tired.

In view but out of sync, it feels almost as if I am drifting from moment to moment. Maybe if I do more work, I will feel like me again.

My soul is tired.

I am searching for inspiration, and wondering where to find it. In a way similar to the fog in my heart, I conceal my feelings with acts that portray joy.

My soul is tired.

If I share these thoughts, will anyone relate? Is this a consequence of always keeping a full plate? I do not know.

My soul is tired.

What if I select the wrong party to share these emotions with? I am unsure if getting help is worth losing face.

My soul is tired.

As I work to find a healthy balance, I realize something important.

A part of the disarray stems from keeping my problems, and thus my various motions, to myself.

My soul does not have to be tired.

[bluethxghts]

The Forest

“This is my third plant”

Expanding outside of ourselves appears to be an outward process, and this belief makes sense.

To the eye, to the hands, and to the ears, only what can be observed can be quantified. 

Our perception is tailored to both what we perceive, and what we believe. 

Indirectly, the role of the imagination is also a topic of discussion.

The limits of what we believe ourselves capable of influences the directions in which we reach, and in which we stretch.

These views then also effect the ways in which we shrink.

Through shrinking, one’s roots are re-discovered. As an extension of our time, roots tend to be buried in familiarity and experience.

Due to this, their abrupt appearance from the ground tends to happen in moments of need.

In such instances, a firm foundation is most desired. To a careful gardener, a realization may also occur at such a time.

Not all experience is created equal.

To grow new roots, to prune unneeded ones, contending with the factors inhibiting expansion is required.

There must be an assessment of if the weather truly speaks to plant in discussion, for each one has distinct needs.

A review of the nearby life must happen, for if a plant is too close to another they may accidentally compete for resources. 

In what ways have you been unearthed? How have you denied newness to return to the same spot you were separated from?

To be a plant is to have needs, and needs require planning that is based in acknowledgement. 

Without such preparation, one falls victim to change rather than feeling supported by change.

Change is perhaps one of the only true areas of equality. In it’s most simple form, change is for everyone. So, change is for you.

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The Catch

“Why would you not want to have a filter tho?”

Filters are such masterful tools, and their application can stretch far further than the drinks they are used for.

Coffee, conversations, both only find themselves enriched by a filter that is considerate of-

What is “understood” and what is “un-explained”.

As any fine tool, a filter is crafted. A filter is developed. Of course, a filter also must be replaced when the time comes.

Believing themselves better for having no method of sorting words, many tout themselves as “filterless”.

Still, whom has ever heard of a cup of coffee that is bettered due to grounds making their way into the cup?

Socialization masterfully corrals all voices before a word is uttered, the craving of separation from it is not abnormal.

In a way, a belief in filterlessness is a pursuit of peace. To burst from the cages of marginalization, the disavowal of filters appears integral to healing.

Yet, what has been described is not a filter. What has been described is purposeful societal limiting.

Moving from one end of a spectrum to another must come with the realization of where one once stood.

To be honest is to recognize that polarization is not a true starting or ending point.

As the brew that is life gets crafted, utilize techniques that do more than mimic what others are believed to have done.

Filters allow coffee to be what it is intended to be, and filters create a drink that fits the occasion.

Much like creating a coffee that suits your taste, be sure to brew conversations that feel like you.

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Tightly Packed

“Make space for the new by moving out the old. We often accidentally take with us what may not have needed to come”

Space is a word that is heard, that is used, and yet how many genuinely comprehend “space”?

How many can detail their “space”?

One’s mental space is supported and starved based upon the thoughts that are possessed, and the perceptions inferred from one’s community.

One’s emotional space flows and ebbs similar to the rubber found on the road. With warmth comes expansion, and with coldness comes a retraction.

An assessment of feelings often leads to a pondering of the way one has made others feel and been made to feel, and specific memories always cling tightly.

Social spaces tend to be amorphous, and it is difficult to describe an individual’s consistent shape.

Be it a mosh-pit or a fire-pit, all seek to share with others and be shared back with about whom they have come to be

To feel seen, to feel heard, to belong, it is through space all needs find a home.

In line with all things the type of “home”, and thus space, ultimately is impacted by it’s owner.

Through collecting experiences and objects, occupied spaces quickly become reminiscent of who we are.

As time passes tho, spaces also eventually begin to resemble who we were.

With each new acceptance the walls of our spaces require review, and with review comes awareness.

Without the proper care, one may even become a clutterer in the name of “collecting”.

Wholeness requires knowledge of what adds to fullness. As a counterpart, wholeness also requires an awareness of what leads to emptiness.

While more room can be supplied through additions, room must also be created through subtractions.

Saving space for what we know to not quite fit, is how we write off what may be just right.

[bluethxghts]

The Rooted Seed

Each seed that makes it into the ground has a purpose, a path. Whether slowed or supported by it’s surroundings, the fate of eventual blooming is before them all.

Planted deep beneath the surface, one journey is beginning in a way quite different than what is to be expected.

For this seed appears to be rather comfortable amongst the nurturing soil it calls home. It seems reluctant to leave it.

Believing itself safe from the inevitable bugs that may irritate it, this seed is foregoing the stressors it is uncomfortable with for the one’s it can choose.

The problem, is that this seed will never know about the beaming sun.

In an attempt to control it’s encounters, the seed is unaware that not all of the rain’s forms flood down into the deepest parts of the earth.

When we let our fear of the unknown hold us hostage, we actually hide ourselves from all that may help us bloom.

In some ways, the seed is not wrong. It’s petals may get damaged, it’s stem may curve.

The flower the seed will become may even experience competition from nearby plants also aspiring to thrive.

But the flower will also grow, it will be marveled at, it will be grand.

With a fear of disappointment as it’s guide, avoidance costs the flower all it could be.

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The Tab

“Did you make any time for yourself?”

Far too often, I find myself feeling akin to a busy waiter on his way from stop to stop.

Juggling the meticulous orders is no easy task. Those who can relate offer a myriad of responses.

Despite the warnings that I will burn myself out, I continue to pile more onto my tray. 

I suppose the masterful way I hide my stumbles as I seek to collect the baggage of others is paying off.

Table 1 needs my time, Table 2 needs my attention, and how could I forget Table 3. In a way that is all too nostalgic, the seasoned guest comments--

“Baby, you’re getting thin”.

Each request is a little different, each group’s needs have their own particular nuance.

For every guest who seems to welcome chatter about college, the world and where I am going, there is a guest who asks—

“You think you’re better than me?”.

A whirlwind making my way in and out of the kitchen, up and down the aisles, I feel calmed by knowing I am bringing peace to others.

I mean, I have their emotional orders memorized to perfection. I know exactly how to be to keep them happy.

“This is the best use of our energy” I think to myself. “Anything else would be a burden”.

Only, I am not making space for myself. In fact, I am pushing myself out.

Carrying peace for others, being peace for others, was becoming a heavier burden than I cared to admit.

I can recite the orders of my regulars, I can name what they want to discuss even before they do, and yet I had little to show for what I felt about myself.

Catering to the needs of others had become my focus, my everything.

I had forgotten to be attentive to, I had forgotten to be myself

[bluethxghts]

Iroh

As soon as I open up, surprise! There is another door”

How long before being crafted does a blank slate stand before losing it’s blankness? Is any slate ever truly blank?

The time such muses are “untouched” seems so finite, so minuscule.

The vacant moments may be unworthy of the elaborate mentions given to them.

All “blankness” is not created equal, and the dimensions of each slate’s blankness can be as endless as the amount of numbers in pi.

Where some slates are carved into as cuneiform takes shape, other forms of “blankness” are not observed in slates at all.

They are seen in blank pieces of paper.

Their “space” is guided more so by folds than heavy carving, and yet they are transformed all the same.

Paper, too, comes with many ways to be morphed.

It can be drawn upon, it can be thrown. Perhaps more credit is owed to paper.

With each experience, with each transgression, a new crease is adopted.

In time the folds, the stress, begin to almost make sense. Art can even be gleamed from them.

First a mantis, then a flower, and eventually a majestic crane were brought to life from each bend of life given to it.

It is a skill to turn one’s motions into a masterpiece, and yet mastering one’s adjustments is only the beginning.

Conforming towards or away from the bends of others comes at the costs of natural movement.

As master orgamists before our encounters grasping what is familiar, what needs to be moved in line with our perceived peace, is a simple task.

Recreating designs of the past is like breathing.

Yet, what about when we must create? To not merely reproduce, but to produce what may be entirely new?

Artists get sensitive about their crafts, and bending into a stretch is also needed from time to time.

In the same way every elaborate crinkle and worn end matters, so did the shapes we were before we donned our current ones.

Our adjustments we make to appease and even deceive others are not all we amount to.

Contorting can be as harsh as is done with slate, or as soft as is done with paper.

No matter how it is done, it is still done all the same.

Marvel at what you have become, for you are art.

Just also work to see the art in the “blankness” you can still utilize to begin anew.

[bluethxghts]

Stuck In The Stars

“Where do stars go during the day?”

With a sorrowful sigh, the stifled star in the sky believes it’s twinkle is dimmed by the shine of others.

The endless sky does not have finite space, but it feels it is wrong to shine concurrently, separately, and even chronologically with the others.

The biggest star of all changes the entire sky as we know it, yet the star that feels stuck remains and exist all the same.

I wonder who told this star that the only way to be felt is to be seen?

Who led it to believe others do not await it’s appearance, and only think of it when they know they are gazing upon it?

Through it’s obsession with it’s material form, I suppose it has lost sight of it’s immaterial self. The two are a team.

Let’s suppose stars breathe as we do, I hope it can learn to exhale.

To take the same muscles utilized to hold it’s breath and await others raised fingers, and exercise exhaling when the fingers do not aim at it.

Through aiming it’s brightest rays at those whom have not chosen it, this melancholic star misses those who choose it even when invisible amongst the daytime sky.

This star’s understanding of itself is wrapped around the five points it has been taught others perceive.

I do not know if it ever learned that, depending on the artist and star, the shape and amount of points can be entirely different.

Through obsessing on what it believes it knows, the star becomes unable to fathom what it does not.

The now self-aware star appreciates the telescopes who appear enamored with it, yet it now seeks to emblazon the sky’s canvas with it’s own touch.

Fuller, the star carries how it is viewed along with taking in how it shines. It is prepared to occupy a space rather than feel branded by it.

Sirus, Vega, Gemini, this star was gifted entry into a grand creation whose completion was simply awaiting it’s realization.

Perhaps stars aren’t all that different from people after all

[bluethxghts]

Is It Armor, or Is It A Cage?

A concept that people (and I) grapple with is that you have to give people the opportunity to fail you

If you are not giving them the opportunity to do so, that means you are not giving them the opportunity to support and do right by you

Yeah, yeah, I know, you talented and can do stuff yourself. You don’t NEED help

But what’s so wrong with wanting it? With accepting it?

To circle back, yes, being and feeling failed stinks. I am in no way saying it doesn’t

BUT, being supported and feeling seen is an amazing feeling. It’s okay to let the people who love you show you

That is not to say that all those who fail us do not love us (things do happen), but closing the door for the sake of “protection” ensures you go through the same struggles.

The “struggle” in question? Well, that is feeling unsupported.

Most importantly, you will go through them alone. Everybody needs and benefits from help whether they realize it or not.

For example, do you farm? Oh, so then I bet you relied on “help” to get those veggies you love.

Did you shoot, write and direct your favorite show? Oh, so then I bet you relied on “help” for your entertainment

(Shoutout to all the farming and art homies)

We have now traversed over into the realm of *quality* help, and, yes, getting quality help is important.

What many of us have lost by ascribing to “same folk I came up with is who I’m with now” is that expanding your network is okay.

More specifically, expanding your network allows you expand your access. No matter now much they care, there are some things your same network from age 6 may be unable to do

That is neither a them nor a you thing, it’s simply a life thing. On-brand with the idea of seeking help, make sure you work to develop and maintain bonds with those whom support your growth.

Your network thus far may not understand your needs thus far, or the new needs you have developed

But the new community (you hopefully are now willing to seek) might.

Try to remember that growth is both internal and external. As you grow up and grow out, learn how to incorporate the new gardens in your environment.

It will help you come across new ways to keep your own roots strong and planted, to grow new roots, and intertwine your roots with other like-minded flowers.

By locking others out, we starve ourselves of the joy of being celebrated

Pls don’t accidentally sentence yourself to days devoid of passion

[bluethxghts]

Is Reciprocity the “Ex-Factor”, Or Is Moving On?

Ya, reciprocity is easy, ya know what else can be easy if we work to make it so? Leaving

While listening to “Ex-Factor” by Lauryn Hill, I began to wonder if reciprocity was enough.

Not to say that it is unimportant, but what if the reciprocity isn’t being given?

Cause even insecurity is a spectrum. Insecurity make look like quietly suffering, it may also look like “loudly” remaining and trying to change our person’s mind

Many of us feel as if reciprocity is worth waiting for, and listening to this particular song with my adult ears began reminded me that you can seek reciprocity from anyone.

So, why wait around expecting it from someone who appears unwilling to provide it?

Sure, reciprocity can be easy, but so can leaving the party that won’t reciprocate (well, if we work to practice and acquaint ourselves with leaving).

Lauryn mentions throughout Ex-Factor how much she loves the other party, but none of that changes disinterest. I think what she is discussing is a cultural belief that many of us still hold.

The belief in question? Well, it is the belief that we can “love someone” or “treat someone right” into loving us back.

You may have sex with a person, you may share music with them, you all may even do activities together, but none of that changes that you are not truly hearing them.

In this context, “hearing” means recognizing them for who they are, and not for who we would like them to be.

Many of us struggle to reserve our “tolerance” for events that are actually worth tolerating, and thus we choose to “tolerate” a lot.

For example, one must tolerate the cold on a cold day. One must also tolerate the heat on a hot day.

“Love”, and more specifically a person’s inability to “love” us as we’ve asked, is not worth tolerating.

You cannot “talk”, “love” or “tolerate” someone into loving you. Your mental peace will thank you for realizing this, and so will your self-development.

So, again, try to make your peace with leaving folk who you seem to keep having the same conversations with in regards to how they “love” you.

Remember, saying it is the bare minimum.

Leaving is okay, and don’t try to let people gaslight you into acting like you turned a house upside down on your way out cause you went out seeking better

(If you do plan to do that, do it within reason. I am a fan of the low road, when it’s reasonable)

When Lauryn asked who she gotta be to get reciprocity, the producer quite literally should’ve added another person who says “With someone else”

Cause the very next partner you have may be ready to give you the world. Ironically enough, your last partner may give the very next person the world.

This is where minding your business is nifty. By focusing on yourself, you get to see what was best for you and can appreciate that you parted with what wasn’t.

Cause you can’t make an apple an orange, but you can go get an apple

Also, work to recognize your growth and being without being adjacent to another.

The same way you proudly tell someone else how much they’ll regret losing you is the same way you must proudly tell yourself to pack ya metaphorical things and go.

Cause even insecurity is a spectrum. Insecurity make look like quietly suffering, it may also look like “loudly” remaining and trying to change their mind.

Well, the latter is more towards stubbornness, but you get the picture.

Regardless, try not to overly put effort into wondering why people won’t stay. Instead, ask yourself why you won’t talk yourself into going

Also, try not to make dating period so life or deathy. By doing so, you may spoil the experience. Try to date with the intent to learn who a person is, not to find your perfect match.

By doing so, you are less incentivized to linger around the wrong one cause “I done invested this much time”.

After all, you can’t get to “forever” if you not present in every day leading up to it

[bluethxghts]

Debunking Alpha Males and Alpha Females

Many still claim the terms “alpha male” and “alpha female”, so let’s take a walk since the creator has already acknowledged that the term was incorrectly created.

Yes, David Meech, the creator of the term, asked his previous 1970 publication on it be removed in 1999.

If you always gotta be the loudest in the room, if you always gotta be the first to do something, if you always gotta have control, you have deep rooted issues you might need to resolve.

(Which is normal to an extent, we all have deep rooted issues we need to resolve).

I see the whole idea of being an “alpha” as often based into two ideas:

1. Someone must be the “beta”

2. Being an “alpha” is good

Now, both of these speak to insecurity in different ways.

The first implies you must stomp on others before they stomp on you. I promise it does not have to be, and should not be that way.

It’s very taxing to view everyone as your competition. Again, not all fuel is quality fuel

Your metaphorical “car” may go far this way, but then it’ll only go as far as the blind ambition of “being the best” can take you.

Unless you a genuine nut, not that far. Even y’all beloved Kobe acknowledged that the Mamba mentality grew out and expanded to involve more than just being a competitor.

The second point (being an “alpha is good) implies that if you aren’t loud, if you aren’t first, if you aren’t leading etc, you’re invalid.

I got some bad news for y’all, people be loud and wrong all the time. People be first and wrong all the time. People be in charge and wrong all the time.

To speak specifically to leadership, you aren’t a good leader if you believe only you can ever lead.

Cause doing so implies you are completely writing off the potential the others bring.

To reference clothes, duhh a short sleeved shirt is prolly the best to wear most consistently in the Summer.

But you know what you also prolly gonna need? A jacket to throw on for when it rains.

So, if you aren’t prepared and able to let other people fill in like how we have differing outfits, you are missing out on what they bring.

That also means you aren’t growing, cause you aren’t giving others the chance to water you.

Now, let’s talk about systemic factors a lil bit.

Some of us were forced to be alpha males or alpha females to get noticed, to get respected (see racism, sexism, homophobia etc.,), I get that.

For women in particular, being an “Alpha” is often the only way to combat a patriarchal and misogynistic ways.

Literature on “alpha females” tends to be somewhat healthier than literature on “alpha males”, but still lacking to me.

(Again, David Meech debunked his own work. Spin-offs of it are still gonna be iffy).

Here is what I wanna stress (and y’all knew it was coming), we are valid simply for existing.

It was WRONG for us to be overly taught that one must be an “alpha” and thus loud, controlling, mistrustful, and overly quick to jump at responsibility.

Many of us have internalized, and never questioned the ways we were taught cause they appear to be working.

Until we realized we are often too much for people cause they’re “soft”.

Until we realized we need another alpha in our lives cause “We need our energy matched”.

Well, no, they’re not. You just have a tad-bit of self-work to do like we all do.

Cause the stubbornness, the inability to adjust, the belief you gotta force your way through? Nope.

To believe one is an “alpha”, that means one also must ignore the feelings that are “beta”.

And, from articles I’ve read, many “alpha” folk battle with expressing vulnerability, sadness and anger.

Cause those aren’t viewed as “alpha” emotions, and thus cannot exist in an “alpha” world.

I could spell out how taxing that is, but if y’all have read this far y’all prolly already get it.

So, unpack why you gotta be an “alpha”.

Unpack why (if) you think someone has to be a “beta”.

Ask yourself the ways in which you associate with yourself.

Consider how your “alpha” ways have made people feel.

Now, for resources,

“But, as he [David Meech, the man who coined the term in 1970] outlined in a 1999 paper, he's since rejected that idea in light of research into the behavior of wolves in the wild” 

Lezter, R. (2016 ,October 12). There’s no such thing as an alpha male. Business Insider. Retrieved from https://www.businessinsider.com/no-such-thing-alpha-male-2016-10

“Their results also suggest that sensitivity and assertiveness are not opposites. In fact, further research suggests that the combination of kindness and assertiveness might just be the most attractive pairing” 

Kaufman, S. B. (2015, December 10). The myth of the alpha male. Greater Good Magazine. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_myth_of_the_alpha_male

“Kaufman has a problem with the division of men into alpha and beta - he thinks it ‘greatly simplifies the multi-dimensionality of masculinity, and grossly underestimates what a man is capable of becoming’”.

Hosie, R. (2017, May, 9). The myth of the alpha male. The Independent. Retrieved from http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/the-myth-of-the-alpha-male-a7724971.html

Finally, here goes one for the alpha females. Like I said earlier, it’s iffy to me. I did enjoy some parts of it https://t.co/iMhmNj3OvH?amp=1

If you enjoyed this read, feel free to cashapp me for my troubles 😆 I worked hard on this

[bluethxghts]

The Bright Moon

“College has broken my sense of time. Hours feel like minutes”

How are you patient?

Underneath the waterfall of life, patience can be found underneath it’s downpour.

Slowly breathing, exhaling, and bracing oneself to exist along the coldness of the water is almost refreshing.

There is structure, there appears to be purpose. Most importantly, the results are tangible.

Still, there is a lot of movement involved in being still.

Waiting can make a moment feel like an eternity, and not all moments are created equal.

A workout “minute” feels far different than a minute of time with a friend.

Each piece of time we seek requires different uses of ourselves, and thus discernment of how one is patient matters.

So, how are you patient?

Is your patience practiced enough to suit clarity, arrival, and departures?

In many of our minds, patience is little more than waiting.

In not observing the environment, in not maximizing the time, but in merely existing until the moment we are seeking arrives.

So, does your concept of patience take you out of your time?

What do you have to ignore to be patient in the way you were taught?

Which parts of yourself feel quieted by those whom you have to be patient for?

We wait for opportunities, we wait for people, so we must never wait to ask “Is this worth my time?”.

If both are indeed worth our time, in what ways are either adjusting to support our invested time.

Patience is often confused with stagnancy, and they are not the same. If we are not careful tho, they can be.

[bluethxghts]

Haku

“Where do I belong?”

To feel unnecessary is to feel as if you do not belong, as if you are unneeded.

The feel unnecessary is to believe that it does not matter to those whom are present whether you are or are not in a space.

And this feeling hurts.

Without a purpose, all one can do is aimlessly wander in hopes that they discover an anchor for the long voyage we diminish to a short one.

Days often feel like moments when you feel without course, without direction, and without a destination.

So what is a purpose, and how is it given?

For a purpose to be given, it must be recognized in you by another. The person must be willing to look at you, and see worth in you.

But then the question arises of how do you catch another’s gaze? How do you ensure it is one that positions you correctly?

To find yourself in others, requires they not also be lost. Whether alone or with the hand of another grasping yours, a mire of darkness is still darkness.

To relegate oneself to what is offered is often still no purpose at all, so perhaps purpose takes effort.

If a purpose is earned, if a purpose is created, then I suppose purpose takes time.

Purpose adapts and gains new form, purpose is shapeless.

This inspires a feeling that none of us are truly purposeless, and that we are instead in a perpetual state of our purpose(s) coming together.

The weary find themselves daunted by the idea of having to reach across the table one more time in hopes that the piece they are targeting will fit into their puzzle.

Those whom are only beginning find it suffocating to truly start when it appears that others are too far ahead of them.

Underneath the ice of your cold season, are the seeds of your efforts awaiting your season’s change so that they may bloom anew.

As you work towards your purpose, remember that even missteps are a part of arriving where you truly belong.

[bluethxghts]

The Sword That Never Left The Stone

“Did it ever occur to you that they dreamt differently? That they dreamt bigger?”

What are your ancestor’s wildest dreams?

Internet faster than the speed of light may have been at the forefront of their minds, sure.

If they had gotten the chance to explore google, I bet they would be in on every trending topic.

Or maybe it was flying cars that were a part of the constant thoughts that cycled through their brains.

I mean, who has not ever wondered what it was like to soar through the sky?

But maybe, just maybe, they had their own dreams.

Dreams that suited them, dreams that belonged to them.

Dreams that never included us at all.

We often and proudly speak words for them that they may have never said, or that they said out of necessity.

If we truly care about our ancestor’s wildest dreams, we should begin recognizing how we feed into what caused them to be deferred.

Bigotry snatched chances from them they could never give back, so how do you deal with the seeds that have been planted in you?

To be born into a society that takes, means we have all been the fox who swipes from another-

 whether we were aware or not.

Are you being your ancestor’s wildest dream if you are not working to honor the part of them you believe never existed?

To you, some of your ancestors would have been just as “fast” as the extension of our finger when you see a woman or girl worthy of blame.

What thought is inspired in you when you learn that you mimic the words that tore down what you swear is your pillar?

Switches do not only come from trees, and even the strongest backs see fit to move in that motion.

Rather than her shoulders, her hair can be most readily found resting upon the ground followed by the accompaniment of buzzing clippers.

Do the ancestors you never dreamt of get to bequeath their dreams to you? Or do you pick and choose whose mantle you will pick up?

Perhaps their journey inconvenienced you, perhaps their remembrance in history makes you shameful-

I hope not.

It is a privilege to have the opportunity to continue, and even more so to be the one to inherit.

As you speak on what you saw in the ancestors, pay attention to what has been instilled in you.

The ancestors dreams are best observed in those who mirror them, and that cannot always be you.

Yet, if you were and are someone else’s wildest dream, make sure to not squander that dream by becoming someone else’s barrier because-

“You just don’t agree with it”

[bluethxghts]

Thoughts on Satish by Tee Grizzley

As consumers of music, what responsibilities do we have to artists as they vent their pain and frustrations? As a form of expression, music is often used as a tool for the particular artist to discuss how he or she is feeling in a relatively safe manner. As you may have seen, I said “relatively”. There are numerous instances where rap lyrics have been attempted to be used against artists due to the rampant anti-Blackness and racism that exists as a staple in American society.

In addition to this, those not from their communities will consume the content simply because it confirms the individual’s view of what rappers are like, and not because they are truly analyzing the content.

So, again, what responsibilities do we have to artists as they vent their pain and frustrations?

As I listened to Satish, I was reminded of how there is often a view that some music is more correct, more in-depth, and thus inherently “better” and “more Hip Hop” than other artists in Rap. I have always wondered which factors play into that. For example, a lot of Southern rappers who possess the Southern drawl were labeled as “mumble rappers”, and thus said to be not saying much. The bias is somewhat cultural, and I can admit this as a Northerner. Before I got to the South for undergrad and my ears became better at perceiving what was said, I was another individual who felt some artists were mostly worth skimming through. Still, this was and is a problem related to an individual. Your inability to perceive the layers of music are your bias.

Levels of depth are present in multiple avenues, and artists often masterfully or accidentally manipulate fans perception of what a song is conveying through beat use and engineering for that exact reason. “Hey Ya” by Outkast, and “Hate Bein’ Sober” by Chief Keef are two examples of this that first came to mind. A simple read of the lyrics written by 3Stacks in “Hey Ya”, and the lyrics written by Chief Keef in “Hate Bein’ Sober” convey a far different story than what the songs do.

As humans often do, both artists may have purposely hidden how they truly feel, or accidentally done so. That aside, as fans it is only to our betterment or their detriment if we can grasp the multitude of concepts being delivered to us at the same time. As you may now be thinking, perhaps there is not that much difference in the “depth” between Andre 3000 and Chief Keef. Now, we return to “Satish”.

Through this song, Tee Grizzley portrays a variety of feelings individuals may, or may not be able to relate to. Fear, confusion, anger, and self-blame among others are the prominent ones that stand out. While we as consumers cannot immediately provide the relief he and others may desire when they share such vulnerability, what we can do is be truly present for the art. The original motivation for this writing was that I felt (and at least heard) folk focusing rather heavily on the components of the song that detailed his retaliation. This felt wrong, and it felt limiting.

To hone in on that one aspect is to miss the entirety of what Tee Grizzley is discussing, and sadly relegating him to a rather small box. The lived experiences of some people do entail violence, this is true. While I would hope he truly does not react in such a way, it is equally as depressing to think people are looking forward to him doing so for the sake of “authenticity”.

Growth is a part of authenticity, as is generally discussing how one feels even if they do not become actions. To answer the question that I originally posed, I think the responsibility we have to artists as they vent their pain and frustrations is to remember that they are people. As we consume their art, we must also not overly tailor to them the limited views we may have of them. In our inability to recognize complexity and listen intentionally to others, we also ensure that we lack this same diligence when analyzing ourselves.

[bluethxghts]

Tiny Floating Whale

“Is that a reference to something?”

Peace - noun, freedom from disturbance; tranquility

What type of peace are you?

Peace is loud, peace is quiet, peace is angry, and peace is sad.

So,

what type of peace are you?

Are you the peace that is often found in chaos?

If so, that is alright.

Peace often requires effort, and effort is not always linked to it’s definition.

Peace takes time, peace takes practice, and peace takes you.

Could you perhaps be the peace that settles a room?

Peace often feeds on peace to be, and so your walk is one that is needed.

As you flow from space to space, the air you carry is refreshing to those who have forgotten the ways in which one breathes.

Hmm, you might be the peace that requires the pieces of others for now, and that is okay.

Like a cookie needing butter, eggs, sugar and a good mixer, it is okay to have help in the beginning.

Your peace will be just as important at the end.

I know, you must be the peace that is handed down.

If so, you are the peace many dream of. The peace that just seems to simply “be”.

Yet, if you are a peace that is rooted in the status quo-

-whose status are you quoting?

Your peace may be closer to forced, than created.

As you discuss and process the “discord” of other’s, you may be shown that your “peace”, was not quite peace at all.

Peace is shared, peace is created, and peace grows.

Try to keep that in mind when you learn what vexes you, and when you hear that your “peace” incites riots in others.