bog-through-the-pain

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@funnier-as-a-system

me completely by myself in my room: alright everybody just calm down

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whenever I decide anything I need 15 people to say "that's a good idea" to me otherwise I feel like I'm making a catastrophic decision that will ruin my life. in a chill way I'm chill

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@funnier-as-a-system

"Weird energy in here today" I say, referring to the inside of my brain.

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Fully fused with parts?

Let’s talk about full integration / final fusion where the parts are never erased and where being a whole-yet-multifaceted person is the goal of the fusion.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone talk about this. Then again, I don’t think that there are many systems on Tumblr who are at this point in therapy with this particular goal.

Final fusion is usually thought of as the merging of all parts into one self. Before fusion, there are metaphorical walls of dissociation between you and other parts of your mind. Whichever part of the mind is active is perceived as “Me” while the other parts are perceived as “Not Me”. After fusion, those metaphorical walls disappear, allowing all parts of the mind to become “Me”.

In the past, the westernized approach to self often led to therapists pressuring fully fused systems to stop valuing (or even acknowledging) that they had parts. It makes sense to me why those older systems would often compare fusion to death. In the present day, the plurality of self is being valued more. Especially with therapeutic practices like internal family systems, it’s more normalized to acknowledge that everyone has multiple parts to themselves.

When I fused with all of my parts for the first time, we still felt each other. We were one person with full access to each other, but also somehow still parts. We were connected parts and a single person at the same exact time. I thought that maybe I did it wrong, or maybe I wasn’t fully fused yet, but my therapist (who is from a culture where having parts is more normalized) told me that this is just another way that final fusion can be experienced.

So, full integration / final fusion doesn’t mean that parts have to go away. Maybe that’s how some people want to still do it. If someone wants to recover like that, please let them. But this is a type of final fusion that I have never heard talked about before. 

I often felt alone with this experience. I felt like no one would believe me if I brought this to Tumblr, because people can get so aggressive about fusion. Something that can be so beautiful is often shoved aside and attacked. I think it’s important to talk about this, though. Hearing about this can probably really help some people.

I want to share some statements from former DID patients who have fully fused, from this professional study. These statements helped me feel less alone with my experience.

Rebecca:

“Today I feel I am fully aware and present both as the collective of parts and as any individual part. That is, even when a part of me is present, there is a collective awareness of the experience.”

Irene:

“It gradually dawned on me that I could get some relief if I paid enough attention to the voices and their pain. I understood they needed to be heard… . My integration is about being in control, being aware, being able to understand myself. Whenever I’m anxious and I can’t understand why, I turn inside and I ask: What’s going on? I usually get an answer that either helps me deal better with an external problem or guides me as to how to calm myself down… . There is a clear advantage to my situation: I have better access to my subconscious than most people do. I call this ability Creative Disintegration.”

Loraine:

“I think the best way to describe my integration process is as a progressive one. First, there were brief moments of integration; later on I was integrated during some of the time but wasn’t on other occasions. This developed into a period in which I was integrated most of the time and then, into full integration with only momentary periods of disintegration… . It is a process of forward and backward movement on the dissociation continuum, but the general trend is towards a decrease in dissociation… . once you’re integrated, you don’t feel fragmented anymore, but in emergency situations there is a proclivity to utilize the mechanism for brief periods of time to help with coping.”

Some notes from the study:

“It is noteworthy that integration was not always described in terms of a renunciation of dissociative capabilities. Rebecca, Loraine, and even more so, Irene described occasional post-integrational awareness of the old psychological entities that once formed the personality alters… .  Whereas Sara and Tina talked about their lives as ‘one,’ others were clearly continuing to utilize some of the advantages of the dissociative process. It is probable, though, that rather than representing ‘imperfect’ integrations this variance portrays the naturally occurring distribution of dissociative phenomena in the population. It is, perhaps, not only an unreasonable expectation but also an undesirable outcome to have a useful defense mechanism, naturally occurring in society, completely abolished in this particular population.”

I think maybe it’s important to recognize that the boundary between multiplicity and fusion isn’t as clear cut as social media likes to make it out to be.

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If he’s Blorbo from your shows why is he in my system

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What people think having fictives is like: I get to hang out with and talk to my favorite character whenever I want to!

What it’s actually like: I can’t read Star Trek fanfic anymore because even though Spock said it’s fine it still brings him to the front and well now it’s just weird

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i literally talk to myself like a kind but firm parent at times in order to do the most basic things. i’m like come on love lets jump in the shower no fussing. the fussing is mental illness but the child in me does not really care about that

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Plural egg culture is constantly describing your experiences as "part of me was like this while part of me was like that", without noticing most people don't do that.

Oop

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bog man! there's no need to feel down

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Sysmeds for the last time, "science" in general isnt a specific study, it's a method of learning and understanding the world. Being anti-science means being against 1. society progressing in any way that is influenced by technology, scientific findings OR 2. denying that things could be in any way different then your personal findings.

Because, everyone thought it was common sense the sun went around the earth, you must be against God + science if you believed otherwise! But then people realized that was bullshit. In ancient Greece, it was thought that bugs spontaneously formed, but now we realize they didn't.

So, if your reaction to endogenic systems + non-disordered systems + systems that formed in adulthood (all separate categories unrelated to each other) is to be mad at them, instead of trying to understand their experiences, congrats! YOU are the one who is anti science!

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"you talk to yourself?" yeah, that's my homie

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friendly reminder that "i dont want to associate or be associated w kink" is a statement that is perfectly valid and completely able to exist without you making it about "kink is gross and bad"

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Plurality is a framework, not a disorder.

Plurality is not DID, OSDD, DDNOS, or MPD.

Plurality is being more than one.

You don't have to be disordered to be it.

You don't have to have trauma to be it.

And just because you are either of those things does not mean you are it.

If you say you are plural, we will see you as such. If you say you are not, we will see you as such. It's as simple as that. Listening to people and their self/selves perception.

If you can't do that, I don't want to be around you.

[bog-through-the-pain]

Shoutout to fictives of OCs and to factives of the host's friends and to introjects that dont remember their source and those from obscure sources, to introjects who dont use the same pronouns or name as their source, who have a complicated relationship with their source, who come from an AU or fanfic. shoutout to factives who get uncomfortable around their source or who get fixated on them. Shoutout to fictives who read/watch/listen to their source on repeat, and those who don't. y'all are amazing.

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I think it's very important to acknowledge that frameworks that may be beneficial for you may be harmful for me, and vice versa.

For instance, a lot of systems (irrespective of origin or dx status) find parts language and the thinking aligned with that language to be detrimental to their functioning. It doesn't fit them and trying to make themselves fit it does them harm. When they start using the many people in one body framework, they do much better.

But other systems (again, irrespective of origin or dx) find that the parts framework fits them in a way that really helps their system. And they find the many people framework to be detrimental.

Neither framework is inherently better than the other. It's just what is or isn't good for you and your system, and we as a community need to acknowledge this more.

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I've seen this referred to as veil/veiling member

Do someone know what you call a headmate created specifically as a kind of "puppet" to front so everyone can cofront with them and they like mask?

Make the system not be hollow when everyone is dlrmant ?

Thanjs

Not sure, tbh. We have Mannequin, though, which is a facet who fulfils a similar role

[bog-through-the-pain]

https://why-endos-are-bad.carrd.co/

This not only mentions the harm endos do to people who actually have DID/OSDD, It also debunks myths about systems, the harm it can cause to people trying to form a system, gives resources, cultural appropriation, etc.