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You are my conscience

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I think it would be cathartic if god tried to scoop me up in its hands and I bit them and scrambled away. I think that would fix my problems

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can u believe some people can see a cat & not immediately be filled with absolute unconditional love for that animal. they dont even get the urge to kiss them right on their little baby cat head. thats incomprehensible to me

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god crawls the roof of my mouth. i break bread. my mind & my body are holy. my mind is a bomb.

— Kevin Latimer, from “Last Dispatch From My Dying Mouth,” published in Poetry Northwest

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but when the day calls i will answer to my name claim it like a fire rushing toward living things i will rise   because there is someone praying for me to remain still

— Kara Jackson, from “i woke up and the day caught me,” published in The Slowdown

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Sound on

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“I’m doing what I want. I’m doing what / I want. I’m doing wherever the light takes me.”

— — Jessica Abughattas, from “Legalization,” Strip: Poems

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Title: 𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚

𝑑𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝑜 𝑤𝘩𝑒𝑛 𝑎 𝑟𝑜𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑐 𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑦𝑠

𝑤𝘩𝑒𝑛 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑝𝑢𝑙𝑙𝑠 𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝘩𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠

𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑠𝑜𝑢𝑙 𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔.

𝑤𝘩𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑛𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑓 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑓𝑢𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝘩𝑎𝑡 𝑑𝑒𝑓𝑎𝑢𝑙𝑡, 𝑡𝘩𝑜𝑢𝑔𝘩 𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑙, 𝑡𝑤𝑜.

𝑎𝑚 𝐼 𝑎𝑠 𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑓𝑢𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑒?

𝑑𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒?

𝑤𝘩𝑒𝑛 𝐼 𝑣𝑖𝑠𝑢𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑧𝑒 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝐼 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑢𝑛𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑦𝑜𝑢 a𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑟𝑠𝑡 𝑜𝑛 𝑚𝑦 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑑.

𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 𝘩𝑒𝑙𝑝 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑦 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒

𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝐼'𝑚 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝘩𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑦 𝑡𝑜 𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑓𝑖𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑢𝑏𝑡 𝑜𝑟 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑢𝑡𝘩𝑠-

𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑠 𝑡𝘩𝑎𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑜𝑢𝑡

𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑛'𝑡 𝑎𝑠 𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑦 𝑡𝑜 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑎𝑠 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐼.

𝑡𝘩𝑜𝑢𝑔𝘩 𝑎𝑛𝑥𝑖𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝘩𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑛 𝘩𝑎𝑛𝑑

𝑑𝑒𝑒𝑝 𝑑𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑤𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑒𝑎𝑐𝘩 𝑜𝑡𝘩𝑒𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟,

𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑜𝑛 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑠𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑝𝑎𝑔𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑠 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒-𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑏𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑤𝑒 𝑠𝑒𝑒𝑚 𝑡𝑜 𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑜𝑔𝑒𝑡𝘩𝑒𝑟.

𝑡𝘩𝑒𝑠𝑒 𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑤𝘩𝑎𝑡 𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑙𝑦 𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟,

𝐼 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒.

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“I am the history of the rejection of who I am.”

— June Jordan, from ‘Poem about My Rights’ featured in Directed by Desire: The Collected Poems of June Jordan

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The water was so nice tonight

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Are the spotlights burning? Theres no life outside your prominence. The stage is live, moving, strange, endings are your audience. (Q.) Are the spotlights blinding? There’s no love outside your consequence. The cameras are man(ned) by expectation, a crew made up of concupiscence. A play confused as sympathetic. Symbols made of cigarettes. A body made of masking tape. A scene about a wooden table, but nothing on the dinner plate. Is the spotlight invigorating? There’s no reason outside your eminence. When the cameras roll thats when you start to spark up again. The cast is full, a mirror plays your protagonist. There’s no meaning in script. Theres no answers in the act.

The cameras roll for you

The cameras roll for you

The cameras roll for you.

Q. How many eyes do you see when you step through the curtain? How many empty seats?

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the inherent horor of being trans is knowing you are the single touchstone a cis person will probably ever have

im reminded of when i went to sit my philosophy exam and had an ex-officer as an invidulator. he asked me if i was trans, something i had no obligation to answer. but if i didnt, i would be cagey. i would now paint an image of all trans people being rude in his mind, so i said yes

that invidulator asked me why, as a trans student, i should have my rights respected if there are so few of us

and instead of rightfully getting pissed off, i had to remember that i am currently representing a community of millions to a single man in a room with just the two of us in it. i could be the deciding factor on how he conducts behaviour with trans people in the future. what if he gets called to invidulate again in 20 years time and has another trans student? what if he remembers the one he met before, and instantly assumes he knows our community?

so i explained to him why i should have rights. and i used my words carefully, because if i slip up even once i have now put a trans person in danger, because he has made a choice based on me

trans people dont get to be angry. cis people always joke about how we demand a space, or we demand the right name, or we demand they bow down to us

think very carefully, did that trans woman demand that you use the right name, or did she correct you? did that trans man hold you at gunpoint, demanding you let him piss in public, or did he look like he wanted to use the disabled toilet to avoid bothering you all together. did the nonbinary trans person have you on your knees begging for forgiveness, or did they ask nicely for you to be mindful of their pronouns?

the transphobic narrative is one of victimhood, meanwhile if i even use the wrong tone cis people will act as a child does, and they will demand that the next trans person they meet apologise

every trans person you meet is aware of this too. we're all very tuned into the fact that we are ambassadors, and that we never asked to be that. i dont want to have to very carefully consider 'will a curt answer mean someome later dies', but every day of my life i do

and cis people need to know that. to be trans is to literally walk on constant eggshells of cis fragility. its why when we see a new trans celebrity we have to desperately hope they dont do stupid fucking shit like caitlyn jenner did. because now everyone thinks trans women are like her. because now negotiations for our right to exist unmolested have gone back another 20 years

and tbh, cis people are pathetically weak. a trans person asked you to use the right name? that did not happen in a vacuum. that trans person has met 50-60 cis people today who refused

and guess what? we get tired too

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