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driving in the city is all about using your maximum amount of brain power to avoid a vehicular manslaughter charge while seemingly everyone else around you has made it their holy mission to get hit by your car

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Yesterday, one of my preschoolers came up to me very concerned, and said, “Miss ____, this book doesn’t have any pages!”

Now, this kid is only three, and I can’t always understand what he says because he’s still so little. However, he carries himself and has the conversational lilt of an 80-year-old academic, so I absolutely believed him. Also, like any library, not all of our books have been as gently used as one might like, so there’s always a chance that the pages of the book this kid was holding actually had fallen out somewhere, and he was only holding the cover. I hurried over to see if this was the case and he opened the book for me, still very concerned.

He had only opened to the end sheet, that blank page at the front of a book. I turned the page for him to reveal the title page. This look of absolute relief crossed his face and he went, “Oh, silly me. I didn’t look hard enough!”

I love kids.

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Chuckling to myself remembering the time I completely broke a scammer's brain by telling them I use Linux.

Scammer: do you have an apple or a windows computer please?

Me: neither, I use Linux.

Scammer: no no no, I asked if you use a apple or a windows

Me: neither

Scammer: what is the sticker? Is it a four boxes or is it an apple with a bite?

Me: ... I don't use EITHER of them. There's a third operating system called Linux. It isn't a PC or a mac. Please tell me you understand

Scammer: do -- do you know what I mean about apple or windows sir?

Me: yes. I'm a software developer. I understand completely. I'm telling you that YOU don't understand. Its called Linux, spelled L-I-N-U-X, type it into google

Scammer:

Scammer: but is it an apple or a windows computer sir

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there’s something very beautiful about being able to try again tomorrow

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the whole 'nobody would miss me if i were gone' line of reasoning is so completely and mindblowingly false, it's almost laughable if you take a couple steps back. there's a lady at work who has been there for maybe two or three weeks and has only talked to me a handful of times, ask where the necklace i usually wear went. another person asked where i was cause i wasn't scheduled for about a week. i regularly think of friends who have deactivated their accounts or who i've lost contact with and what id tell them. i still think about people i haven't talked to for years even though i didn't know them well. people still think about you even if you're a passing specter on the street. and that's not even holding a candle to how much the people who are personally involved in your life care. people do notice and care. all the time. it might be hard to see it or remember it but people do care. ily.

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Uhh yeah we gotta double my hamster prescription or I’m gonna lose it

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I mean, can't hurt to try ... ?

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statements like "It's wrong to masturbate about a person without their consent" and "It's wrong to do something that quietly arouses you while you are in public even if no one can see it" show that a person's understanding of morality basically involves magical thinking. like I wrote this post on the toilet. That's not the same thing as me literally shitting on you

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