br0kenice

[br0kenice]

            𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐄𝐈'𝐒  𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑  𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐒  𝐇𝐄𝐑  𝐁𝐘  𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄  .    there  had  never  been  a  day  in  mila's  life  she  hadn't  worked  .     from  the  ice  rink  to  behind  a  desk  ,   she  had  always  held  down  some  type  of  job  .    she  had  always  been  the  breadwinner  .    the  one  everyone  relies  on  .     letting  alexei  provide  for  her  ,   when  even  her  father  had  stopped  providing  when  started  winning  competitions  .  .  .     it  scares  her  .     her  first  reaction  is  a  little  exhale  ,   surprise  .       ❛     would  you  really  be  okay  with  that  ?     ❜        she  asks  ,   smiling  despite  herself  .     it's  a  relief  in  it's  own  way  .     to  rest  ,   to  just  be  with  him  .

ALEXEI HAD FELT THAT WAY ABOUT VIRGINIA. it had been a temporary spot to live, but he'd hated the apartment he'd stayed in. small, cramped, carpeted floors that smelled faintly of mildew... it was awful. his house here has always felt lonely, there's always been this air about it; cold, uncaring, dead. but now, it's different. it's friendly, loving, full of life. mila's things scattered about, toys he's bought for ryzhik because sasha doesn't like to share, actual human food in the fridge and cabinets. ❝ when we travel, he will have a companion if he does not go. sasha seems to like him very much, which is unusual. she never likes any other animals. you do not have to work if you do not want to, i — i have plenty of money, more than i know what to do with, i do not mind if you spend it on things you like. ❞

[br0kenice]

       MICHIGAN  WAS  NEVER  HER  HOME  .    it  had  been  an  escape  ,   but  not  somewhere  she  belonged  .    here  ,   with  alexei  ,   she  felt  more  at  home  than  she  had  ever  felt  .     slowly  ,   his  house  had  begun  to  resemble  that  a  second  person  lived  there  ;   rumpled  sheets  on  both  sides  ,   dishes  in  the  dish  washer  ,   and  little  knick  knacks  that  alexei  picks  up  for  her  .        ❛     i  would  really  like  that  as  well  .  .  .     i  do  not  see  the  point  in  being  there  any  longer  .     it  even  depresses  ryzhik  when  we  travel  .     i  could  do  something  online  .    then  i  could  travel  with  you  anywhere  .     ❜

HIS HEART ALMOST SKIPS A BEAT WHEN SHE ASKS. he's been thinking about it forever, since she started spending more time at his place here in boston than she did at her apartment in michigan. hell, he's kept his bedroom clean for the most part because she's been here. ❝ if — if it is what you want. i would not mind you living here, it would be far less lonely, i would like it... it would be nice to come home to you every single day. then you could travel with me, come to every competition and event with me. even — ❞ does he bring that up ?? would she even want to go to milan with him ?? that might reopen old wounds. ❝ even the ones that are not in this country. ❞

[br0kenice]

       THERE'S  SOMETHING  ON  HER  MIND  ,   and  she  knows  that  alexei  is  just  waiting  for  her  to  say  it  .     her  arm  snakes  around  his  shoulders  ,   her  knees  pulled  up  on  the  couch  .        ❛    my  love  .  .  .    i  was  thinking  .  .  .    should  i  just  let  go  of  my  apartment  ?    and  stop  working  at  the  hotel  ?     i  could  get  another  job  around  here  ,   and  live  with  you  .  .  .     ❜ / @bloodiedice

[br0kenice]

YOU COULD BE MY SILVER SPRINGS . . .

[br0kenice]

       MILA  IS  ALL  SPINDLY  KNEES  ,   legs  as  thin  as  fairy's  .     they  knock  together  under  the  table  ,   beneath  her  skirt  where  her  hands  keep  pulling  on  the  hem  .     her  heart  beats  hard  under  her  chest  ,   faster  than  hummingbird  wings  .     she  was  ever  the  figure  skater  of  every  little  girl's  dreams  .     and  just  the  sight  of  alexei  was  enough  to  make  her  blush  ,   the  way  his  sleeves  were  rolled  to  his  wrists  ,   the  way  his  red  hair  was  still  messy  from  practice  .  .  .     she  felt  like  all  her  blood  had  rushed  to  her  head  all  at  once  .

       alexei  knew  how  to  set  himself  apart  ,   and  even  now  ,   he  is  .     his  passion  for  skating  was  what  made  him  different  from  the  other  boys  .    he  was  only  complaining  ,   something  mila  would  hardly  tolerate  from  another  ,   but  for  once  ,   she  agreed  with  someone   ━━   with  him  .    it  was  different  when  she  agreed  ,   and  when  she  liked  what  they  had  to  say  .

       and  jeez  ,   four  hours  on  the  train  .    mila  took  another  sip  of  her  ice  water  .     the  restaurant  felt  hot  ,   but  maybe  that  was  just  alexei  melting  the  ice  everyone  accused  her  of  being  .

        ❛     sucks  ,     ❜       mila  said  ,   holding  her  chin  in  her  palms  .        ❛     it  would  have  been  really  fun  to  be  in  the  dorms  with  you  .     ❜        she  thought  about  him  ,   alone  in  some  kind  of  big  house  .     he  had  some  money     ━━     the  other  skaters  always  knew  who  had  money  and  who  didn't  .     despite  her  efforts  ,   it  was  always  well  -  known  that  mila  didn't  .    alexei's  feet  padding  around  ,   without  balancing  on  silver  blades  .     eating  breakfast  alone  ,   reading  ,   sleeping  .  .  .     as  if  in  solitary  confinement  ,   a  bird  cage  from  which  he  momentarily  escaped  .     let  alone  that  it  was  four  hours  away  .    four  hours  .     mila  made  a  face  .

       ❛     irina  likes  it  too  .     she  told  me  she  would  h  -  help  ,   because  i  landed  the  quad  toe  loop  .    ❜        mila  realized  ,   far  too  far  into  the  sentence  ,   that  she  had  admitted  something  else  .        ❛     if  i  land  it  at  the  junior  grand  prix  ,     i'll  be  one  of  the  first  to  do  it  .     ❜        alexei  already  had  so  many  accomplishments  ,   and  even  though  mila  knew  that  he  practiced  plenty  for  it  ,   there  was  something  so  effortless  about  it  .     she  wanted  him  to  know  that  she  worked  for  it  ,   too  .     nothing  was  ever  easy  for  her  ;     not  coming  to  sambo  -  70  ,   and  not  skating  in  a  world  that  didn't  have  room  for  her  .     what  conclusion  did  she  want  him  to  draw  with  that  information  ?     she  wasn't  sure  if  she  wanted  him  to  think  she  was  tough  ,   or  interesting  ,   or  something  entirely  other  .     she  barely  noticed  their  waiter  setting  their  food  in  front  of  them  ,   and  had  forgotten  entirely  what  she'd  ordered  in  the  first  place  .     her  attention  was  squarely  on  alexei  .

THIS IS THE MOST AWKWARD HE'S EVER FELT IN HIS LIFE. never before has he ever had any trouble around other people, but it's so much different this time. he's nervous, fiddling with his hands under the table. he doesn't even care about the glare dimitri's giving him, like this whole date is a colossal waste of time, like this is just a frivolous distraction. she leans in closer, his heart skips a beat. it's been so long since he could even feel his own heartbeat, but he's felt it more tonight than he has in the last several decades. the other girls ?? they're nothing. they don't matter. the boys all talk about which ones they'd take on a date, which ones they'd make out with. they're loud, obnoxious, blunt about it. but alexei's always been quiet on the matter. he wants to hold mila's hand, show her everything in saint petersburg, bring her home to meet his staff. she's all he tells them about in the hour he has at home. 'how was practise ??' milena looked at me. 'did you land that jump you've been working on ??' she saw me land it.

❝ is not that the boys complain, is that all they want to talk about is what the girls look like. as if that is the most important thing on the planet. we are there to skate, to try and make it to the olympics. i always tell them that you can at least act like you care about your sport, god... ❞

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY THEY CALL ALEXEI THE RUSSIAN SPITFIRE. he has a sassy mouth on him. when she mentions the train ride, he nods. ❝ four hours, ❞ said as if it's nothing, as if it's just a twenty minute ride. ❝ but it is worth it. i did not get my parents' signatures to stay in the dorms before they left on a trip. they have been gone for a few months now... is always some important thing they need to do, but i do not mind. i like being alone. ❞

THEY WERE NEVER INVOLVED WITH HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE. always thought he ruined their lives, their happy little eternal existence. that's why he doesn't care that they're gone now. he's free, his house is no longer a cage, he can leave.

SOMETHING CLOSE TO A LAUGH ESCAPES HIM. he hadn't known she'd been watching him the whole time. now he feels terrible for being forced to stay until close. it causes this weird pain in his chest, like he feels guilty. something he's never felt before. his words are quiet, he doesn't want his coach hearing; his eyes focused on his hands, he can't look her in the eyes. WHY AM I FEELING LIKE THIS ?? IT IS NOT HER FAULT. IS IT MINE ?? IS IT BECAUSE I SPEND SO LONG ON THE ICE ?? IT IS WHAT HE WANTS. ❝ dimitri says it is best. ❞

[br0kenice]

the life of a showgirl will either be serena or milacore, i'm prepped either way

[br0kenice]

translation: i would die for you. prove it. okay. no.

( feat. @br0kenice )

[br0kenice]

@bloodiedice : do not be so hard on yourself .

       TO  ANYONE  ELSE  ,   her  response  would  be  far  different  ;   something  mean  ,   something  defensive  and  callous  .     she  could  never  bring  herself  to  say  anything  of  the  like  to  alexei  ,   though  ,   even  when  she  felt  her  worst  .     mila  knew  she'd  regret  nothing  more      ━━      a  type  of  self  discipline  she'd  never  had  before  him  .    to  him  ,   she  could  be  honest  .     mila  let  herself  lean  against  him  ,   a  frown  hard  on  her  icy  lips  .

       ❛     i'm  trying  .     it  is  hard  .    i  know  what  i  used  to  be  ,   and  so  does  the  world  .     but  even  i  wanted  to  ,   i  cannot  be  that  milena  again  .    she  just  does  not  exist  .    do  you  miss  it  ?     the  way  we  were  before  ?     ❜

[br0kenice]

@bloodiedice : kisses her forehead .

       ALEXEI  INTENDED  TO  BE  GONE  BEFORE   the  morning  light  had  begun  to  stream  through  the  windows  of  their  hotel  .     mila  remembered  those  days  ,   frantically  moving  around  the  room  for  ribbons  ,   costumes  ,   with  sleep  still  stuck  to  her  eyelids  .     there  wasn't  much  to  do  at  the  rink  besides  watch  him  practice  ,   and  he  had  already  reassured  her  it  was  fine  if  she  wanted  to  stay  in  bed        ━━━━        so  naturally  .  .  .    she  chose  to  sleep  in  ,   though  as  soon  as  his  warmth  receded  ,   mila  rolled  into  his  side  of  the  bed  ,   her  face  pressed  deep  into  his  pillow  ,   smelling  the  scent  he  left  .

       he  made  nary  a  sound  ,   until  his  lips  press  soft  and  gentle  against  mila's  forehead  ;   she  had  made  him  promise  ,   he  couldn't  leave  without  some  sort  of  goodbye  .     her  eyelashes  fluttered  ,   her  hand  reaching  for  his  and  pulling  it  back  just  enough  for  her  to  return  the  favor  ,   a  feather  light  kiss  to  the  back  of  his  hand.        ❛     good  luck  ,   love  .     i  will  see  you  later  .     ❜

[br0kenice]

[br0kenice]

mila's recent instagram comments on alexei's posts :

THAT'S MY BABY ( newest )

i love you

i LOVEEEEEEE YOU

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

you're so handsome

very good very very good

please post more

my boy

I LOVE YOU

i love you

best boy

my babyyyyyy

i love you

that is a silly picture

sasha is a little goddess

[br0kenice]

@bloodiedice : ❛ my love , they do not understand . ❜ ⤷ old meme .

       NO  .     THEY  DON'T  .     NO  ONE  HAD   ever  understood  her  ,   except  for  alexei  .     mila  swallowed  the  lump  in  her  throat  ,   dust  and  spikes  and  anger  .    if  his  hand  wasn't  holding  her  in  place  like  an  anchor  ,   mila  would  pace  the  floor  ,   just  a  spiteful  ghost  wearing  down  the  tile  .     she  would  push  over  the  vase  that  she  secretly  liked  ,   and  hate  that  she  did  it  later  .

       but  he  held  her  ,     his  palm  resting  on  her  wrist  while  her  fingers  were  interlocked  together  ,   her  knuckles  bright  white  from  the  pressure  she  inflicted  on  herself  .     all  of  her  nerves  were  tense  .     her  blue  -  eyed  gaze  was  icy  over  her  palms  ,   but  she  glanced  up  at  his  voice   ━━   and  though  she  had  the  urge  to  relax   ━━   something  kept  her  from  completely  softening  into  him  .

       alexei  can  ,   and  does  try  to  protect  her  from  most  harm  in  the  world  .  .  .     but  he  couldn't  protect  her  from  everything  .    especially  not  the  woman  who  brought  her  into  the  world  .     whether  she  considers  that  woman  to  be  her  mother  or  coach  .  .  .    it  might  as  well  be  both  .    BURN  OUT  .    CRASH  OUT  .

       well  fuck  ,     she  knew  they  were  right  !    guilt  washed  over  her  like  a  building  collapsing  .     a  letter  from  her  mother  laid  on  the  island  ,   just  bullshit  and  bullshit  .     irina  talked  too  much  on  a  new  podcast  ;     remind  me  ,   who  is  obsessed  ?    she  felt  sick  .     irina  had  said  mila  had  always  held  alexei  back  .

       mila  nodded  .        ❛           yeah  .  .  .     yeah  ,           ❜        she  murmured  ,   laying  her  head  against  his  shoulder  ,   soft  brown  waves  falling  over  his  back  .

[br0kenice]

milena , photographed 10 years apart ( 14 & 24 ) ₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊

[br0kenice]

SHE'S GETTING ARBY'S for the 6th time this week .

[br0kenice]

starter call .𖥔 ݁ ˖⋆ ˚❆ @dafriend ❪  YELENA .  ❫

       OVERWHELMING  .     IT  WAS  ALL  SO  OVERWHELMING  .    none  of  the  clothes  in  the  mall  looked  like  something  she  wanted  to  wear  .    the  lights  were  bright  .     she  felt  stupid  looking  for  a  dress  .     but  she  has  no  interest  in  continuing  her  old  life      ━━      down  to  the  floorboards  and  nails  ,   she  wanted  to  rip  it  up  and  begin  anew  .     normal  girls  wear  dresses  .     normal  girls  enjoy  shopping  .     mila's  blue  eyes  are  narrowed  ,   her  lips  pressed  in  a  tight  line  .        ❛     i  do  not  know  what  suits  me  ,     ❜     she  finally  admits  .

[br0kenice]

❛ taking a week off before my first competition on the 7th, spending that time with my sunshine. you will not hear from me until at least the 11th. ❜ — alexei ivanov ( via instagram ) on august 1st, 2025 ( feat. @br0kenice )

[br0kenice]

       MILA  GIVES  A  SOFT  HUM  OF  CONTENT  .   this  easy  ,   soft  connection  between  the  two  had  been  so  simple  to  slip  back  into  .     she's  been  running  for  so  many  years  ,   hiding  ,   and  now  it  felt  as  if  she  could  rest  her  legs  .     his  fingers  in  her  hair  are  gentle  ,   but  sure  .     alexei  always  knew  how  to  avoid  tangles  ,   or  pull  them  out  without  her  noticing  .       ❛    i  like  this  better  than  sambo  -  70  ,     ❜       she  says  quietly  ,   her  head  tilted  back  for  alexei  to  begin  braiding  .     she  knows  he  can  understand  her  without  all  the  words   –   I  LIKE  HAVING  YOU  TO  MYSELF  .     not  in  moments  and  minutes  ,   but  hours  and  days  .     even  her  accent  is  thicker  again  ,   curling  into  the  tones  of  her  voice  like  smoke  to  a  cardigan  .     this  happiness  is  one  she  hadn't  allowed  herself  to  think  of  .  .  .     nothing  is  set  in  stone  just  yet  ,   but  she  doesn't  feel  anxiety  towards  her  place  in  his  life  .    everything  slots  into  place  like  a  puzzle  piece  with  time  ,   and  that  is  something  they  have  plenty  of  .        ❛     thank  you  .  .  .     ❜       for  braiding  her  hair  ?     maybe  for  everything  .

IT WAS ONE OF THE FEW THINGS HE LIKED, one of the very limited joys about spending two years his entire life inside of sambo - 70; taking very limited breaks ( only five minutes at a time, dimitri never wanted him to waste a moment on the ice ), using every second of them to be around mila. he'd grown so attached to her in such a short time, one of the downsides to being a vampire. that first day at the camp, the second he was introduced to the other skaters, he'd known. he stared at her like hearts were floating over his head, like they were the only two in the rink, and all she did was glare back at him. then everything happened so fast, their first date ( chaperoned by dimitri, alexei had claimed he had guardianship at the time, said his parents were always travelling ), their first kiss, their first gold medal together... the russian skating federation took advantage of their chemistry, made them the poster children. alexei had loved the attention, but more than anything, he'd loved the time alone he had with mila. time alone, like now. as his fingers run through her hair, gentle and soft as he tries to keep from pulling any out if he hits a tangle, alexei nods. ❝ i can. is one of the few i still remember. i have not been able to do it on anyone, so i do not know how good it will turn out. ❞