braindeathaoe

[braindeathaoe]

♡Back to Basics♡

Spent a few hours today refining the game's itch.io synopsis. The rest of it has been spent writing a new prologue in ChoiceScript. It feels refreshing to have training wheels on again, in a sense.

I can't remember if I've said it here yet, but the game world's city has been renamed from Paradise to New Dulcet. I never really liked calling it Paradise—that was more a placeholder than anything. I'm quite happy with how things are turning out.

I intend to start giving more updates again on how writing is going, now that I can stop worrying about CSS and Twine for a time. If today's anything to go by, I'll be making good progress from here on.

I'll do my best to pace myself and bring this out! 🤍

🌊Please, Hydrate.🌊

[braindeathaoe]

not much to say...

Twine's been kicking my ass. Might switch back to ChoiceScript till this first build's done. Sorry I've been so quiet lately, family nonsense and other problems have been taking up my time. Coding is driving me up-the-wall crazy.

Got hit by a new wave of depression, which has been—you can guess it—miserable. That kinda feeling where you wanna crawl into a hole and die. Not that I'm in the mood for that either.

Currently refreshing myself with the ChoiceScript IDE. After months of wrestling with CSS and Sugarcube, it looks to be more manageable. At least I'm more familiar with how code operates.

Let's hope it helps me pick up the pace.

Fuck it, I'm not tagging this one. If you're reading this, you're a real one. Take care. 🤍

🌊And please, hydrate.🌊

[braindeathaoe]

☆ Code Restructure ☆

It's been a long day.

For the past 4 hours, I've done nothing but optimize my code for the in-game phone. It'll be a core mechanic, so I want to make sure it looks nice. Look! I even added an itty bitty camera.

Do you like it? 🥰

(This is getting pretty close to how the final product will look, I believe...)

I know I should be writing dialogue and story instead, but you remember my last post right? Aesthetic is everything. Even if the content is lacking at first, I wanna put in an effort to please your eyes.

Learning CSS and HTML has been interesting, but also pretty confusing. There's still a lot that I struggle to wrap my head around, but I'm learning bits and pieces. Things are starting to make sense.

Beyond the phone, I put in a few placeholders for the time being.

Story structure is on its way to being finalized. Once I've decided where to limit content for this version, I'll have a more accurate scope for the First Quarter. What to add? What to withhold?

After all this time, I'm still left with so many questions. It's okay, though. I'll find my answers before long.

Of this, I'm certain.

🌊Please, Hydrate.🌊

[braindeathaoe]

✨Aesthetics = Everything✨

I've never been more relieved to be working with a text-based engine. I can work with poor optimization, since it's the first build and all. I tried making my CSS phone a bit prettier, and it's still got a ways to go, but as of now I'm writing a linear path of dialogue for this section with the intent to branch out more later.

(Tuesday, I spent ~7 hours struggling to make the phone look like this. I plan to make it a bit thinner and also touch up the UI some more before release. July 4th is not happening, but you can be certain that I'm determined to deliver... when it's ready.)

There will be many variables missing in the first build, such as Oracle's height, weight, the manner in which you text/speak, as well as most, if not all options for a specific physical appearance. I've yet to finalize designs for any of the main cast, cuz I want to leave them up to you guys. I think that would be really fun.

Early builds will be quite vanilla as far as character and environment descriptions go, as I'll listen for feedback and focus on story flow.

I should have said this a long time ago, and I'm sorry for any strong expectations I may have built. At this stage, if you're keeping up with this blog because you're waiting for a release date to drop, you'll only grow more disappointed with posts to come.

I cannot be more emphatic when I say that the quality in my story-telling is the singular most important thing to me. I wish to avoid, or at the very least put a spin on old cliches. I want my characters to breathe and interact with you in a realistic manner. I want them to remember everything about you, to consider past interactions.

I want you to be capable of growing in this world, as well. I want to write it in such a way that even my stubborn mind can't find any problems that need fixing. I want you to cry with sadness, with happiness, with love and hope. I want you to laugh at the nonsense my characters thrive in. I want you to love them as much as I do.

There I go again, sounding like a broken record. It's been a long year since I first put out anything about this project, but I'm no less passionate about it. A little tired, sure. But my passion is true. And so, I will continue to write and learn to program on the go. I'll do the best I possibly can, for the future of Brain Death.

💧Please, Hydrate.💧

[braindeathaoe]

📝Progress Report📝

Been at it for a while. Learning programming languages is a miserable existence, but I can't deny how rewarding it feels when something works the way I want it to—or at the very least, close enough to how I want it to be. Maybe once this first edition of the demo is released I can find someone willing to help me out with the coding side of things. It's the main thing slowing me down by now.

(Dunno if this look will be what you get upon release, but don't expect too much. The "phone" looks ugly, but it took me 2 hours to create it in CSS and I'm not keen on doing much more with it at this time. The sound effects are placeholders; some may stay, some may be replaced in time. We'll just have to wait and see. :3)

I continue to trap myself in passages, trying to make it look nice. It's the same old thing with me, but Twine has certainly been a better experience than ChoiceScript. There'll be some minor hurdles getting the game to run on mobile devices, but I'll worry about that later. Does this mean my hiatus is over? Prolly. Don't expect weekly updates anymore. I'll say what needs to be said, only if I feel it needs saying. I don't want to get your hopes up, and I don't want to make promises I can't keep. My goal is still to create an interactive experience where every choice has impact, but it's been a challenge constructing a narrative that allows that. It was naive of me to think this would be so simple, in the beginning. Maybe it would've been, if I hadn't grown so attached to these characters, as well as the plot. I'm sure this will all get easier with time, but I'm learning on the fly and my method of brute-forcing code can only get me so far. As the year closes in on us, it becomes less likely for a 2025 release. Aside from that, I am making progress. My vision becomes more stable every day; been making less major changes as of late. That's all for now. Thank you all for your support. 🤍

💧~Please, Hydrate~💧

[braindeathaoe]

💤Life will Change (Soon?)💤

Had quite the lonely birthday on the 1st (I'm 24 now, yayyyy). My grandpa—who I live with and is my one saving grace—forgot about it this year, but a couple family members sent texts. A bunch of online friends sent their wishes as well, which was nice to see. No cake, party or presents though... probably for the best. I never could've imagined one psychotic break from over half a decade ago would have such an effect on me.

This next year is gonna be hell.

Way back in February of 2020, I had a dream in which my reflection melted into everything I knew and told me that my life would change soon. Some nights prior to that, I'd dreamt of a clock displaying 16:26 in my grandpa's bedroom. Undiagnosed OCD led to a colossal delusion. I fully convinced myself that something horrific would happen on 01/06/2026; my 25th birthday. Even after years of wrestling with this delusion, I believed it with such strength at the time that I still feel like it might be real. I'm terrified. What if I die? What if my grandpa dies? What will I do? Nothing, if I'm dead. Ugh, I won't be free of this dread until that date passes.

(Dumb thoughts... I should be thinking about what I can do, which is some of this. I've taken to experimentation with CSS in Twine. Do you like it?) Spent the first week of June not really doing anything. Everything caught up to me fast, and it's paralyzing. That doesn't matter though, because there's work that needs doing. I have routes to map out, dialogue to write, and consequences to imagine. It's still a hard "maybe" on getting Brain Death released in ChoiceScript as well, but that's looking less likely tbh. I'm quite happy with how I've managed to customize SugarCube so far. It's far from where I want it, but a step in the right direction. I hope I'll be able to get a second wind soon. Lore-wise, it'd be wonderful if I could get The First Quarter out on July 4th, but it's nowhere close to being finished. I've gotten a lot done before in a short time in the past, so I can't say, but don't give up on me. I know how it looks, but I'm trying my best here. That's all for now. See you soon. 🤍

💧~Please, Hydrate.~💧

[braindeathaoe]

💤Essence of Immersion💤

Hiatus is still ongoing. I am not officially back yet—just giving you all a small update on what I've been up to this past month.

I've taken it upon myself to try and compose an OST for Brain Death. The goal here is to create dynamic ambiance that changes with your location. What would the streets of 2099 sound like? I wonder...

(Garageband sure is something. It's nice to finally be productive in bed, as that's where I spend a large chunk of my time. Desk chair isn't very comfy...)

I may scrap ChoiceScript altogether, as I've learned bits and pieces of Twine Sugarcube and I like the level of freedom granted in HTML. It'll take time to master, and I may need to recruit help at some point to get the aesthetic I want, but I'll get there eventually.

As far as story goes, I've mapped out The First Quarter (chapter) of Act I. I also began exploring options for the following quarter, meditating on what would be appropriate to center it around. Trying not to think about how much time has passed, trying harder to stop comparing myself to other wonderful fiction writers.

I can, and I will do this.

💧~Please, Hydrate~💧

[braindeathaoe]

I second everything the other anon said. Just make sure to take care of yourself the best you can and do what you think is best for you. I will say that I remember playing the demo back when Dashingdon was around and found the premise and what was available so intriguing. And you'll only be able to make it a reality if you're doing the best you can, both in your physical health and mental health. I hope life treats you well and that writing and coding come easy for you.

Up late at night reading this for the 10th time today. Idk what I did to deserve such a loving lil community, but you're precious and you mean the world to me. Thank you so much.

Already, I've made progress on my own terms without weekly posts hanging over my head. It's a freeing feeling, and I'm already excited to return.

I'm surprised to see someone who played the original demo. Much has changed since then, and I look forward to sharing it when it's ready.

Much love to you. All of you. 🤍

[braindeathaoe]

Hey there!! It's absolutely okay to take time off, both from us and the game would you come to it! We'll always be here lurking in the shadows when you need us!! Thank you so much for your efforts and for putting up the updates. C: hope you are also staying hydrated

🤍🤍🤍

(you too)

[braindeathaoe]

💤Tumblr Hiatus💤 (25/04/25)

Your entire existence, glued to the confines of this cyclic cage of rot, is without meaning. No freedom, no choice, no future.

I know how the title looks, but I'll still be working on Brain Death. Up until I began making these posts on a weekly basis, I was thrilled to keep you all updated on my progress. Some of you may have noticed my optimism fading though, and forcing myself to write these isn't helping. For the sake of everything, I need to go quiet. Lately, I've felt like I'm putting more effort into keeping up with my blog than working on the game itself. Been afraid that letting go of this would mean giving up on all these months of persistence, constantly telling myself that if I couldn't manage this much... Well, that feeling is truer than I'm comfortable with. The behind-the-scenes stuff—constant brainstorming, rewrites, micro-detailing and whatnot are only as bountiful as the fruit grown from it all. For now, not a lot of substance has come of it. It would be dishonest for me to continue posting, so long as that is the case. I won't make myself feel better by pretending the game is further along than it really is. There's still no end in sight, and that fact is both exciting and demoralizing. I have so much more to offer, but too much remains unclear to me. I'll be back when that changes. Posts may be put on pause, but I am not. I can't pull myself away from Brain Death. It's become such a central part of my life. Some days will be better than others, and I still want to push for a demo to release this year, so I'll use this opportunity to spend more time on the game. This'll be better for my mental health. I'll be back when I either have a release window or a demo ready.

~What comes after?~

When the first build is released, my next move will probably be to begin porting the game to Twine and learning how to code in Sugarcube. The UI will be pretty barebones in the beginning, but I think it would be cool to make this akin to a life simulator. Allowing free roam over Paradise (honestly might change the name of the city at some point) would be cool, but would also require a good amount of activities and flavouring to keep things interesting. I want random events, as well as scripted ones, to have seamless transitions to and from free roam. This is an idea that I'll think more on when I have the first build completed and released. With all that said, it's been wild, and your support means the world to me. I hope to have something good for you when I return. Till then...

💧Please, Hydrate.💧

PS: If you have any questions, I'll be happy to answer them. Game-progress updates are temporarily suspended, but I'll always make time for you! Take care of yourselves.

[braindeathaoe]

🍃Snail's Curse🍃 (17/04/25)

"Happy Unity!" [REDACTED] shouts enthusiastically, a massive grin splitting their cheeks. You suspect they are very much aware of how loud they're being.

~Title means slow, huh..?~

Yeah... These past few months have seen a lot more erasure than forward progress, and this last week has been especially stagnant. I'm really not sure what I'm waiting for. Is there still something missing? Maybe my subconscious is aware of an idea I haven't grasped... It hasn't all been bad. I tweaked some important lore, which I'm very happy with. It's always good to polish that stuff early on, lest it come back to bite you in the ass. Only downside is that, said lore may not be explored in a demo build until much later in development—if at all. Still, that doesn't make it useless. Even assuming it remains out of the picture, it's a good foundation to build from! And I'd rather not have to change anything after the fact and be forced to fill plot-holes. Another note is that many of the project files are unchanged from months ago, despite new ideas being written down in a separate document. Am I burnt out? Conserving my strength? No clue, but I'm doing my best.

~New expectations unlocked?!~

I want to share with you all a neat thing I'm planning for Chapter 1! Keeping in mind my promise for agency, certain character builds will be able to progress to the end of the chapter faster than others. Will you seek out the truth, or will it seek you out first? Vague, I know. I can't say much more about it just yet, but a special stat will be tracked with your choices. I want you to feel like you're guiding the narrative, not the other way around. I feel prone to snapping and finishing this up soon. After it's done, I'm taking a damn vacation and will try not to think about Brain Death for like a month or something. I haven't been able to give myself a break. This is not sustainable...

💧Please, Hydrate.💧

[braindeathaoe]

Already exited about this if.

I’m really curious how you’ll treat the aspect of how much we can remember.

Based on some research, the human brain can hold about 4 & a half centuries worth of memories (if you’re trying to be as realistic about this as possible), which basically means about 4/5 lifetimes worth of memories (maybe 6 if we’re being specific). This brings me to a question.

How much realism is there going to be in this if?

(I get that it doesn’t have to make sense, by all means you can go as far as you can, since you’re writing it. But since you also mentioned brain death related by the capacity to hold memories, I felt the need to ask about the amount of reality density you’re planning.)

Also, how philosophical will this if get exactly?

Mostly because, well, we’ll be playing as someone who’s essentially reliving their die over and over almost infinitely until they practically die (lol, “die”). I reckon it’s not something we’ll be so happy about as time (idk if this a pun at this point) progresses for us, realising no matter what we do we end up waking up after dying continuously.

Thank you for listening to my tedtalk.

Have a wonderful day!!

(And hydrate as well!!🫶)

Regrettably, 4.5 centuries is not enough...

The brain handles trauma differently than other memories. For some people, it becomes the focal point, at times overwriting the happy moments. For others, they become buried or tangled in confusion, maybe as a defense mechanism. False memories exist too. Either way, we'll never remember every second of our lives, so that number you presented won't have any bearing on my story. In Brain Death, you will actually be playing as an Oracle who has been at it for an indefinite infinity. After countless hours of thought, I've stuck with the choice to set the stage as close to the end as I can in order to make this project doable. I want as few time-skips as possible, because that disconnect of "hey we're here and stuff happened without the reader" is always kind of... eh. (LOL) Being trapped in this loop for so long, you've had to get crafty in order to stave off the inevitability of a painful and mentally agonizing death. I can't yet go into detail about that, as I want it to be fresh when it's ready. But I hope it'll be well-received. As for the realism factor, I do want to make character interactions feel grounded and natural. How does this character respond to an accusation? Do they get defensive, act confused, or read the room? Stuff like that. It's been quite a major headache, and the amount of possibilities is credit to why I've taken so long just to complete ONE DEMO BUILD. But I've been narrowing it down quite well. Given that I want to give enough depth to my characters that they may have some very real existential conversations, this leads on to the next topic! This game will get about as philosophical as you want it to be. I can't say it'll get "MAX" philosophical, as I am just one person and there's no way I can think of every point of view, but I think that kind of discussion is optional for the characters who care about that stuff. Some people might want to just skip that and get moving! Thank you for your wonderful questions. Have an amazing day!

💧HYDRATE!!!💧

[braindeathaoe]

🌧️Balance of Appeals🌧️ (10/04/25)

"Amidst the decay, an idea presents itself, teetering on the edge of insanity."

~Where does it start?~

My attention bounces between many things as I piece it all together. Today I've been thinking about origin. Brain Death begins with bread crumbs of exposition—after the Prologue, you meet the 1st character of the main cast, and you're led on a railroad as you adjust to reality. Chapter 1 contains a single cycle. From there, the railroad splinters. Currently, and for the foreseeable future, this starting point is placed 2 in-game hours before the end. To spice things up, sometimes when the timeline resets you'll experience memory sequences chronicling the past. These will get increasingly interactive as you progress, as they're utilized to establish lore and facts that remain behind you. Your Oracle will grow with every choice. My hope is to expand upon that more and more. Think of it like a balloon that is slowly being inflated. It's mostly rounded, aside from the handy knot at the end that prevents any air from escaping.

~Careful not to let it pop...~

(A lil haiku has appeared! Isn't it adorable~?) I'm torn between fitting the 2nd chapter in Act I or Act II. Either way, it won't be available in the first demo, but this decision matters a lot to me. I'm leaning towards keeping it in Act I, for the time being. Each Act is titled in accordance to how close Oracle is to reaching brain death. Act I is presently titled "An Oracle's Awakening". Act II will likely be "An Oracle's Recollection". The problem I'm facing is that Chapter 2 begins with a critical revelation, and I feel inclined to center it around the confusion and struggles that come with that. The thought of glossing over it and moving on to the next phase leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but I can think about all that later.

~Where does it lead?~

There are 3 characters central to the game so far, as well as some sides. Soon, I'll start laying out all the scenes and bridging them together. Once that's done, I'll switch over to dialogue. It's quite tricky to code dynamic responses, but I believe it will be well-worth it. I'll write up character sheets to post publicly when the demo build is complete. Sorry for being so cagey; I'm only doing what's necessary. I want this game to feel uniquely human. While it would be impossible for me to account for every choice combination, I can keep the complicated stuff restricted to certain scenes or chapters. If the end result is the same, semantics can be traded for summaries.

What matters in the moment shall stay in that moment.

💧Please, Hydrate.💧

[braindeathaoe]

🌧️Spots of Grey🌧️ (02/04/25)

"Every fiber of your being sings with rejection."

To quickly address the date on this post: Weekly updates have been premeditatively scheduled for a month now, so it won't hurt to use the real dates they've been written. You know to expect them every Monday at 12AM EST.

~How many outcomes should exist?~

It's a question that has loomed over me at every turn, despite the answer being absurdly elementary. The only possibilities that exist are the ones introduced—trying to account for any ideas that haven't yet been conceived is nothing but a waste of time and energy. Still, so many hours of careful thought and experimentation are required to create an end result that I can be proud of. It would be too simple to write up a full script on a whim, add a few choices here and there and then dump a half-assed product on you. This game and I deserve far more than that, as well as you. There's a story inside me that is thrashing, kicking, screaming its wishes to be something special. I'm in love with it so badly, I'm willing to forfeit all of my other dreams to give it the best chance possible.

~What is the correct medium?~

ChoiceScript won't always be the program Brain Death is written in, that's for sure. Twine might be the software I turn to after this build, but with that I'll need to determine which format to use in tandem. Hell, maybe I'll throw caution to the wind and learn 3d modeling. Time will tell, so long as my heart continues to beat and my love keeps blooming. I should hate every moment of this after months of failure, rinsing and switching and repeating the process of writing and deleting and rewriting. Yet somehow each time, I feel a bit closer. I want to breathe life into my characters and create an environment equal parts immersive and interesting; to give the choice to engage in meaningful conversations that fit like a perfect glove. How do you appear, what is your identity, and which parts were you born with? How does the past align with the present? When did the change become visible? Have you changed, or are you the same? You should be seen as you are, treated in accordance with the views of the people around you. How will their mood shape their words? In what ways will they perceive you? Will those perceptions be altered or strengthened with your actions? And what about your own?

~Simultaneously overwhelming and thrilling...~

Only a genius could efficiently figure out the answers to all these questions, while also deciding on the wordings of choices, the outcomes, consequences etc. I'm the furthest thing from a genius. I'm a mentally disabled high-school dropout, whose every project to date has either come out half-baked or scrapped entirely before release. My 24th birthday is coming up in a couple months, too. All in all, these past few days, I've thrown a lot of my work to the abyss and shuffled events to hopefully make transitions more fluid. Currently, Chapter 1 is slated to be called Happy Unity, and will likely be around 10k words when it is complete. Including the Prologue, the first demo will maybe be around 10k to 15k words including code. (Feels weird for it to still be so up in the air after everything, but as I've said in an earlier post, I tried really hard to make the old intro work for a really long time. It didn't reflect my vision well enough.) Act I will be the shortest Act in the game (the 1st of 4), including only the Prologue and Chapter 1. Act II's demo build will possibly be made in Twine. As of now, what's in the game is almost 10k with code, but some text is set to be replaced or taken away completely. (Update 06/04): I've just finished penning a summarized script for Chapter 1—as well as a sheet for a new central character—and while I think there're some minor kinks to be worked out, it looks promising. In just a few days, I'll probably hunker down and begin writing everything down in ChoiceScript. I'd wanted this to be done in July for lore-sake, but if it's done sooner I will upload it then and there. Don't get your hopes up, though.

💧Please, Hydrate.💧

[braindeathaoe]

it's april fools day

pretend i said something really clever and fooled you all. mwahahaha

(remember to hydrate)

[braindeathaoe]

☁️Fresh Air☁️ (31/03/25)

"In a few moments, you will meet your end. Then, you'll wake."

~Solutions, where art thou..?~

This Prologue just won't do. Rewriting the intro sequence means succumbing to the very perfectionism I confessed to last week, but I've given it enough time for thought. After many, many and many more attempts at fixing it, I'm still not convinced the scene is the right call. It was severely outdated for multiple reasons, and a lot of things just didn't make any sense. Since I had to bend so many rules to make it "kind of" work, I ultimately concluded it's because it was trashy. So, I'll be moving the starting location and modifying the Prologue by making it shorter. There will be room for more action later.

~Where's the deets?~

I really wish I had more information to offer, but to do so would mean spoiling a revelation that is best experienced by playing. It's not something I can bring myself to compromise. Forgive me! Oh, by the way, I've currently scrapped the humanized Main Menu because I felt it dragged on for too long. There's still fun secrets to be found in it, but those will be acted out by the system itself. As for the whole "person you can talk to in-between demos" idea, I'd still like to follow through with that. There's another character in mind who'll be perfect for that role! (Maybe not in the 1st build though.) For now, I'll focus harder on furthering the story.

💧HYDRATE!💧

[braindeathaoe]

☁️Abstinent Sweetness☁️ (24/03/25)

"The fruits of your labor rain down upon you in finality, staining you to your core..."

~An apple half-eaten... Sweetness preserved...~

Thank you for your engagement with last week's poll; additionally for your kindness. I'm unable to adequately express the gratitude I feel. I'm not sure when it started—how I ended up buried so deep in my own mind. It's ironic, given the context of the story I'm writing, that I inadvertently closed myself off in search of perfection.

(I'm really starting to hate that word. Perfection.) Months ago, I made more than a few promises whilst in a state of euphoria. From early November to late December, I felt unstoppable. Words flowed from my fingers like magic, and my word count kept increasing by the thousands with each passing day. The ADHD meds were working. And then my body adjusted. When my mania died down, I saw what I'd done. The core of the game had many faults that I'd ignored in pursuit of progress. How could I be so narrow-minded? No, I had to start again from scratch. There was no other option; I couldn't proceed until I was satisfied. The same thing has happened, many times over. I've been stuck in my own loop by seeking an unrealistic level of refinement for my first passion project. The only way for me to break out of it is to finish this build and release it. I never thought it'd be this challenging to figure out when that'd be, though. What level of polish is expected? When is it justified for release? I don't know the answers, so they must lie somewhere within my work. I'll keep pushing, writing, and I won't stop until I succeed.

💧Hydrate.💧