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things that don’t work

texting your ex

erasable pens

plastic knives

voting for a 3rd party

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your dog needs meat and your kids need vaccines. end of discussion.

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The Princess Bride + text posts

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ive never been more confused in my entire life

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person: how has your day been?

me: ??????? i don't know, i don't remember

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if we are talking in person and i accidentally spit dont even call out i saw it and im dead inside

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Doesn’t that look beautiful?

Like something you’d find on one of those soft/nature blogs?

Well you are in for a surprise

The Bolton Strid in England is one of the most innocent looking streams. 

Though it looks like you could just hop across the rocks, but if you miss you will die for sure. It packs very rapid currents just a couple of feet below its surface. No one really knows how deep it really is. Nobody who has ever fallen into the Strid has survived. It has a 100% fatality rate.

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the songs like “scooby doo where r you” but he’s always right there. like the fucking dog is never hiding or missing or anything so what the hell

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How to spot a ‘fake’ gamer

Frequently pronounces video games as “Blideo Bames”

Will often say “I need help passing this level it’s really hard” then when you look at their screen it’s running Microsoft Excel 2007

They invite you over to their place to check out their game collection and it’s just every season of Frasier (still impressive)

Their Xbox One is actually a series of tissue boxes glued together with the word “NINTEMDO” painted over it

When you ask their favourite video game they respond by doing a series of skillful backflips, temporarily distracting you from having asked the question in the first place

Keeps a secret diary with “I HATE VIDEO GAMES AND I NEVER PLAY THEM” written on every page

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*skips tutorial* how the fuck do you play this game