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Would someone cry when I die

I always prioritize friends over love. But, here I am left alone in the corner of the four wall room. Drinking until my heart burst out. I keep on drinking until I forgot the reason why I’m there. To forget about the stress at work, and to be with my friends. To tell them about my problems. Because I’m on the edge of the needle, an edge of a rope, ready to lost the grip and to succumb unto my defeat. All I wanted was for them to give me a tight hug, but I am the only who was left alone while they are enjoying their life. Just like in life they keep on moving forward and I was left alone as the world keep on changing. 

I was on the four corner of the room. waiting for them to come back but in return I felt neglect on just taking a picture. Maybe, I shouldn’t go there because I felt more alone.I’m to tired of the toxic environment yet all I received was a called shoulder.

I keep on wearing my mask. Because no one knows I’m feeling depress. I felt alone in this world. A single hug was enough to warm me out. But to no avail I received none. I keep on wearing my mask. So, that I can keep myself. I can keep my emotions. But, when I remove it emotions would flow. 

Suicidal thought keeps on barging. I felt alone in this world. Would they cry if I’m gone. Would they cry when I die?

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To All The Man Who Came Into My Life  MAN #1- The One Who Played My Heart

To begin with, I woke up seeing your relationship status change into ‘in a relationship’. Sobrang bilis naman ata, parang nung Friday lang inaya kita manood ng sine. Yun din ang araw na pinalaya ko ang feelings ko sayo kasi pagod na ako, Pagod na ako na umasa at masaktan. You came into my life in an unexpected way. I never thought that I would fall for you because you are way different from my dream guy. You don’t have dreams, All you ever do was to play computer games, You skip classes, You  are a repeater, you broke all your promises, and must of all you knock in my heart and when I let you enter, you left. Leaving me hanging, Leaving me with a broken heart.

I love you so much na kahit parang wala lang ako sayo, pinipilit ko pa rin ang sarili ko. Na kahit andaming mali sayo nagbubulagbulagan ako. Na kahit anong sabi nila sa akin, di ko pinapakinggan kasi mahal kita. Kahit ilang beses mo akong iniwan, nag-stay ako. Pero bakit naman ganto? Pinagpalit mo ko. Baka siguro di mo naman kasi ako mahal? Kasi di ako kasing ganda niya. Di ako maputi. Di ako famous. Di ako siya.

There is so many question na pumapasok sa utak ko. Feeling ko sasabog ako sa sobrang emotion. For sure tatanungin nila ako bukas, titingnan nila kung ano ang magiging reaksyon ko kasi nakita din nila ang relationship status mo. Pero okay lang. Pipilitin kong sagutin , Pipilitin kong umarte ng normal kasi dun naman ako magaling, ang itago ang nadarama ko. 

Sabi mo di ka katulad niya pero ganon ka. IIWAN MO DIN AKO TULAD NILA. 

Sa battle na ito ako yung talo dahil nahulog ako sa mabulaklakin mong salita, nahulog ako sa iyong mga ngiti, nahulog ako sa pagiging caring mo, nahulog ako sayo pero di mo ako sinalo. Hayaan mo makakalimutan din kita.

Eto na talaga ang aking huling 

PAALAM sa taong pinaglaruan ang puso ko, sa taong di ako sinalo.