britishpunisher-blog

[britishpunisher-blog]

prinxesmog:

      “Aw, man, I was gonna catch him.”

      Xerxes frowns, displeased with this turn of events, even if the ultimate result is good. Nigel’s casual joking attitude doesn’t help, since xe thinks it makes him seem extra smug about getting xyr collar.

“Well, now you have. C’mon, fella- up you get.”

The last part of the sentence is addressed to the perp as Nigel hauls him up by the scruff of his shirt. There’s a sizable amount of blood streaming out of his nose from where he’s face-planted onto the asphalt, and the dazed expression on his face suggests he’s not going to be making a run for it any time soon.

“All yours.”

[britishpunisher-blog]

ofseething:

[ Guard grunts and stares at Nigel with an incredibly neutral expression (which is an improvement from his annoyed expression). ]

      Eh. I’m admittedly at least mostly bad. Good men don’t survive wars. And you’re not gonna last long if you’re threatening people with rubber bullets.

      But what the hell. Where’s the best place to drink around here?

Oh, I dunno about that. You never heard of Captain America?

[ To his mild disbelief, the cantankerous old git’s starting to grow on him. He sort of reminds him of Stick, although he’s of a heavier build, his hair simply grey as opposed to white. 

He scratches his chin thoughtfully, throwing up a hand and stabbing a thumb indicatively over his shoulder. ]

Well, you’ve got The Goddard Arms up on Crombie Street and The Sheepdog’s just a bit further further down on Clifton Avenue. Not much between the two- just depends on whether you reckon paying a little bit less for a pint is worth putting up with sticky carpets and bad music, really. 

[britishpunisher-blog]

toshapeshift:

 “ Finding people to take the blame? You’re worse than me. ”

“Who’d you lose, then?”

[britishpunisher-blog]

Nigel knows a little bit of sign language- enough to start the sentence, but he only gets as far as I’m a big fan. He points to his upper chest with a slightly bent hand, smoothly moving down the length of his torso in a sweeping gesture, then moves his hands beyond the width of his body before raising the index finger of his right hand to the side of his head, twirling it counter-clockwise before visibly hesitating. 

Truthfully, He’s not sure that’s even the sign for the type of fan he’s thinking of, since his grasp of American sign language is rudimentary at best, and he definitely doesn’t know how to sign Punisher.

britishpunisher

      Aaron narrows his eyes at the skull on Nigel’s chest. “What’s with the shirt.” Which looks like a simple tug on his own shirt, then opening one palm and furrowing his eyebrows.

[britishpunisher-blog]

sarpevraji:

Ah, I understand that. 

Would you care to dance with me?

Oh, blimey. Erm...yeah, alright then. Can’t promise I’ll be any good, but I’ll give it a try.

[britishpunisher-blog]

Love one, ta. Splash of milk and one sugar, if you don’t mind.

[ He steeples his fingers behind the back of his head. ]

So...you’ve got powers, then?

britishpunisher:

Nah. It’s stereotyping to assume that all Mexicans have great big mustaches, sombreros and ponchos; assuming I drink tea because I’m English is just deductive reasoning.

      Oh, well in that case. I just put on a pot, would you like any?

[britishpunisher-blog]

[ He gives her a plaintive look, then taps his index finger against the top of the magazine, indicating the unusual, grey bullets within. ]

Hardened ballistic gel, see? They’re man-stoppers, but pretty much non-lethal. They’re called “mercy bullets”.

britishpunisher:

No worries, love. Here-

[ He carefully extracts one of his pistols from its shoulder holster between forefinger and thumb, holding it aloft to display the empty magazine well and racking the slide to demonstrate that the chamber is clear before producing a magazine and tossing it to her. ]

Have a butcher’s. What d’you notice?

[ She catches the magazine and inspects it. ]

      Um, I notice that you’re, like, excessively British? Who says “have a butcher’s”?

[britishpunisher-blog]

if anything’s an indicator that I’ve been neglecting this blog, it’s that I just saw three consecutive posts on my dashboard from people who’ve archived their old accounts and moved to new ones

[britishpunisher-blog]

Yeah. Not to be a buzzkill or anything, but I don’t really have any family left ‘cept my cousin, and he lives in Norwich.

britishpunisher:

I think my cat’d definitely agree with you on at least one of those counts. Provided he could, y’know, understand any English beyond “d’you want your dinner, then?”

You’re very close to your cat, aren’t you?

[britishpunisher-blog]

“Been an eventful couple of months,” Nigel admits, hefting his glass- Diet Coke instead of his usual pint of mild. Bit early in the day to be drinking anything stronger than that. “Ever since all that business in Pennsylvania, I more-or-less quit the vigilante biz- or tried to, at least. Changed my name, settled down in Yorkshire, got a cat...then all of a sudden I get transported halfway across the galaxy by The Maestro- a future Hulk with god-powers from a reality where he got old and clever so that he could watch us duff each other up, pay-per-view style- with a little help from a future version of you- the Punisher, that is- from the year 2099.”

He’s aware of how utterly bonkers this all sounds. It sounded exactly like this when he explained it to Frank the first time around, on Battleworld. It hadn’t been the Frank he knew, of course- it was a version of him from a reality where that superhero Civil War in the States had gone really well for Tony Stark, but the doppelganger had recognised him, suggesting that the early part of his vigilante career had followed a similar course to how it had gone in 616.

Part of him couldn’t help but wonder how the whole retirement thing had worked out on that world. If not for the Maestro’s machinations, he probably never would’ve picked up his guns again in the first place. Or at least, that’s what he’d like to believe.

“Met some right characters in that place, let me tell you. Iron Man, Gamora, Ares, The Sentry, the original Night Thrasher, two or three different versions of The Hulk, a version of Elektra from a world where she became Bullseye, a Korean spy calling herself White Fox, a French swordswoman called Guillotine...oh, and Stick. You know, the old blind bloke who taught your mate Daredevil jujitsu?”

@britishpunisher​ from that cat thread cos i need it

            ❛ a NORMAL name would have worked. mittens. fluffy. take your pick. ❜ — and it seems almost comical, the way those foreign words twist off his tongue. but today is all about irregularities apparently. out of the states, out of familiar territory and home ground to look for a target that has apparently marked ‘piss off frank castle’ on their bucket list. spending breakfast, the calm before the storm if you will, hitting up an old friend ( and he considers nigel that, even if he will never verbally admit it ). odd, indeed. 

just then the cat turns, it’s tail dragging over frank’s chin — and that’s enough of that. frowning, he nudges the critter away a bit, turning his gaze up to higgins. he’s fighting a sneeze, nose lightly wrinkling. 

❛ besides picking up strays, how’ve you been ?? ❜

[britishpunisher-blog]

Nah. It’s stereotyping to assume that all Mexicans have great big mustaches, sombreros and ponchos; assuming I drink tea because I’m English is just deductive reasoning.

britishpunisher

      Is it stereotyping to assume you drink tea?

[britishpunisher-blog]

“...Down?”

He holds aloft what is clearly a ladies’ bag, grinning as he nods towards the prone body of the unconscious purse-snatcher sprawled face-down on the sidewalk.  

“Big feet,” he explains, his voice mock-embarrassed but the grin remaining firmly in place. “Clumsy me tried to get out of the way and ended up catching him around the ankles, but hey- 'least I managed to save his bag.”

britishpunisher

      Xerxes turns a corner, having been chasing down a perp, chloroform gas drifting from xyr body in preparation to take down the criminal. Unfortunately, xe runs into Nigel and quickly switches to producing simple smoke.

      “Which way did he go?”

[britishpunisher-blog]

No worries, love. Here-

[ He carefully extracts one of his pistols from its shoulder holster between forefinger and thumb, holding it aloft to display the empty magazine well and racking the slide to demonstrate that the chamber is clear before producing a magazine and tossing it to her. ]

Have a butcher’s. What d’you notice?

britishpunisher

      Yo, my guy, you’re not supposed to have guns outside of training around here.

[britishpunisher-blog]

onlyahammer:

[She scoffed faintly, paying too much attention at the task at hand to really chuckle. She offered the leather strip once again, just in case he changed his mind. … Or she’d change it for him.]

You make it sound like I don’t clean my medical supplies.–

[What a nasty hiss. Click clickwent the tweezers again though.] –Look, just take it. Break it for all I care. Can bite right through it; I’ll get another. I just don’t want you breaking a tooth while you’re at it.

–The quicker I get this out, the better. Without you squirming away when I pull on it too. 

Ach- alright, I’m alright, I’m alright.

[ For all his assurances, he still ends up accepting the leather strip, perhaps convinced by the remark about his teeth. That’s the last thing he needs, on top of everything else- his being British already makes him an acceptable target for jokes about the state of his teeth as it is. ]

Go on. Just- just get it out, yeah? Like pulling off a plaster. Better to just get it over and done with, right?

[britishpunisher-blog]

“Didn’t bother learning their names. Or remembering ‘em. I just took the Frank Castle approach, right? Something bad happened, took everything from me, and I just went around finding people to take the blame. I mean, it wasn’t like there was a shortage- I’m from Hackney.”

britishpunisher:

“As long-term career prospects go, revenge doesn’t really offer the best pension plan.”

    “Who did you get revenge on?”

[britishpunisher-blog]

I think my cat’d definitely agree with you on at least one of those counts. Provided he could, y’know, understand any English beyond “d’you want your dinner, then?”

britishpunisher:

You’d have to ask my cat. He’s the only person who’s seen me dance since I was about 12.

Either you’re very boring or you’re very lonely.

[britishpunisher-blog]

“Love to, mate. Honestly, I would. Thing is though, right, is that I can’t get the bloody door open.”

@britishpunisher  ★’d

★— ❛ If you don’t let me in right NOW pal, there’s goin’ to be a big problem. And it’s one I don’t particularly want you to be roped into.  ❜