broken-and-dead-inside

[broken-and-dead-inside]

ano pa nga ba? hahahahahahah pag ako yung may kasalanan question agad pero pag dun sa dalawa action agad hahahahaha putangina

[broken-and-dead-inside]

i still think about suicide, i just stopped talking about it

[broken-and-dead-inside]

galit na galit gusto manakit?

[broken-and-dead-inside]

must! keep! nunu! warm!

[broken-and-dead-inside]

weh utot mo. hahaha. kahit marami kayong misunderstandings, miscommunications, di masyadong nagmemessage madalas (wc is ako yon since nga i dont message someone first unless you're family related) at the end of the day, i feel like if i lost this friend who accepted me for who i am, and my flaws maybe apart of me will be lost too. idk if she feels the same about me but yeah.

at this point in time, we're not getting any younger may times talaga na sa sobrang busy nung isa di na nakakapag kamustahan but when you do get to spend your time together parang walang nangyari still the same old "us" ganon. I realized that now, nung nagkita kami Nov 2, 2023, Thursday and the days before that bago ako magkasakit parang back when we were college or highschool ganon kain sa labas ayun okay naman maybe it's just me.

I tend to overthing wayyyy to much. May sasabihin pa sana ako kaso tinatamad nako magsabi ng kung ano ano sige bye na hahahaha

And this is me signing off as her bestfriend for 12 years.

[broken-and-dead-inside]

"What has it been like to see your success these past few years?"

[broken-and-dead-inside]

if you want to be stronger, you're very first task is finding inner peace.

[broken-and-dead-inside]

lol apparently my sister's boyfriend's gonna pop THE question tomorrow and he hasn't even told my dad yet lmao.

he actually plans to get us to like have a video message and plans to maybe show it to my sister prolly after the proposal but how can we send one if he hasn't told my dad yet??

I'm not gonna remind him and say "hey dude why havent you asked blessings from my dad yet" like bruh you're on your own

[broken-and-dead-inside]

they say that the iceberg we see over the water is only 10% of the entire mass. that means there's still a huge mass underneath we never saw. people are the same, we shouldn't judge people just based on what we see.

[broken-and-dead-inside]

why am i such a fuck-up?

[broken-and-dead-inside]

i'd get so depressed about what a failure i was

[broken-and-dead-inside]

even though i had things i wanted to say, i didn't have the courage to say them. I just kept trying and failing

[broken-and-dead-inside]

nah, he's just being nice actually lahat naman sila na nandon. ako lang talaga yung parang gago. ig di rin kasi ako nakakasalamuha sa outside world lol walang personality development ganon.

[broken-and-dead-inside]

overly sensitive. feeling ko kailangan ko na wag na magkwento sakanya about stuff.

[broken-and-dead-inside]

yung wala ka ngang kaibigan na masasandalan pati ba naman sa loob ng bahay walang makikinig sa pinagsasasabi mo tangina the level of loneliness talaga na nararamdaman ko ngayon

[broken-and-dead-inside]

siguro kaya ako takot na mag speak up/maging vocal kasi wala namang makikinig sa opinyon ko. wala silang pake. maybe it all comes down to my dad who never listens to my opinions and everything i say is a joke to them. nobody ever took me seriously.

ngayon ko lang narealize.

but then again, dat narealize ko na noon. Like that time i told him i was depressed back in 2018 and he got mad about it like bakit nga naman ako madedepress e binibigay na sakin lahat? pinapakain ako ng 3 beses sa isang araw, may bahay akong tinitirhan. anong ikaka depress ko?? i also remember na mas iniisip pa niya mga ka brod niya kung anong iisipin nila if nalaman nilang may depression anak niya. that was fun. he never took me seriously. hanggang ngayon. maybe because i'm the black sheep of the family kaya siguro. the only time he took me seriously was nung nakita niyang may kutsilyo ako sa kwarto after that ofc he got mad at me and kept provoking me "ano magpapakamatay ka?" "bakit ka magpapakamatay kasi may depression ka" he kept asking and i timidly answered a "yes" and walked out of that place (kasi sa garahe niya ako kinonfront). And locked myself in my room pero sinundan niya ko and needed some answers while banging the door and so i opened it tas wala nakong ginawa at umiyak habang sinasagot ko siya na gusto ko na ngang magpakamatay. I explained pero galit pa siya don pero siguro nung kumalma siya naghanap siya ng psychiatrist sa lbdh and that was that.

yk papa's a scary person when he's mad. If he's in a bad mood i'd rather not approach him. i let him approach/talk to me first than the latter.

[broken-and-dead-inside]

mga punyeta kayong lahat