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oh it just genuinely dislikes me in general huh

i think that only really hit me now?

like it might feel bad about it sometimes but it clearly just doesn't like being around me for real

feels really bad, actually

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another "wish i'd never met you" kind of day

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my friend is as good as dead and the completely different person that replaced her and I'm supposed to treat like my friend too hates and is ashamed of the person I actually became friends with. and that's not supposed to impact me at all I guess. I'm not supposed to care.

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when you watch your friend have new friends and like them more and you less and move further away from you in every way and . that's it actually that's the end of it. nothing to be done.

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it really does feel like my friend is well and truly dead

what's left doesn't feel familiar at all

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The problem isn't that you keep changing - although that's hard to deal with - it's that for years now it's been the same story of you becoming further and further away from the person I knew and liked

And it seems like now that's happened to thoroughly there's nothing left

So what's the fucking point

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my friend is as good as dead and the girl that replaced her doesn't even like her and frankly idk if she likes me or if she's just forcing herself to act like she does

idk why I'm trying to maintain this relationship when I know full well if we met now we wouldn't be friends in the first place

what a waste of time

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My constant feeling that I woke up in a world where the people I know and we're closest to have become different people i don't know and can't stand would probably be less constant if that didn't keep actually fucking happening

Some of it is delusions but some of it is just real

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not it' not even just the fucking character i can't talk about monogatari at all without her making a whole fucking thing of it. anything i post and shje'll find some fuckin issue. god damn.

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feels like they hate me and just don't want me to know

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even now i'm still secondary... what else did i expect?

fuck

why do i try at all?

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i should've just refused, what the hell was i thinking

i barely even like these people

i could've been doing things with people i like instead of people i'm trying to like even though i know better than to believe it's worth the effort

stupid

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oh dear. how frustrating. disappointing, even.

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when you don't feel that angry but you can feel your heart beating fast and your eyes widen and your teeth grit so you guess it must be some kind of fury

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more reminders I'll never be happy with this life or this body

god, I should've just done it last night

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ah, fuck it

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i wish i could just disappear and they'd all forget me. it'd be easier that way.