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snoopy of the day

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snoopy of the day

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“you think you’re superior to other people bc you don’t make tiktok videos of yourself monologuing to the camera” yes i do bc i am

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10/11/24

I haven't written anything about my life in almost 2 years. I have a job now and it pays me pretty well, but i don't know what to do with money. I don't like the job and i feel miserable, i took the job in order to leave, and now it is not clear to me what i am supposed to do. I need the money because i do not have any, so what am i to do? suck it up and slowly die, i guess. i'm not capable of being happy anymore or feeling any exciting emotions. I feel dead inside. I don't know what i'm going to do.

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Getting sober means having to figure out how to spend twenty-four hours a day. It means building an entirely new personality, learning how to move your face, your fingers. It means learning how to eat, how to speak among people and walk and love and more than any of that, learning how to just sit still. You're moving into a house the last tenants trashed. You spend all your time ripping up the piss-carpet, filling in the holes in the wall, and you also somehow have to remember to feed yourself and make rent and not kick every person who talks to you in the face.

— Kaveh Akbar & Paige Lewis, from the introduction to Another Last Call: Poems On Addiction & Deliverance

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Julio Larraz (Cuban, 1944), Halloween, 1973. Oil on masonite, 97.2 x 122 cm.

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― Louise Glück, October

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Wild Asters

Dennis Miller Bunker, 1889

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True crime podcasts help me sleep and calm down. Horro movies and metal as welll.

I wonder why

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Hello self

I have been tweaking. R*** experience ressurfaced during s*x. Cried and cried.

Felt alone, because was not comforted. Feeling like everything is slipping from my fingers.

Seeing myself be a well of misery.

I dont want to dwell. Or be a victim. I want to live exist and be seen.

I dont feel safe with any man.

Im scared.

I want closeness but i dont know why my body did that.

Why did i feel like i was gonna throw up and the tears came from my stomach. Such a weird feeling..

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This hurts because its true

Literally what did olivia laing say about loneliness leading to more loneliness. Loneliness being so repulsive that people sense it from you and stay away. Crazy crazy

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Alan Davie (Scottish, 1920-2014) - At The Level of the Heart, gouache on paper, 69 x 56 cm n.d.

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i hate you don’t leave me characters